Robert Axelrod Gofundme

Hey everyone! I'm here to signal boost a campaign for one of the most cherished Power Rangers voice actors; Robert Axelrod. 

If you've watched one episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, you've most likely heard Axelrod's fantastic voice as Lord Zedd and Finster. Or maybe you heard him as Wizardmon and Armadillomon from Digimon. Or heck, maybe you know him best as Terry Bruge-Hiplo; Channel 5's hardest working movie reviewer.

Well Mr. Axelrod is currently undergoing some complications from a recent back surgery that's left him unable to work. You can read the information on his Gofundme right here. If any of you lovely readers have a few extra bucks to help out a fella in need, it would be most appreciated.

And for anyone who donates, if you send me a copy of your receipt then I'll write a personalized mini-review for an episode of Power Rangers just for you! All based on my recollection of the episode that you recommend. Want to hear my poorly-remembered thoughts on some piece of shit episode of Wild Force? I'm sure I can whip up a paragraph for that! I can't promise anything very long, but I'll try and include at least two jokes! 

Or if you just wanna donate to a good man, you can do that. Otherwise, feel free to shoot me an e-mail at samuraikarasu@gmail.com. Thank you for hearing me out, everyone. Kisses.

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 31: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 3

End of World Celebrated by Mutant Livestock
Withered Old Man Besieged by Rockets

Read More

Somehow Not Dead

I ain't done yet, bitches! I've got the first draft done and once I get notes and edit all the not funny parts out (roughly 12 pages worth), you got a new post coming your way!

For the people who've waited patiently, I appreciate it. Truly. I got more stuff to say, so don't count me out yet! I'm not going to promise it this week, because the last time I said that I was told my store was going out of business, but I'd be shocked if it wasn't in that time frame.

And after that's done I can discuss those keys I bought if anyone wants to know. Remember when I made a big to-do about how I wanted a key from each team?

I'm a sick fuck.

Read More

Anyone Got A Job?

I'm not sure how forthcoming I've been with the information in the past, but I've been employed with Toys "R" Us for nearly 7 years now. Fitting for someone whose hobbies include talking about Power Rangers and collecting Power Rangers-based merchandise, right?

Well, I'm sure many of you have seen the news that Geoffrey the Giraffe is being put out to pasture. All of the R Us locations are being shut down, and now people won't be able to shop in our colorful, expensive, poorly-staffed locations any longer.

Sorry, that's not fair. As tough as it's been, and as much as I fucking loathe selling people credit cards with a 30% interest mark-up, it's been fun. It's an environment where you don't need to take yourself too seriously and you can have fun with your job. Obviously I'm none too excited to learn I'll be losing my job (along with another 30,000 employees,) but it stings even worse knowing how comfortable I was in the position. It's really frustrating to build up rapport with a company for so long only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath you in an instant.

Naturally the week that I promise to finally update my fucking blog is the week that I'm informed I'll be losing my job in two months.

I apologize to all of you intensely. If you'd be kind enough to give me another week, I'd appreciate it. As you can imagine, I've been a bit preoccupied with the news that I only have another two months of employment to look forward to. While that's been disheartening in and of itself, it's been just as irritating fielding frequent phone calls from people who are only concerned when we'll be marking items down.

Not too sure! It'll likely be when I don't have a job anymore, cunt-face.

I've been spending a nice chunk of this week looking for a new job, because holy lordy I'm going to need money if I want to keep buying those fucking Ranger Keys. What else do people do with money? Invest? Buy houses? Child's play. You show me a man who doesn't know the value of a Black Condor Key, and I'll show you a man who's never lived a day in his life.

What was I talking about? New jobs? Yeah I should probably keep looking for one of those.

I feel like an absolute piece of shit, but I can at least tell everyone that I'm more than 3/4ths done with the episode. Compare that to the paltry 1/6th I had done before I took my extended hiatus. I'm almost there, everybody.

Alternatively; if anyone wants to give me a 6 figure job for writing about a space ghoul getting punched in the tits by a flying ninja chimera, everyone's problems may end up being solved!

Read More

Ranger Key Update 3.6!

SO I GOT SOME MORE TOYS IN THE MAIL AND


Nah, fuck that. There'll be a new post next week. Is it done yet? No. Is it even plausibly ready for human consumption yet? Nope-a-rooski. Is it still going to be out by next week? Oh fucking absolutely.


Why? Because you sweethearts have waited for me. You haven't burned me in effigy for my massive absence, and every comment left from some beautiful person wondering if I'm still alive has really put things into perspective. It's been a long few months, and things are going real topsy-turvy for me. But that ain't stopped me before! I don't blame anyone for being bummed out that it's taken me so long to get my ass back to posting. If the wait has been too long, I understand. Though I sincerely hope you do stick around!

I love doing the blog, I love making people laugh, I love re-reading posts and cringing at my atrocious syntax and grammatical skills. You've all been part of this for so long, it'd be ridiculous if I didn't at least finish Mighty Morphin'.

Not because I feel like I have to, but because we've sat through this goddamn show together. We've endured every single second of Zordon abusing teenagers, Tommy grinning like a dumbass sheepdog, Trini fading out of existence while nobody notices, and Bulk debasing himself in any manner humanly possible. If I was just pissing these blog entries into the ether I'd feel a little bummed, but I have people who relate to this dumbass show.

So no matter what the future holds now, we're at the very least finishing up with Season 3. It continues next week my friends. Get ready! Get hyped!

Unless you wanted me to follow up with another post about my key collection, in which case you may have to wait a little bit longer.

Read More

Ranger Key Collection Ver. 2.0

Hoo boy. Here we go. Time to own up and admit just how many of these plastic trinkets I've blown paychecks on. I promise you good people I'll get back to writing episode reviews in due time, I've just needed something to post on here that I could write (mostly) if I wasn't at home. Thank you for giving me time, and I understand any frustration you good people have with me. If it makes you feel any better, I've picked up a hobby far more financially damaging than any gambler ever could.

Alright, come inside and see my shame.

Read More

Where the Fuck Have I Been?

Not writing. Okay, we'll see ya later.

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 30: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 2

Magical Energy Armor Does Jackshit Against Ooze Boy
Hideous Pile of Slime Given Inexplicable Pathos

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 29: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 1

Devious Villain Gains Control of Empty Shithole
Unstoppable Machine Bursts into Tears

Read More

My Name is Samuraikarasu, and I am an Addict

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 28: A Chimp in Charge

Writers Expect Us to Believe Tommy Cares About Egyptian History
Rasta Gorilla Shot in Heart by Missile

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 27: Another Brick in the Wall

Sub-Plot Deemed Too Boring to Read About
Body Transmogrification Cured With Poison 

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 26: Rita's Pita

Tommy Critiques Child's Dietary Choices
Police Officer Uses Fish for Wallet

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 25: A Different Shade of Pink Part 3

Aussie Wins Again!
Teenager Escapes Prison By Massaging Skeleton

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 24: A Different Shade of Pink Part 2

Tommy Offers His Girlfriend Questionable Bedside Manner
Grim Promises of Horror Threatened by Lizard in Trash Can

Read More

The Tale of the Nameless .GIF.

So I spend quite a bit of time staring at images of Power Rangers episodes. It's a pretty natural thing to do when you make a blog about the series, but this week finally broke me. I was watching A Different Shade of Pink Part 2, and I created this particular .gif.

Now let me pull back the curtain on how I make these dumbass posts, for all the none of you who care. Whenever I make a .gif, the name of the file is typically a joke. That means you get three jokes per image. One in the file title, one as the hover text, and one underneath each image. Which is because I am a goddamned psychopath and I think that making two jokes for an image I barely had one joke for is a great idea. So if you ever wonder why image names or alt text jokes are a little lacking, it's because I was at my wit's end and just struggled to come up with something. Anything. 

The image title is always the easiest though, because I know that not that many people are actually going to go out of their way to read the name of a goddamn .gif for an extra chuckle. Which is good, because that means it can be a mediocre joke, or occasionally just me being a big old piss boy about how this show for dumb babies is dumb and also for babies.

But then I made this .gif. And the easy part didn't happen. I knew it was amusing, I knew I wanted to post it, and I knew it should be in this write-up. But I had nothing. Absolutely friggin' nothing to title it. I had no jokes for what to put underneath it. I had no jokes for the alt text. And I couldn't even think of a dogshit joke to use for the file name. 

That's when I got into a legitimate funk. I was aghast at my lack of creativity. I've felt like I've been in a creative slump lately, and this godawful .gif is what proved it to me. I didn't have a joke or a pun or a witty remark. Nothing. I had failed my audience, and I ceased writing. The word document sitting on my computer has literally stopped at this point of the episode. 

See all that white space at the bottom? I spent the better part of 3 hours staring at it and feeling like I had nothing to say about this episode. It's still looking at me. Like it's mocking me for having nothing amusing or interesting to posit. I'm in a rut, and that Tenga knows it. It's humiliating.

I'm sorry for being so inconsistent lately, and I genuinely hope that my latest entries have been good despite my weird hang-ups. I just want to explain the emotional depths I sank to while making that moving image of a bird getting flung into a truck. I'm gonna take some time and give some extra effort to this post. Make it look better next week. All because I couldn't think of a joke for this goddamned bird.

Wait a sec...hold on.

"Rocky flips the bird."

FUCK

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 23: A Different Shade of Pink Part 1

Bulk and Skull Wear Leotards
Immigrant Tricked into Marriage With Ninja Bird

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 22: Follow That Cab

Stuntman in Wheelchair Shoved Down Road to Portray Taxi Goblin
Demon Cat Runs Food Drive For Homeless 

Read More

Next Post-Next Week-Next Time, Baby

Woof, what a week. Two birthdays, father's day, and more time at work? Guess who hasn't even thought about those Powerful Rangers this week? I don't even have a cute image of a traffic cab monster to share with you good folks to tease the upcoming episode.

If it makes you sweetheart readers feel any better, I've definitely been working on writing a particular side project I'm keeping quiet about for now. Keep your fingers crossed I don't end up detesting it and deleting it in the interim. I know it isn't much help for this week, but hey! At least I'm working on coming up with something entertaining for all y'all. First time for everything, right?

Sorry in advance if you were banking on me discussing this episode tomorrow, but I never want to put out a piece of shit post that took me two hours to run through. I have to get as thorough and nerdy as possible, and I plan on maintaining that aesthetic for as long as I keep updating this thing.

If you'd like something to enjoy in the meanwhile, you oughta check out my pal Big Bob Pataki's podcast, "Reel Deal: No Sex Appeal." They talk the big movies that I'm not going to watch, because they don't have rubber-suit brick walls in them. Wonder Woman? More like, wonder why there's no monsters in this shit. Get out of my face, Godot.

Read More

MMPR Season 3 Episode 21: Changing of the Zords Part 3

Squatt Wears A Sombrero
Giant Ninja Man Shakes Bird Boys

Read More