tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52119741195384198912024-03-14T01:44:40.572-05:00Ranger RetrospectiveMighty Morphin' Power Rangers episode reviews.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger185125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-6464878018041412932018-06-15T23:58:00.004-05:002018-06-15T23:58:46.815-05:00Robert Axelrod GofundmeHey everyone! I'm here to signal boost a campaign for one of the most cherished <i>Power Rangers</i> voice actors; Robert Axelrod. <div>
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If you've watched one episode of <i>Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers</i>, you've most likely heard Axelrod's fantastic voice as Lord Zedd and Finster. Or maybe you heard him as Wizardmon and Armadillomon from <i>Digimon</i>. Or heck, maybe you know him best as Terry Bruge-Hiplo; Channel 5's hardest working movie reviewer.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT0Su4jRG3kxQpxS7DMMSjwjv5AioHO_RCH8D27pOwDkeSzunT24DsA_Kx0SpTw7BQ0IAOgmB0W-V9K_T8vt0C7oS9vBeECa59m_Vj0LYPuaDgZAGmUF2FvfdOuLiN_EDPtTALl5guHAqB/s1600/tumblr_m3t4bhFfIk1r1ukqvo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="450" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT0Su4jRG3kxQpxS7DMMSjwjv5AioHO_RCH8D27pOwDkeSzunT24DsA_Kx0SpTw7BQ0IAOgmB0W-V9K_T8vt0C7oS9vBeECa59m_Vj0LYPuaDgZAGmUF2FvfdOuLiN_EDPtTALl5guHAqB/s400/tumblr_m3t4bhFfIk1r1ukqvo1_500.gif" title="And two wet mouths, of course." width="400" /></a></div>
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Well Mr. Axelrod is currently undergoing some complications from a recent back surgery that's left him unable to work. You can read the information on his Gofundme right <a href="https://www.gofundme.com/robert-axelrod-recovery-fund" target="_blank">here</a>. If any of you lovely readers have a few extra bucks to help out a fella in need, it would be most appreciated.</div>
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And for anyone who donates, if you send me a copy of your receipt then I'll write a personalized mini-review for an episode of <i>Power Rangers</i> just for you! All based on my recollection of the episode that you recommend. Want to hear my poorly-remembered thoughts on some piece of shit episode of <i>Wild Force</i>? I'm sure I can whip up a paragraph for that! I can't promise anything very long, but I'll try and include at least two jokes! </div>
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Or if you just wanna donate to a good man, you can do that. Otherwise, feel free to shoot me an e-mail at samuraikarasu@gmail.com. Thank you for hearing me out, everyone. Kisses.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-68023529646422061762018-05-28T21:36:00.001-05:002018-05-28T21:36:42.345-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 31: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlnv3BXQcM_Ps_7GckZRaFxZLSqMv85lHXSbfzBiJcDuENq_J4oFRReCvGhqM2NvWyzck-oradiTuzLVL7oDpRvwEoJ5yCoHSyJm0iLhk2S2RN8QX3dZN4iWlM0WO_SY2TRVRWzomp8Q6p/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="326" data-original-width="431" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlnv3BXQcM_Ps_7GckZRaFxZLSqMv85lHXSbfzBiJcDuENq_J4oFRReCvGhqM2NvWyzck-oradiTuzLVL7oDpRvwEoJ5yCoHSyJm0iLhk2S2RN8QX3dZN4iWlM0WO_SY2TRVRWzomp8Q6p/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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End of World Celebrated by Mutant Livestock<br />
Withered Old Man Besieged by Rockets</div>
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Last <s>week</s> year on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power
Rangers</i>, Tommy snuck into Zedd and Rita's palace and snagged the
legendary Zeo Crystal. He and Katherine then stole the Falconzord back from
Zedd and took their pilferage back to Earth. Tommy and Kat joined together with
the other Rangers and defeated Master Vile's Globbor monster with the Ninja
Megafalconzord. Or so it seemed! Globbor used the power he absorbed from Ninjor
to morph into a new form capable of using the ninja master's techniques. The
Rangers refused to attack Globbor, which would hurt Ninjor, and were soon subjected to
Globbor's energy draining technique. Master Vile then sent the Rangers' Zords
to a distant galaxy, and prepped the Earth for one hell of a doomsday party.</div>
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Inside of the Command Center, the Ranger Teens are still
severely weakened from Globbor's energy extraction. Zordon says the only way to fix
this is by giving them a supercharge of energy from the Morphing Grid.
Katherine asks if that's safe, to which Zordon responds.</div>
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"<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">NO."<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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So then he zaps all the teenagers with god lightning that
will shave a decade off their lifespan to restore their magic alien-murder
powers. All's well that ends well!</div>
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The Ranger Teens toss out a page from their collective
bucket lists as they notice the Viewing Globe has turned on. Footage of Master
Vile's apocalypse party plays while Squatt and Baboo dance a jig around Bulk
and Skull. Katherine lets out a sincere delivery of the line "Oh no,
they're forcing Bulk and Skull to dance the conga."</div>
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Man...this line has always annoyed me. I
get that it's trying to be cute and "meta." Sort of like "Oh no, Bulk and Skull are doing this mundane action but we're treating it like a serious threat." Even then, it just made me roll my
eyes. I can't comprehend why, because I've been a fan of some unbelievably
stupid bullshit on this show. Maybe it's because Katherine has only been a Ranger for about six
episodes. Don't act like you know Bulk and Skull the way I do, missy.</div>
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Stupid conga-lines aside, let's take a look and see what
Master Vile's apocalypse party has in store!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-TTCeGPQVaSu79pSB5wpBR8YULjSlDC4Z77j1PkJZ-sBnjoh-BmaBYxM5FtP2vRYYjuOc6IZEe1fda0lr59ytXa-xUVpW8dehT4ZADPXI7u2qhXK18qZjNdtQyvpNd5y4DNF0gb-IT16/s1600/Slippery+Shark+Better+Have+Brought+the+Coke.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Robogoat, Brick Bully, Fighting Flea, Master Vile" border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="409" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb-TTCeGPQVaSu79pSB5wpBR8YULjSlDC4Z77j1PkJZ-sBnjoh-BmaBYxM5FtP2vRYYjuOc6IZEe1fda0lr59ytXa-xUVpW8dehT4ZADPXI7u2qhXK18qZjNdtQyvpNd5y4DNF0gb-IT16/s400/Slippery+Shark+Better+Have+Brought+the+Coke.PNG" title="Ah Jesus Christ, they let Brick Bully in? Everyone, hide your wallets." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Tasteful use of the Goosebumps font.</i></div>
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This ridiculous party consists of numerous unpaid extras
grooving along as they wait for their mortal lives to end. M.V.'s shindig is
also attended by several monsters from the previous 140 episodes, which is a
real treat for a monster nut like me. Which monsters are here? Go watch it
yourself! Who would take the time to notate which rubber suits are dancing next
to a man made out of snakes?</div>
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You'd have to be a real dipshit to
go out of your way to mention that <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/04/mighty-morphin-power-ranger-episode-46.html">Fighting
Flea</a>, <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/06/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-56.html">Slippery
Shark</a>, <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/07/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-60.html">Oysterizer</a>,
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/10/mmpr-season-2-episode-7-green-dream.html">Robogoat</a>,
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/11/mmpr-season-2-episode-10-welcome-to_3.html">Invenusable
Fly Trap</a>, <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-7-ninja-quest.html">Vampirus</a>,
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-8-brush-with.html">Artistmole</a>,
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/mmpr-season-3-episode-11-fourth-down.html">Centiback</a>,
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/mmpr-season-3-episode-12-stop-hate.html">Hate
Master</a>, <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/04/mmpr-season-3-episode-15-potion-notion.html">Miss
Chief</a>, <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/06/mmpr-season-3-episode-20-changing-of.html">Incisorator</a>,
<a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/06/mmpr-season-3-episode-21-changing-of.html">See
Monster</a>, <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/07/mmpr-season-3-episode-29-different.html">Garbage
Mouth</a>, and <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/08/mmpr-season-3-episode-27-another-brick.html">Brick
Bully</a> are all in attendance!</div>
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The scenes in the Youth Center with a bunch of monsters
dicking around are fun. Rito dances his bony ass off while he critiques the
piano-playing of some kid with Art Garfunkel hair, Robogoat chows down on a
rack of lamb in an unusually charming sight gag, Invenusable Fly Trap chews out
a child bartender for not getting him his drink fast enough, and Master Vile
informs the on-goers of his bash to party like there's no tomorrow. Because
there isn't.</div>
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Y'know, sometimes you've got to distance yourself from the
crazy bullshit <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power Rangers</i> presents
to the viewer and appreciate it. Read that last paragraph one more time and
imagine a bunch of stunt actors inside horrendously cheap monster costumes
trying to move slow enough to not rip them, but fast enough to imply dancing.
It's fucking fantastic.</div>
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Master Vile launches a spell out of his withered, old,
decrepit snake hands that coats the planet in darkness. He laughs at the
residents of Earth as he demands that they continue to boogie in his honor.
Unfortunately, the party takes a sad turn when Baboo informs Lord Zedd that Artistmole is undergoing a heroin overdose in the corner. </div>
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Inside the Command Center, the Rangers try to figure out
some way to combat Vile and his army of drugged-up monsters. Billy suggests
that he could run a scan on the entire universe to find their Zords. Give it a
couple weeks Billy, I'm sure you can find them in bargain bins everywhere as
soon as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Zeo </i>is on the air.</div>
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Tommy, Katherine, and Rocky decide to go incognito to Master
Vile's Youth Center party…for some reason? I can't think of any purpose for this
scene other than "Because the script needed to kill a few more minutes."
The Ranger Teens have zero need to go to Vile's stupid doomsday party. He isn't hiding
some secret weapon inside the Youth Center. He's having a bunch of fat white
people dance for his amusement. What do the Rangers hope to find at this party other than a few lethargic stuntmen inside rubber suits?</div>
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<i>I'M JUST LIKE ERNIE! I'M JUST LIKE ERNIE!
I'M JUST LIKE ERNIE!</i></div>
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Tommy locates Bulk and Skull, inexplicably wearing
sombreros, and asks them why they feel the need to culturally appropriate
during the apocalypse. Before the gruesome twosome have time to relay any
relevant information, a pair of Tengas force them into dancing servitude for
Master Vile's continued pleasure. </div>
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Is…is this party getting Master Vile off? Perhaps I don't
know the inner machinations of how a centuries-old deity wrapped in snake robes
functions, but what's the goddamn purpose of making all these Californian yokels contort around? This can't be that enjoyable to watch, I know that firsthand, so I'm certain he has an ulterior motive for all this nonsense. This whole party has to be
something that gratifies him sexually. There's no other reason for him to be
going through this dog and pony show. If Robogoat bumped into him, would his
robe open slightly and give way to the glorious visage of his throbbing
serpentine penis? </div>
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Anywho, Goldar barges onto the scene and taunts the three
civilian Rangers. Tommy strikes a karate pose, because he's literally Pavlov's
dog, but Goldar laughs at the notion he should fight them. Mostly because
he hasn't been a threat since Season 1, but also because the planet already
belongs to Master Vile. Why would he waste his time murdering three of the only
six people who have any chance to upend a potential victory when he can rest on
his big gold buttcheeks and growl to nobody in particular?</div>
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In slight seriousness, I do like the villain's cockiness. All
of the Rangers' Zords have been incapacitated, Ninjor is in enemy captivity,
the Metallic Armor has been drained heavily by Globbor, and Master Vile is now
in control of the Zeo Crystal. We obviously know the Rangers are going to
succeed, but the show has handily set up all the cards in Vile's favor. The
stakes are high, and the Rangers seem completely incapable of victory. It's a
satisfying experience, and I can't wait to see how <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power Rangers</i> ruins it.</div>
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Now that enough time has been spent screwin' around at Master
Vile's Armageddon Shindig, the Ranger Teens return to the Command Center where
Billy informs them of their Zords' location. All of the Rangers' toys have been
stashed on a planet in Master Vile's M51 Galaxy. Hold on now, Billy figured
that out in two minutes? Do you know how many planets are in our galaxy?
Because I didn't, so I Googled it. Unless Billy's scanner could search <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">TWO HUNDRED BILLION PLANETS</b> in the span
of 120 seconds, I call bullshit.</div>
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Adam inquires why the Zord fleet appears to be coated in
stone, and Billy bulldozes his big nerd dick in to inform the Black Ranger,
"Well <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">actually</i>, the Zords are
coated in rust." Ugh. Get crammed in a space locker ya fuckin' nerd. Tommy interrupts this plot-based bullshit to tell his team what they should do
to stop Mister Smiles and that Zoo Crystal he stole. The Rangers need to go to
Master Vile's planet, reclaim the Crystal, and destroy it. Unless it gives
Tommy a new pair of pajamas, in which case it must be protected at all costs.</div>
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With their course set, the Ranger Teens pool their remaining
energy together to teleport to the M51 Galaxy. Despite that pointless scene at Master Vile's stupid party, the episode realizes it's somehow running short on minutes and plants
the Power Rangers directly in front of their rusted-over Zords. How gracious of
the show to respect our time after twirling its tits for the last half an hour.</div>
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<i>Pictured: Three Readers Waiting for an
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The Power Rangers run up to their rustbucket Zords and search for a way inside. Rocky suggests they could always jump 300 feet in
the air to board their Zords, much like they've done on a weekly basis since
this stupid show started. Billy refers to this plan as "dumber than
donkeyshit," and says the only way they can get inside is by propping open
the Big-Toe Emergency Exit.</div>
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One of the ideas in the previous paragraph was an exaggeration,
and one of them wasn't. Go ahead and guess which one. If you thought I actually
made up the Ninja Megazord having a big toe exit, then kindly kiss my grits.</div>
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So the Rangers go on their merry way in an attempt to
unbirth themselves through a magical robot's foot. But alas, tragedy has
struck! The Rangers can't remove the rust from the Ninja Megazord no
matter what they try. The Rangers tried patting the rust, talking about how
strong the rust was, and complaining about how they couldn't get the rust off.
They've exhausted all of their options!</div>
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It's at this moment that Billy remembers they have magical dinosaur weapons and
shoots the rust off with his Blade Blaster. Another senseless tragedy that could have been avoided if only we had armed all of the good Zords too!</div>
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The Rangers climb aboard the Ninja Megazord and promptly
locate the hidden Zeo Crystal. Billy suggests that they'll need to break Master
Vile's connection over the crystal if they want to destroy it, but it will
prove incredibly difficult. In order for this plan to work, they'll have to
pool their energies together and connect to the Morphing Grid in order to conjure up some ill-defined nonsense that will temporarily solve yet another episodic
problem in a method that will be promptly ignored the next time something like
this happens.</div>
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Which translates into them joining hands in a morphenomenal
prayer circle. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ-i35DmPd7SC-l0MMlgnj5nonoGFvYukS5PBtGXJhoTBjGERWb54q41lgRmjgX4PuziUYZXq-6KJgdrZf1kqUZxTM8zLu4B7WdR9vkMSYLM1badPc8eTKxOOqkiT8ksqNUTMAOO9eQf8l/s1600/Slowly+Awaiting+Tommy%2527s+Crucifixion.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="289" data-original-width="397" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ-i35DmPd7SC-l0MMlgnj5nonoGFvYukS5PBtGXJhoTBjGERWb54q41lgRmjgX4PuziUYZXq-6KJgdrZf1kqUZxTM8zLu4B7WdR9vkMSYLM1badPc8eTKxOOqkiT8ksqNUTMAOO9eQf8l/s400/Slowly+Awaiting+Tommy%2527s+Crucifixion.PNG" title="KATHERINE, YOU'RE NOT BELIEVING HARD ENOUGH!" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>May the power protect you, and you, and
you</i></div>
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Alas, our heroes prayers do absolutely nothing. Instead, the
teens punch their fists together which severs Vile's connection to the crystal.<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Karate</b>: <u>1</u><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">God</b>: <u>0<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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The Rangers' counterattack couldn't have come at a worse
time for the Snake Daddy. Vile tries to end his party with a bang by destroying
the planet, but his efforts fail. All the guests at the party laugh at
his pathetic impotence, as the wicked space gremlin relives the long-buried
memories of his Sophomore year in college. </div>
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The irritated Vile promptly cancels his party and sends his
giant-sized Globbor to attack the city. Why is he bothering to do that if he's
already lost his trump card to the Rangers? Obviously this attack is a
none-too-subtle metaphor for what he would have been doing if those goddamned
Power Rangers hadn't killed his hard-on. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Vile retreats back to his Space Skull to enjoy the
devastation his big gooey son is wreaking on the city. The still-captured Ninjor is
forced to watch in shame as his powers are used to dump intergalactic splooge
all over the city of Angel Grove. Thankfully, the Rangers have finally returned
to Earth with their Zord fleet in tow. The Ninja Megazord, Falconzord, and
Shogun Megazord stare down with the evil Globbor in the pitch-black cityscape.
Before the battle can begin, Globbor brings out his secret weapon. Using the
energy of the Power Rangers, he morphs into an even more powerful form based on
their likeness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…I think?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOCniAWDiqnvVnKj-S5S8AHPhTyESaCASEgw7g6WEUkSxRnZjUY9amDGGZIv7hfz3QGX08hVkAJQsxdr9egtrUuwnRlxwfhONBI3U7Z9zb89xjUnLpUMuLHQIS8a7F_WfFYCNR5KlApFH5/s1600/Does+Globbor+Not+Remember+What+the+Rangers+Look+Like.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Globbor gif" border="0" data-original-height="311" data-original-width="417" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOCniAWDiqnvVnKj-S5S8AHPhTyESaCASEgw7g6WEUkSxRnZjUY9amDGGZIv7hfz3QGX08hVkAJQsxdr9egtrUuwnRlxwfhONBI3U7Z9zb89xjUnLpUMuLHQIS8a7F_WfFYCNR5KlApFH5/s400/Does+Globbor+Not+Remember+What+the+Rangers+Look+Like.gif" title="Much like the viewers, Globbor forgot about Rocky." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Did he also
absorb a California Raisin?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hey Globbor, you realize that
there are five Power Rangers and Rocky, right? Why do you only have four helmets on
your hideously-mangled gooball skull? I'm also a bit curious how you hid that sword inside your gooey meat pocket, but more importantly, are you fucking blind? The Rangers look <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing</i> like that. I don't know what
kind of bootleg knock-off bullshit you think you saw, but the Power Rangers are
dinosaurs. Also tigers. The Power Rangers don't have shapes for visors, can you
imagine how poorly that would sell?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The mutated Ranger-Globbor brags that he now possesses the
same powers as the Rangers, albeit not the same faces. While this
concerns our heroes, they charge up both Megazords and the Falconzord. Tommy
disengages from the Ninja Megazord to pilot his Falconzord where he informs his
disciples that Globbor may still be connected to Ninjor, but they'll have to
kill him anyway. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks for giving us those magic jammies and protecting us
from countless demons, but now we've got the Zeo Crystal! Your ninja-shit ain't
moving product anymore, so go rot in hell you big blue bitch. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers and Globbor's battle royale commences with Mr.
Blue Suede Goo getting his shit pushed in. Ninjor sparks in agony as the
Rangers lay a beatdown on Globbor, which makes me curious about something. If
hurting Globbor hurts the people he absorbed energy from, why aren't the
Rangers feeling pain? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninjor's case is a little different, what with him being
held captive and all, but that doesn't have anything to do with Globbor's
energy suckling. The Rangers received the same energy drain that Ninjor did,
and they seem no worse for the wear. Not to mention, wouldn't this fight be a
bit more interesting if the Rangers were hurting themselves when they fought
Globbor? We already know they don't give a hot cup of piss what happens to
Ninjor, but what if each blow harmed them? Every time the Rangers strike
Globbor, we cut back to the cockpit and show one of the Rangers in pain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh that's right, we don't have footage of that because all
the Ninja Megazord footage was filmed in one afternoon about six months before
this was shot. Silly me!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Master Vile grows impatient with his creature's bungling,
and demands that Globbor use his weapons. Then Globbor becomes confused. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>Weapons? What weapons? The Power Rangers don't use any
weapons</i>." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>Shit!" Vile exclaimed. "I forgot we were in
Season 3. All the parents were whining about this show being too violent, so
they can't use plastic axes anymore. I don't know, just make something
up!</i>"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxA1jv2rGgPSGCFlSbMTS9UiH2nace1YMgMmtenMdjiJHLeZIVQUEBWgjzOc_xe-tauv18thlRlQ-4iRsCaWe9dR19BPT3Wpxr-nj1TX5zqk7JB67YPJE4mdax44v-WBeh1ysciZ_nebr/s1600/Fuck+is+That+Thing.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="316" data-original-width="430" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcxA1jv2rGgPSGCFlSbMTS9UiH2nace1YMgMmtenMdjiJHLeZIVQUEBWgjzOc_xe-tauv18thlRlQ-4iRsCaWe9dR19BPT3Wpxr-nj1TX5zqk7JB67YPJE4mdax44v-WBeh1ysciZ_nebr/s400/Fuck+is+That+Thing.PNG" title="Next try using the Rangers' magical exploding football." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>You steal that thing from the VR
Troopers?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy bemoans that the monster is using their own powers
against them. Particularly their misshapen helmets and wrist-mounted crossbows. But he's not the only one who's concerned. Alpha 5 and Zordon are watching the Rangers' hopeless fight with
Globbor as they try and come up with a solution. Approximately 2 seconds later,
Alpha 5 prints off information on Globbor that will help stop him. The monster
feeds off of darkness, and if Alpha and Zordon can bring back the sunlight,
he'll be weakened.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus Christ. It took you guys three episodes to craft a
weakness for this monster and that's the best you could do? Sunlight? Look back
on any images or .gifs I made of Globbor the last two episodes. You know what
you're going to see? The fucking sun. Sunlight out the ass. So that must mean
he was losing pretty bad against them at that point, right? Oh what's that? He
was beating the absolute dogshit out of everyone? In broad-ass daylight? Wow!
Guess this sunlight thing doesn't hold up to any thought whatsoever, does it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It's me, Mom and Dad. The son who can tell you exactly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">why</i> Power Rangers is BULLSHIT.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alpha 5 fires some dumbass laser beam outside the Command
Center, which expels Master Vile's spooky darkness. With the lights back on, the
Rangers even up the score with Globbor. An exciting three-on-one fight begins
as the Rangers mecha duke it out with the wicked beast. Oh wait, sorry, I must
have been daydreaming. That big cool battle doesn't happen. Instead, the Ninja
Megazord punches Globbor one single time and he loses all of the powers he
absorbed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This episode had better get good again real goddamn quick,
or I'm going to throw this laptop against the wall. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With Ninjor's energy un-sapped, the blue genie breaks free
of Master Vile's bindings and offers to give Papa Repulsa an out of this world
ass-whooping. Vile decides to stop with all the theatrics and banter about
world domination and get his hands dirty. How, you ask? By making himself
fucking grow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember when Lord Zedd or Rita Repulsa got into the fight
and grew themselves giant? Of course you don't. They're too busy whining about
how their marriage is in shambles to do anything but make some dumbass S&M
squid monster into a giant. Master Vile, on the other hand, cuts out the
middleman completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His monster starts
losing, and what does he do? Get in on that fight posthaste. You start kicking
around my giant blue goo failson? Best be ready to get the shit knocked out of you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I take back what I just said. This episode is the best.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not one to be deterred, Ninjor grows giant to join the
Rangers and their Zords. Ninjor thanks the Power Team for their courageous efforts in saving his life from the devious Master Vile. He promises to never forget his comrades' everlasting determination in saving his life. Tommy accepts the compliment with modesty and tells their dear ally, "We'll always be here to help you out of a jam, Alpha!"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The giant Master counters our heroes with his staff,
firing a massive blast of energy at the Megazords. Tommy swoops the Falconzord
in on the evil dyad and unleashes a rocket barrage, emasculating both father
and son. Globbor attempts to regain some of his pilfered powers and charges at
Ninjor. Everyone's favorite ninja boy smacks the shit out of Globbor and puts
him right back on the defensive. The Rangers bust out the Shogun Megazord's
flaming saber, which critically wounds Globbor, and he's promptly finished off by
Ninjor's fireball.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It may have taken him all season to do it, but Ninjor
finally got to destroy a monster. Congrats, buddy. Hope you enjoyed your moment in the sun before getting tossed to the clearance rack.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of being shocked or annoyed by Globbor's death,
Master Vile shrugs off the loss of his slimiest son. Vile laughs off the
Rangers' efforts and makes a boast that needs to be quoted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Monsters come
and go, but I won't be so easily destroyed, Rangers!"<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mmm. That's some juicy trash talk. Master Vile just
dismissed the death of, arguably, the strongest monster in all of Season 3. He
laughed the Rangers' victory off like they were chumps and promised that they
couldn't do a goddamn thing to him. Nothing they have in their arsenal will
even phase him. They can't even dream of killing him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power
Rangers</i> theme kicks on, full blast. And you realize something.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They're sure going to fucking try.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Shogun Megazord looks to the sky, where the Falconzord
screeches with pride. In this moment, the Shogun Megazord fuses with the
Falconzord to create the Shogun Megafalconzord!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaGmMlYkk0Ber367EZ6PNmDQoJRMqDdbmw8pN23ND2s-9JM2i6Kf9aVFEo2NoBnoMThK1k4-knI11CoJ1UJe5mTssON_7nj0Mt6l2_EHNssxXAXldTDm5ZvvVWxJKY9DQfW5Uy9-OcHKB/s1600/Shogun+Megafalconzord+Fusion.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="304" data-original-width="424" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDaGmMlYkk0Ber367EZ6PNmDQoJRMqDdbmw8pN23ND2s-9JM2i6Kf9aVFEo2NoBnoMThK1k4-knI11CoJ1UJe5mTssON_7nj0Mt6l2_EHNssxXAXldTDm5ZvvVWxJKY9DQfW5Uy9-OcHKB/s400/Shogun+Megafalconzord+Fusion.gif" title="And how many people are jacking off to the thought of it right now?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>How painful do you think it would be to
detach your arms to dock with a falcon?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see this? Right here? The Power Rangers are faced with a
massive threat and just did something insane. They <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">created a new Zord formation</i>! Like…in the middle of a battle. Zordon didn't suggest it in some drawn-out discussion on how the Rangers can win, they just said to hell with it and slapped their Zords together! That's so friggin' rad I can't even stand it. This fight is everything I want
in my big adult child life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So how does our new Megafalcon-friend battle? By unleashing
a goddamn atomic blast on its enemy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ds3PL0C8d0CfX_uD1UkacYgFtU6t-7gdisd5VDG_rzQH5Zc_lk_VmP7OMzpn5LTh2m3-XEx2Pv9SCdX7hwXfGs8spoEwijQBER8k2rxla0eriZXFNLH9uCFcQGfzCL9yMxDn-dpRp-MM/s1600/ShogunMegaFalconzord+Rocket+Barrage.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Shogun Megafalconzord gif" border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="425" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ds3PL0C8d0CfX_uD1UkacYgFtU6t-7gdisd5VDG_rzQH5Zc_lk_VmP7OMzpn5LTh2m3-XEx2Pv9SCdX7hwXfGs8spoEwijQBER8k2rxla0eriZXFNLH9uCFcQGfzCL9yMxDn-dpRp-MM/s400/ShogunMegaFalconzord+Rocket+Barrage.gif" title="Please watch this episode for me, just so you too can hear Master Vile's old man yell when he gets hit by those rockets." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Not quite as cool as a turtle crushing
someone to death, but it'll do.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The rocket barrage wounds Master Vile, but he's not down for
the count yet. Yes, you read that right; a new combination of toys failed to
defeat an opponent. I can hardly believe it myself. Tommy detaches the
Falconzord, and our heroes leap into action and form the Ninja Megafalconzord. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now put yourself in Master Vile's shoes. You just survived a
nuclear detonation aimed squarely at your face. Then, not two seconds later,
you look into the air and you see the faces of a howling wolf and a screaming ape
barreling towards you at the speed of light. What I'm trying to say is that
this moment is absolutely fucking amazing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxcY4wPdOupvm7Yz_MeKWCnEijv2NHiLIb4tOY247lwz7s4yyHcyX-a5JQAVsz9DjGrrhUVDI78J_xkkFr7KYnVkmBaytzrC2pinOZ1lzIlAbNAyF2L2gIpSgfgc33_XXXtKXctFhV8Jx_/s1600/My+Favorite+Moment+in+All+of+Season+3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ninja Megafalconzord gif" border="0" data-original-height="304" data-original-width="424" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxcY4wPdOupvm7Yz_MeKWCnEijv2NHiLIb4tOY247lwz7s4yyHcyX-a5JQAVsz9DjGrrhUVDI78J_xkkFr7KYnVkmBaytzrC2pinOZ1lzIlAbNAyF2L2gIpSgfgc33_XXXtKXctFhV8Jx_/s400/My+Favorite+Moment+in+All+of+Season+3.gif" title="Well at least we still get the Battle Borgs cheerleader bullshit." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>R.I.P. The best finisher in Season 3.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But you know what's even better than this violent assault on
Master Vile? He hasn't been destroyed. He's still standing in the wreckage, but maybe his destruction has been delayed. We're left to wonder
if he'll survive this massive onslaught of the Rangers' strongest attacks. The
only way to know for sure is to listen to what he has to say. So what's his
reaction to these supercharged attacks?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He fucking laughs in the Rangers' faces.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you'll<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>forgive me,
I'd like to quote Master Vile one more time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You'll never
defeat me, Rangers! I'll return when you least expect it. You haven't seen the
last of Master Vile!"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="margin: 0px;">
Homeboy just took two of the strongest moves the Rangers have ever had access to, one of which they <i>just invented</i>, and the first thing he has to say is how they can never beat him. The man just got bombarded with falcon missiles and violently slammed into by some sort of hideous robo-chimera, and his immediate reaction is to mock the heroes for how weak they are. The culmination of an entire season's worth of new Zords and new techniques are brushed off by how goddamn strong this dude is. The absolute unit.</div>
</div>
<br />
God almighty, I love Master Vile so much. What an absolutely
flawless piece of shit he is. The last few minutes of this episode are some of
the best <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power Rangers</i> material I've
ever covered. I love it so much, everyone. This Zord fight is unquestionably the high
point of the whole season. Sweet Jiminy Christmas, it's perfect.<br />
<o:p> </o:p> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back inside Master Vile's Space Skull, he bemoans his defeat
at the hands of the Power Rangers. Rita and Zedd appear in some mystical portal
to taunt him, to which Vile tells them to shove it up their collective
shove-spaces. Vile asserts that he might have lost, but his daughter has always
been an unpleasant little brat who makes everyone around her miserable with a
limp-dick husband. Rita bitches back that she is not a brat, nor does she make
people miserable. Zedd attempts to raise his voice in defense, but he stops
bothering seconds later as he resigns himself to his beta fate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Vile concludes by taking off in his Space Skull and giving
himself a pep-talk. He reminds himself, and the audience, that Rita and Zedd
have tried to conquer the Earth over 100 times and they haven't gotten within
smelling distance of victory yet. Vile then makes a spectacular promise to the
audience when he asserts that the Rangers have only gotten a small taste of
what he has to offer them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Master Vile, please never leave me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that all the fun stuff is over, we need to get back to
that Zeo Crystal sub-plot that's sweeping the nation. The Rangers disembark
into some nameless desert in order to destroy the crystal. Billy asserts that
upon its destruction, the Zeo Crystal could inflict critical damage on the
Rangers. Tommy leads his team in donning their Metallic Armor so they don't get
hurt while handling this incredibly dangerous prop. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The glitter-covered Rangers snag the Zeo Crystal, and Tommy
slashes it into pieces with Saba. Billy mentions that the best way to rid
themselves of the Zeo Crystal, while also preventing Vile from reassembling it,
is to separate the pieces too far apart to ever be reassembled. Unless we need
to do a boring arc to conclude a season, but what are the chances of that
happening?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy blathers about Zordon opening a time-space portal for
them to chuck the Zeo Subcrystals through, which is code for "The episode
is running long so we can't film a scene of this actually happening." The
Metallic Rangers use their infinite intelligence to…teleport away with the
subcrystals. Which is basically the same thing as chucking them into a time
portal right?<br />
<br />
You know what? Whatever. This episode was good as hell and I'm
not going to end this review bleating about how rushed the ending was. Go watch
this episode, come back to me, and talk to me about how fucking boss it was.
Please. I need this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Your <s>Weekly</s> Yearly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Big Toe Emergency Exit</i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u>:</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What an excellent end to this trilogy. I hold it so close to
my heart because it's the epitome of what I love in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power Rangers</i> action. There are a few nitpicky problems I'll get
into in a sec', but I can't deny that the good far outweighs the bad. The final
battle with Vile is an utter masterstroke, and really hammers home how cool the
Zord fleet is in Season 3. I'm kind of happy my greatly-extended hiatus fell on
this episode, because I knew deep down that I could never even think about not
finishing a post on this episode. It's one of the reasons I started this blog
to begin with! No matter how many bumps I'll hit in the road, this episode is
always worth revisiting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The quibbles I have with this episode mostly involve
Globbor's implementation. That sunlight cop-out is a hideously cheap way to
weaken the monster. It comes out of absolutely nowhere and smacks of laziness.
It might not be a perfect write-around, but why not tie Globbor's weakening
into the retrieval of the Zeo Crystal? The crystal all but stopped mattering as
soon as the Rangers got inside the Ninja Megazord, despite how hyped up and
important it's been. Say that his energy absorption was fueled by Vile tapping
into its powers, and once he lost the connection Globbor couldn't hold onto his
stolen powers anymore. Make it a more direct macguffin for Vile to retrieve, and
it ups the stakes of that Zord battle even more! That would have been pretty
cool, right?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kakuranger</i>
episode; Master Vile and Globbor were directly linked to one another. Any
damage that Vile sustained would wound Globbor, which would explain what the
point was of those scenes where Vile was miming actions that Globbor would
repeat. This weakness was exploited by an unmorphed Ninja Red, who slashed the
shit out of Vile in an utterly badass scene. Obviously, that wasn't going to
work in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Power Rangers</i>, what with him
being Japanese and all. I respect the writers for trying, it just doesn't work
for me. It doesn't feel earned in the slightest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kakuranger</i>,
that's the reason Globbor had those funny-looking helmets. In the Japanese
episode, he sapped the energy from Ninja White, Blue, Yellow, and Black. Red
had escaped during the battle, which is why Globbor only had four of their
helmets attached to his skull. The four kidnapped Kakurangers were also grouped
together with Ninjor and were also being directly harmed by the attacks on
Globbor, which made the fight seem even more drastic and unwinnable. Not only
was Ninjor about to die, but four of the Kakurangers would be killed too! So there's my answer about why the Rangers weren't hurt by Globbor's post-absorption attacks. The Sentai footage had me covered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This episode is a big sticking point for me in the great
Ninjazord VS. Shogunzord debate of 2018. The Rangers bust out their brand new
Shogun Megafalconzord on Master Vile, and it quite demonstrably doesn't finish
him off. After this, they bring out the Ninja Megafalconzord to deal the finishing
blow. So riddle me this, Shogunzord defenders; if one move failed to beat an
opponent, would you use a weaker move to try and finish them? I think not!
Therefore, I think the Ninjazords are cool and good. Ipso facto, I'm right and
everyone else is wrong. Especially the people who've presented genuinely
intelligent and well-thought out arguments in favor of either side of the
debate, which is everyone except for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for waiting for me, everyone. I'm sorry for all
this time, but I couldn't think of a way to keep coming back week after week to
admit I'd failed to keep posting and failed to get work off the ground and blah
blah blah. But I didn't mean to bum people out by being so quiet either. So…I'm
not sure. Never be afraid to DM me on Twitter or something! You can find me @<a href="https://twitter.com/MMPRblog">MMPRBlog</a> where I routinely post about socialism
and a healthy thirst for death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In all seriousness, I'm glad my stopping point ended up being on this episode. If it had been on something really shitty, I wouldn't have wanted to bring myself back and write again. But then I kept looking at this half-finished post sitting on my desktop. I hadn't even gotten to the Zord fight with Master Vile. That scene is so great! I want to tell everyone about it so much...I can't stop yet.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm not sure what the future holds for posting, but I
absolutely promise that I will at the very least finish <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers</i>. Yes, even that goddamned dumbass Alien Rangers arc. I know that isn't a whole lot more content I'm talking about, but I don't want anyone to doubt that I'll close out the MMPR trilogy no matter what.<br />
<br />
Why? Cause I've gotta. You people reading this blog; enjoying my
tenuous grasp of grammar, syntax, and prose? That means the fucking world to
me. Thank you for helping to convince a big weirdo he's capable of doing one
thing decently. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Love ya!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-60695061492193300672018-05-27T21:35:00.001-05:002018-05-27T21:35:40.847-05:00Somehow Not DeadI ain't done yet, bitches! I've got the first draft done and once I get notes and edit all the not funny parts out (roughly 12 pages worth), you got a new post coming your way!<br />
<br />
For the people who've waited patiently, I appreciate it. Truly. I got more stuff to say, so don't count me out yet! I'm not going to promise it this week, because the last time I said that I was told my store was going out of business, but I'd be shocked if it wasn't in that time frame.<br />
<br />
And after that's done I can discuss those keys I bought if anyone wants to know. Remember when I made a big to-do about how I wanted a key from each team?<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0_Vzgifnq_nXBJ2Kw-5Tn2swGY94yqANNKodG_9wlHzTyD9EfQdzfrsHnGrBLJsETPa4Hwe9uvtJJmeF4UAqkBnfenu5y1bwSPn27bGfpSLv70QAXCeGCb7Wezzmb3WF9SiycubBhxKz/s1600/20180226_011028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV0_Vzgifnq_nXBJ2Kw-5Tn2swGY94yqANNKodG_9wlHzTyD9EfQdzfrsHnGrBLJsETPa4Hwe9uvtJJmeF4UAqkBnfenu5y1bwSPn27bGfpSLv70QAXCeGCb7Wezzmb3WF9SiycubBhxKz/s640/20180226_011028.jpg" title="Pictured: A Perfectly Healthy Boy Brain" width="640" /></a></div>
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I'm a sick fuck.</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-30484589200663180932018-03-16T19:56:00.000-05:002018-03-16T19:56:08.435-05:00Anyone Got A Job?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIr-W810_uCoi9Kwrbw-0rA1jH8m2lZ6qHo4W22sqQiCpB7i9sZqoJkaGl7I0efWaeZ_zhvE-4SrGkXIm3G9sjr-WP5hmzaDOqN0vt6Fguotsx14T3FtiOqu6GfmenATolLwTQyttyeiFK/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIr-W810_uCoi9Kwrbw-0rA1jH8m2lZ6qHo4W22sqQiCpB7i9sZqoJkaGl7I0efWaeZ_zhvE-4SrGkXIm3G9sjr-WP5hmzaDOqN0vt6Fguotsx14T3FtiOqu6GfmenATolLwTQyttyeiFK/s400/giphy.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I'm not sure how forthcoming I've been with the information in the past, but I've been employed with Toys "R" Us for nearly 7 years now. Fitting for someone whose hobbies include talking about <i>Power Rangers</i> and collecting <i>Power Rangers</i>-based merchandise, right?<br />
<br />
Well, I'm sure many of you have seen the news that Geoffrey the Giraffe is being put out to pasture. All of the R Us locations are being shut down, and now people won't be able to shop in our colorful, expensive, poorly-staffed locations any longer.<br />
<br />
Sorry, that's not fair. As tough as it's been, and as much as I fucking loathe selling people credit cards with a 30% interest mark-up, it's been fun. It's an environment where you don't need to take yourself too seriously and you can have fun with your job. Obviously I'm none too excited to learn I'll be losing my job (along with another 30,000 employees,) but it stings even worse knowing how comfortable I was in the position. It's really frustrating to build up rapport with a company for so long only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath you in an instant.<br />
<br />
Naturally the week that I promise to finally update my fucking blog is the week that I'm informed I'll be losing my job in two months.<br />
<br />
I apologize to all of you intensely. If you'd be kind enough to give me another week, I'd appreciate it. As you can imagine, I've been a bit preoccupied with the news that I only have another two months of employment to look forward to. While that's been disheartening in and of itself, it's been just as irritating fielding frequent phone calls from people who are only concerned when we'll be marking items down.<br />
<br />
Not too sure! It'll likely be when I don't have a job anymore, cunt-face.<br />
<br />
I've been spending a nice chunk of this week looking for a new job, because holy lordy I'm going to need money if I want to keep buying those fucking Ranger Keys. What else do people do with money? Invest? Buy houses? Child's play. You show me a man who doesn't know the value of a Black Condor Key, and I'll show you a man who's never lived a day in his life.<br />
<br />
What was I talking about? New jobs? Yeah I should probably keep looking for one of those.<br />
<br />
I feel like an absolute piece of shit, but I can at least tell everyone that I'm more than 3/4ths done with the episode. Compare that to the paltry 1/6th I had done before I took my extended hiatus. I'm almost there, everybody.<br />
<br />
Alternatively; if anyone wants to give me a 6 figure job for writing about a space ghoul getting punched in the tits by a flying ninja chimera, everyone's problems may end up being solved!<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-17869292812462783132018-03-05T21:59:00.002-06:002018-03-05T21:59:29.243-06:00Ranger Key Update 3.6!SO I GOT SOME MORE TOYS IN THE MAIL AND<br />
<br />
<br />
Nah, fuck that. There'll be a new post next week. Is it done yet? No. Is it even plausibly ready for human consumption yet? Nope-a-rooski. Is it still going to be out by next week? Oh fucking absolutely.<br />
<br />
<br />
Why? Because you sweethearts have waited for me. You haven't burned me in effigy for my massive absence, and every comment left from some beautiful person wondering if I'm still alive has really put things into perspective. It's been a long few months, and things are going real topsy-turvy for me. But that ain't stopped me before! I don't blame anyone for being bummed out that it's taken me so long to get my ass back to posting. If the wait has been too long, I understand. Though I sincerely hope you do stick around!<br />
<br />
I love doing the blog, I love making people laugh, I love re-reading posts and cringing at my atrocious syntax and grammatical skills. You've all been part of this for so long, it'd be ridiculous if I didn't at least finish Mighty Morphin'.<br />
<br />
Not because I feel like I have to, but because we've sat through this goddamn show together. We've endured every single second of Zordon abusing teenagers, Tommy grinning like a dumbass sheepdog, Trini fading out of existence while nobody notices, and Bulk debasing himself in any manner humanly possible. If I was just pissing these blog entries into the ether I'd feel a little bummed, but I have people who relate to this dumbass show.<br />
<br />
So no matter what the future holds now, we're at the <i>very </i>least finishing up with Season 3. It continues next week my friends. Get ready! Get hyped!<br />
<br />
Unless you wanted me to follow up with another post about my key collection, in which case you may have to wait a little bit longer.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkTIyVLw87pSb8i3x1176L7b7J8nBGqI69pLq64xG2aE2YcAngTxApDxe8Ku2I1UNG4yoGepYwaugcJbn5dI_oI1-Gt9dgIOVH2nfwEjiiKezAB3vyc2rNO7dTN1MhrIQfh2nN6hAMHToA/s1600/Bulk+Boxers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="720" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkTIyVLw87pSb8i3x1176L7b7J8nBGqI69pLq64xG2aE2YcAngTxApDxe8Ku2I1UNG4yoGepYwaugcJbn5dI_oI1-Gt9dgIOVH2nfwEjiiKezAB3vyc2rNO7dTN1MhrIQfh2nN6hAMHToA/s400/Bulk+Boxers.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-70048793460253900212017-10-19T22:40:00.003-05:002017-10-19T22:40:45.811-05:00Ranger Key Collection Ver. 2.0<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGKVZxWa1uxGA5QaebAGw3TjoOWp-B2AxynrVEghrsN5Ne7ST9FHje9a9gKEQFw38Y7Jd0VsrUtsj011iKX7HNzXYUmkQiW_4Irr3FBKDi_wN_pHKHBjkGTMYOSRyKEk4a-l2veAkZP9Bg/s1600/Super_Sentai_Keys.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="610" data-original-width="1600" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGKVZxWa1uxGA5QaebAGw3TjoOWp-B2AxynrVEghrsN5Ne7ST9FHje9a9gKEQFw38Y7Jd0VsrUtsj011iKX7HNzXYUmkQiW_4Irr3FBKDi_wN_pHKHBjkGTMYOSRyKEk4a-l2veAkZP9Bg/s640/Super_Sentai_Keys.png" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
Hoo boy. Here we go. Time to own up and admit just how many of these plastic trinkets I've blown paychecks on. I promise you good people I'll get back to writing episode reviews in due time, I've just needed something to post on here that I could write (mostly) if I wasn't at home. Thank you for giving me time, and I understand any frustration you good people have with me. If it makes you feel any better, I've picked up a hobby far more financially damaging than any gambler ever could.<br />
<br />
Alright, come inside and see my shame.<br />
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What a difference a month makes, huh? Remember when I was bemused at the idea of owning one Key from each team? Well just you fucking wait to see what I have now. A little bit of birthday money and a supreme lack of shame went a long way into feeding my plastic addiction, so get ready to witness me showing off these silly little toys that struck a chord in my heart.<br />
<br />
In a half-assed attempt at defending myself, I'd like to clarify that my original intention of picking up these godforsaken money sinks was much simpler beforehand. I was a big fan of the Sentai series <i>Ninja Sentai Kakuranger</i>, and I wanted to pick up the Ranger Keys for them as a decoration piece. I searched high and low for a reasonably priced set of these things, but I couldn't find them any cheaper than 100 bucks. Even with my grotesquely poor understanding of finances, this seemed like a bad idea.<br />
<br />
Enter my friend, Alec.<br />
<br />
Alec has a penchant for finding things at a really cheap price and sending them to me. Not things that I want, but things he knows I will fucking <i>detest</i>. Items that make me want to strangle him. Off the top of my head, he has sent me the following items.<br />
<br />
<b>1)</b> No fewer than 3 copies of the film <i>Bee Movie </i>on DVD.<br />
<br />
<b>2)</b> At least One copy of <i>Bee Movie</i> on Blu-ray. When I asked him why he sent this to me, Alec simply said that I would enjoy the jokes better in higher quality.<br />
<br />
<b>3)</b> A small jar of <i>Bee Movie</i> honey. A container from 2007 that <i>still</i> had honey in it. Out of respect, or possible Stockholm Syndrome, I kept this jar after using a knife to scrape the crusted-over honey out of it.<br />
<br />
<b>4)</b> A framed picture of Henry Cavill<br />
<br />
<b>5)</b> A life-size stand-up of Jared Leto in his Oscar-winning portrayal of the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPpWzS3nCwM" target="_blank">Joker</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>6)</b> A copy of the <i>Bee Movie</i> <i>Video Game</i> for PC, which I have unfortunately not yet found the time to enjoy.<br />
<br />
<b>7)</b> A press packet for the film <i>Bee Movie</i>. This might be the most baffling thing he was able to obtain, as this should only have gone out to members of the press in order to promote Jerry Seinfeld's dumpster fire of a movie. Apparently, one of them was digging through their junk drawer and tossed it onto Ebay for any old schmuck to buy. Now it's sitting at the foot of my bed where it will someday be the cause of my death.<br />
<br />
<b>8) </b>About a dozen action figures of the character Pepsiman, with one who resides in my car to protect me on the road. Because nobody represents traffic safety quite like Pepsiman.<br />
<br />
So this, seemingly insane, list of items is meant to illustrate the baffling garbage Alec was able to find. I humbly requested that he weaponize that malice for good in an attempt to find the precious toy keys I wanted. While he wasn't able to find the Kakurangers, he did send me a Go-Onger set, and a Hurricane Red key as an apology. Eventually I was able to find the Kakurangers myself at a respectable price, and that's where this whole journey should have ended.<br />
<br />
But Alec wasn't done with me.<br />
<br />
One fateful day, I received a package from Japan that was addressed to a corruption of my name; Alec's calling card for one of his bizarre "gifts." When I opened the box, I found at least 20 Ranger Keys in various states of disrepair. This was long after I decided I wasn't going to buy any more, but Alec is like a malicious djinn. He'll give you what you wish for, and make you regret it.<br />
<br />
I discarded the keys that were in too poor of shape to display, and added the remaining keys to my collection. As I looked at these keys, I wondered how many more keys I would have to collect if I wanted to have a key representing each team.<br />
<br />
And now, here I am. With a table full of keys and an empty wallet.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What follows is the list of my collection of keys. I've got
a picture of each team, because I'm a sociopath and needed each one
photographed together. The ones in italics are still in shipping, or in a box that
I haven't felt like going through yet. I may come back and update the pictures
once I'm finished, or I may keep this nice and pure for the 0 people who give a
shit about my key consistency.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Keep an eye out, everybody! Someday this post will be used in
court while the police are prying open my floorboards to find the corpses of
those who've wronged me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the sake of having something to say, I'd also like to
clarify why I picked particular keys. In some instances, it's because I could
give a hot cup of piss about the team and I wanted a quick and easy key to buy,
but in some cases there's a bit more a story behind it. So if anyone wants to
hear me gush about my Sentai nerd bullshit, get ready! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because Blogspot motherfucked me while I was trying to save
the original version of this post, I lost all the words I wrote about <i>Zyuranger</i> to <i>Timeranger.</i> Instead
of wasting your time with another update-less week, I'm just going to include
the Pre-Zyu teams as one post. I'll rewrite the other team information for a
follow-up post, but this has gotten pretty out of hand as it is.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't know nearly as much about the teams prior to <i>Zyuranger</i>,
but I've watched a handful of them to completion. I'll have much more insight
into those, but I'll be honest about the ones I haven't seen. I implore
you good people to give me your experiences with these shows if you have them.
I'll try to add something worth reading in spite of my lack of knowledge, but I
really want to know which shows are worthy of checking out. Particularly if
some kind soul has bothered subbing the whole series. In the meantime, here's
why I bought some stupid toys and didn't buy other stupid toys.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Goranger</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijvtsz_cbAWDxxrya3OmAOBqjMrjUi5G9t4vxSOMDhganpE79xnh6ntTgabLegDB3ovHFFRvI7eTYzUpJu7rTEtwr6J35vzSSf7WmqMx89RK_VslVCNU_35RI607ErNY_ewGgFIBJsRYQo/s640/20170828_224838.jpg">Aka Ranger</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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This was one of the keys that came in the Alec batch. The back sticker is all torn to shit on it, which annoys the everloving piss out of me. I'm so frustrated that coward Alec had the gall to send me a free toy that had a broken sticker. That goddamned ingrate.</div>
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The clips of Goranger make me less than enthused about watching it, but I feel like I should for the sake of calling myself a Sentai fan. Shame that it's 84 goddamn episodes long. Oof. As much as I want to watch people kick footballs at guys in cheap masks for a combined 33 hours, I might have to keep Goranger at arm's length. Or if anyone knows a damn fine episode of Goranger to check out, I could do that too!</div>
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I'm really glad I ended up getting Aka Ranger though. What better way to represent the very first Sentai series than the OG Sentai Red? The Goranger team are pretty easy to find at a decent price, so I'm sure I'll end up buying them at some point in time. Who knows.</div>
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(<b>EDITOR'S NOTE: </b>As of the writing of this blog, I bought the whole Goranger set. I'm glad to see that writing this post has done absolutely nothing to stop my childish spending habits.)</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">JAKQ: </span></b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJXUN-Wb7iGTq5qqdu5rFOAdELm8vyH2crk_DkrbPTavIvhOIzGqOGv4G6R5F0c5vY90ZCVKueUNxDc68ScwAoBL0ySodOBaSl9DQDZ-04eK3dI9WEJ7j8qzEbkd2SLB107XojwCcYp-tQ/s640/20170828_224908.jpg"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Spade Ace</span></a><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, <i>Dia Jack, Clover King</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Another Alec key. If you asked me anything about Spade Ace I would turn into a stammering fool. Dia Jack came as an addition to a big Gashapon key set I bought from someone not too long ago. It's still in the packaging because if I put his sticker on wrong, I would fall into a depression spiral the likes the world has never seen. Clover King I bought to slowly put balm on my wounds after I lost a bidding war on a key set I seriously wanted. I mean, what kind of freakish weirdo would be able to feel happy if he didn't come home to Japanese plastic key-shaped men coming to him in the mail?</div>
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As much as I love the playing card aesthetic, JAKQ has always left me feeling cold. The show looks interesting enough, but I know it has some ridiculous tonal shift near the midpoint. JAKQ starts off as some gritty crime show, and then the final battle ends when the team launches a rat out of a cannon.</div>
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What's that? You don't believe me? Get fucked.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiTb-0w6Tek7WFIe4_hev06NABV2wZgr3hsqmPO1veznQYIoW0yR-8O2hdaPtkkPvPfjXJHHw1X-Jc6vborU6FsItVchVcjnnnQOZaqioR2DfixtqQXfB2TgJxXfo2xdi5x4VD6nbYyUbx/s1600/Truly+Satisfactory+Conclusion+to+a+Series.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="JAKQ Gif" border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="533" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiTb-0w6Tek7WFIe4_hev06NABV2wZgr3hsqmPO1veznQYIoW0yR-8O2hdaPtkkPvPfjXJHHw1X-Jc6vborU6FsItVchVcjnnnQOZaqioR2DfixtqQXfB2TgJxXfo2xdi5x4VD6nbYyUbx/s400/Truly+Satisfactory+Conclusion+to+a+Series.gif" title="Was this dude's neck made out of cheese? I don't understand." width="400" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Battle Fever J:</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMHST4IFJB-ssbTOMdNCUvk6ClBSsoGqrv7eSSNM23Acwel6fhtBDnp-rGIKwIdgjmvhgrJJ1DkyK-c_WRMSP-4HUjIkj5X3KnACKuhzt6OIgbR5JM1xlrqpQLWcrUnatfzoF7oYiO-xDh/s640/20171001_233802.jpg" target="_blank">Battle France, Battle Kenya, Battle Cossack</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Initially I bought Battle Cossack because I'm a psychopathic communist and I wanted a key with a hammer and sickle on it. But then I started to get charmed over the insane look of Battle Fever J as a whole. I honestly want Miss America just because of the ridiculous wig on top of her helmet. What purpose could that possibly serve? We can tell she's a woman. She's in a goddamned leotard!<br />
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Battle Fever J is a series I really want to try out. The suits look pretty crazy, but that only entices me more. It's also the first Sentai series to feature a giant robot, so I'd be really interested to see the very first mecha fight in Sentai history. I did pull up an episode of Battle Fever J to see what the weapons were, and when Miss America busted out throwing knives I knew I would be in for a good time.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Denjiman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAf3qb5ZSgF24YTq4ESofGJKkJMsAX2mooITWW14xtbDcGqzWFQYHcsOIdvI_NESq7SdWZ9NPYzj1QheJPUI1FlrVWoVHixZLc454XDfquo8hyphenhyphengZbfGsWqlZTN6ng_wCsnHLlnmIFL608f/s640/20171001_233041.jpg" target="_blank">Denji Red, Denji Blue</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Denji Red came in a set of five Reds I picked up (Denji Red, Red One, Dyna Red, Five Red, Goggle Red,) and I wasn't too interested in him. Denji Blue, on the other hand, is the real motherfucker. He's played by Space Sheriff Gavan himself, Kenji Ohba. Ohba is one of the quintessential badasses of 70's tokusatsu. He had three main roles all around the same time period, and he kicked a multitude of ass in all of them. He's also the reason I went out of my way to get a Battle Kenya key, as Ohba also portrayed him. That's how goddamn amazing Kenji Ohba is. He played a Sentai hero, and they called him back the next year just to play another one. You don't fuck around with the Ohba.<br />
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Denjiman is a constant blur to me. Every time I try to learn something about it, I mix it up with other Sentai shows. I've mixed up <i>Dynaman</i> and <i>Denjiman</i> about once a week ever since I learned about Super Sentai. I know that the Denjimen's mentor is a dog, and the final villain of the series is some guy in a leotard. I'm sure there's a lot more to <i>Denjiman</i> than that, but there are a couple of these shows I know next to nothing about. Has anyone even subbed an episode of <i>Denjiman</i>? No wonder I only have a couple of these keys. I can't even confirm this show exists.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Sun Vulcan</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPVBuUP5xMHRyif060WOHQKWyEKayLqZ1E-2jr6kltt9FfyMHDwO6vE_Xp4W48K6sYfiKqn0e_yCxmpIMpDrXm6oIjdq0qzVV08IhxJYp7C2qiRU8JHpHpY6u03rPspoBK79My_S56QfH/s640/20170828_232249.jpg">Vul Shark, Vul Panther</a></span></div>
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Vul Shark was part of the Alec collection, but Vul Panther was a special case. I told Alec that one of these keys was molded after a <a href="http://sailorotaku.blogspot.com/2013/06/vul-panthers-actor-asao-kobayashi.html" target="_blank">sex offender creep piece of shit</a>, and I was sure I could find his key for a shiny pair of nickels. Literally as the word "pedophile" came out of my mouth, Alec was hitting the "Buy It Now" button for a pristine Vul Panther Key. The minute it arrived in my mailbox, I couldn't stop laughing at that majestic human being. Of course he sent me this dumbass creep's key. Why wouldn't he? Maybe I can keep his key next to all my copies of <i>Bee Movie</i>.<br />
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Oh yeah, and <i>Sun Vulcan</i> is a great series. I've watched a nice chunk of it and it's so insane. It rules. You also gotta love that Vul Eagle gets replaced halfway through the series and it's treated like an afterthought. Just "Oh, oops. Gotta send you into space now that the episode's over. Sorry!" You'd think the leader of the team being written out would be handled more gracefully, but I guess Toei's gonna Toei.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Goggle Five</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHOBRBy9R6EfTvMPNcHq1zWL07VnBs_DHeYdgFYYSxCNrDIR-Y4qJrZl_S4jY5KYEOoh0RY4v1nUTix-XfJL54qCpUI_iohInAWQUkwfoZrJc_GALbLoc8frU8dIGyY2vk3D_GL1ohH8Xf/s640/20171002_001311.jpg" target="_blank">Goggle Red</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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These fucking nerds with their scarves and their bibs? No thanks. I got Goggle Red in that set of five Red Rangers, and he's all I needed. What else is there to know about <i>Goggle Five</i>? I don't remember. I know two of the main villains dick around for the first 15 episodes, but they suck so fucking bad that the series kills them off. All I remember is that one of them was named Dr. Iguana. Which might be the best name ever written.<br />
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While Red's key came in a few different places, the rest of the Goggle Five team came in a big box housing 30 exclusive keys you couldn't get anywhere else. This particular set runs approximately 400 dollars on average, which is absolutely goddamned insane. 4 keys of Rangers I don't give a shit about? That I'm dumping 400 bucks into? Eat me.<br />
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I've seen that premium set sell for about 200 bucks, which almost made me buy it, but man. I can't buy that thing. 200 bucks? For 30 keys? I mean it shakes out to a reasonable amount...maybe it wouldn't be so bad to just snag it real qu-<br />
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Okay, this is going down a dark path. Let's talk about Dynaman.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Dynaman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA0AKHoIT7Yam4P4y2abQTRPQj1HUdJcEFJbi-VquxbiYND6ZT99O1f5NlcIDI04mThcEuoka-FDvnYhpvvanaYyzjFfpRf9SUtGKBFFCks0Bc8OaPhxXkxD7Fre2e4-O4tRXKbp7fh71I/s640/20171002_001258.jpg" target="_blank">Dyna Red</a>, <i>Dyna Blue, Dyna Pink</i></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Red came in that set of five Reds I wasn't initially interested in, but Dynaman has really grown on me. I'm only about 10 or so episodes in, but the Rangers are seriously cool. Black and Pink are my favorites, so I'm still on the lookout for a decent Dyna Black Key. Junichi Harata is a Tokusatsu icon, so I'd love to have a key with one of his characters. Unfortunately that means I'm stuck between biting the bullet on the Dyna Black Key for 30 bucks, or wasting my hard-earned shekels on a goddamned Goggle Black Key. Get the <i>fuck</i> out of here with that nonsense.<br />
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I bought Blue and Pink in a small set of really cheap keys I was able to find recently. Dyna Blue's Key fits for me when I think about it, because he was voiced by <i>Kids in the Hall</i>'s Mark McKinney in that goofy ass <i>Dynaman</i> <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4qnry1" target="_blank">parody </a>that aired in the late 80's. <i>Kids in the Hall</i> was a huge influence on me as I was growing up, so it's fitting that I can represent that with my dumbass key collection.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Bioman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj47wY7SsLXdbbRofgIVCK2VRNlx7PcKQTdj8bn-TZFzqQAfJCj5MTWznYZxqhVWa5e3hjxsAqsErjqjKRi1Q2bM36htsXyf2Y1vBES8dDxtsSBFvgypk8TxO47KNu5ZTrRxmsMiuUs8M65/s640/20171001_234641.jpg" target="_blank">Red One,Green Two, Blue Three, Yellow Four, Pink Five</a></span></div>
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I've only watched about 20 of the English-dubbed episodes of Bioman, which is a really silly idea in itself. Every time Mason tries to sound threatening, it just makes me laugh. Some poor Philippino with the world's squeakiest voice has to try and bark out commands for the Big 3? He sounds like "I AM AMAZON" from <i>Masked Rider</i>.<br />
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But I digress. There's something seriously slick about the Bioman team. The action is really sharp, Dynaman's love of explosions is put to good use here, and Red One's primary weapon is a sword prop that's literally set on fire. It's like the Shogun Megazord saber, but used on actual stuntmen. That level of "we don't care about our crew's safety" deserves kudos.<br />
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It's been a long time, but Bioman is a series I've been constantly wanting to get back into. It was one of the first Pre-Zyuranger Sentai shows I gave a shot, and it managed to hook me into giving these old-timers a shot.<br />
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The Bioman keys are probably some of the rarer I own. Green, Blue, Yellow, and Pink all seem to fetch a hefty price on Ebay, but I got them in a big bundle collection. I should put these keys on my mantle while I take the time to finally get around to watching all of <i>Bioman</i>.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Changeman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbJUQPvU-4jn8wFwAZO4HKYjaJuSJPBnSQnrgl_CHnLFrcBA2mayDJZeDHdAm4t8yelaMLelxFv0hvfctadaephh5A-8UHS110S_r2GpSofAnReHjL2K_rHh_Ar1QcCMc2Hm7f0_xLQJPN/s640/20171001_234122.jpg" target="_blank">Change Dragon, Change Phoenix, Change Mermaid</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Changeman exists solely to mock my attempts at getting invested in a series. I've had episode 3 of Changeman on my hard drive for longer than I've been writing this blog, but I just never take the time to sit down and watch it. I've tried so many goddamned times to start the series up, and I can just about guarantee I've seen the first two episodes of Changeman over a dozen times. I want a new show to enjoy, but I don't know why it proves so difficult for me.<br />
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I love the look of the show, and the theme song is absolutely stellar, but I got annoyed when I realized no group has consistently subbed the series. I don't want to go dig up a bunch of Dead Fish Subs after I run out of Grown Ups in Spandex-subbed episodes. What kind of pecker do I look like?<br />
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Oh right, keys. I got Dragon, Mermaid, and Phoenix because someone was selling them. I only have the vaguest knowledge of the Changeman team, so that didn't skin my nuts too badly. The only thing I noticed was that Change Phoenix looks like she's 55 years old in the clips she was in for <i>Gaoranger VS. Super Sentai</i>. It wasn't until I watched the series that I realized she wasn't somebodies mom filling in for the role.<br />
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For some reason I really want a Change Griffin, but his key usually goes for about 30 smackers. What is it with single keys I want costing an unreasonable amount of money? I just want a key of the guy in the training bra who hits on ladies. Is that so much to ask?<br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><b>Flashman</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTeg2t0r3dfMFzlicbIvOFsKReig1IoBfKBHi6GoMJ9tNEwhVtEgQZGXhHjLhUszlwaV4vh8brMwZ_lOOI0e-TQkLtTQwx_bik0w7jfi5VqG-jR4_Pu0W31-WhsQAqHrsnbZASmI9ECnGQ/s640/20171001_233914.jpg" target="_blank">Red Flash, Green Flash, Pink Flash</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Flashman is yet another series I want to watch so badly, but nobody has subbed all of it! Why would I watch a show that I know I can only see 20% of? That I'll have to wait years to watch in its entirety? It sucks too, because Flashman's got some superb suit design. From what I've heard, it's a really enjoyable show as well. So why can't some of you beautiful internet nerds sub 50 episodes of a show for me, so I can talk about how it relates to a couple plastic keys I bought for like 900 dollars.<br />
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I'm so damn close to having the whole Flashman team, but I can never find Blue or Yellow for a sane price. I actually planned on buying a Yellow Flash at some point, but I saw it was 15 bucks and I thought that was a silly price to pay for a children's toy I'd display on my table. Now I haven't been able to find one that looks halfway decent for less than like 35.<br />
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<b>Protip</b>: Just buy whatever you want. We're all gonna die anyway. Who cares?</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Maskman: </span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMC6lUxXqjIg-WIrizL3Ebxxv54ylIUaA0MVdzeYnQNByI7ALP9MiDUokPCOwXOaL-2aMC-IHLDI7VryBpBd0vUgh26pbDa_DITmCy3B7VFcXt4i7P4-AIBZhS1-xDpqj8w1kAFHa4zWO2/s640/20171001_232723.jpg" target="_blank">Red Mask</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMC6lUxXqjIg-WIrizL3Ebxxv54ylIUaA0MVdzeYnQNByI7ALP9MiDUokPCOwXOaL-2aMC-IHLDI7VryBpBd0vUgh26pbDa_DITmCy3B7VFcXt4i7P4-AIBZhS1-xDpqj8w1kAFHa4zWO2/s640/20171001_232723.jpg" target="_blank">, Yellow Mask</a>, <i>Blue Mask</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Oh my god, we're finally at a series I've watched all the way through. My notoriously shoddy memory keeps me from remembering a lot of <i>Maskman</i>, other than the fight scenes being really goddamned good. If I ever get around to a big Sentai rewatch, <i>Maskman</i> will have to go first.<br />
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Red Mask was the key I bought when I assumed I would never find another one of those keys, since Black/Yellow/Pink were all in that aforementioned 400 dollar set. But then, one fateful day, I saw some glorious person auctioning off each of those 30 keys individually. I swooped in and bought Yellow Mask, who was unquestionably my favorite character in the show. She's a fucking ninja who fought with little spinning tops. That's goddamn rad. Some Sentai shows struggle with making the female heroes appear cool, but Yellow Mask easily overshadowed the other members of Maskman during my watch.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Liveman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh09jc7A1LD-8QssCnx3FGIeiwE8Uhoy91BtHppeGaDYKwV5wxjjxJnwT6NcCP-yCT7Mk5vHoQ9bgexfGOZCvvekaGxBR-bLC58pcywSN3473kJTfuDVhZC5XJPVf-T-cC-pw9KTpXT51qu/s640/20171001_234457.jpg" target="_blank">Red Falcon</a></span></div>
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Another show I've actually spent time with. I'd love to have the original Liveman trio, but Blue Dolphin and Yellow Lion go for 20 bucks even when their keys look like total dogshit. Not to mention the near impossibility of finding a decent looking Green Sai or Black Bison. Someone is currently trying to sell a Green Sai with a completely ripped sticker for 30 dollars. How <i>dare</i> you.<br />
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<i>Liveman </i>starts off incredibly strong, but I fell off of it around the early 20's. I've heard that the show really shits the bed when Black and Green show up, so I might have made the right call. Nothing against the show or anything, I just moved onto other stuff. I have all of Liveman downloaded, so maybe I just need to give it another chance. Though I will say that I vividly remember it having some horrendously boring mecha fights. I might have been spoiled by the 90's throwing a barrage of toys at my face, but I seem to remember Live Robo being about as interesting to watch as the Thunder Megazord.<br />
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Basically, this entire post is me begging people to tell me which 70's and 80's Sentai series to watch. I always try to, and then being an adult steps on my feet and tells me to get back to work. What a load of shit! I want to watch my superheroes fighting rubber bad boys like a real grown-up. Not to mention, I clearly should be watching those shows instead of the one I ostensibly be reviewing for you wonderful people.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Turboranger</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyQGy3ix_rhYSsHGvyt1DDNnzddsIc5_SM82fYX0MVHqVbE1v_K_pBUzU4KWd99AQn6pNIEpbLlSkyDKYuGyp2lruak-qfXf4D49b6FBgwDPfxkOdsk3pzJ480WuPGgpY4hnn2G9wO0HEp/s640/20171001_234913.jpg" target="_blank">Black Turbo</a></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I've been told that this show is awful for a real long time, and I'm only starting to now challenge that notion. I have the least experience with Turboranger out of any Sentai series, and I want to change that. Unfortunately, this is yet another series that's only had like four episodes subbed. I know there are three villains who die about halfway through the series so we can replace them with two attractive and <strike>less-expensive</strike> more interesting characters. I know I'm not crazy about the Ranger's designs, but the monsters usually look really cool. Except this fucking guy. What is this shit?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6TL9IIykJmHLiPE1m_2RQ6KMyU-dyXEBSGgv1Ks255Lby9LBJ2nw7SWu9m9Z-KbEl3cxoEm4MdR7iPqOobqD21EzcNRyk2y_i78OHjwhmszDHXQZXK4vQlo545eiyh_viMfgU6mVk5HKz/s1600/Goopy+Booger+Boma.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="495" data-original-width="585" height="337" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6TL9IIykJmHLiPE1m_2RQ6KMyU-dyXEBSGgv1Ks255Lby9LBJ2nw7SWu9m9Z-KbEl3cxoEm4MdR7iPqOobqD21EzcNRyk2y_i78OHjwhmszDHXQZXK4vQlo545eiyh_viMfgU6mVk5HKz/s400/Goopy+Booger+Boma.PNG" title="Deflated Pair of Testicles Boma?" width="400" /></a></div>
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So why did I buy Black Turbo? I got him because I saw someone selling his key for like 20 bucks. I got scared I would miss out, so I freaked out and bought him. Then the week after that, I saw his key go for like $10. Christ almighty I am an impatient bitch.</div>
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Oh yeah, and I asked the guy who was selling Black Turbo if he could send me Blue Turbo instead. I didn't realize he was selling Blue when I bought it, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal considering they were the same price. But he just ignored me and sent me shitty old Black Turbo. Thanks for nothing, guy who probably doesn't even speak English!</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Fiveman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-cg6Rrk7ZNSW_Y6rihTdu3x7Zea2vDcT3EvHy3bjK0PosIoSbRRONGZ8iPbT_RZot_qD1YALnuAJJZQ88EaeeCsQ_Q-tVbEwZjLxcPEWQXlvAn6CWAd6pgBl_Z3mV8Yb3LI4OYFi_Gwm5/s640/20171002_215400.jpg" target="_blank">Five Red</a>, <i>Five Black, Five Yellow</i></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I feel really lousy, because I really enjoyed the first few episodes of Fiveman. But the general consensus is that Fiveman is an immeasurable pile of garbage. Thankfully, nobody has taken the time to sub the latter 40 episodes and show me what's so bad about it. From what I've gathered, Fiveman was so goddamned terrible it almost got Super Sentai cancelled forever. The main writer of Fiveman, Hirohisa Soda, was really burnt out after acting as main writer for the previous 7 series. </div>
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But don't that let you think he totally stunk up the joint after this. He wrote one of my all time favorite episodes of Sentai, Kakuranger 21. Not to mention he basically defined the 80's period of Sentai. Show the motherfucker some respect!</div>
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Five Red was part of my Quintuple Red Ensemble, and I got two of the Fiveman keys because they came in that "broken key" set. Honestly, I wouldn't care too much which of the Fiveman I ended up having. I didn't watch far enough in to get a grasp for any of the characters, so they're basically interchangeable to me. Though Five Yellow was definitely a choice buy. Chick got hammered to karate fight an elephant. That's some sublime Sentai shit.</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Jetman</span></b><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnJVq4It5NvOEo_rPWaglYuLJQUap_VcHdQR1eRCCVSw2zJpuRFnlVTzzD-w5bfFFerjOzcPPGqgXgvXLMSnVw1dyGTGK9LeQMsvI9ctMremub7pAoToAy8UufQ5ebZPQ6ivNnSzFN6cPQ/s640/20171001_234516.jpg" target="_blank">Red Hawk</a>, <i>Blue Swallow</i></span></div>
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Finally, a show I can at least vaguely remember.</div>
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<i>Jetman</i> was a massive success for the Super Sentai franchise. It was penned by noted river enthusiast, Toshiki Inoue, who wrote this show with more emphasis on the heroes' internal conflict. It was a roaring success for Super Sentai, and that allowed Inoue to go on to pen other Tokusatsu series. Notably, Inoue wrote every episode of <i>Kamen Rider 555</i>. A show that includes the greatest scene in the franchise's history.</div>
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Sorry, I'm being really pithy because Inoue has a penchant for writing some of the craziest and most confounding shit you've ever seen. It's not fair to <i>Jetman</i>, which is a genuinely good show. The action is slick, it's got great mecha scenes, the music is pretty killer, and you'll never find a more loathsome piece of shit villain than Radiguet. </div>
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I remember actually tearing up at the end of one of the episodes. Jetman episode 24 actually hit me like a ton of bricks when I first watched it. Go ahead and try watching Jetman 23 and 24 and get back to me. Then we'll see who's a big baby! I mean it'll still be me, but I ended up making you waste 40 minutes on a show. Now I'm the winner, dickhead!</div>
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Shit, now that I think about it, I remember episode 42 being really sad too. Why did everything in Jetman have to be such a fucking downer? Inoue, you son of a bitch! </div>
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Anyways, the Jetman keys were always super difficult to locate at a respectable price, so I resigned myself to Red Hawk ownership. That was unfortunate, because Red Hawk totally sucks. He should be a really badass leader who whips the rest of his team into shape, but he's such a dweeb. He spends half the series pining over his long-lost girlfriend, then she gets killed because her boyfriend sucks. The only thing I think about when I remember Red Hawk is his big fucking Bruce Campbell chin. Shame that he doesn't have a tenth of the charisma of Mr. Ash Williams.</div>
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Sorry, I got a bit off track. Blue Swallow was my favorite member of the team, and I lucked out when I found her key in the "junk" set. Oh boo-hoo, are her sticker shoulders going to stick up a little bit? Spare me. I could either buy her and 7 other keys for 30 bucks, or I could go the other route and buy a brand new Blue Swallow at an extremely affordable price!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-50170547581245081972017-09-27T23:18:00.001-05:002017-09-27T23:18:32.213-05:00Where the Fuck Have I Been?Not writing. Okay, we'll see ya later.<br />
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I've slowly grown to hate Monday evenings. When I look at the clock and realize I'm nowhere near done talking about the episode of Power Rangers where some space warlock invites a bunch of plastic monsters to celebrate Armageddon. Then I realize I'm going to have to pull up my britches and come on here to explain to you lovely readers how incompetent I am at scheduling the important things in my life around writing. Things like family, work, and plastic keys that resemble Japanese superheroes.<br />
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But I genuinely do have stuff I've been focusing on other than the blog, and I just wanted to at least elaborate so maybe folks understood where I was coming from. At the risk of boring you with a whole bunch of tl;dr about my tedious life, I figure I'll describe what's got me too busy to watch <i>VR Troopers</i> or whoever.<br />
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Two weeks ago, I heard some less than positive news about the company I work for. Now I'm certainly not in danger of losing my job at this time, but it still presented me with a serious quandary about my career. I spent most of my time during that period worrying about job-related shit, and pondering how I could segue writing about Lord Zedd's perennial cuckoldry into a full-time position.<br />
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Inexplicably, that prospect didn't leave me with much hope.<br />
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Well, at least there's other ways I can make money!<br />
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The current week also left me with some work-related strife. My boss had a week-long meeting to attend, and put me in charge of the store during his absence. While I'm sure my writing portrays me as a genuinely confident, successful, and talented individual, I hesitate to inform you that may not be entirely true. I'm nervous as all hell about being in charge this week! No matter what happens, it's on me at the end of the day. Success or failure will be determined by my actions, and that's not an easy role to jump into.<br />
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Man, maybe <i>he</i> should have written dick jokes about Master Vile this week. I got hosed.<br />
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I kept intending on making some kind of post about what was going on, but I felt like a real dickhead coming back to you good people for yet another week to explain why I didn't have something to present to you. I always want to have something to make the week a little better for people, but it feels like real trash when I know I don't have anything. Not even some goofy post about those keys I'm sinking money into.<br />
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Three teams left to buy for, motherfuckers!<br />
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But I can't bullshit you good people and act like I'm some glorious savant who's spending his days off teaching karate to moms or riding dirt bikes for charity. I've been spending time playing old games and dicking around with friends. Time I could have been spending writing stuff for everyone. I don't expect any of you to come out of the woodwork and join in on a pity party for me because I've been busy. If people are annoyed by my poor time management, then I'm perfectly willing to let them air their grievances with me. I've had <i>some</i> legitimate things concerning me and taking up my time, but there are days I could have worked harder to get something enjoyable to everyone.<br />
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There are some days I let mental health bullshit overwhelm me and sit around in bed. I'm working to better myself and not let those days get in the way of providing content for everyone. You deserve better than that, and I'm going to keep doing my best to entertain everyone.<br />
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I'm seriously sorry Season 3 has been so wrought with breaks. I'm definitely working to mitigate those issues and I promise I'll work hard to get <i>Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 3</i> out to you next week. If I can't, then I promise I'll at least give everyone a rousing update on how many toy keys I'm swimming in. Because I am a filthy addict who gets off on demonstrating his collection to everyone.<br />
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If you can understand this blithering rambling about having to be a big boy and work a whole 40 hours, then I'm truly grateful. If not, then I can definitely accept that too. I entered into an unspoken contract by posting weekly material, and I understand that breaking that can be bothersome. But I know that comes from a place of enjoying the blog, and I don't begrudge anyone for being frustrated with my upload slowdown. But if you can understand where I'm coming from and are willing to give me some time to get on my feet, I seriously appreciate it.<br />
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I'm seriously grateful to have some of the most genuinely kind, intelligent, and funny readers I could ask for. And that's why I want to come here and be honest about why the posts aren't happening. If it wasn't for you wonderful goofs, I'd have already given up and called it quits. But I ain't done yet!<br />
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And for real, this upcoming episode has two of my all-time favorite moments in the entire franchise. How can I give that one a half-assed write-up? No thanks!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-76154606771559580072017-09-12T22:58:00.000-05:002017-09-12T22:58:51.370-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 30: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8RugxhZY3sN6Fcn17GOvkiR4PXUA4PTMXqHhf10uroH71rlmlWu97r_nWTjexTXcv8EDYZgR1bA-rYYN-Jm7QeZ6QKJnoG-28R1yBttFOvdmJryIzFTRdsSXW5Iis1i0LaRVOIndGNIQR/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="301" data-original-width="403" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8RugxhZY3sN6Fcn17GOvkiR4PXUA4PTMXqHhf10uroH71rlmlWu97r_nWTjexTXcv8EDYZgR1bA-rYYN-Jm7QeZ6QKJnoG-28R1yBttFOvdmJryIzFTRdsSXW5Iis1i0LaRVOIndGNIQR/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Magical Energy Armor Does Jackshit Against Ooze Boy<br />
Hideous Pile of Slime Given Inexplicable Pathos</div>
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Last week, Rita was visited by her long-lost father, Master
Vile. Rita's daddy dearest threw a bunch of shade at Zedd for not having a
face, and enacted an evil plan to reclaim the mystical Zeo Crystal. In order to
gain this ancient artifact, Master Vile created a monster named Globbor who stole Ninjor's powers to force the Ranger's hands in helping him. The Ranger
Teens elected to send Tommy and Katherine to Zedd's Moon Palace to retrieve the
Zeo Crystal, while they stayed behind on Earth to slaughter the Globbor. Once
on the Moon, Tommy went hunting for the Zeo Crystal while Katherine distracted
Rita and Zedd by feigning loyalty to them once more.</div>
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Rita digs into Katherine's request to be part of her legion
of doom once again, and Katherine awkwardly asserts that she would love to
commit menial tasks for space devils once more. Tommy vaguely protests this in
the background, because he's an obnoxious tit who can't go three scenes without
reminding us how much he cares about his teammates. Or at least the ones he
wants to fuck.</div>
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Lord Zedd doesn't buy into this poorly-acted melodrama.
Which is unfortunate, considering the show he lives in. Zedd demands that
Katherine prove her loyalty by stepping into his Revivifier machine. A device
that will replace Katherine's goodness with pure evil. This is a pretty good
idea in concept. Zedd isn't putting up with any goody two-shoes double-crossing
from Katherine, so he calls her bluff. If she wants to be part of his crew, she
needs to put her money where her mouth is. </div>
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The problem I have is with this Revivifier thing. It looks
like total shit.</div>
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<i>What 3rd-rate game show did they still
this junk from?</i></div>
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Far worse than how dumb this prop looks is what happens once
Katherine steps into it. As soon as her feet touch the pedestal, she's left
unable to move. She becomes hysterical as she asks what this machine is doing
to her. Somehow forgetting what Zedd and Rita just got done telling her. Then
the evil space wizards reiterate the Revivifier's purpose. Ignoring the fact
that they did the exact same thing no fewer than 20 seconds ago. Was this
supposed to come after a commercial break? How badly is this show trying to buy
time that they're forced to repeat the same exposition twice?</div>
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Far worse than how dumb this prop looks is what happens once
Katherine steps into it. As soon as her feet touch the pedestal, she's left
unable to move. She becomes hysterical as she asks if you really thought I was
going to rewrite this paragraph a second time just to make a joke about this
show's abominable repetition.</div>
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Tommy contacts Zordon and asks what he should do about
Katherine's impending evil-ization. Zordon offers little consolation, and
suggests that Tommy get off his lazy ass and go nab that Zeo Crystal. Then he
can go save Katelyn or whoever. Sorry about that, Pinky. We've got new toys to
shill, and your potential servitude in the leagues of Space Satan is irrelevant
as long as we can keep pumping out new pieces of overpriced plastic every year.</div>
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Lord Zedd's gloating is halted when he senses another Ranger
inside of the Moon Palace. Rita throws a hissy fit when she realizes that the
White Ranger is trying to snatch the Zeo Crystal from under their feet.
Katherine gloats that the villains won't be able to stop Tommy, because if they
get near the forcefield around the Zeo Crystal then they'll be boiled alive.
The villains laugh at her misplaced optimism, as the forcefield will destroy
anyone who's ever been evil. Perhaps someone who might have been an evil Green
Ranger a few seasons ago? Or anyone who has committed various sins; like gluttony, sloth, or sodomy. </div>
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I've got to take umbrage with these fuckboi wizards who are
hiding their magical rocks underneath the moon for a second here. Are you
telling me that if I, a perfectly respectable human being of sound mind and
body, was ever hypnotized by some disease-riddled batch of degenerate moon
goblins, then I would no longer be able to be considered "good?" What
kind of bullshit is that? Tommy got zapped by some magic wand and now he's on
Santa's naughty list for the rest of his days? Turns out that getting your teenage mind jumbled into goo by a space witch is a pre-existing condition. </div>
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Though there is one line I enjoy in this segment. Rita mocks
Katherine by asking if Zordon ever told her the story of Tommy's evil Green
Ranger days. Kat tries denying Tommy's former evil allegiances, but we in the
audience know that Rita's got her dead to rights. Tommy really was a villain
before he fought alongside the other Rangers, and no amount of hemming or
hawing is going to change that. If nothing else, I at least appreciate the
continuity.</div>
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Tommy ventures deep inside the Moon's Caves of Despair,
which is where the Zeo Crystal has been rumored to reside. Zordon informs Tommy
to keep his minimal wits about him, as nothing is what it appears to be inside
the Caves of Despair. This is proven when Goldar shows up to taunt the White
Ranger, but vanishes after a brief scuffle. Truly, this place is nothing but
condensed madness. Goldar appears apropos of nothing and fails to accomplish anything of substance? MADNESS. ABSOLUTE BATTY MAD CRAZYTOWN FROLICS!</div>
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Though the Caves of Deception are even more insidious than
Tommy realized. Not only can they produce Goldar mirages, but they can also make Tommy shit his pants.</div>
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<i>Time to rub his nose in it.</i></div>
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As Tommy heads deeper in, the Black, Blue, Yellow, and Red
Rangers encounter him. They somberly announce that Master Vile has defeated
them, and Katherine has been turned completely evil. Billy offers the only
upside, which is that Master Vile has promised to spare the Rangers and their
families if they surrender the Zeo Crystal to him.</div>
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Wait a second here. Something doesn't add up. Families? The
Power Rangers don't have families! This must be another trick!!! </div>
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The White Ranger doesn't buy this bullshit for a second, and
poses against the illusion of his friends. However, the four mirangers are soon
backed up by an ally.</div>
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The Green Ranger.</div>
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The Green Ranger VS. the White Ranger? What a foolproof
concept. How could this possibly <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/07/mmpr-season-2-episode-44-return-of.html">suck</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/07/mmpr-season-2-episode-45-return-of.html">gorilla</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/07/mmpr-season-2-episode-46-return-of.html">dick</a>?</div>
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So as I was digging up those old links for the sake of that
joke, the DVD kept playing as the five Rangers charged at Tommy Prime. Before
any actual fighting could occur, they all disappeared into the ether and no
actual battle took place. Ooh, how mysterious. This is far more interesting
than any actual engaging action sequences. A bunch of things that aren't really
happening, but Tommy repeatedly falls for because he's an absolute dumbfuck. <br />
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Maybe if we were following a character who wasn't a
personified dog, this might be an interesting scene. But Tommy? He's too stupid
to go through any potential moral crisis. He's going to keep falling
ass-backwards into some vague peril that he'll HUT-SEET-OOYAH at until it
vanishes. Puke.<br />
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An illusion of Rita with an evil-fied Katherine shows up,
and just get to the next scene already. We already know this isn't real. The
last illusion had Aisha using this same lie to try and goad Tommy into a
reaction. None of this garbage even matters! How are we only 6 minutes into
a 20 minute episode and experienced nothing of value?</div>
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Thankfully, the episode transitions back to Earth where the
Rangers have boarded the Ninja Megazord. Oops, my mistake. They've actually
boarded the Ninja Megafalconzord because whoever was editing this episode
forgot all their fucks at home.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqInfjzhRZ7ZDNHhlqwo0rZxrWOSKMyMmCZIVDBGPZoa5QY1yy86Xd8Q3QMb00zh1Z-HK4u2QYeviBT4B2Fjbmxr3k2AdrOIUpt3znMU51wM8vDgqMNqlEpJuzNr1NXLvQ-L5-n8KoOXq4/s1600/Arent+You+Supposed+to+be+on+the+Moon.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="400" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqInfjzhRZ7ZDNHhlqwo0rZxrWOSKMyMmCZIVDBGPZoa5QY1yy86Xd8Q3QMb00zh1Z-HK4u2QYeviBT4B2Fjbmxr3k2AdrOIUpt3znMU51wM8vDgqMNqlEpJuzNr1NXLvQ-L5-n8KoOXq4/s400/Arent+You+Supposed+to+be+on+the+Moon.PNG" title="Just push me down and drill those frog lips into me." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>I love this woman and her curvy body. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy announces that the Ninja Megazord will be able to give
Globbor a proper fight. Or a fight of any kind, since the Shogun Megazord has
spent the last two episodes being drained of energy from off-screen. Remember
when I said I enjoyed these episodes? What the hell was I remembering?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rocky alerts Billy that the Ninja Megazord has also had its
power drained, so it will also experience difficulties against Globbor. Nothing
I love quite as much as told but not shown developments! Whatever, at least we
finally get an honest to goodness battle against Master Vile's monster. From
inside of his Space Skull, Master Vile launches a bevy of attacks into thin
air. Globbor mimics these same attacks against the Ninja Megazord, and leaves
the Rangers reeling. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Tommy finally reaches the Zeo Crystal inside the
Caves of Despair or Deception or whatever they're supposed to be called. As
soon as he spots the Crystal, Katherine shows up and asks Tommy what's going
on. The White Ranger says he won't fall for this nonsense a twentieth time, but
Katherine promises she doesn't know what he's talking about. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then Master Vile shows up, prepares to take the Zeo Crystal,
and disappears because he was an illusion too. Whoa! Dodged a bullet there,
Tommy. You almost…um…got fooled by a fake snakeman? What is the goddamned point
of any of this bullshit?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy heads towards the Zeo Crystal, but he's unable to snag
it before Katherine tells him to stop. Oh no! She was also a fake, and she uses
this manipulation of Tommy's trust to do the following.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1) Tell him he was evil, so he's going to be destroyed.<br />
2)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somebody stop this roller coaster, I want to get off this ride.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy ignores this nonsense and reaches towards the Zeo
Crystal. The magical barrier surrounding it zaps Tommy as he's reminded of the
horrendous crimes he committed in the past under Rita's tutelage. The violence
he perpetrated. The smokestack he demolished. The lives he ruined. The friends he hurt.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW6WXPTh-8HdYcc4KwkvWTZZYcuSHG34klZQ0vpSPa2HvpbRGxPkoCVITjpwV3Pxa1zvmxA4jWFtexC22JNHk-bR4KaX295d_MSSkfxW5-TUxviYAzS_vosVFe7lwi0csM35pkmrEADd0d/s1600/Green+Racist.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="470" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW6WXPTh-8HdYcc4KwkvWTZZYcuSHG34klZQ0vpSPa2HvpbRGxPkoCVITjpwV3Pxa1zvmxA4jWFtexC22JNHk-bR4KaX295d_MSSkfxW5-TUxviYAzS_vosVFe7lwi0csM35pkmrEADd0d/s400/Green+Racist.gif" title="ONCE A SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then, Tommy remembers all the good deeds he's done. Like
the time he beat up some Putties. And also one time when Kimberly was having Christmas #2 and he chased the mailman away. Truly he's been a hero this entire time. The Zeo Crystal's
forcefield relents, and Tommy claims the ancient artifact. He quickly teleports
out of the boring cave full of filler illusions that offer no dramatic
resolution. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita and Zedd continue to cackle at Katherine as she turns
back into a giant cat monster or something. The White Ranger appears, promptly
using the Zeo Crystal to drain the evil being pumped into Kat's veins. Wow!
That Crystal can do anything, huh? Can't wait til' we dump it in the trash so
we can use cars to fight space gangsters.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy grabs hold of the Falconzord's cage and teleports out
of the palace with Katherine and the Zeo Crystal in tow. Zedd and Rita
respond to this complete loss of all their advantages by throwing a giant hissy
fit. They don't even try to stop Tommy from escaping. They piss and moan while
Tommy and Kat mock them, and stand completely still. At least Squatt and Baboo <i>tried</i> to recapture Ninjor last week. You
two jokers are putting in less effort than your comic relief, sex offender
slaves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back on Earth, the Ninja Megazord is getting clobbered by
Globbor. The monster pukes a load of blue gunk onto the Megazord, and the
Rangers consider abandoning the Ninjazords as well. Yeah, we can call our old
buddy Ninjor for help. Oh shucks, I forgot. We actually left him for dead in
Master Vile's clutches because we were getting our shit pushed in by half a
dozen birds. Guess we're screwed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the fight isn't over yet. Globbor looks to the sky as he
hears a loud screeching. The Falconzord is back! Tommy and Katherine have
stored the Zeo Crystal inside its engine room, and now they're ready to finish
off Vile's monster. The Falconzord blasts Globbor with its wingtip rockets, and
promptly combines with the Ninja Megazord. The Ninja Megafalconzord swoops in
with its double power punch move and rams into the monster, explodinating him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmi1RNzKjLiI7rfqDHVoq16F05n2f4adSGrci5x83plzPXElr44QVTUc1N4HS_AwQMyKVYcsZsAgUvJhLM5qjCUyq6SR90mmGuBX-sUOVzIMH3CMJmSePkD_IKWPRPkUPdpK0ea0D5rs4/s1600/I+Haven%2527t+Giffed+Nearly+Enough+Explosions+This+Season.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="397" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmi1RNzKjLiI7rfqDHVoq16F05n2f4adSGrci5x83plzPXElr44QVTUc1N4HS_AwQMyKVYcsZsAgUvJhLM5qjCUyq6SR90mmGuBX-sUOVzIMH3CMJmSePkD_IKWPRPkUPdpK0ea0D5rs4/s400/I+Haven%2527t+Giffed+Nearly+Enough+Explosions+This+Season.gif" title="Love when Globbor's body goes limp halfway through his flying through the air." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Oh how I've missed this attack…</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that the monster has been defeated and the Zeo Crystal
has been claimed, the Rangers can call it a day. Or at least they could if this
wasn't a trilogy. Master Vile cackles at the notion that the Power Rangers have
harmed his monster, and commands the Globbor to rise from the flames. Ninjor
balks at the very notion, but the Globbor follows his master's orders and rises
from the ashes of his own death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay. Now I think I remember what I liked about these
episodes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having survived the Ranger's most powerful attack*, Globbor
gurgly bellows that he's not finished yet. As his body stands amongst the
flames, blue energy courses through his body as it starts to metamorphose. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS43hATriuElpuetzgCZ8gW-ec53EPT5hvt6outQagRIHHs1oVQTKjfvVf6xjKUdS3Ea7co7lMgq4Yz7mgAdf5LtG2WUlPfYlzWNvncrkIPAjWReME-gZq-9qQXPnGP3WOdgmRc6JoK5I/s1600/QUICK+RANGERS%252C+PRESS+B%2521.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ninjor Globbor gif" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="397" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS43hATriuElpuetzgCZ8gW-ec53EPT5hvt6outQagRIHHs1oVQTKjfvVf6xjKUdS3Ea7co7lMgq4Yz7mgAdf5LtG2WUlPfYlzWNvncrkIPAjWReME-gZq-9qQXPnGP3WOdgmRc6JoK5I/s400/QUICK+RANGERS%252C+PRESS+B%2521.gif" title="That's what this monster needed; more blue." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Shame his lips still look like Ivan Ooze's asshole.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Master Vile informs the captive Ninjor that Globbor's power
absorption wasn't just for show. His freakish, egg-son is now in control of all
the ancient ninja master's abilities. The Ninja Megafalconzord takes a
defensive stance against the new and improved Ninjor-Globbor, but it's quickly
beaten down by Vile's protégé. Vile mimes another series of attacks, which
Globbor repeats on the Megazord. The
strengthened Globbor even manages to replicate Ninjor's fireball attack,
critically injuring the Ninja Megafalconzord.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The enchained Ninjor cries out in terror that his so-called
friends are beating demolished with his own power. The buck-toothed ninjini
demands that Master Vile release him from captivity, but Vile laughs off the
plea. Realizing that his time is nigh, Ninjor quietly smiles. No matter how bad
things may look for him now, he knows that his dearest friends, the Power
Rangers, will never let harm come to him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back inside the Ninja Megafalconzord, Adam asks if Globbor's
new form looks familiar to anybody else. Aisha mentions that it sort of looks
like someone they used to hang out with, but she can't quite figure it out.
Billy slams his hand on the console as he comes to the morbid conclusion of
Globbor's actions. That son of a bitch pile of ooze absorbed our old pal, <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/05/mmpr-season-2-episode-36-great-bookala.html">Bookala</a>!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Ninja Megafalconzord gets thrashed, Billy has good
news. The Shogun Megazord's energy has refueled, and the Falconzord remote can
control it now. Why? Don't ask questions. We've got two Megazords in the
footage and I'll be fucked if we're going to try cutting around one of them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The two Megazords put Globbor on the defensive and start
pounding into him. Megafalconzord spin kicks the pile of ooze, and the Shogun
Megazord uses its fire saber to slash the creature. After their attacks land,
the Rangers notice a chained-up Ninjor reacting in pain on the rooftops. Oh, the Rangers actually noticed him? First time for everything, I guess.<br />
<br />
Actually, I'm curious about something. How
did Ninjor get there when he was last seen in Vile's Space Skull? Well that's a
perfectly valid question.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So anyway, the Rangers see Ninjor getting beat to shit every
time they strike Globbor. These genius teenagers are unable to solve this complicated
scenario until Master Vile appears on the roof and spells it out for them.
Every attack on his monster will bring Ninjor one step closer to death's door. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy pouts that there's still Sentai footage of Ninjor they
have to burn off, so he's not allowed to murder the Rangers' mentor in cold
blood yet. He instructs his team to lay off their assault on Globbor, and the
monster immediately regains control of the fight. Globbor uses Ninjor's sword
to blast electricity at the Zord fleet, sending the Rangers careening out of
their Zords.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our heroes land in an alleyway, while Globbor violently
shocks their Zords with energy. Master Vile takes this opportunity to send the
Zords to a distant galaxy, where they'll never bother him again. Instead of
destroying them, so they'll absolutely and unquestionably never be able to do
anything forever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what do I know? I'm not in control of the M51 Galaxy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once the Zords are banished, Vile commands his child to suck
out the energy from the Power Rangers as well. Globbor promptly shrinks to
human-size, where he appears to have lost that Ninjor visor he was sporting
while giant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOCQISw7pnIoia8EE0QxY21m1Xwvk9EUoK0H-qD5zFi7TX456JxiCclVxi5GZxnvuV6oO7zyFTmYeedLKat9NPum7Qn-h_ijbnxKOFZAalzHWu5eVbHo1LBV-MHjj8acxNwVAtQJuvr4Dq/s1600/Half+A+Globjor.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="298" data-original-width="405" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOCQISw7pnIoia8EE0QxY21m1Xwvk9EUoK0H-qD5zFi7TX456JxiCclVxi5GZxnvuV6oO7zyFTmYeedLKat9NPum7Qn-h_ijbnxKOFZAalzHWu5eVbHo1LBV-MHjj8acxNwVAtQJuvr4Dq/s400/Half+A+Globjor.PNG" title="Why does Globbor have a bunch of fleshlights for fingers?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>At least he still has his noodle fingers</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Globbor uses his goo-claws to siphon energy from all six of
the Rangers, and our heroes realize they need extra protection. The same thing
my father said about 27 years ago. Joke's on you dad, I'm still here! Just like <i>Power Rangers</i>, I'm still here despite no one caring or being particularly interested.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So whatever, the Rangers pull out their Metallic Armor, which
should hypothetically protect them from the monster's absorption technique. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it doesn't at all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy gives some throwaway line about the Metallic Armor not
protecting them "much longer," but it's done nothing to stop Globbor.
They're still getting knocked around and having Ranger-colored energy sucked
out of their suits. I'm not entirely
certain what purpose the Metallic Armor even has right now. They were getting
their energy drained, then they put on their glitter rub, and continued to get
their energy drained. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How is a show that exists solely to sell new products so bad
at promoting new products?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Master Vile soon appears in the alleyway as well and thanks
the White Ranger for doing all the legwork in obtaining that Zeo Crystal for
him. Now he has Ninjor in captivity, a nigh-invincible monster with the energy
of Ninjor and the Rangers, all of the Rangers' Zords out in the galactic
boonies, and possession of the Zeo Crystal. Congratulations, Power Rangers. You
literally have nothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alright, let's ignore the first half of this episode with
all the Zeo Crystal collecting nonsense. This episode is doing things for me in
a big bad way. Part 1 laid the groundwork and Part 2 is collecting dividends on
it. This is exactly what I want from a new villain. An absolute curbstomping of
the Power Rangers and everything they hold dear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Master Vile promises to use the Zeo Crystal's powers to
destroy the entire Earth. Though first he decides to throw the best damn
apocalypse party this galaxy has ever seen. Nope, not being facetious in the
slightest. Rita Sr. will only blow up the planet once he's forced everyone to
attend a fancy shindig to celebrate their impending deaths. As stupid as I want
to think this is, it's kind of great. In case people weren't already cheesed
off at you, now you're going to rub their noses in the fact that they're all
going to be pushing up daisies. What a superb dick move.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Content in his creature's inevitable success, Master Vile
leaves Globbor to finish sucking out the Rangers' powers. The weakened Rangers
realize how boned they are, so they think of one last scheme to escape the
Globbor. They pool their remaining Metallic Armor energy together into one
combined blast to dissolve Globbor's claw gauntlets. With the monster
momentarily deterred, the Rangers teleport back into the Command Center where
Zordon can give them an appropriate ass-chewing about all of his shit they lost
today.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the Rangers teleport, there's a moment that's always
stuck with me ever since I first watched this episode. Globbor notices that his
prey have vanished, and immediately flies into a panic about it. You'd expect a
braindead goop monster to spout out some meaningless platitudes about how he's
going to finish them next time, but he doesn't. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Globbor genuinely seems upset that he wasn't able to finish
off the Power Rangers, and becomes really worried that Master Vile is going to
be mad at him for it. He grabs the chain-link fence in the alleyway and pounds
on it in desperation. I don't know how to explain it, but it actually makes me
feel kind of bad for the big gooball. He's just doing his job, and those
dumbass kids in dinosaur pajamas had to botch it for him. Poor kid. Two days
out of the egg and he's already dealing with career issues. Typical millennial.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd's crew join Master Vile in his Space Skull to properly
celebrate the defeat of the Power Rangers. Shoot! I forgot to show you good
folks what the Space Skull looks like, which would be an inexcusable crime.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxEbrvXbsPr-osCfQLk_Z-t5VG2YusIR3ThvPElU56oU2Ftm7vwaNZW4vGBlsxy5HmSeH8Xv3taseEeKslqyVF9zomGoWf6wDp_8yjeDhB4jtYZQQ542VzUyCBI4PeWnlHhugbVl5X1UzB/s1600/Space+Skull.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="294" data-original-width="403" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxEbrvXbsPr-osCfQLk_Z-t5VG2YusIR3ThvPElU56oU2Ftm7vwaNZW4vGBlsxy5HmSeH8Xv3taseEeKslqyVF9zomGoWf6wDp_8yjeDhB4jtYZQQ542VzUyCBI4PeWnlHhugbVl5X1UzB/s400/Space+Skull.PNG" title="Though would you really deny the opportunity to fly around a spaceship that looks like a giant version of your own head?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Modesty, thy name is Vile</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd pouts that the Rangers have been defeated by his new
step-father, and he's been given the shaft yet again. While everyone else is
having a great time dancing and having fun, Zedd sits in Master Vile's chair
and refuses to utter a word. Now he's going to have to watch Rita divorce him
so she can marry that stone-cold fox Master Vile instead. Lord Zedd is then forced to sit on his throne every day, living the tragic life of a man who was space cuckolded by a galactic snake monster.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bulk and Skull rush to Ernie's café where they try to
explain what happened to them out in the woods. Ernie doesn't much care for all
this talk of horse, unless he's canning them and selling their delicious meat
in jumbo cans. This scene becomes significantly less meaningless when Master
Vile and the Tengas show up to make a reservation for an End of the World
party. Bulk asks what happened to the Power Rangers, and Master Vile said
they're not on the guest list.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not because they're good guys, but because he knew they
would bring Tommy and he'd bark at all the guests he didn't know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The weakened Power Rangers retreat to the Command Center
and attempt to shake off the effects of Globbor's energy drain. Zordon tells
them it will take a bit of time for their energies and the Metallic Armor to
fully recharge. Then the Rangers awkwardly shuffle around when they realize
that there's only another 20 seconds left of the episode, and Tommy offers up a
Serious Acting Voice™ reading of "Did Master Vile really win?" Then a
dramatic music stinger plays and we're thrown headfirst into the credits, where
footage of Bulk and Skull dancing the conga with Tengas plays.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Go ahead, watch the episode. See if I'm lying. I fucking
dare you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*<i>The Ninja Ultrazord
is dead to me.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Caves Filled With Pointless Mirages To Extend the Length of Your Episode</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><br /></o:p>
<br />
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<o:p>The first half of this episode was a total drag, but everything after Tommy obtains the Zeo Crystal works like a charm for me. The Globbor fight is almost definitely the best Zord footage that Season 3 has. The scene of the Falconzord descending after Tommy rescues it from Zedd and Rita is also seriously cool. In <i>Kakuranger</i>, the Falconzord had never been kidnapped and showed up out of the blue to help against Globbor. The fact that it was captured and absent for so long in <i>Power Rangers</i> gave its reappearance much more weight, and made the fight seem that much more monumental. </o:p></div>
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I'm not even going to drag down my positivity by discussing all that garbage in the Cave of Despair or whatever. What else can I possibly say? It was an ill-conceived plot contrivance utilized to pad out the episode's runtime. It could have offered some perspective on Tommy as a character, as ridiculous as that sounds, but it did nothing of the sort. It was the most cookie-cutter sub-plot I've ever seen.</div>
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But again, that doesn't detract from how good the 2nd half of this one was.</div>
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<i>Power Rangers</i> would truly benefit from being able to have a "2 and a Half Part" episode. Every time we get a trilogy in this series, you can feel the desperation emanate from the screen as the writers violently jam in more filler until the episode hypothetically resembles a finished product. </div>
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Still, a good episode. I just feel bad how cluttered it is with things that don't serve any purpose.</div>
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I've got two final thoughts for this episode, and the first involves the ending credits bloopers I never talk about. If you aren't watching Season 3 alongside me, then you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. During the credits for every episode of Season 3, there's a brief blooper reel that plays. Sometimes it's nothing but extended footage of Rita and Zedd's crew dancing around like idiots, but typically it involves the Ranger actors botching their lines or goofing off on set. </div>
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I haven't mentioned these yet because...I don't know? I'm lazy? I couldn't think of a good way to integrate them into the actual posts? Usually I would shut off the DVD when the credits hit, because I didn't really feel the need to watch the actors goofing around. Which is obviously a bad idea. How else am I going to see them act like human beings?</div>
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The reason I'm mentioning the bloopers now is because of a genuinely funny line Jason David Frank pulls off during them. The very last blooper consists of JDF delivering the episode's final line.<br />
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"<i>Did Master Vile really win?</i>"</div>
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The room falls silent for a beat. After a few seconds go by, Jason David Frank points his finger at the camera and says to the audience.</div>
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"<i>You decide!"</i></div>
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I don't know why, but the timing on this line actually made me laugh. I've given Frank an unlimited amount of shit on this blog, but I can't deny he can have some great timing. </div>
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How weird is that? That completely pointless gag that was inserted into the ending credits did more to showcase his acting capabilities to me than 140 episodes of the series he's supposedly headlining. I don't know if that says more about Jason David Frank or me. </div>
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The final thought I'd like to leave you folks with is this: Which set of Zords are supposed to be stronger? The Shogunzords or the Ninjazords? </div>
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I don't really have an answer, and I'm not sure if the show does either. I know the Shogunzords were revealed later, so by Saban's Principle of Economics they must be stronger. But I'm still not convinced. </div>
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During the fight with Globbor, Billy tells the Rangers to dip out of the Shogun Megazord and into the Ninja Megazord. While I know this is because the Shogunzords had their powers drained, Billy still has a line about the Rangers being able to give Globbor a <i>proper</i> fight with the Ninjazords. Not to mention the Ninja Megafalconzord was able to defeat Globbor after he had sapped the Shogun Megazord of all its strength. There will be another piece of evidence of the Ninjazords being superior in the next episode, but we'll discuss that in more detail next week.</div>
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Though my reasons are pretty biased, I'm in Camp Ninjazord. Probably just because I prefer them over the big bulky bricks we've come to know as the Shogunzords. I'm curious where you good people land on this though. I'd really like to hear someone else's reasoning on which Zord fleet is supposed to be tougher. Or maybe none of this matters and I'm doing nothing but rambling. That's okay too.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-66894265507683470162017-09-06T00:15:00.001-05:002017-09-07T20:06:55.222-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 29: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgewC3jt0yGeOQXy4vTwkSm4Oy-mKI1I-XhLX5d7bxdv7bGcaeJtQheSxqPVr9vpiD_sb861buZ_R3UuAClV9LGLGJT-fc34RZkeKKaeDakjioElnwW_Nvvb3ak4IEDHvXhqkx4Nndd3nv/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="311" data-original-width="427" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgewC3jt0yGeOQXy4vTwkSm4Oy-mKI1I-XhLX5d7bxdv7bGcaeJtQheSxqPVr9vpiD_sb861buZ_R3UuAClV9LGLGJT-fc34RZkeKKaeDakjioElnwW_Nvvb3ak4IEDHvXhqkx4Nndd3nv/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Devious Villain Gains Control of Empty Shithole<br />
Unstoppable Machine Bursts into Tears</div>
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I doubt it would surprise anyone when I say I'm finding
Season 3 to be particularly hit or miss. Which is much more complimentary than
it sounds. Whenever something is really good in Season 3, I feel myself being
able to relax and write about it with little trouble. But when things in Season
3 are bad…they're simply boring. </div>
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Season 2 of <i>Power
Rangers</i> left me with no short supply of horrendously stupid things to poke
fun at on a weekly basis. Those episodes had actors quitting, reprehensibly-edited
fight scenes, and had to somehow manage filming a movie in Australia while
still hammering out episodes stateside. It was a glorious trainwreck to behold.
Season 3's stupidest material is when Rocky uses dyslexia to fight centipede
quarterbacks. The concept itself is endlessly amusing, but in execution it's
done completely straightfaced. </div>
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I don't know what kind of sick piece of shit I've become,
but the fact that I'm longing for the days of Season 2 while I watch
objectively-superior content is nothing short of psychopathy. I can't imagine
what kind of disgusting monkey's paw wish I made to come to such a fucked-up
state of mind, but here we are. I spent so much time in Season 2 waiting for
the much more competently-made Season 3, but now I'm left missing the stench
that preceded our current episodes.</div>
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But there's something that Season 3 can do to make me much
more satisfied than Season 2 ever pulled off. It can present me with episodes
that I enjoy. What a novel concept, right?</div>
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All this preface to say, I really remember liking big chunks
of this upcoming trilogy.</div>
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Which is hard to believe, considering the first thing we see
in this episode are the Ranger Teens, Bulk, Skull, and Lt. Stone riding on
horseback. A scene that reads like a coked-up fever dream I had before writing
this blog. Aisha thanks the good Lieutenant for letting her and the rest of her
friends ride on their police-commissioned horses for Nature Appreciation Week.
Translation: Saban found some guy on the side of the road who was selling a
dozen horses for 20 bucks. Probably got a great discount when he took Kimberly to the glue factory.</div>
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Now for the tragic scene where Bulk's horse experiences
"inexplicably broken legs," and has to be shot between the eyes.</div>
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Moments later, Earth is hit with an inexplicable rumbling
that spooks all of the horses. The Ranger Teens suspect that something fishy is
going on, so they dismount and teleport away while the junior police
patrol aren't around. Once they arrive in the Command Center, our heroes find
all of the lights and computers shut off.<br />
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"<i>RANGERS, I HAVEN'T BEEN ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL WITH YOU. THINGS HAVE BEEN FINANCIALLY COMPLICATED, AND OUR LAST MOON CHECK BOUNCED."</i><br />
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Alpha 5 stands in the center of the
room, having been completely powered down, and Zordon is no longer floating inside
of his torture tube. Sorry, guys. We could either afford Zordon's power bill,
or we could buy you those horses to ride on in the intro. We stand by our
choice.</div>
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This baffling developments continue on the moon. Zedd's compound is struck by lightning and fog, as a silhouetted creature appears
before him. The galactic overlord demands to know what peckerhead is trying to get in on his
turf without an invitation. Rita stops stone cold in her tracks as she realizes
the identity of this devious intruder. She solemnly introduces Lord Zedd to
Master Vile: her father.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLB9ssMbRRGHbjp3BrcXN0cPyXZzV_jZsRFjjQryRQ5HjUNBSxtEggNXKcI4dJN5NUQgwbMtWrSmhreQiOXWurOgjqkxHb-M4Fnb8BOXzaNfg_V1BvRJgx7_pSC4mSA2mmCTu4HeAlJt7/s1600/Master+Vile+6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Master Vile" border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="396" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLB9ssMbRRGHbjp3BrcXN0cPyXZzV_jZsRFjjQryRQ5HjUNBSxtEggNXKcI4dJN5NUQgwbMtWrSmhreQiOXWurOgjqkxHb-M4Fnb8BOXzaNfg_V1BvRJgx7_pSC4mSA2mmCTu4HeAlJt7/s400/Master+Vile+6.PNG" title="I adore his dumbass Cookie Monster googly-eyes." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>I wish I was evil enough to have two
snakes wrapped around my throat. </i></div>
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Inside the Command Center, a chilling wave of darkness
washes over the Power Rangers. Their mentor and his android assistant are out
of commission and there's no way to comprehend what's happening. There's a
wicked new villain who's arrived on the Moon's surface, and the Earth's only
line of defense has been stripped of all access to counter it. Without Zordon
and Alpha 5, our planet is doomed.</div>
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Thankfully, the lights turn back on 3 seconds later.</div>
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Goddamn. This show has such an obscene amount of fake-out
cliffhangers before commercial breaks. "Zordon and Alpha 5 are dead and
gone! Just joshin', they were asleep." Who wrote this garbage? R.L. Stine?
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In case you couldn't put two and two together, Zordon was
taken offline by Master Vile's sudden appearance in the galaxy. Zordon informs
his surrogate children about Rita's devious father, and illustrates his point
by broadcasting some <i>Kakuranger</i>
footage through the Viewing Globe. Rocky is astonished to learn that Rita has a
father, especially since both of his parents refuse to admit ownership of him.
Adam follows up with a question about why Master Vile's eyes light up in
Japanese footage, but look dull and lifeless when he shows up in American
scenes. Capitalism?</div>
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Okay, I get the feeling you folks don't realize the gravity
of this Master Vile guy. Well let's drop some serious lore on you knuckle
knobs. Master Vile is so goddamned powerful, he was able to conquer the M51
Galaxy single-handed! That's right, all of M51 is now in his clutches. Holy
fucking dogshit, did you hear that?! Master Vile was able to gain control of
the Whirlpool Galaxy. Those stars and dust rings were no match for his
strength. So if you were ever curious what Rita's father does in his spare
time, he mostly jacks off into a black hole on the weekends while his two snake
puppets dance around his neck.</div>
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Out of fear for this particular opponent, Zordon and Alpha 5
have been creating a new line of defense for the Rangers. Why defense? Because
a bunch of fat parents would have vomited out their entrails if any form of
offense was portrayed on their ugly children's favorite television program.</div>
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Zordon's new Metallic Armor will act as an integrated shield
for the Rangers suits, and act as an improved guard against Zedd and Rita's
forces. Zordon warns them that the Metallic Armor can only be used in genuine
emergency situations, which there are bound to be several of since that Alien
Rangers shit is coming up pretty damn quick. </div>
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Kudos to "Master Vile and the Metallic Armor," for
introducing both of its titular concepts within the first five minutes of part
1. Now here's hoping the next two episodes don't spin their wheels until the
heat death of the universe.</div>
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Back on Earth, Lt. Stone discusses what just happened with
Bulk and Skull. He comes to the conclusion that the sudden surge of darkness
almost guarantees there's about to be a monster attack on Earth. Stone tells
the boys they should ride their horses into town to look for help, which makes
perfect sense. I'm sure Bulk and Skull will be able to find a perfectly nice
firefighter to aid them in fighting Rita's obese, robe-clad, snake-covered father.
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Rita discusses her marriage with her long lost father, who
chastises her for settling down with a loser like Lord Zedd. Vile asks why his
beautiful baby daughter had to settle down with one of <i>those</i> people, someone who doesn't even have a skull. Zedd refutes
his father in law's points by listing off all of his accomplishments this
season. He's captured Ninjor and the Falconzord. So put that in your pipe and
smoke it, Vile!</div>
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Rito proves this to his daddy dearest by showing off the jar
that houses Ninjor. Rito then stumbles, drops the jar, shattering it and freeing Ninjor from Zedd's captivity.</div>
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I don't think I've ever seen a stupider resolution of a plot
point in all of fiction. </div>
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Master Vile chews out his incompetent offspring and demands
that he reclaim that miniaturized ninja man this instant. Vile plans to use
Ninjor's powers to help him in his master plan to reclaim the mighty Zeo
Crystal. Zeo Crystal? Psh. Bunch of unoriginal hacks. They're just rehashing
ideas from the far superior <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/power-rangers-2017-review.html"><i>Power Rangers</i></a> movie.</div>
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Ninjor grows to regular size again as he proclaims that Vile
will never obtain a power as grandiose as the Zeo Crystal. Ninjor escapes the
Moon Palace's clutches, but not before a valiant attempt to stop him from
Squatt and Baboo.</div>
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<i>Maybe it's time for you two to hang it
up.</i></div>
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Soon after, Ninjor appears inside of the Command Center and
informs the Rangers that Master Vile is plotting something terrible. Awfully
nice of Ninjor to not take it personally that his dearest friends made zero
attempt to rescue him from the clutches of evil. The Rangers don't even act
concerned. They see Ninjor in their base, act sort of surprised, and then go
about their business. Sorry we let Squatt and Baboo use your jar as a urinal
for the last two months, old buddy, but we were really busy fighting trash can
lizards!</div>
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Ninjor, having accepted the reality that he's a glorified
toy, takes this in stride and explains to our heroes what the deal is with this
Zeo Crystal. It was a substantially powerful source of energy that was hidden
from Master Vile by the people of M51 several years ago. It was guarded by a
forcefield that could not be accessed by anyone who was not pure of heart, or
at least not someone who's made of snakes.</div>
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Tommy becomes upset that he hasn't had a line in the past
two minutes, so he asks where this magical Kre-O Crystal is held.
Coincidentally, the people of M-51 placed it on the Moon itself. So people who
lived in place that Master Vile conquered trekked all the way out to Earth's
neck of the woods so that they could plop some fancy jewel down there? And it
just so happens to be the place where Lord Zedd set up shop? I know Rita was on
the Moon before the series ever began, but it always seemed more to me like
that wasn't her usual stomping grounds. It's a location that her dumpster was
stashed at while it drifted through space. Now the series is backtracking and
mentioning how the Moon has actually been the source of some ancient mystical
power? That's either some serious retconning, or this show is putting its dick
on the table and expecting you to blink.</div>
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Zordon spouts out some more garbage regarding the Zeo
Crystal, particularly how they figured Lord Zedd was too much of an incompetent
nerd to ever get his hands on it. Now that Master Vile has arrived, things are
much more dangerous. </div>
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This is something I expect to find a consistent annoyance in
<i>Power Rangers</i>. Every single time a
new villain shows up, they have to make the previous enemy look like a complete
joke in comparison. You might be familiar with this concept if you've ever read a comic or watched a Shonen anime.<br />
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You think Rita Repulsa is evil? Yeah right! Take a look at
this new guy, Lord Zedd. Lord Zedd? That lightweight loser? Why not check out
the great Master Vile instead? It just lessens the threat when you know someone
more evil is going to come along in another 40 episodes so the Rangers can get
new toys to throw at them. This children's show is offering a very surface
level attempt at storytelling, and it's getting me real hot under the collar!</div>
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When Master Vile explains his Zeo ambitions, Zedd scoffs at
how ridiculous the endeavor sounds. Rita agrees, and jokes that Zedd tried
obtaining the Zeo Crystal before too, and look what happened to his face.</div>
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I mean…I think that's a joke. Is it? Is that some genuine,
bonafide, true-blue lore we're getting? Maybe the reason that Zedd looks like a
leather daddy member of GWAR with a grill shoved up his ass is because he got
too close to that crystal. Zedd comments, "Very funny, Rita." which
would make me assume that it's just a gag, but who's to say? Do you know? Maybe
I'll tweet the guy who wrote this episode, and then he can remind me that he's told me multiple times never to contact him again.</div>
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Master Vile hushes the other villains as he promises to
finish what they were unable to. Big Daddy V produces a large sack, much like
he did when he met Mrs. Rita, only this time it's filled with something to feed
the Tengas. Vile says it should put a bit of pep in their step once they chow
down. After offering up some birdseed, Vile escorts Goldar and Rito off the
palace so they can journey with him. Rito I can understand, but why Goldar? Did
Master Vile learn about Goldar's sexual humiliation fetish and want to see what that booty do in Zero G?</div>
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Goldar and Rito accompany Master Vile onto his personal
ship, the Space Skull. Once aboard, Master Vile walks off-camera, where Goldar
and Rito say they'll "Watch from over here." Which is about as close
as we can get to a character saying, "You go do something in Japanese
footage, while we pretend we're in the same room together."</div>
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So what does Master Vile do when he walks over to Japan?
Why, he vomits up an egg of course!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVpZMl7rhYcl00vKAAFQ0JO0Q169-vNpotcbSDQhn61yrgsheCKp_F7VKhQNd8vKmgfVUE0DiLIIxfX3jLblJtKL1Ne5mAxZpUGt6fsTX49koKY1SRl-TEbDOxcPRl3lQtSzgny4smMygD/s1600/Master+Vile+Smuggles+Drugs+into+Earth.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="381" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVpZMl7rhYcl00vKAAFQ0JO0Q169-vNpotcbSDQhn61yrgsheCKp_F7VKhQNd8vKmgfVUE0DiLIIxfX3jLblJtKL1Ne5mAxZpUGt6fsTX49koKY1SRl-TEbDOxcPRl3lQtSzgny4smMygD/s400/Master+Vile+Smuggles+Drugs+into+Earth.gif" title="When did Master Vile swallow that balloon?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Nice King Piccolo impression.</i></div>
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But this is no ordinary egg barfing. Master Vile promises
he's about to create a monster that puts all of Lord Zedd's creations to shame. A big fucking platypus with a tortoise shell made out of a dumpster, and wings made out of baguettes. Or whatever.<br />
<br />
Goldar, who's witnessed this disgusting display of monster birth firsthand,
responds by vomiting profusely. He chokes out another pint of bile before
begging Rito to explain what the fuck his father just did. Rito offers no
consolation. He's long since become immune to his father's disgusting habits.
He'll just keep playing dumb and grinning. Then maybe, someday, if he stays
strong and follows orders, mom will come back and he can have the whole family
back together again. Be strong Rito. Just like you told her you would. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, Master Vile's egg hatches and dumps out a huge
puddle of blue sludge. The slime slowly begins to take shape and form into
Vile's hideous creation. Blue Globbor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-pGGhajsMIqlufRrLEpMjZK0WyM-Z38dD50ONY6jyBBvlj298rDnd0A02yF9mrsM7kVUm-NChUCYAJ-qComFPQtxdfQhbxqKBXbEr-key9udx42qiLhsHRE0y8m0n5XClK70KHGBlhC0/s1600/The+Miracle+of+Life.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="381" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-pGGhajsMIqlufRrLEpMjZK0WyM-Z38dD50ONY6jyBBvlj298rDnd0A02yF9mrsM7kVUm-NChUCYAJ-qComFPQtxdfQhbxqKBXbEr-key9udx42qiLhsHRE0y8m0n5XClK70KHGBlhC0/s400/The+Miracle+of+Life.gif" title="I thought about cutting the part with his little baby form in the slime, but man those little strings changed my tune real quick." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>A creature made of ooze who hatches from
an egg? What a remarkable concept!</i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Vile dotes on his brand new baby boy, Rito and Goldar
ponder what this pile of barf is meant to accomplish. Vile offers completely
necessary exposition about how he plots to use his creature to recapture Ninjor
and sap away his energy. Once Ninjor is under his control, he can use Globbor
to capture the Ranger Teens and have them nab the Zeo Crystal for him. If that
fails, then he can send his new son-in-law to try grabbing it again. It's not
like his face could get any more fucked up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The newly-fed Tengas are sent to Earth where they promptly
attack Bulk and Skull. The Ranger Teens decide they should probably save their
good friends: those two horses Bulk and Skull are riding on. Tommy states they
shouldn't leave anything to chance, and the teenagers with attitude morph to
the scene of the crime. They don't Ninja Morph, they go all-out Power Ranger.
Look, I'm sure we're all very concerned about whatever Master Vile has planned,
but we're talking about the Tengas for Christ' sake. The bird monsters with a vestigial
toe. What the hell are they going to do?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well I'll tell you what they're going to do. They're going
to clobber the everloving shit out of the Power Rangers! Tommy gets dropkicked,
Aisha gets flipped onto her ass, Katherine gets her feet swept out from
underneath her. It's an all-around slobberknocker. The Rangers ponder what the
hell's got the Tengas so riled up this week. None of these so-called <i>brilliant</i> teenagers managed to come up
with the completely reasonable conclusion that a man made of pure evil who
wears bifocals and a bathrobe all day fed these birds with a nondescript bag of
bird chow? What a bunch of dipshits.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy panics and pleads for Ninjor to come help. There's a
laugh. You guys spent half the season ignoring Ninjor when he was in trouble,
and now you want him to bail you out of trouble? Go piss up a rope, you
cretins. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninjor, being the kindly blue genie that he is, appears to
assist his so-called friends. Unfortunately, before he can strike against the
Tengas, Ninjor is stopped by the slimy grasp of Globbor's big, meaty claws. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-C20NspwrsKKZCPzhwv41Ip9W4Ab_SkFUAPqNaLfNtkp5LvizUgAAYifDIctjf4kWaF5KW8bWv-xb-2JioVElaJHyn16cdkE3JPkXlDQSoUhx2Xm7l3m_yLDafgjkQfmVB4Hq0gbtW9AV/s1600/Blue+on+Blue+Crime.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="380" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-C20NspwrsKKZCPzhwv41Ip9W4Ab_SkFUAPqNaLfNtkp5LvizUgAAYifDIctjf4kWaF5KW8bWv-xb-2JioVElaJHyn16cdkE3JPkXlDQSoUhx2Xm7l3m_yLDafgjkQfmVB4Hq0gbtW9AV/s400/Blue+on+Blue+Crime.PNG" title="Stay classy, Japan" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Stop touching Ninjor's purple circles!</i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninjor escapes the gooey fiend's clutches by growing to giant
size. This leaves an amusing little baby-sized Globbor hanging off of his back.
Luckily for the gooball, he's struck by some of Rita and Zedd's growth
lightning allowing him to continue his assault on the blue ninja. Globbor
unleashes his powers by placing his gooey tendrils onto Ninjor, while sapping
his energy with electrical energy. Instead of trying to help their captive
friend, again, the Rangers continue their completely meaningless fight with the
Tengas instead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninjor deserves
better than you pigs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Globbor takes Ninjor hostage once again, and disappears in a
flash of blue energy. The Rangers observe this as they're continually
manhandled by the Tengas. Katherine notes that this situation might just be the
sort of emergency that Zordon was talking about earlier, which Tommy agrees
with. The six Rangers leap into the air where they activate their mighty new
Metallic Armor. Which looks fucking ridiculous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Okdp1JAsS0S1_y8UwwomEHMuq6t1Q2v55vXJuwR8CYhChm0J2Unjk1fwMRDtIUjtW2ckuvDG7neUWOkW5AanUlbYNPcH4ZWI1ih80XvvA8w1_aXNUwL14sskX_uhHnq2HBqteNf_9I55/s1600/Metallic+Blech.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="275" data-original-width="377" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4Okdp1JAsS0S1_y8UwwomEHMuq6t1Q2v55vXJuwR8CYhChm0J2Unjk1fwMRDtIUjtW2ckuvDG7neUWOkW5AanUlbYNPcH4ZWI1ih80XvvA8w1_aXNUwL14sskX_uhHnq2HBqteNf_9I55/s400/Metallic+Blech.PNG" title="What's next? Magical galactic powers giving you a big, ugly, gold wristband?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Why'd Zordon drop a gallon of glitter on
their suits?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Big shock, these Metallic Rangers completely wipe the floor
with the supercharged Tengas. The new suits include such amazing powers as:
Someone in editing adding a blurring effect to the Rangers' actions to make it
appear as though they're moving faster.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How exciting. I can't wait for another four episodes of this
garbage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a blissfully brief fight with the Tengas, our heroes
return to the Command Center to inform Zordon how cool their new powers are. Oh
yeah, and that big loser Ninjor got captured by the forces of evil again. What
a maroon! If only a bunch of cowardly losers didn't beg for his help at the
first sign of trouble, and then illustrated the bystander effect while a blue
ball of snot groped him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nah, I'm just kidding. They don't mention Ninjor at all!
Tommy briefly mentions that they need to regain the Falconzord, but for some
reason he neglects the being who gave them their powers back. Sorry, buddy!
You're nothing but a living toy. Can't wait till we toss all of your shit into
the bargain bin when we glue shapes to our faces.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zordon says that the situation has become so dire, that the
Rangers must journey to the Moon in order to claim the Zeo Crystal before
Master Vile can get his mitts on it. Tommy (naturally) says that he'll take on
this dangerous mission alone. Katherine says that she'll have to come with him,
but he declines. Kat gives Tommy's ego a swift kick in the dick when she
reminds him that Rita and Zedd need to be preoccupied if he wants a chance to
get access to the Zeo Crystal. She plans to tell her former masters that she
wants to return to their side in an attempt to keep them busy. Or at the very
least, add a couple minutes to Part 2's runtime.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy and Katherine morph and teleport to the Moon, where
they promptly go into hiding to plot out their next moves. But the Ranger Teens on Earth are left with a great question. How are they going to operate the
Shogun Megazord and the Ninja Megazord at the same time? Know why that's such a
great question? Because nobody fucking asked it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha brings it up arbitrarily, almost as if the writers
knew there was going to be a fight with both Megazords present in Sentai
footage, and they didn't have enough time to write in a discussion about using
both Megazords. Wouldn't that be something exciting to build up to? Two
Megazords fighting side by side? Something that <i>Power Rangers</i> fans had never seen before? Hypothetically that would
be pretty cool, but instead why don’t we spend more time with Bulk and Skull
riding horses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not to mention, the Ninja Megazord seems like it had been
rendered inoperable while Ninjor was in Zedd's jar. I thought that was sort of
the reason they had exclusively been using the Shogunzords since then. Maybe
the Shogunzords are supposed to be stronger than the Ninjazords, but nobody has
even mentioned them as a potential option in the last dozen episodes. It
doesn't seem like there was ever a concrete reason as to why they were
shitcanned for so long. All I want is some sort of explanation as to why one of
my favorite Zord sets was getting shafted for the past however many weeks. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oddly enough, the Rangers don't really seem to be
concerned about this upcoming fight. They treat this dual Megazord control
thing like it's a neat thing Billy has been working on. I want a scene of the
Ranger Teens expressing genuine fear that they'll <i>need</i> two Megazords to combat whatever Master Vile is going to throw
at them. Instead, Billy created a Falconzord-shaped remote control (???) to access
the power of the Ninja Megazord. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, whatever. Makes perfect sense. Who cares?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, the only true hero left in this shitball show has
been chained up and captured inside Master Vile's palace. Ninjor ponders what's
happening as Vile and Globbor walk into the chamber to taunt him. Vile asserts
that Ninjor's struggles are pointless, as his powers have already been drained
by the Globbor. Master Vile uses his staff to project a screen of energy that
shows the footage of giant Globbor zapping Ninjor. A scene we saw no less than
3 minutes ago.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But clearly I'm not the only one who realizes this. As
Ninjor watches the footage of his kidnapping, he responds with a particularly
annoyed and ashamed, "I remember…"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Man, I love Ninjor. Maybe I should have bought his key after
all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninjor responds to Master Vile's posturing with a fairly
standard, "You won't get away with this!" Master Vile offers a
bewildered response as he asks, "Why does everyone keep saying that to me?
I <i>am</i> getting away with it." I
could seriously use a show of nothing but Ninjor and Master Vile acting like
total dicks to each other. Forget all this teenage garbage, I want genies and
snake-daddies talking smack.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Teens are alerted to a catastrophe in the city as the
giant Globbor runs amuck. Billy leads his fellow Rangers in morphing to combat
the blue meanie and defend Angel Grove. The four Rangers combine to create the
Shogun Megazord, which doesn't make an awful lot of sense considering neither
Tommy or Katherine is there to pilot the White Shogunzord. Maybe we could have
spent a couple seconds of that R.C. Falconzord discussion to explain this plot
hole.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the Shogun Megazord has been assembled, Billy
activates the Falconzord remote to summon the Ninja Megazord. We don't get a
cool shot of both Megazords standing side by side or anything like that, but
maybe they're saving the cool stuff for the next episode. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's what's kept me writing the last 140 episodes, and
I'll be damned if I let it stop here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam notes that he's located Globbor amidst a bunch of abandoned
buildings. Oh boy, you know what that awkward clarification means right? We're
about to see a whole shitload of prop buildings get roasted. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Suddenly, the Shogun Megazord reels in pain as it's hit by a
stream of off-camera energy beams. The Globbor is, allegedly, sapping the
Shogun Megazord of all its strength. A notion that causes the Shogun Megazord
to become deeply upset.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAo1Z5G6lTHQfUek0Oc85jpcsww4WmBUdOMJ0EQZpTOKeQPe7ampdP0yzUrGkQpUQiGDJfnUd6l8Lzjq0Umf0ydpetGym3WlhbifQGRAUyHvyx-MKC2NafhyHKGhoKSS698bD3MFX0Lbvj/s1600/Robots+With+Emotions+Were+a+Bad+Idea.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="390" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAo1Z5G6lTHQfUek0Oc85jpcsww4WmBUdOMJ0EQZpTOKeQPe7ampdP0yzUrGkQpUQiGDJfnUd6l8Lzjq0Umf0ydpetGym3WlhbifQGRAUyHvyx-MKC2NafhyHKGhoKSS698bD3MFX0Lbvj/s400/Robots+With+Emotions+Were+a+Bad+Idea.gif" title="If you want to see a Megazord cry, tune into Kakuranger episode 22. It's as stupid as it sounds." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Someone just got told he wasn't going to be in Season 4!</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Rangers Zords are de-energized, Katherine begins
her espionage mission to distract Zedd and Rita. She offers her felonious
skills to help her former owners defeat the Rangers before Master Vile is able
to. She humbly requests to be made evil once more, and the episode ends on a
zoom-in on Katherine's devious smirk.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which might work a little better if we knew she wasn't
completely full of shit.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>TO BE CONTINUED</b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Vomiting
Out Your Offspring</i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I might have been awfully petty in the write-up, but I do enjoy this episode for the most part. The only issue I encountered was how quickly everything was forced to move. Ninjor's release seemed really ham-fisted, and felt like an excuse to use the Sentai footage of Globbor capturing him.<br />
<br />
Not to mention that Falconzord remote which is introduced about 90 seconds before it's put into action. I still don't really know why the Ninjazords were unable to be used, and if the Falconzord remote was a method of bypassing the actual Falconzord's presence. I swear I'm not trying to be obtuse, I genuinely don't follow this logic. It's just one of those little things that's bugged me since I was a kid.<br />
<br />
Master Vile was originally the main villain in <i>Kakuranger, </i>who arrived in the series at the halfway point. I'm glad that they managed to fit him into <i>Power Rangers</i>, because his design is fantastic. He looks like such a burly old wizard, and he somehow fits perfectly as Rita Repulsa's dad. He also makes perfect sense as Rito's father, which makes sense considering that he was in <i>Kakuranger</i>.<br />
<br />
I also really love the Globbor monster. His ooze birth feels so otherworldly and bizarre, and it makes him the perfect monster to debut with Master Vile. Obviously there's a lot more to Globbor than we saw in this episode, but we'll get into his cool tricks next week!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-25415553048247230572017-08-28T23:44:00.002-05:002017-08-28T23:44:28.762-05:00My Name is Samuraikarasu, and I am an AddictThis isn't an easy post to make, but I think it will help clarify a few things that are going on in my life.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
I spent the last week in a particularly difficult place. It isn't somewhere I'd wish on any of my good readers, but it's something I have to live with. There are healthy ways to get through difficult situations in your life; be they hang out with friends, exercise, or get out of your own head by diving headfirst into work. These are things that leave you feeling fulfilled and ready to tackle your next challenge in life.<br />
<br />
I chose something darker.<br />
<br />
I'm not proud of myself for handling my issues the way I did, but I started to fall down a really dark path to avoid those negative feelings. Even when I found myself wanting to write about <i>Power Rangers</i>, I couldn't stop myself from my bad habit. No matter how many times I told myself to stop, I couldn't. I kept hoping someone would catch me while I was doing it, no matter how embarrassing it would be, but it never happened. I was too good at hiding my sins.<br />
<br />
I'm not proud of myself for what I've been spending my time on instead of entertaining people, but I needed something to help alleviate the stress of daily life. No matter what I tried to do, nothing took the edge off. But then I found it. The one vice that scratched my itch. Something that made me feel right.<br />
<br />
But the more I did it, the worse I got. Only doing it once? Ridiculous. Once its got its hooks in you, there's no going back. I've continued to flush so much money down the drain on this fucking demon, and you know what the sad part is?<br />
<br />
I'm not going to stop.<br />
<br />
You good people might think I'm saying this as a cry for help or some sort of plea, but it's far worse than that. Deep down inside me, I feel proud of what I'm doing. Every new hit I get makes this poison grow inside of me. When I see some in front of me, I'm already bored and waiting for the next shipment. It's shameful.<br />
<br />
But I won't lie to you anymore. No matter how pathetic it seems, I have to admit what I've done. So <i>someone</i> can hold me accountable for my actions. I know I'll be judged, and I don't care. I'm too far gone to come back and be whole ever again.<br />
<br />
Because I can not stop fucking buying these goddamned plastic keys.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP661NdH7q2vnaJnfRqdhX-BulXprR-VErspVJjhyphenhyphenthte6uXp8CFxn2IGjj7S1zXPzzML3wLVCB1t49nZYkZwTDi9-pss18Esc8ylnmM8IzykL1G28bnMOLZuJpDmIFvqsUPoGkyqTq4SB/s1600/20170828_212804-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="965" data-original-width="1600" height="384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP661NdH7q2vnaJnfRqdhX-BulXprR-VErspVJjhyphenhyphenthte6uXp8CFxn2IGjj7S1zXPzzML3wLVCB1t49nZYkZwTDi9-pss18Esc8ylnmM8IzykL1G28bnMOLZuJpDmIFvqsUPoGkyqTq4SB/s640/20170828_212804-1.jpg" title="OH FUCK, GAOYELLOW AND GAOWHITE'S SHOULDER STRAPS ARE COMING UNDONE!" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtrmHK1TS8gfO1oZvm5OkUOrxwe5ffRVGNFoGyYFxxQf0jiQdqCTlD5rqlm0cUhlzKFmG8ogVenqOwG_nh7GHHDcoD0DiX8Ub2Dx7F_v_dFNg-WBDLp3OX6EkeVXVVtkjvf_4Jzm6d9wqc/s1600/20170828_213138.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtrmHK1TS8gfO1oZvm5OkUOrxwe5ffRVGNFoGyYFxxQf0jiQdqCTlD5rqlm0cUhlzKFmG8ogVenqOwG_nh7GHHDcoD0DiX8Ub2Dx7F_v_dFNg-WBDLp3OX6EkeVXVVtkjvf_4Jzm6d9wqc/s640/20170828_213138.jpg" title="The Go-Ongers, a team I don't even particularly like that much, are still in their fucking box. Put a bullet in me." width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For the uninitiated, these are Ranger Keys. The collectible gimmick of 2011's Super Sentai program, <i>Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger</i>. There's a key released for each of the 199 heroes that existed at the time, and these little plastic vacuums have managed to suck all the money out of my wallet on a consistent basis.<br />
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Why the fuck am I still spending money on these goddamned things? They're not even that cool! I don't even have the morpher that causes them to make noises for Christ' sake. I'm spending so much time on Ebay waiting and watching to see if I can strike a great deal on a particular key, or set of keys.<br />
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You see that set of Kakurangers up there? That cost me 60 goddamn dollars. And you know something? That was the Louisiana Purchase of plastic garbage collecting. It's a royal goddamn pain in the ass to get just one of these stupid keys on its own, but getting them in a set for under 100 bucks? WITH SHIPPING?! Get the fuck out of town.<br />
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But I wasn't done with that. Oh good lord no. I had to make it even worse. I just had to take it to the next level of nerd bullshit. You see that Ninja Red outside of the plastic? Well that's a <i style="font-weight: bold;">Deluxe Edition</i> I just HAD to have. Because that one looks better and doesn't just have some shitty stickers I have to somehow manage to perfectly lay onto that goddamn thing.<br />
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Oh, those stickers. Those cock-chewing, vagina-devouring, sperm-inhaling stickers. I would rather watch my only child be sent headfirst into a atomic blast than ever have to put one of those goddamned things on again. So I spent 60 dollars on five worthless pieces of junk from Japan, but uh oh! Looks like you put the sticker on askew, and now you wasted your money on a shitty looking set. Have fun keeping that on your shelf and having Ninja Black's peeling chestpiece mocking you every time you try to sleep. You fucking fool.<br />
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So there they sit, inside a plastic wrapper, because I'm too much of a coward to even <i>attempt</i> putting those goddamn things in their proper suits.<br />
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So what's my endgame? Collect all of them? Holy fuck, absolutely not. You think I'm going to blow 90 fucking dollars just so I can have something that kinda looks like Ninjor looking back at me?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbWcxXerElFYg6dsw5G1IbfS8J9R_RmfzEkHmQUUiKVsskFTHzJa9-t5fcXPZA3x7VswPJG0ky9gEr_Ms_rufENY1ISv3HLhEzccSOpbP8O5F72hxMqKSkHV4hjQnJjDDbX6kozRVN_dN5/s1600/Sorry+Ninjor.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="248" data-original-width="709" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbWcxXerElFYg6dsw5G1IbfS8J9R_RmfzEkHmQUUiKVsskFTHzJa9-t5fcXPZA3x7VswPJG0ky9gEr_Ms_rufENY1ISv3HLhEzccSOpbP8O5F72hxMqKSkHV4hjQnJjDDbX6kozRVN_dN5/s640/Sorry+Ninjor.PNG" title="Well I could get the set he came in, which usually sells for a reasonable TWO HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS" width="640" /></a></div>
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I don't give a shit if that thing woke me up with a gummy blowjob every morning, I'm not dropping a C-Note on one single solitary plastic key. </div>
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But then there's that urge. He's the only missing piece to my <i>Kakuranger</i> set, so why not save up? Because I have to draw the fucking line somewhere, and wasting so much money on one dumbass little trinket is just asinine. </div>
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So that's why I've decided to spend equally as much money on a bunch of them.</div>
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My sick and twisted desire is to own one Ranger Key from each of the first 35 Super Sentai teams. I'm not counting those fucking cash grab Kyoryuger keys that came out later, with each of them running about 70 bucks a pop. I just want one key from each series up until Gokaiger. It's relatively easy to get a Red Ranger from each series, since there were a handful of packs that contained representatives from about 12 series, but I'm a fucking freak. I don't <i>just</i> want a bunch of red keys. I want to diversify.</div>
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So now here I am, sitting and waiting to snipe someone's bid on Ebay, so I can buy a Battle Fever J Key with a crinkly sticker. That's what my life has devolved into. </div>
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I could have taken the easy way out, but no. I'm trying to get multi-colored keys to fill some indescribable void in my big dumb life. What in the fuck? </div>
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But now you poor bastards are stuck with me in my useless goal. You have to know about my horrendously poor spending habits as I waste the precious few dollars I can earn on un-resellable junk. So now I've made a list of the teams I have keys for and which unfortunate soul has to represent them on my shelf. I'll bold the groups I own, and italicize the ones I dont.</div>
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<b>Goranger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijvtsz_cbAWDxxrya3OmAOBqjMrjUi5G9t4vxSOMDhganpE79xnh6ntTgabLegDB3ovHFFRvI7eTYzUpJu7rTEtwr6J35vzSSf7WmqMx89RK_VslVCNU_35RI607ErNY_ewGgFIBJsRYQo/s640/20170828_224838.jpg" target="_blank">Aka Ranger</a></div>
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<b>JAKQ: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJXUN-Wb7iGTq5qqdu5rFOAdELm8vyH2crk_DkrbPTavIvhOIzGqOGv4G6R5F0c5vY90ZCVKueUNxDc68ScwAoBL0ySodOBaSl9DQDZ-04eK3dI9WEJ7j8qzEbkd2SLB107XojwCcYp-tQ/s640/20170828_224908.jpg" target="_blank">Spade Ace</a></div>
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<b>Battle Fever J:</b> Battle Cossack (in shipping)</div>
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<b>Denjiman</b>: Denji Blue (in shipping)</div>
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<b>Sun Vulcan</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzPVBuUP5xMHRyif060WOHQKWyEKayLqZ1E-2jr6kltt9FfyMHDwO6vE_Xp4W48K6sYfiKqn0e_yCxmpIMpDrXm6oIjdq0qzVV08IhxJYp7C2qiRU8JHpHpY6u03rPspoBK79My_S56QfH/s640/20170828_232249.jpg" target="_blank">Vul Shark, Vul Panther</a></div>
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<i>Goggle Five</i></div>
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<i>Dynaman</i></div>
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<i>Bioman</i></div>
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<i>Changeman</i></div>
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<i>Flashman</i></div>
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<b>Maskman: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIoow0Wz-RJ7YaKrbgR9jwWVydb4upd8nSqRRq2Xw-YZpgvsoPxp2q00y8PLwG0WDifQ8FrSZ4zufMEHCcpyshkxajoLLzFM6tavvjPLKNS-MaoE1uuDKrZAoWImisrlHMrN_i5Zx0DyXo/s640/20170828_224950.jpg" target="_blank">Red Mask</a></div>
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<i>Liveman</i></div>
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<i>Turboranger</i></div>
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<i>Fiveman</i></div>
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<i>Jetman</i></div>
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<b>Zyuranger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtpOna2QtSZyGn6dDv7Ao0baPlGghlRVQQ1uuOA-nbeHwagHNC2ltKO9Ty85aKyfnuja6HtWiqKw9hsUpSeckm5oj4a2qx5Qte4oQcERS3fpecnceWRmDFSs4UoATpbdfyC7vDgCF_ZEa9/s640/20170828_225014.jpg" target="_blank">Tricera Ranger</a></div>
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<i>Dairanger</i></div>
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<b>Kakuranger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc4pnGFLvHfyc-q7pB_9Cna6-2z4EZEL5nmLvzf5SGCuR4rvb36kU9MvM7FAXo4cZQYtoVA6nK8Lzyn6i9OSfWzFkdhK38eQHrjWeMPxGl-cfLhsmI-xi6jOfMu_dwm7hTysuwZtlz4Apg/s640/20170828_224735.jpg" target="_blank">Ninja Red, Ninja White, Ninja Blue, Ninja Yellow, Ninja Black</a></div>
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<b>Ohranger</b>: King Ranger (in shipping)</div>
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<i>Carranger</i></div>
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<i>Megaranger</i></div>
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<b>Gingaman: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6q09YNEdjRaupq9gmfqDuCn2bB1fHmgxyh-pgEc18c_78LD_Oy7VRxKaBEDacR0LRLODWR9ZEqVODo7l_Mv_Ls8JUvSChSZ3YYmIRjQ9l1MkAxbmr3gEJOe54RtgLpcuAuoQYkD_qNPSd/s640/20170828_225205.jpg" target="_blank">Ginga Red</a>, Black Knight (in shipping)</div>
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<i>Go Go Five</i></div>
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<b>Timeranger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy4yWvL0las6JDJagKwnGpyAYZDNxVFCZBnEZYyUQvs-qLuGX3jfJGAeCKexNQfrU-Q0ax6s0niZ9r8IUkHxULqzfeSgbP3qWrogBDqTI93GkkPXnPEJ57gOMBmYjLY-7_IqktyJ30WWnP/s640/20170828_225129.jpg" target="_blank">Time Fire</a></div>
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<b>Gaoranger: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisVyhdY6xuFfJMprPcvAxTD__R_Id8K4lxgNToxjfwNByCHCN2M0z5h-sTSkae8EWWJpElUJoydI-FRwHtfSp7DWZskjD1Ugt5Fcs7-RkZZlORD3mDvfvIrPmAfo_qiREYe6ba0w-ksNM4/s640/20170828_224617.jpg" target="_blank">Gao Red, Gao Yellow, Gao Blue, Gao Black, Gao White</a></div>
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<b>Hurricanger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5HGFKDKgE3157h6gQ4CcDLXv_5npmbyJciPVljavfAUGx6i29MRbukiLFIB15JxpDH8XHrY3XL4MiJJVhy68pfpztDYLwlYxnHfKGO-KQGZqJl6MGXXVr89a3yFuEV0pjI3XDaIpalthA/s640/20170828_224532.jpg" target="_blank">Hurricane Red, Kabuto Raiger, Kuwaga Raiger, Shurikenger</a></div>
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<i>Abaranger</i></div>
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<i>Dekaranger</i></div>
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<b>Magiranger: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiUpG4gCLGLIQIlbLENrdqCGHFQqYEu3E3ppRu4c8gL9RlfA-bHghZk5rttbjqwkRPQy23P668DOd8zjFvKEr8W7MJkTQ8rwbDKiM1b-H6WloxxQvNP5gWoG3c8e25p9544BYbzfmm07cF/s640/20170828_225039.jpg" target="_blank">Magi Shine</a></div>
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<b>Boukenger: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghBC0nUySURhuZuurN0YpsI0jgJtyH5GZdYYIDi4lP4grvPnBBeDh3DP-rjOZJLTsgkmAiyZ_tdBD79CmT0dciGhOaefVKpFWsnSy8YWfR5PlxSyynP-ZaP0LTMSeFGCE4s_BT4uqTTFav/s640/20170828_232215+%25281%2529.jpg" target="_blank">Bouken Blue</a></div>
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<i>Gekiranger</i></div>
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<b>Go-Onger</b>: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1s2zmHlPY0F8PTo3iHAJ_Dg6OMs-FwnYGnzRibCejTUgSM8fa7iax3HSRqFObsw92ohrAPmNxbEf_IvYOr3UdfaAlWfnWUr07BRC0l4OpgApBwGRWL0ZUw1M27ND4QyQSfbMavU9ocWJ3/s640/20170828_224814+%25281%2529.jpg" target="_blank">Go-On Red, Go-On Blue, Go-On Yellow, Go-On Green, Go-On Black</a></div>
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<i>Shinkenger</i></div>
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<b>Goseiger:</b> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxBfg65dax0YGZ9nKPcURyqPxaH4R9wAo2fJfBBgNCYQaXpotxLNBJt7DX5nFbEpx_Xsg7x_5_2K2UQiVs-tYOXd9wd4BbQbbnXoUdXrWzI0K0OFxEz0h0fRur9sVh6subvFYEG6qUxIMF/s640/20170828_225147+%25281%2529.jpg" target="_blank">Gosei Red</a></div>
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<b>Gokaiger: </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMq7tE6qPOVVXVfKygXIoPY_O4GdDHRezSxLcNrGhR6_yin_Wv4vxHKRdHV2_xbTl0Rt1KX1E5G5imSZq7KW85D7F4ogrE4vSplxIq_DSzpuVbi3NP8fml_v5PRRNOf9bqvLPxJcl3RZuv/s640/20170828_225101.jpg" target="_blank">Gokai Silver</a></div>
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If any of you good folks have any of these pieces of junk and feel like selling them to your old pal, let me know! But in the meantime, sorry I didn't write about Master Armor or the Metallic Vile or whatever. I was far too busy snooping around Ebay auctions of toy keys like a grown-up. I'll be back next week, unless I fall into a depressing spiral of purchasing needless goods yet again. Toodle-oo.</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-9682245287796796872017-08-22T22:31:00.002-05:002018-05-30T01:17:56.382-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 28: A Chimp in Charge<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIE2h5qfTRF_ajqZm-iPJ5VPm0761cQ_oMM0SU4BJGQEzVQJwPqlGc-W-IYr_oSMSP7TeUUjmWgWxGgoBcZCxANEZ-NVWlav61pLdLPSmAX_rPreJf73JuAR4OXP-xaQQq7Zymkb1uzhLp/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="301" data-original-width="406" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIE2h5qfTRF_ajqZm-iPJ5VPm0761cQ_oMM0SU4BJGQEzVQJwPqlGc-W-IYr_oSMSP7TeUUjmWgWxGgoBcZCxANEZ-NVWlav61pLdLPSmAX_rPreJf73JuAR4OXP-xaQQq7Zymkb1uzhLp/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Writers Expect Us to Believe Tommy Cares About Egyptian History<br />
Rasta Gorilla Shot in Heart by Missile</div>
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I'm not going to mince words here. I remember this episode
from when I was a kid, and I absolutely detested it. I may have changed my
opinion in the years since what with the bevy of knowledge I've gained (about <i>Power Rangers</i>), but
there's no guarantee it won't still disappoint me. So maybe this episode won't
be half bad! </div>
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Inside the confines of Angel Grove High School, Ms. Appleby
assigns her students their last assignment of the year. A presentation about
any language of their choosing. Bulk and Skull wisely inquire if they can just
do a presentation on the only language that matters: American. Appleby agrees,
but promises that she'll fail anyone who tries to get credit for <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/">senseless rambling</a>. </div>
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The Ranger Teens reconvene at the Youth Center and discuss which languages they plan on studying. Billy and Tommy have paired up
to discuss Egyptian hieroglyphics and how they're translated. Take a wild guess
which of those two suggested that. If you asked Tommy to come up with a foreign
language, he'd break into a cold sweat and instinctively karate chop your head
off.</div>
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Aisha and Katherine have taken a different approach to this
project, and are going to interview a good friend of theirs. Say hello to
Kelly.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2twDHRQE3pHTwp0nAottNAG55Yf_4EbVvbFLFBzJi23nfZ5YwQQEjg8C5d9tCTUdfjko0VEV9cC2vZfa4Ef5iEUnFSy3sF05EgSdjwW1QQTl2x7_UDtyFxcuyX4DYxf5e8ZeQ_10Aw6nC/s1600/That+Thing+Could+Tear+Your+Throat+Out+in+Two+Seconds.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="405" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2twDHRQE3pHTwp0nAottNAG55Yf_4EbVvbFLFBzJi23nfZ5YwQQEjg8C5d9tCTUdfjko0VEV9cC2vZfa4Ef5iEUnFSy3sF05EgSdjwW1QQTl2x7_UDtyFxcuyX4DYxf5e8ZeQ_10Aw6nC/s400/That+Thing+Could+Tear+Your+Throat+Out+in+Two+Seconds.PNG" title="Keep this gal's phone number, Turbo ain't too far off." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Rocky looks great in this episode!</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get this; Aisha and Katherine plan on teaching this chimp
sign language for this class presentation. Jesus Christ you overachieving
psychopaths. Go read a book on Greek assfucking culture and spout out a few
factoids so you can get a B+ and go on with your lives. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But Rita Repulsa has other plans for that chimp, because of
course she does. Any time something vaguely interesting happens in the lives of
these kids, Rita has to make a scheme out of it. Much like any woman trapped inside of a miserable loveless marriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though credit to this scene, there's a moment when Rita
looks at the monkey and comments "Wow Goldar, he looks just like
you!" Goldar responds in kind by exclaiming, "BREAAAAHRAAAA"
which gave me a good laugh. This big golden lummox can't even muster up
an argument unless it's a series of guttural grunts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd waltzes into the chamber and asks what his wife is
blathering on about now. Goldar complains to his surrogate father that he's
been referred to as a primate, and he doesn't like his new step-mom anymore.
Zedd offers little reprieve and instead suggests that they could turn that
chimp into a new monster. I mean, sure, whatever. It was a brick wall last
time, so we might as well use a monkey this week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the Youth Center, Lt. Stone is quietly eating a
plate of spaghetti while he quietly asks where his two stupidest cadets are. On
cue, Bulk and Skull pop into frame in the most bizarre way imaginable.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38Tmcy9zGXNWgEHhe5jSxw5SPfwvyZTeL996URaQyMY3OFxgGQdka59X2Vr7XD-4KKKRzCp1a_N3-ygJ0boeZx8SiJLKghfPJe1Jpair4IUO9mqynpGWxkcROHUT0G4p9VMhQyBJ1GwxO/s1600/How+Do+Bodies+Move+That+Way.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="399" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg38Tmcy9zGXNWgEHhe5jSxw5SPfwvyZTeL996URaQyMY3OFxgGQdka59X2Vr7XD-4KKKRzCp1a_N3-ygJ0boeZx8SiJLKghfPJe1Jpair4IUO9mqynpGWxkcROHUT0G4p9VMhQyBJ1GwxO/s400/How+Do+Bodies+Move+That+Way.gif" title="That pissed look on Stone's face when they actually show up is MWAH!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Does Lt. Stone know how to eat spaghetti?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's actually pretty amusing. I don't know how Bulk and
Skull are so constantly able to impress me with their physicality, but I'll be
damned if it isn't happening at least once every few episodes. These two move
like they're puppets on springs, and it's the most appealing thing about this
clusterfuck of a show. The two trash badgers move funny.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stone tells the boys that there's been a major robbery in
Ernie's Juice Bar. It's up to them to locate the stolen goods and return them
to Ernie safe and sound. Bulk and Skull ask what was stolen from inside the
Youth Center; gold, jewelry, the bones of those who crossed Ernie by asking for
money? Stone responds to their inquisition with a flawlessly deadpan delivery
of what they're looking for.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>Bananas."</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This moment is so goddamned good. Not because it's so funny
that there are missing bananas and lol so wacky. It's funny because Lt. Stone
is giving these two the most humiliatingly lame job and not even pretending to
act like it's important. He's telling these lunkheads to go find a bunch of
missing produce because he's come to grips with the fact that they're a cosmic
joke. If Stone told these two that this burglary was serious, and those bananas
were of the utmost importance, this scene would suck eggs. But delivering this
line so apathetically absolutely nails it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ranger Teens take Kelly outside to the Café patio, what
with her being a dirty animal who probably shouldn't be anywhere near food
preparation. Officers Bulk and Skull head outside and spot this miniature
gorilla on Katherine's lap. Bulk saunters up to Tommy and asks him if he and
his "twin brother" always travel together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That settles it. This episode is good. I don't care what
happens next. This episode just had Bulk tell Tommy he looked like a big
dumbass chimp. 10/10, EOTY. Give me another 30 Brick Bullies in the remaining
15 minutes and I'll put up with 'em. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bulk and Skull soon put two and two together, and deduce that this flea-ridden chimpanzee might be the one behind their missing bananas.
Which they conclude once they see Katherine pull one banana out of her purse. Obviously
Katherine's possession of a single banana would lead one to believe her purse
also contains an infinite amount of bananas. It's the only logical conclusion.<br />
<br />
Our six superpowered high school students take their new pet chimpanzee on a trip through the forest, but
are abruptly ambushed by the Tenga patrol. Kat tells Kelly to go run
and hide, as she and the other Rangers Ninja Morph. Notably, Katherine doesn't relay this information to Kelly in sign language, which means she'd better prepare to fail that assignment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
All four of the Rangers
lunge into battle as...wait a second. Four? Billy, Tommy, Aisha, and Katherine
are all here, but where are Rocky and Adam? It took me this long to realize it,
but those two haven't even shown up in this episode yet. Really goes to show
how little it matters when all six Rangers are together. You could have an
episode with half of the team and nobody would notice. I guess Adam and Rocky
are off learning about the language they're best at: Silence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Ninja Rangers fight the Tengas, Finster shows up
on Earth! Oh hell yeah, this episode's getting better by the second. Bulk
throwing shade, no Rocky, and now Finster is doing stuff? My child self was a
dumbass, this episode is bananas. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finster whips out a massive laser gun and fires wildly at the chimpanzee, but she proves too fast for the decrepit leprechaun. Katherine spots the monster maker trying
to make a monster out of her new daughter and attacks him. Finster vanishes
before she can land a hit, and the Tengas soon follow suit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So that plot about turning Kelly into a monster? It didn't
progress any during this scene. The Rangers didn't even know that's what
Finster was trying to do. They just required an action scene or else the kids
watching would get bored and shut this episode off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha and Katherine take Kelly back to Aisha's house to
relax, where they're tailed by Bulk and Skull who seek to uncover the mystery
of that monkey. As soon as Kat and Aisha leave Kelly to go get some lunch, the
rambunctious chimp finds her way outside into the clutches of Bulk and Skull.<br />
<br />
The two dumbest men on the planet try to solve the mystery of the missing bananas by setting Kelly down and having her point to where they would be. Kelly gestures towards a fruit
peddler in the middle of the woods who is inexplicably dressed in Rasta
clothes. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I'm starting to remember why I wasn't too keen on this
episode.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kelly strides up to the fruit peddler and sits calmly next
to him, hoping this weird stereotype in the middle of the woods will allow her
to sample some of his wares. But Mr. Rasta says that this little gal can't help
him sell unless she's wearing the appropriate clothes. He dresses this chimp in
a wig, beret, vest, and shades. Which is truly a sight to behold.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4We1Fa3b7FnhaRL0cpLqezQPEQ6pnwgaiw0P02vrvFQMdZ-MQjuHvuiwm9UzC7iYS-gVaved0v8D_AobfBArf88DTjK42BQkwAOLmXPzeXrhSwcxoOvsv-tgraVUFt0VDnjPx47NajiRC/s1600/Desperate+Attempt+to+Add+Logic+to+Sentai+Footage.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="302" data-original-width="406" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4We1Fa3b7FnhaRL0cpLqezQPEQ6pnwgaiw0P02vrvFQMdZ-MQjuHvuiwm9UzC7iYS-gVaved0v8D_AobfBArf88DTjK42BQkwAOLmXPzeXrhSwcxoOvsv-tgraVUFt0VDnjPx47NajiRC/s400/Desperate+Attempt+to+Add+Logic+to+Sentai+Footage.PNG" title="Who in the fuck reading this blog has any idea what the hell "The Chimp Channel" was? Hopefully nobody." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>This one image summarizes the entirety of "The Chimp Channel"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What in the fuck is the point of this scene? Why are they dressing a chimpanzee up in a Rasta costume? No, there's a better question in there. Why are they only <i>now</i> dressing a chimp in this ridiculous get-up? I could have had an entire episode dedicated to Kelly the Reggape and instead we had to putter around about sign language. What a bunch of bullshit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whatever, Bulk and Skull approach this guy and demand to
know why he stole all those bananas and why he's messing with their monkey. The
shop owner says Mon a couple of times and continues to babble for a few more
seconds until we graciously cut back to Zedd and Rita's compound.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord Zedd finally gets fed up with this episode being half
over and not having a single monster to show for it yet. He tells Finster off
for failing to spank that monkey, and fires a beam from his staff right at
Kelly. This blast transforms the jovial chimp into this week's monster du jour,
Sinister Simian.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzffUPPU5oaFlQIXFYeNxip233rWNgVwOstsJMZ6lAQDVp8DsKLzsn2KZUczSjRle6C4tBzXJzl_9Ez9lhCV0X9UzF0FTiTBeAaxS9-P64cY5p3OmU9RRhjh9sGZO91uhC-iyKO3iA6mO/s1600/Sinister+Simian.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="302" data-original-width="404" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJzffUPPU5oaFlQIXFYeNxip233rWNgVwOstsJMZ6lAQDVp8DsKLzsn2KZUczSjRle6C4tBzXJzl_9Ez9lhCV0X9UzF0FTiTBeAaxS9-P64cY5p3OmU9RRhjh9sGZO91uhC-iyKO3iA6mO/s400/Sinister+Simian.PNG" title="Gotta love the random English text on her clothes. GANG X OH!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Bananas only 50 cents a pound? The 90's
were a blessed time.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Um, Please retract my previous paragraph on the nonsensical
nature of Kelly's Rasta clothes. It appears <i>Power
Rangers</i> saw that someone Fed-Ex'd them a Rasta monkey costume and
desperately attempted to justify its appearance.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that Kelly has been transformed into a gorilla wearing
shades, the whole city is in danger! Sinister Simian hoots and hollers as she
attacks a playground in Angel Grove park. A bunch of nameless civilians run and
scream from this horrible ape and its equally horrible dreadlocks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Aisha and Katherine desperately search to locate
Kelly. Their search is soon ceased by Zordon, who informs them he has some
disturbing news. Which is really saying something coming from an amorphous blob
granted eternal life as he sleeps inside a fish tank.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The six Ranger Teens meet up inside the Command Center where
they learn about Kelly's situation. The Rangers decide that they can't harm
her, since she's just a l'il baby chimp that doesn't know any better. The same rule they use with regards to Rocky.<br />
<br />
Zordon
warns the teens that she is still one of Zedd's devious creations, so they'll need
to be very careful in dealing with her. Big Z commands Billy to search for a
way to reverse Zedd's magic. That's right, Alpha 5 can't possibly do anything
about this. It's up to history's greatest super nerd to crack the case of the Vape Ape.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy grabs a pair of tongs and says that all he'll need to
do is snag a piece of Kelly's fur in order to figure out how she was
transformed. Ah yes, I see. This fur has trace amounts of Moon Magic Category 3
all over it. The best way we can handle this is by blowing this monster up with
a flaming fish sword. Perfect!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers morph to Angel Grove Park to find Sinister Simian chilling on a bench whilst munching on a banana. The Rangers
try to appeal to Kelly's inner kindness by approaching her delicately and
telling her that they're not going to hurt her. Though this is mitigated when Billy
approaches her while armed with a big pair of tongs. Hell yeah. Go for broke, Billy. Bare your teeth and approach the monkey with a foreign object. Make sure you square your shoulders so you can guarantee your face gets ripped off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a brief scuffle, the other five Rangers manage to
subdue Kelly long enough for Billy to snag a sample of her fur. Billy
immediately takes the clump of fur and teleports back to his lab to examine
it. 25 seconds later, Zordon demands to
know if Billy has figured out how to defeat the monster yet. Gee whiz, sorry
about that Zordon. I just learned what a tuition is,
but I'm sure trying my darndest to figure out an antidote for that rabid
gorilla that's tearing apart my superhero team. Maybe you could try and offer
some assistance instead, Zordon? What with you being a mystical energy being as
old as the cosmos themselves. Must we always rely on the brainiac high-schooler
to solve these problems?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thankfully, Billy's managed to come up with a magical cure
for Kelly's Monster-itis. Including the perfect method of administering it. A
big ass missile. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisfsZOeSooiJ0w8zvz_HIXeaF-AB1NJuWvGPvImdldjiUa2ZaD6-OTnltTNNsXrJT85YU1o7MDM1K46XBQF-UqVKrC19htjFMH1wgAvmL8rh6FKk0cUVUTcNF81aDlk_8bkzbrx9tGSvjU/s1600/Shockingly+Unnecessary+Weapon.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="327" data-original-width="448" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisfsZOeSooiJ0w8zvz_HIXeaF-AB1NJuWvGPvImdldjiUa2ZaD6-OTnltTNNsXrJT85YU1o7MDM1K46XBQF-UqVKrC19htjFMH1wgAvmL8rh6FKk0cUVUTcNF81aDlk_8bkzbrx9tGSvjU/s400/Shockingly+Unnecessary+Weapon.PNG" title="A.K.A A spray-painted Nerf football" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Hell yeah bitch. Welcome to America, stand for the pledge, pray before dinner, or get torn apart by a tomahawk you banana-peelin' bitch.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Far be it from me to doubt Billy's scientific ingenuity, but
isn't a missile the size of your forearm a bit unnecessary for subduing this
monster? The only time it would make sense for Billy to use this thing would be
after the monster has already grown, and he has no way of knowing that Zedd and
Rita would turn Simian into a giant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…45 seconds later, Rita and Zedd use their magic to turn the
transformed Kelly into a giant. How convenient. Maybe you should have put this
scene before you had Billy creating an massive bullet that would have
unquestionably drone wiped this dumbass ape off the map.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The giant Sinister Simian babbles repeatedly about things
tangentially related to monkeys as the Rangers ponder what they should do. Thankfully,
Billy shows up in time to present his Kong Gun to the Rangers. He surmises that
the weapon will work if they fire it at Kelly from the Shogunzords. Aisha asks
Billy if he's tested this thing, which he declines. Billy promises that he will test it though. All over that furry fuck's face.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers summon their five Shogunzords and surround
Simian. Billy informs his team that they'll need to hold the monster down while
he aims the missile where memories are kept, her heart. Jesus Christ on a
cracker, Billy. This is sounding more insane the further you delve into it.
First we're going to rip out a chunk of this dumbass ape's fur, then I'm going
to feed it into a nuclear warhead, and once we've got her subdued, we'll fire
it directly into her fucking heart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I should note that this battle with Sinister Simian and the
Shogunzords is entirely U.S. original footage. No Japanese Zord scenes are used
with this monster at all. I'll explain why in the personal thoughts segment,
but I feel really bad about this Zord "fight." I appreciate <i>Power Rangers</i> trying to do its own thing
and film something unique, but it's just not a good action sequence. It doesn't
help matters that the Shogunzord suits are all obviously clunky and awkward to
move in, but even worse is how tenderly they move against the monster. Simply
put: I'm not interested in a light struggle between the Rangers and a
Rastafarian chimp. Go all out or don't bother showing up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy is ready to cross that monkey's heart and hope he dies, but the Rangers are incapable of slowing down the slippery chimp. Thankfully, all of the time that Katherine spent with Kelly inspires her to
come up with a foolproof plan to gather her attention so th-what's that?
Katherine didn't come up with it? It was Tommy who figured out how to distract
the monster? Even though he'd only spent maybe 3 minutes with that monkey?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of goddamned course. Katherine and Tommy discuss what they
should do, and <i>Tommy</i> is the one who
comes up with the solution. Though to be fair, it's a particularly clever
method of outwitting the ape. Tommy uses his Shogunzord to wave at the monster
which…seriously? That was it? That's the climactic strategy to defeat
the monster? I'm not making this shit up. The White Shogunzord waves at
Sinister Simian, makes a little "come here" gesture, and the monster
is enamored. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a good guess why my childhood self hated this episode
so much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Kelly is distracted by a robot crane moving its hand,
Billy pops up from behind Tommy's Zord and ambushes the ape with a nuclear weapon.
With a great deal of help from the Red, Yellow, and Black Shogunzords!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_c2VD3N7Xr1GiSmuTZJI4_i6iBl0nwk0z1BxVclnDGXgm8s1SPyxZilFdPQUFLY2bbc2wuxrUp-UC1FebSujJw0KgT3Mjncr3MIZr71p2zfmYMqZHD6fGHITv4g3J4CBo-bCsuPVQy_SG/s1600/Wheres+My+Ape+Escape+Sequel+Sony.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="285" data-original-width="388" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_c2VD3N7Xr1GiSmuTZJI4_i6iBl0nwk0z1BxVclnDGXgm8s1SPyxZilFdPQUFLY2bbc2wuxrUp-UC1FebSujJw0KgT3Mjncr3MIZr71p2zfmYMqZHD6fGHITv4g3J4CBo-bCsuPVQy_SG/s400/Wheres+My+Ape+Escape+Sequel+Sony.gif" title="Those cartoon-y eyes bugging out made me contemplate ending this blog." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>We blew our budget on Photoshop '95 and goddamnit we're going to use it.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that a massive bullet has pierced through her chest,
Kelly has returned to normal inside the park. Because this show knows I can't
make fun of its realism without looking like an asshole, so now it's just
mocking me. Katherine scoops her chimp up and the Ranger Teens proudly take her
back home, a job well done. Presumably well done anyway. We have no idea what
effects that missile could have had on Kelly. That thing could have been
riddled with the Planet of the Apes virus. Jesus Christ, you simpletons. The last thing you need to be doing is teaching that adorable little chimp our language. You'll kill us all!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back at the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull drag in that
irrelevant Rasta fruit peddler from earlier. They inform Ernie that they've
found the banana bandit, because this sub-plot needed a resolution so this is
close enough. Ernie rebukes this information when he claims his new stock boy
put his banana shipment in the freezer by mistake. Bulk and Skull apologize to
this poor unfortunate caricature, and let him go free. Mr. Rasta responds
"You'll be hearin' from my attorney Mon."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Y'know what? That's it. This episode skated the line between
enjoyable and dreck, and I've had it. I was going to give it a pass, but that
awful attorney line from Mr. Rasta pushed it over the edge. There is nothing,
and I mean NOTHING that this episode could do to make me enjoy it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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...Oh alright. All is forgiven.</div>
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<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Attorney
Jokes</i></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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I'm actually pretty surprised here. I didn't like a lot of
this episode, but the parts that worked actually had me entertained. The chimp
was cute, Bulk and Skull were funny, and even Lt. Stone had me laughing. All of
the action scenes were duller than dogshit, but there was some competent work
on this one. If this one didn't have so much charm, it'd be scratching the
Bottom 10 for Season 3. As it stands, there's enough cute stuff here to merit a
middle of the road episode. Not to mention the laugh I get at Billy's solution
to curing Kelly. It would have been less jarring if they hit her with the
Shogun Megazord's fire saber. A rocket to the heart? Holy shit.</div>
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I think a big issue is that this episode needed a second
pass. Either the script wasn't managed very well, or the director didn't give a
shit during filming. The main issue this episode kept running into was how
often the characters would refer to Kelly the chimp by a different gender. Zedd
and Rita call Kelly a "he", and Billy even refers to her as
"they." It seems like a really simple fix, but whoever was in charge
of this episode didn’t feel the need. This show isn't a masterpiece or
anything, but keeping fucking pronouns consistent shouldn't be a particularly
difficult thing to accomplish.</div>
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Speaking of things that were busted in this episode, here's
another in a long line of .gifs demonstrating how bad the Lord Zedd costume is
falling apart. Look at the plate he has covering his ass. It's supposed to be
connected to two metal pieces on his hips, but it's completely come apart. Did
they just have to jam that thing straight up his ass? God I hope so.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqyHwb-vNVRHsiLlq3r2mpblai3H_C5PG997YQt4F7DwGHEHgcNmqGszAVYorLukJ7jKqbEHtqCzDw13Vzh4N1K5MZ4yFatHlQ8knOPdhqKC__IumgWiwSFflHkVQTRmLh8aLmItLSd1w-/s1600/Zedd%2527s+Broken+Ass+Gasket.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="399" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqyHwb-vNVRHsiLlq3r2mpblai3H_C5PG997YQt4F7DwGHEHgcNmqGszAVYorLukJ7jKqbEHtqCzDw13Vzh4N1K5MZ4yFatHlQ8knOPdhqKC__IumgWiwSFflHkVQTRmLh8aLmItLSd1w-/s400/Zedd%2527s+Broken+Ass+Gasket.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>R.I.P. That Stuntman's Buttcheeks.</i></div>
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Oh man, and the Sinister Simian costume was having butt
troubles too. During her fight with the Rangers, you can see the monster's
pants tearing up and fraying from the bunghole down to the right leg.</div>
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Please don't tell anyone I have this picture on my laptop.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvy3vUdwlVFwT4Di7_25rODJQaQMzXawpg9pz4qBF8Ky46VaL4FyoXEeS3MqEkg1mJDeCMBqvi-gr2P9QmI1yCVFFk9d0dc_fMZxpKh6FQ_VI6k__6FmgOXri8sU9_7lHRW-eoZaW2DSIl/s1600/Sinister+Simian+Ripped+Pants.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="301" data-original-width="407" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvy3vUdwlVFwT4Di7_25rODJQaQMzXawpg9pz4qBF8Ky46VaL4FyoXEeS3MqEkg1mJDeCMBqvi-gr2P9QmI1yCVFFk9d0dc_fMZxpKh6FQ_VI6k__6FmgOXri8sU9_7lHRW-eoZaW2DSIl/s400/Sinister+Simian+Ripped+Pants.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Let me conclude with an explanation about Sinister Simian's
Zord battle. The reason they filmed a Shogunzord fight with her wasn't just to
soften the violence against the monster in the Japanese footage. This fight was
created because in <i>Kakuranger</i>,
Sinister Simian fought against an entirely different fleet of Zords! We'll
discuss them soon enough though. In the meantime, here's a .gif of how Sinister
Simian was originally destroyed. Also, check out her episode (21) of <i>Kakuranger</i> on the Shout DVD's. It's one
of my favorites in the series.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-69814155970397964972017-08-14T17:47:00.005-05:002017-08-14T17:49:14.991-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 27: Another Brick in the Wall<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkHUK2R05qbm34CmAy4PLknMhfJMJIsaKuQfoqEGaxpQLluFVHMYY6_-G5YQEbnWjzY8zfpn15UFzsrs8JFYx_Dbdk0uAsxetKk5NlrjEGi7jvYhYDVpIG59bWx1Fu7HnGfsmsRegvQejC/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="286" data-original-width="392" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkHUK2R05qbm34CmAy4PLknMhfJMJIsaKuQfoqEGaxpQLluFVHMYY6_-G5YQEbnWjzY8zfpn15UFzsrs8JFYx_Dbdk0uAsxetKk5NlrjEGi7jvYhYDVpIG59bWx1Fu7HnGfsmsRegvQejC/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Sub-Plot Deemed Too Boring to Read About<br />
Body Transmogrification Cured With Poison </div>
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When I first started writing this blog, I mentioned how the
Blue Ranger has always been my favorite. Probably because I too like to pretend
I'm intelligent, but that's neither here nor there. He's not great because the
writers use him to solve any possible problem by inventing some chintzy little
gadget, but because he actually went through growth. Billy's arc resonated with
me and always made me enjoy him, no matter what humiliating overalls the
costume department feels like shoving him in. Now, he's the only one of the
original five Rangers left. It's kind of sad, but it makes me happy we're still
getting a Blue Ranger focus today.</div>
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But I can't shake the feeling that something in this episode
is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. </div>
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Speaking of Billy, you know two people who aren't Billy?
Tommy and Adam! This episode starts with the two Ranger Teens sparring in the
Juice Bar, as Katherine shows them some model neighborhood she designed in art
class. It's based on some low-cost housing project that's currently going on in
downtown Angel Grove. Oh, cool! A low-cost home in California? Probably only
runs about 750,000 dollars a month.</div>
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Kat's model has been selected as the design for the new
housing project for all the destitute members of Angel Grove's community. Oh,
so we're just going to <i>give</i> people
homes now? Fuckin' freeloaders! Kat, I've got bad news for ya. You're in
America now, toots. Any of these buildings you want to make need to be built on
the corpses of these destitute shitbags. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsGUgm4wkcHT1lT_eiItLD2LfDksC1gAvm97POLhlFD7ypmlfdP7SnmdSb5WBklsnZ0uz9sbBpe-ISZIBNzurnDIeopnnppno1tMsMczoNV-CO9d8DDkzMQh-9GURiOc7dqCaDv2FHyWu/s1600/The+Great+Sleeve+Famine+of+%252793.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="409" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwsGUgm4wkcHT1lT_eiItLD2LfDksC1gAvm97POLhlFD7ypmlfdP7SnmdSb5WBklsnZ0uz9sbBpe-ISZIBNzurnDIeopnnppno1tMsMczoNV-CO9d8DDkzMQh-9GURiOc7dqCaDv2FHyWu/s400/The+Great+Sleeve+Famine+of+%252793.PNG" title="Did Katherine live with a family of Australian mice?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>WHAT IS THIS, A HOME FOR ANTS?!</i></div>
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Rita bellows at her cronies once she realizes what an
obnoxious twat Katherine has become. That girl started off with such promise.
She would sneer at teenagers while trying to bang their boyfriends, and now
she's trying to provide shelter for the homeless! Goldar hears about this
scheme, and asks if Katherine could try building a house for Rito so he can
finally move out. Which prompts Zedd to cackle uproariously and pat his mutant
golden chimp son on the shoulder affectionately. </div>
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The relationship between these space shamans is one of the most
fascinating things I'll ever witness. Forget all this teenage karate action
nonsense; I want to see Goldar's internal struggle between allowing Lord Zedd
to be his daddy in the streets and his daddy in the sheets. </div>
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Katherine manages to coax her fellow Ranger Teens to assist
her in this house-building project, which they agree to partake in, what with
them being personified doormats. Billy and Aisha will partake in constructing
walls for the home, Rocky and Adam will fix up the landscaping, and Tommy will
be put in a kennel so he doesn't bark at all the Mexican day-laborers that
Ernie hired to finish this project on time.</div>
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Rita sends Rito, Squatt, and Baboo to Earth to observe the
Rangers Teens' construction project. Which is extremely necessary when you
possess a magical telescope that can see what's happening from 250,000 miles
away in pristine visual quality. At least this scene allows us to get some
absolutely <i>hysterical</i> gutbusters from
Squatt and Baboo.</div>
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Baboo: <i>This is just
like watching an ant farm.</i></div>
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Squatt: <i>Only bigger!</i></div>
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That noise you just heard was me beating my goddamned head
into a brick wall so I can forget these two deviant fuck socks are still on this
show.</div>
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So anyways, our heroes start production on Katherine's
housing project while a skeleton-man and two sex offenders watch them from the
bushes. I can't possibly fathom why <i>Power
Rangers</i>' ratings were sinking in Season 3. Well I'll tell 'ya what will get
those kids interested: A musical montage where a bunch of 20-somethings act
like they're building a house! </div>
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Aisha scrubs graffiti off of a wall, Katherine drops a stone
on Bulk's foot, and Moe Howard's estate has grounds for a lawsuit.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3dq1hJrs_YxS9h93gvAkLhVjTfME9dfe9xA4EG3b9Gzvc8ZS87ikoTjO6UhBAlTHUZ2ArO678Ht-Zz-6dpNVfb44phjGhCPHw8ZPLG2TrE3_ilyHclWB_Cz6OSm-tSwqz7nv86OPR6X3G/s1600/Moderately+Amusing+Comical+Shenanigans.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="278" data-original-width="372" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3dq1hJrs_YxS9h93gvAkLhVjTfME9dfe9xA4EG3b9Gzvc8ZS87ikoTjO6UhBAlTHUZ2ArO678Ht-Zz-6dpNVfb44phjGhCPHw8ZPLG2TrE3_ilyHclWB_Cz6OSm-tSwqz7nv86OPR6X3G/s400/Moderately+Amusing+Comical+Shenanigans.gif" title="Kinda love Skull looking nonchalantly at Bulk as if to ask "Hey Bulkie, why ya swimmin in paint?"" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>If you're a fan of Flinstones-esque sound
effects, then this scene is for you!</i></div>
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After a hard minute and a half of work, the Ranger Teens
call it a day and head to Ernie's for a rutabaga shake or whatever slop he
tries to feed people. They ask Katherine if she wants to tag along, but she has
to take some pictures of the building project for her scrapbook first. A
scrapbooking ex-diver from Australia who partakes in building low-income houses
while she's not busy transforming into a cat? Was <i>Power Rangers</i> writing Katherine's character with a dartboard? </div>
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Once the Ranger Teens depart, Rito and the Tengas show up to
ruin Katherine's project. Katherine wanders back onto the worksite and hollers
at Rito and his crew to stop. Katherine ninja morphs and tries to stop the
Tengas from ripping apart the yard. She fights her best, but the Tengas drop
her like a sack of bricks. She buzzes the other Rangers to come bail her out,
but Zordon responds coldly.<br />
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"<i>KATHERINE! WE'VE
GIVEN YOU A WHOLE TWO DAYS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE A POWER RANGER. IF YOU CAN'T
FIGHT THE TENGAS BY YOURSELF AFTER ALL THIS TIME, THEN YOU DESERVE TO BE PECKED
TO DEATH BY HIDEOUS MUTANT PELICANS. PLEASE TRY NOT TO GET TOO MUCH BLOOD ON
THAT OUTFIT, AS WE'LL BE NEEDING IT FOR THE NEW PINK RANGER SOON.</i>'</div>
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The other Ranger Teens Ninja Morph to the construction site
and do battle with Rito and his crew. You excited to see a fun fight with the
Ninja Rangers and their mystical otherworldly powers against a group of demonic
avian fiends? Then don't watch this episode. Because all that happens is the
Rangers backflip a couple of times and Rito falls over. You can make these kids
do anything, and you still stick with the standard karate flips? What a bunch
of bullshit.</div>
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Zedd asks Rita why her plan is sucking so much dick, and
Rita promises it's about to get better once she unveils Step 2. She's going to
turn that stupid kitty kat into a monster again and have her slice the Rangers
to ribbons. Rita fires a beam of energy from her wand down to Earth, but it
inexplicably misses and hits a wall from the constructed building. This energy
creates Rita's latest monster. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: The
Brick Bully.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjjrHL4aeayuXGvPd9DtLIkSU28tKOcMSNJbsZvS8T5erttBSwUNucFVCn5GcALc_vYtusMSIIP0-Th0oBeQQ2q_cNbnoghyVsxVdIx5jCER7Z7oHAJbp65t7Tdl_MyhmzXkSROd0OTqnp/s1600/Brick+Bully.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Brick Bully" border="0" data-original-height="357" data-original-width="475" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjjrHL4aeayuXGvPd9DtLIkSU28tKOcMSNJbsZvS8T5erttBSwUNucFVCn5GcALc_vYtusMSIIP0-Th0oBeQQ2q_cNbnoghyVsxVdIx5jCER7Z7oHAJbp65t7Tdl_MyhmzXkSROd0OTqnp/s400/Brick+Bully.PNG" title="It's me, I'm the guy who spraypainted "Baa" onto a wall." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Did she mean to coat him in tumors?</i></div>
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Holy shit. Yeah, this is seriously our monster this week. That's the threat? A personified pile of construction equipment. I
could handle the <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/06/mmpr-season-3-episode-22-follow-that-cab.html">taxi</a>,
I could handle the <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/07/mmpr-season-3-episode-29-different.html">garbage
can</a>, I could even handle that goddamned <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/mmpr-season-3-episode-12-stop-hate.html">rapping
ogre with a mohawk and tigerprint leggings</a>, but this feels like such a new
low. </div>
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I'm not going to pretend I don’t know that this guy is based
on a Japanese myth, but that hardly changes the reality. I'm a 5 year old child
watching this program (ostensibly,) and I have to watch the Power Rangers fight
a big brick shithouse? He doesn't even look mobile for Christ' sakes. If you
pushed this guy over he'd starve to death. Look at that chucklefuck up there.
With his upside down goddamn face. What a total piece of garbage. Hit the bricks.</div>
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Tommy and his five friends back away from the monster due to
its "overwhelming power," and they strike a defensive stance. Brick
Bully ponders what unjust universe allowed him to exist, and why he has to be
such a hideous abomination. He tries to figure out what special skills he
possesses, only to learn that he can throw exploding bricks at his enemies.</div>
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If you wanted to know why I took last week off, read that
last sentence one more time.</div>
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The Rangers fully morph to confront this atrocious monster.
Adam and Aisha get knocked back by his stubby little arms, and try to recoup
from his slow and cumbersome assault. Brick Bully chucks energy blasts at Adam
and Aisha, which turns the Yellow and Black Rangers into colored bricks. Wow, I
take everything back. This Brick Bully monster is fucking amazing. He's using a
power that no monster <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-10-wizard-for-day.html">ever</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/mmpr-season-3-episode-11-fourth-down.html">has</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/04/mmpr-season-2-episode-32-rocky-just.html">before</a>.</div>
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Two seconds later, Brick Bully uses the same magic on Tommy
and Rocky, transforming them into bricks. No hype or shock, they're simply
slapped with energy and turn into bricks. In the most tedious and uninteresting
way, Rita's creature has subdued 2/3rds of the Power Rangers. I couldn't be
more invested in this plozzzzzzzzzz.</div>
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Billy and Katherine gather up their bricked friends and take
them back into the Command Center. Hey wait a second here, Billy? Who's Billy?
Isn't he the Ranger I said we would be focusing on this week? Well, I'll be damned if I'd forgotten about him up until now. Possibly because this
has really been a Kat episode for the last 10 minutes. Is my brain actively fucking with me?</div>
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Alpha 5 waves a magic science wand over the 4 Ranger Bricks
in an attempt to figure out how much time the episode can waste on revitalizing
them. Katherine pisses and moans that this is all her fault. Not because these
emotions mean anything, but because this episode is trying desperately to find
something it can be about.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alpha announces the terrible news that each of the Rangers
have been miniaturized and encased inside of a solid brick. In case you didn't
quite grasp that incredibly obvious premise while you were watching it happen. Billy
talks about how their best chance might be in using the process of erosion to
skin the bricks off of his friends. Katherine mentions how pollution is a good
source of erosion, so maybe Billy could make a miniaturized pollution device.
Or you two could teleport those bricks over to Chernobyl for a few days.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Billy plots out how he can poison his brick teammates,
the Command Center alarm blares. Now that the Brick Bully doesn't have more
people to turn into brown bricks with moin crap, he's started attacking the
city. How is he doing so? By…eating building supplies? Jesus Christ, this
episode is off the fucking rails. What is the point of absolutely any of this?
Oh, hold the phones. Apparently, Brick Bully has eaten so many building
supplies that he's become even stronger and changed into an advanced form. There
it is. The stupidest thing I've ever had to take at face value from this show.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdfqlc19XEtpMiX2xmFcWI_dALOlfemDiBOJSbAS1rDnFWs8P3OJokopsFJHkrl-z8IwzqWe1qjF7fMHwBBixsFDteDmDnimBFHjpl-KDpAhI9uS5-XvBx6dStNhCPzHUEqAX5KGXy7wP/s1600/Super+Brick+Bully+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="361" data-original-width="479" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBdfqlc19XEtpMiX2xmFcWI_dALOlfemDiBOJSbAS1rDnFWs8P3OJokopsFJHkrl-z8IwzqWe1qjF7fMHwBBixsFDteDmDnimBFHjpl-KDpAhI9uS5-XvBx6dStNhCPzHUEqAX5KGXy7wP/s400/Super+Brick+Bully+1.PNG" title="Someone slap a Piranha Plant onto this thing?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Least he turned his face right-side up.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy asks Katherine to hold down the fort while he heads
out to battle the Brick Bully himself. He morphs back to action and challenges
the new and improved Brick Bully. The monster's new strength quickly overwhelms
Billy, which leaves the Blue Ranger rolling around in the dirt while he's
pelted with bricks. Instead of using some sort of cool, powerful, visually-interesting
technique to defeat the monster, Billy surmises that he needs to stall the
monster and keep it from eating more building supplies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is VR Troopers on? I'm sick of this shit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Billy gets beaten on by the Brick Bully for another
minute or so, before the monster starts getting woozy and mentions how hungry
he's become. Billy counterattacks with some stunningly unimpressive attacks,
and the monster whines that it's too hungry to fight back anymore. Which is
exactly what I'd expect from an episode as good as this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita panics that her dumbass pile of blocks has failed to
make an impact, so she zaps him with energy to make him grow. The giant Brick
Bully threatens Blue Billy by falling down in an attempt to squash him.
Unfortunately, this forced perspective fails to make a dent in the Blue Ranger.
Billy realizes that standing around like a moron against a gigantic brick wall
might not prove effective, so he summons the Blue Shogunzord to do battle with
Brick Bully 2.0.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that he's in Japanese footage, the monster demonstrates
some more impressive abilities to fight the Blue Ranger. With a flick of his
wrist, the Brick Bully surrounds Billy's Zord with a massive set of walls. B.B.
then hurls a few spears at the encased Shogunzord, which causes a massive
explosion to engulf it. Brick Bully cackles as the flames rise, but he's
astonished to find Billy and his Zord still standing. How? Because Billy hasn't
been allowed to do anything cool for like two and a half seasons. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back inside of the Command Center, Katherine has encased all
four of the Ranger Bricks in a mini-forcefield that contains "simulated
pollution." Which is the most baffling invention I've ever heard come from
this show. You're telling me that the Command Center, which houses a
fully-sentient automaton and a giant balloon wizard head inside of a fishbowl
doesn't produce any actual pollution to utilize? There ain't any solar panels
on that thing, so I don't know who this show thinks it's fooling. Every time
Zordon hiccups, it should wipe out another species.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not to mention that this method of curing the others might
not be the most sound. You're going to encase them inside an inescapable glass
tube and pump them full of a limitless stream of poison. Oh sorry.
"Simulated" poison. I don't give a shit if they're bricks or not, you
might be causing some slight problems when you're coating your teammates in
"simulated carcinogens." </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyways, the Blue Shogunzord turns the fight around and wallops
Brick Bully. The Blue Shogunzord whips out its lance weapon and charges at the
monster. Then…um…this happens?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ6AtU9hcGWHlfVUUap7lhamIleJpnAs6YeL01WaXOQfky3se4glWLJ2M3XG6DntNAMKPCoQ1ouAUx7goLvcmATtMO5-sZHJSyvod4hgJ3XVPBF2zrFnDH7_GeM5HamHdgsv_aD5gqPTLp/s1600/Blue+Shogunzord+Used+Brick+Break.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Brick Bully GIF" border="0" data-original-height="274" data-original-width="372" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ6AtU9hcGWHlfVUUap7lhamIleJpnAs6YeL01WaXOQfky3se4glWLJ2M3XG6DntNAMKPCoQ1ouAUx7goLvcmATtMO5-sZHJSyvod4hgJ3XVPBF2zrFnDH7_GeM5HamHdgsv_aD5gqPTLp/s400/Blue+Shogunzord+Used+Brick+Break.gif" title="Looks like he's shittin' bricks!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Did I just have a stroke?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…I'll talk about it in the wrap-up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy returns to the Command Center to find Katherine
bathing his comrades in poison gas. He asks her to make sure she sprays a
little extra on Tommy for safekeeping, but much to his chagrin, all four of the
Rangers are soon revived. Billy and Katherine congratulate Alpha 5 for
assisting the other Rangers, as Aisha shivers and clutches her chest while
Rocky hacks up blood. Adam clutches his chest as he feels his lungs shrinking and collapsing as he sees all of his teammates smiling jovially at him. Tommy stands by with a stupid smirk on his face while blood dribbles from his nose, and asks if anyone else thought being a brick was fun, but he likes breaking bricks with karate even more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The gang reconvenes at their Humanitarian Housing Project,
where Katherine has gotten an award for something or another. Suck twenty
dicks, Jimmy Carter. Some Aussie in pink spandex kicked the shit out of
whatever habitat you built. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh darn, I completely cut out the side plot where Bulk and
Skull were tasked to find stolen building supplies. You know why? Because they
didn't fall into one GD thing. I don't ask for much out of this show, but if
you're going to tell me that you can't write one comical scene of Bulk and
Skull running into drywall like Wile E. Coyote, then you can get right out of here with that
shit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wish this episode had bricked my hard drive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's
Nostalgia</b>: <i>Scrapbooking</i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u><br /></u>
<u><br /></u>
<u><br /></u>
<u>Personal Thoughts<o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing. That's what this episode did for me. Absolutely
nothing. I was left feeling absolutely bored basically halfway through this
one. I didn't hate it, but it felt like a bunch of puzzle pieces jammed
together without regard for the final product. It was missing a cohesive thread
that tied all this stupid bullshit together, and that left it feeling like it
was missing a point of any kind. I love Billy, but this episode was lame. He
deserved better. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm fine with Katherine not getting turned into a brick, but
you can feel the writers desperately trying to keep her relevant in the
episodes now that she's become a Ranger. It makes sense to keep her in focus,
but it hinders the scenes where Billy is fighting the monster. We should feel
tension that Billy might lose to this new monster, but what's there to worry
about? If he loses, then Katherine can come in and help out instead. It's just
boring, dog. I don't know what else to say.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh right, Brick Bully's weird death scene. The reason it looks
all odd is because he didn't originally die in the Sentai episode that his Zord
battle originated in. In <i>Kakuranger</i>
episode 5, the Blue Shogunzord was about to hit him with its weapon, but Brick
Bully was saved by the efforts of his brother, <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/06/mmpr-season-3-episode-21-changing-of.html">See
Monster</a>. Since <i>Power Rangers</i>
ain't having some bullshit episode where the monster survives, they had to make
do by using computer effects to make it look like Brick Bully got iced. The
problem is how weird it looks, what with the Blue Shogunzord attempting to hit
the monster with the wrong end of its weapon. It also seems funny to see a
Power Ranger murdering a monster while it was helplessly laying on the ground. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now off to forget about this episode the only way I know
how. Pumping "simulated toxic" directly into my lungs. Ciao!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-6052296326598316042017-08-01T22:50:00.002-05:002017-09-04T02:10:49.958-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 26: Rita's Pita<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfMS1xmzHyr93965ENrWTjo_xIrFVC1w-tyKQ4mbOqBnZsy6ZCWgcagPFbllFqUfplRPNFqgNDONn60v620tFiq5pzdXolenYLubTh0dAUd8I9zEaqrjJcO6OAL29SsL1VZ62K6TQwzDn/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="319" data-original-width="418" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyfMS1xmzHyr93965ENrWTjo_xIrFVC1w-tyKQ4mbOqBnZsy6ZCWgcagPFbllFqUfplRPNFqgNDONn60v620tFiq5pzdXolenYLubTh0dAUd8I9zEaqrjJcO6OAL29SsL1VZ62K6TQwzDn/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="powertitle">
Tommy Critiques Child's Dietary Choices<br />
Police Officer Uses Fish for Wallet</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p>
<o:p><br /></o:p>
<o:p><br /></o:p>
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For as much as I bitch about how much attention this show
gives Tommy, there's something I've noticed. When is the last time we had an
episode where Tommy was really the main focus? When was there a lesson for him
to learn, or an obstacle he had to personally overcome? Usually he does nothing
but rescue his girlfriend from space goofballs before hollering a load of
karate nonsense. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy is supposed to be the face of this franchise and we
don't really take the time to expand on him. Is it because Jason David Frank
has to have his lines translated into katas for him to read them? Possibly, but I
digress. From everything I remember about this episode, it's a nice and quaint
episodic affair to bring some levity to the show after a more serious experience with
Kimberly's waning health. How will they lighten the mood?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By making an episode where Tommy eats fucking everything.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But things don't begin quite so simply. No, Tommy is
currently teaching a young man named Danny how to perform martial arts. So he can protect himself and his mother in the event that his father comes after them with an axe.<br />
<br />
Rocky
and Aisha take a moment to inform everyone in the audience how great it is that
Tommy's such a wonderful teacher, and how everyone looks up to him, and he's
such a positive role-model, blah blah blah. Who was the script supervisor on
this episode? Mason David Crank?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ernie drops in and asks Tommy and Danny what they would like
to eat. Tommy orders a veggie pita and a fruit smoothie, whereas Danny orders a
double cheeseburger, fries, and a shake. Tommy grimaces for a moment before
telling Danny that what goes in his body will make a big difference in how he
feels. Like they say, you are what you eat. Must be why I'm such a huge dick.<br />
<br />
Danny, having been browbeaten by a dog in a gi, rescinds his order and asks
for a pita and smoothie instead. Poor kid. If only he knew he could be a
tri-county area-famous blogger. They let you eat whatever you want, and you get
to live to the ripe old age of 40!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita observes Tommy's predilections towards healthy eating
and decides this will be her one opportunity to finish off the Power Rangers
for good. Hahaha, yeah. That's what we're watching this week. An episode
teaching all us kids about how to eat healthy and why to not let space monsters
influence our eating habits. Well kudos to this episode, because I'm sure it
got Haim Saban a nice juicy check from the Department of Education.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita demands to know when her new monster will be completed,
and Finster promises it won't take much longer. She continues to chew his ass
about how slow he's moving, because this whole moon is filled with ungrateful
dicks. You're getting on a guy's case who makes abominations of all that's good
and holy out of moon clay. He has created devilish imps in a kiln. Finster is
playing God inside his laboratory every single week, and you're hassling him
because he isn't getting the lead out fast enough? If you tasked me with creating a clay-beast, it's going to take me more than three Mississippi. Get a fucking clue, Repulsa.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While Tommy is body-shaming a 10 year old, Billy and Adam
take Katherine on a walk through Angel Grove. Billy asks if all the changes in
scenery are causing much of a problem for Kat. Katherine says she'll be okay,
even if she is a bit worried about the Communicator going off. I'd be a bit
more worried regarding the space demons looking to murder me every week, but I'd imagine the wildlife of Australia prepped her for this. If you told me that <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/06/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-55.html" target="_blank">Soccadillos </a>were indigenous to Sydney, I wouldn't bat an eye.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull don't have any
wacky shenanigans or think that Ernie is actually trying to murder the prime
minister or anything like that for once. All they want is something to eat. Because in an episode
about being responsible for what you eat, you'll have to present a counterpoint
as to why. Because if you don't watch what you eat, you'll turn into Bulk and
or Skull. Two men who look like they were designed by Lloyd Kaufman.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Skull orders an item from the menu labeled the
"Indigestion Inducer." Bulk drops his jovial façade when he looks at
Skull and informs him he doesn't know what he's getting into. The exact same thing he said when they signed their contracts back in Season 1. Skull gives Bulk
the stink-eye for a few seconds before persisting, "Bring it on." As
Ernie leaves, Bulk's voice goes up an octave as he says to Skull, "Good
heavens, man. You realize what you've done?"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I didn't need any of that cop shit from the last few week.
Just give me these two chuckleheads yapping about their miserable lives and I'm
fine. God bless these oafs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJeWgkvYm2-RCFSImzx_u3ou2scqgobgqK7yxCGMldYGVKXz0aY4YFSYEfURW53D_DLXKtG878WquyqHByPt97Pt5zKMa3YIFKwV5lRqV0IZwBxyOteLZJsEYYcOMSJuv0vLJpMUyrXgcq/s1600/Handheld+Heart+Attack.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="421" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJeWgkvYm2-RCFSImzx_u3ou2scqgobgqK7yxCGMldYGVKXz0aY4YFSYEfURW53D_DLXKtG878WquyqHByPt97Pt5zKMa3YIFKwV5lRqV0IZwBxyOteLZJsEYYcOMSJuv0vLJpMUyrXgcq/s400/Handheld+Heart+Attack.PNG" title="Why is the sandwich on top of a giant pickle?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Did Ernie dump his trash out on Skull's
plate?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh and just in case you missed this episode's point, Tommy
makes sure to inform Danny that Skull is a perfect example of what you
shouldn't do to your body. Then Tommy looks at Danny very seriously, firmly grasps his shoulder with one hand, and points the other hand directly in Danny's face.<br />
<br />
<i>"That piece of trash is lower than dog shit on the bottom of your shoe. If you ever so much as say something that rhymes with indigestion, I'll pistol whip you until you're unrecognizable. You filth. You utter trash. You oafish piece of shit."</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back on the Moon Compound, Finster presents his newest
creature: The Ravenator!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cYjwiqZ3N2vn0DHd7GZegQSHvWn6ttxzTw9qhPQDNQeaxbdARi043j2xfHd0QHcsAz315X-WmynkLe3YP7rdiibEoZca6w1_PiuTZaWBtD_30ibkXiM2qJprRNw93zT1CG3sl_1I6xvB/s1600/Ravenator.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ravenator" border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="417" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cYjwiqZ3N2vn0DHd7GZegQSHvWn6ttxzTw9qhPQDNQeaxbdARi043j2xfHd0QHcsAz315X-WmynkLe3YP7rdiibEoZca6w1_PiuTZaWBtD_30ibkXiM2qJprRNw93zT1CG3sl_1I6xvB/s400/Ravenator.PNG" title="I wish I had a hat that had my most discerning adjective adorning it. DOUCHEY" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Terry Bogard, is that you?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rito responds to this freak of nature by saying his
grotesquely-giant mouth reminds him a lot of Rita. She reacts in kind by
reminding her brother that he's a despicable skinless fuck who's going to die
alone, what with him having no organs to possibly warm another living body
with. Rito falls silent as he realizes his sister's insult game has far
surpassed his own.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita discusses her plan for shrinking the Ravenator to the
size of a bug, where he'll attack Tommy from the inside-out. This scheme
somehow transmits into Katherine's head, as she's still feeling residual
effects from the spell Rita had her under.<br />
<br />
As much as I want to think that idea is total bullshit, I kind of like it. Kat was put
under some evil witch's mind control, and just because she told a girl sorry
for causing her to fall off a balance beam doesn't mean she's completely freed
from the pulsating evil energy inside her brain. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd realizes that his former spy is on to them, so he summons his avian foot soldiers to stop her. Katherine ninja morphs for the first time and gets a solo
fight against the Tengas. Yet again, I've got to give this episode credit. It's
an episode about Tommy getting infected with a monster parasite, but it isn't
stupid enough to forget that we introduced a new Ranger literally one episode
ago. Instead of putting her in yet another meaningless group fight with the other Rangers, the
show throws Katherine a bone and allows her to strut her stuff alone. Even if
she's wearing the same costume that Kim did, it's the thought that counts.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, that's not technically true. Katherine has actually
taken the mantle of the rarely-known Orange Ranger. Don't believe me? Take a
look.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYVFnUH92wrVU5wzQtfz6J8PCygZpQ3_AredXWEoKgHkv828f7b-Rk3uCja-0VByVI11E49TsemWm1bX8aHm80sdoaJE-Uq-1eC7tGaF2Dx9ABPCi6MYDcl5mTs-wS-rRoWFkP_yS3VcTn/s1600/Color+Correction+Fucks+Up+Again.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Orange Power Ranger" border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="426" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYVFnUH92wrVU5wzQtfz6J8PCygZpQ3_AredXWEoKgHkv828f7b-Rk3uCja-0VByVI11E49TsemWm1bX8aHm80sdoaJE-Uq-1eC7tGaF2Dx9ABPCi6MYDcl5mTs-wS-rRoWFkP_yS3VcTn/s400/Color+Correction+Fucks+Up+Again.PNG" title="Same goes to you Akira, Bard, Stinger, and especially that dead shithead Kensaku." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Eat a dick, Boom</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What's cool about the fight with Kat and the Tengas is that
she spends the first bit of it completely out of her element. She fights
clumsily, she goofs up, and she isn't really sure what to do. I could be a big
pot of piss and complain how this doesn't match with other Rangers becoming
immediate martial arts masters (<b>BILLY</b>)
but who cares? That was in the first episode of this series when everyone knew
it was going to fail and be forgotten. Now that <i>Power Rangers</i> has some sort of legacy behind it, we can do things
right. <br />
<br />
Please?<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back at the Juice Bar, Ernie gives Tommy his meal: a single
leaf of lettuce dipped in water. Unfortunately, the Ravenator monster has other
plans for Mr. Oliver. Now that he's been shrunk to the size of Bulk's
self-esteem, the monster sneaks inside of Tommy's lunch. In case you thought
this particular set-up wasn't dumb enough, allow me to refer to the monster's
line as he sneaks into a Greek sandwich.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>First they made
me bite-size, now I gotta imitate a pickle so some guy can swallow me!"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Been there, Ravenator. More times than I can count.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as I was saying, Tommy accidentally eats the big-toothed
chef goblin. Ravenator lands inside of his stomach and causes the White Ranger
to become famished. Tommy discards his pita and grabs the remnants of Skull's
Indigestion Inducer, promptly grabbing handfuls of the slop and shoving it in
his maw. What's that? An episode for vore <i>and</i> feederism enthusiasts? Be still my beating erection. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now some of you readers may think the image of Jason David
Frank throwing handfuls of dumpster food into his mouth may sound kind of
funny. Well I'm here to inform you that nothing could be further from the
truth. This isn't funny whatsoever.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It's fucking hysterical.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKRPgWNv95elOTm32E3cmcs_dIEUdnNb5yGilgRzynbVeMxEQ3m8jlt6L7QTkDKDO-VRsfTGAx1txI95fu7qwe3qqabizBAwqzUl_JupfFSlj4Yp1hveqPsDIO0yEKy4vfuQumsB01cGj3/s1600/First+Time+Tommy%2527s+Eaten+Out+in+Months.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="411" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKRPgWNv95elOTm32E3cmcs_dIEUdnNb5yGilgRzynbVeMxEQ3m8jlt6L7QTkDKDO-VRsfTGAx1txI95fu7qwe3qqabizBAwqzUl_JupfFSlj4Yp1hveqPsDIO0yEKy4vfuQumsB01cGj3/s400/First+Time+Tommy%2527s+Eaten+Out+in+Months.gif" title="He's looking at that thing like a caveman discovering fire." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>~FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION~</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Katherine starts to gain her bearings as the Pink
Ninja Ranger and slaps the Tengas around. Kat acts like a giddy schoolgirl as
she realizes how fun it is to be a Power Ranger. She sounds like she's got a
massive smile on her face as she offers cutting remarks to these giant birds.
After she beats them she even tells them to give her regards to Zedd and Rita,
while waving derisively. If this characterization for Kat keeps up, I think
Season 3 might perk my interest again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy and Adam walk into the Youth Center where they find
their glorious leader scarfing down food. They ask why he's eating unhealthy
food one time in his entire life, because it will completely destroy any and
all progress he's made on his body in the last 19 years of doing karate. Danny pouts
as he wonders why he ever looked up to Tommy. If only Tommy could tell Danny that Ravenator is a little boy that lives in his mouth. The young karate student throws a real bitch fit and says Thomas K. Oliver is a total fake.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus Christ, you moralistic weirdos. Sometimes a person can
eat something that's bad for them, feel like shit, and then exercise. I realize
that Tommy is currently eating that plate like he's a raccoon, but maybe he
likes to have a burger every here and there. Just like me, I have a burger
every here (breakfast) and there (2nd breakfast.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katherine shows up and tells Billy about what she heard from
accidentally doing her shining-routine on Rita. Billy tells Tommy that they
should run a diagnostic scan on him to see if he's feeling alright, and Tommy
garbles something out about a donut. I got a laugh simply because half of
Tommy's lines are near-incomprehensible while he's shoveling trash into his
gullet. He sounds like the teacher in a <i>Peanuts</i> cartoon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unable to get Tommy to abandon his gorge session, the other
five Rangers teleport to the Command Center. Zordon commands Alpha 5 to set the
Viewing Globe on Tommy's location, but isn't able to find anything wrong. Not
until he turns on the X-Ray magnification to locate Ravenator chilling inside
Tommy's body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPVcti3uAJuTFqTEfhCiaRu4lnn1_L976-oR5f9siRJMO2khAHzM-SRCNsR59r4u1Q8us-1-it-uRr8PLmULMwoIelku017ZlIf42Ke8Lir8fMA7KcW4VfGtn9Rh9zumzk_SxsqFevEDx6/s1600/Inside+Out+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="429" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPVcti3uAJuTFqTEfhCiaRu4lnn1_L976-oR5f9siRJMO2khAHzM-SRCNsR59r4u1Q8us-1-it-uRr8PLmULMwoIelku017ZlIf42Ke8Lir8fMA7KcW4VfGtn9Rh9zumzk_SxsqFevEDx6/s400/Inside+Out+2.PNG" title="HEY KIDS, I'M STOMACH CANCER!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>The inside of my stomach is also a gym
mat painted pink.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers ask if Zordon can bring Tommy into the Command
Center so Alpha can throw some pixie dust on him to fix the problem. Zordon
apologizes but firmly proclaims he can't abide by having Tommy inside his
chamber while there's a monster inside of him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There's something I really appreciate when I'm watching <i>Power Rangers</i>, and it's incidental moments
like this. The writers could be lazy and handwave this situation by having
Zordon say, "No, Rangers. I am unable to do anything for him. I am very
sorry." Instead, there's possibly a way that Zordon <i>could</i> help Tommy, but he doesn't want to risk it because of the
unique circumstances in which this monster is attacking. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Basically, I enjoy explanations that don't boil down to
Zordon bellowing, "<i>RANGERS, I CAN'T ASSIST YOU UNTIL AFTER THE SECOND COMMERCIAL BREAK</i>."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ranger Teens head to Angel Grove High once they learn
that Tommy is invading the Junior Police Bake Sale, headed by Bulk and Skull.
The two dipshits discuss how much they like this job, and figure out a
brilliant scheme. If they don’t sell <i>anything</i>,
they can take all the food home and eat it themselves!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There's something so pure and beautiful about Bulk and Skull
coming up with dumbass ways to eat charity food.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To keep people from buying their food, Bulk and Skull put
toy fish (???) on top of the bake sale goods. I…I assume they're fake fish to
scare people away? Though why they brought a bunch of plastic mackerels into a
police fundraiser is beyond me. Well whatever, it seems to deter enough customers.
Soon as someone starts eyeballing a pie, Bulk plops down a Big Mouth Billy Bass
on it, and they waltz away in disgust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, this doesn't work on people who are infected
with parasitic, buck-toothed gremlins. Tommy barges into the bake sale and
consumes handfuls of food at a time. Bulk bemoans his appearance by referring
to Tommy as "The Human Vacuum Cleaner," which is just fucking
priceless. Your God-given name is <i>BULK</i>
and you find yourself in a position to criticize someone else for their eating
habits. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bulk gets sassy and asks Tommy if he plans on paying for any
of the food that's inexplicably covered in plastic bait shop memorabilia. Tommy
digs out a wad of cash to give the boys, and Bulk decides to put it away for
safe-keeping.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoOorbPk0YLv-LxdMcDWij1g3spA6t0ICwfzMw4YT4q9Pu58YoxrsJj8Sin9vobXa44FgTpdJiQQCytXL2Tg_qQpuc_jt0hw5m1oUzgOfgtClo5CJmmeEHnQg2_iKco3jGILGcO0vAA0Cr/s1600/The+Original+Crabby+Wallet.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bulk fish gif" border="0" data-original-height="303" data-original-width="408" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoOorbPk0YLv-LxdMcDWij1g3spA6t0ICwfzMw4YT4q9Pu58YoxrsJj8Sin9vobXa44FgTpdJiQQCytXL2Tg_qQpuc_jt0hw5m1oUzgOfgtClo5CJmmeEHnQg2_iKco3jGILGcO0vAA0Cr/s400/The+Original+Crabby+Wallet.gif" title="There's your answer, Fish-Bulk" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>A Fishful of Dollars</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other five Ranger Teens rush into the hallway where they
pull all of Tommy's food out of his hands and tell him that they need to get
moving. Tommy stuffs another handful of fish food down his throat and tells the
other Rangers that he's busy right now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Honestly, I have to give this episode kudos. Jason David
Frank's pig-out sessions are actually making me laugh. I'm happy to say that he can be funny on purpose too. I know I bag on the
guy at basically every opportunity, but he's entertaining me here. Now
I just need to find another 600 nice things to say about him, so I can finally
stop sleeping in fear that he'll break into my house and karate kick my dick
off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy all but slaps the food out of Tommy's hands and drags
him off to the park. The Ranger Teens explain to their boss why he can't stop
inhaling food, and he mentions that it makes a lot of sense. Right before
guzzling a forkful of pancakes he brought with him to the park. Jesus Christ,
is there a worse food to have outdoors than syrupy-ass pancakes? I have the
weirdest hang-up about eating food outside and getting a shitload of bugs all
over it, and this scene nearly gave me a panic attack. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha comes up with a foolproof solution to get Tommy to
stop eating so damn much. No, it isn't shoving a muzzle on this pooch's mouth,
it's something a bit simpler. She asks Rocky for his assistance, and the two of
them head over to an ice cream truck to order a gigantic dessert. Why she
needed Rocky for this? Probably because his uncle is a rich football star, and
the only reason we keep him around is to foot the bill for shit like this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regardless, the Ranger Teens order Tommy the biggest,
juiciest, tastiest, fakest ice cream you've ever seen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLIvCcEaUG4SaXRVsRtQhXXuybQAv4lCAhuX4uRAL4Xqk_qYTN65rlp9I7w_4GxRYyukzIxxxb0Uw-_FBdRZXQGiZ-sIuHjz-Y6WY2XDV8VDtdlFc4F4DuJUo_EXotdixZXxDQcirtbaYS/s1600/Mashed+Potato+Ice+Cream.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="317" data-original-width="426" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLIvCcEaUG4SaXRVsRtQhXXuybQAv4lCAhuX4uRAL4Xqk_qYTN65rlp9I7w_4GxRYyukzIxxxb0Uw-_FBdRZXQGiZ-sIuHjz-Y6WY2XDV8VDtdlFc4F4DuJUo_EXotdixZXxDQcirtbaYS/s400/Mashed+Potato+Ice+Cream.PNG" title="If 1% of that thing is edible, I'll eat my hat." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>You may have wanted to peel that banana
first.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha's master plan is to put this enormous bowl of rubber
ice cream in front of Tommy, and test his willpower not to eat it. If he can
endure, this should defeat the monster's curse. Probably. Billy and Adam
restrain Tommy so that he doesn't scarf down the sundae, which seems like it
would defeat the purpose of testing Tommy. They let go of him for about two
seconds, and Katherine tells Tommy to take a deep breath.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Approximately two seconds later, the Ravenator decides he's
had enough and leaps out of Tommy's craw.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, glad that's finished. Thanks for showing up everyone.
Cripes, what a quick burn. Tommy doesn't even have to hold himself back or
anything. He stops for a minute once the Rangers let him go, and that's it. He
doesn't have to focus or remind himself about why he shouldn't be inhaling all
this garbage. Someone just tells him to stay calm and not eat so much, and
ta-da! Back to normal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So whatever, the Ravenator emerges and mentions that Tommy
could use a breath mint. Because of course he does. This show would be out of
business if it wasn't making jokes about peoples' breath smelling bad at any
possible opportunity. The Rangers morph, and Katherine takes a moment to admire
her newfound powers as she truly has become the Pink Ranger. She looks down at
her gloves and clenches her fists in awe, and Ravenator inexplicably hollers
"HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE HANDS? I'M OVER HERE!"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like, that line has always baffled me. There wasn't a
close-up on Kat's hands or any real focus. She looked at them and then…what the
fuck was even the point of that? Is this some meta joke I'm missing about the
Power Rangers and their hands? Is Ravenator one of the many people in our
society who pleasure themselves to hands (particularly the Mona Lisa's?) I mean, they're just folded over her knee and...how do I say this? I know it's a bit crude but...heheh</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah. The Rangers attack the Ravenator, but he puts up a
decent fight for a monster who should be covered in gastric acid by now. Adam
suggests that the Rangers should use teamwork to beat the monster. Yeah, no
shit. That might be better than each of you barreling at him one at a time.
Moron. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh wait, scratch that. Tommy knocks the monster over with
one scissor kick and that's the end of the fight. Fighting together? Weapons?
Bullshit. Let Tommy fix it for you losers.
Why'd you even bother showing up?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita and Zedd make some mouth-related pun, and Goldar
responds by saying something about big mouths. Zedd presumably says something
else referring to a mouth before he and his wife make Ravenator into a giant.
The Rangers panic briefly before summoning their Shogunzords. Our favorite teenagers form the Shogun Megazord, Ravenator charges at the mech, and the monster is <i>immediately</i> killed by the Megazord's
fire saber.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's the fight. All of it. Ravenator runs forward and
instantaneously gets murdered. What an absolute load of shit. He doesn’t battle
any of the Shogunzords one on one, he doesn't fire any laser beams or throw
giant tooth bombs at them, he gets effortlessly slaughtered. That's
absolutely not my shit right there. When I mentioned before that I wasn't crazy
about the Shogun Megazord, this is the main reason why. There are going to be a
few fights where zero actual fighting takes place. The monster grows, runs a
few steps, and promptly gets cleaved in two. It's some of the laziest Zord material I've seen, and I watched every goddamned episode of Season 2.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But enough about Zords, because Tommy's got some 'splainin
to do. He approaches that Danny kid at the Youth Center and apologizes about
his recent voracious behaviors. Danny, barely turning away from the arcade game
he's playing, offers some incredibly natural delivery and tells Tommy,
"I'm not listening to any more of your lies." Danny even says that
he's going to quit karate as well, which nearly causes Tommy to go into cardiac
arrest. Though the trough loads of dumpster food he was guzzling might have
aided in that as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy apologizes for the
mistakes he made, like eating that Twinkie that one time, and hopes that Danny
will forgive him for being a human being once in his life. Sensei Oliver also mentions how good at karate Danny is, which would mean something if Tommy was training more than one person.<br />
<br />
"<i>Danny, you are one of the students I've ever had.</i>"<br />
<br />
Danny relents and
agrees to give his teacher one more chance. Tommy high fives the kid, and
hilariously starts "playing" the game with Danny. Though he didn't
put any money in, so I'm left to believe that Tommy stole this kid's turn and
wanted to show him up in a game to teach him who's boss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The episode concludes with Bulk and Skull laying on the
Youth Center floor, with dessert fixings splattered on their faces. Lt. Stone,
with a deeply-annoyed look on his face, asks the boys how their bake sale went.
The boys mention how they didn't sell all of the food, to which Stone says he'd
be happy to donate all the food to the elderly home. Bulk stammers for a minute
before saying they actually did sell everything, and he forks over a stack of
cash to the lieutenant. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, but what about all those who are starving at the old
folks' home? The Angel Grove Senior Center has become desolate with miserable old folks who want nothing more than one extra scoop of tapioca for dessert. Sadly, the crooked orderlies have commandeered this food for themselves. A man who fought in two world wars has to watch as some 20-something dumps his applesauce right in the trash. A tear rolls down his wrinkled cheek as he wonders what became of the food he was supposed to be eating, the desserts that were promised to him. Cut to Bulk vomiting violently in the dumpster outside, as the old man's heart finally gives out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's
Nostalgia</b>: <i>Toy Fish</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><u>Personal Thoughts</u></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm absolutely astonished how much I ended up enjoying this episode. Just reading a plot summary made me cringe. Tommy has to learn about the threats of overeating? That sounds utterly wretched. But by some fucking miracle, it actually came out pretty good. The moral was ham-handed and the action was lackluster, but who gives a shit? I got a good pack of laughs while I was watching this episode, and that's far more than I can say about some of Season 3's weaker material. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm still kind of shocked how useless the Megazord battle with Ravenator was. It couldn't have lasted more than 40 seconds in total. I don't have any problem with this monster or anything, but <i>Power Rangers</i> could have done this same exact plot with their own monster, cut the Zord fight, and nothing would have been lost. Or trim the Zord battle entirely, because holy shit is it a clunker. </div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br />
Speaking of the Japanese footage, this episode's plot is incredibly similar to the <i>Kakuranger</i> episode that Ravenator originates from. The Sentai version has Ravenator's counterpart get ingested by the Yellow Kakuranger, who turns into a giant with an unquenchable hunger. Then the rest of the Rangers desperately try to figure out a way to remove the monster from inside their comrade. Those scenes with Ravenator inside Tommy's stomach were done almost exactly the same in <i>Kakuranger</i>. Even the set design looks nearly identical between versions.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtNJmKRz4IiQY7auvqUsDDzw_ydTywb9jzpbgJeG4HST8nvEm2Aj96NBvBVpv1tjaKvPkE4JZoseEmpOVqPlEzf1YrX1HTi-I69_TkLa-1_ficCt4FABSyIkL7ydOqPjRqJO2zzUTHZpRv/s1600/Ravenator+Japanese+Footage.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="352" data-original-width="475" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtNJmKRz4IiQY7auvqUsDDzw_ydTywb9jzpbgJeG4HST8nvEm2Aj96NBvBVpv1tjaKvPkE4JZoseEmpOVqPlEzf1YrX1HTi-I69_TkLa-1_ficCt4FABSyIkL7ydOqPjRqJO2zzUTHZpRv/s400/Ravenator+Japanese+Footage.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Japan</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhprHCoUohqxxAGXNnSARhX-GVGs73PA2Q8BSzdi8nVRY9iBU_R81ep7Z72rpuhUJ4zKG-LyK6R5f14fEYiJxHda81D2XC-Fx9H49VaS2UXdWjjq7weJoxexOiNVUlUsVhHtQ43eKonYW5p/s1600/Inside+Out+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="429" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhprHCoUohqxxAGXNnSARhX-GVGs73PA2Q8BSzdi8nVRY9iBU_R81ep7Z72rpuhUJ4zKG-LyK6R5f14fEYiJxHda81D2XC-Fx9H49VaS2UXdWjjq7weJoxexOiNVUlUsVhHtQ43eKonYW5p/s400/Inside+Out+2.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>U.S.</i></div>
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I'd almost wager that the script writer assumed they would use the Japanese footage, but the director decided to re-film it for shits and giggles.</div>
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Though ultimately, <i>Kakuranger</i> created a far superior product over <i>Power Rangers</i>. Primarily because the method of coaxing the monster out of their comrade was significantly more emotional.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0crjeNPKk67_EBq5-Zz55lN1gJAbu6bNAismSYfW813tYpZ8uyh-zfegS_wr-EiKwJ6-BX_Tr6nQJSsxFOQTibtGkVkHryuyzhxtJRv2aaDE7wAi_LI-cSFMGbNk7tbkbhJsVqvHfXhUG/s1600/What+in+the+Everloving+Fuck.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kakuranger burger" border="0" data-original-height="287" data-original-width="392" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0crjeNPKk67_EBq5-Zz55lN1gJAbu6bNAismSYfW813tYpZ8uyh-zfegS_wr-EiKwJ6-BX_Tr6nQJSsxFOQTibtGkVkHryuyzhxtJRv2aaDE7wAi_LI-cSFMGbNk7tbkbhJsVqvHfXhUG/s400/What+in+the+Everloving+Fuck.gif" title="Take this .gif as my endorsement that you all need to watch Kakuranger right now." width="400" /></a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-70580480076128893632017-07-25T19:53:00.003-05:002017-07-25T19:53:34.559-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 25: A Different Shade of Pink Part 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgul5Y2CXQQtdpKXoTCZzs71P0JK7s_WFwFlcI__V06aAeuZYsRCAk_HIH54rAyoo4QCJN1r3y3IJUx7w4Ve7BuWn_Jq7_j3YOxU8uUaOobcywCCaqFtSagQoAdsbPZtv7nH8tUKwcWdLYx/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="419" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgul5Y2CXQQtdpKXoTCZzs71P0JK7s_WFwFlcI__V06aAeuZYsRCAk_HIH54rAyoo4QCJN1r3y3IJUx7w4Ve7BuWn_Jq7_j3YOxU8uUaOobcywCCaqFtSagQoAdsbPZtv7nH8tUKwcWdLYx/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="powertitle">
Aussie Wins Again!<br />
Teenager Escapes Prison By Massaging Skeleton</div>
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<a name='more'></a><br />
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<a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/07/mmpr-season-3-episode-29-different.html">Last week</a> on <i>Power
Rangers</i>, Kimberly was admitted to the hospital after falling off a balance
beam. Katherine admitted her part in Kim's current situation and begged for
forgiveness. The Ranger Teens accepted her apology after learning Kat was
caught in one of Rita's spells. Later in the day, Rita appeared and issued an
ultimatum. If the Rangers don't surrender Katherine back to her, then she's
going to toss Ninjor in a magic river or some other mystical garbage.</div>
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Tommy and Billy reiterate this bad news to Zordon, as the
Blue Ranger Teen informs his master that the moon demons plan on throwing
"Ninjer" into the Sea of Sorrow. Filming hasn't been in Australia for
over six months, asshole. Get your vowels back in order.</div>
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The Ranger Teens refuse to let their new mentor succumb to
whatever evils await him inside of Rita's magical ocean. Aisha mentions that
Ninjor has always been there for them, particularly whenever the Japanese
footage calls for it. Though Tommy isn't sure what to do, because that would
mean handing Katherine over to Rita and Zedd. Is her life truly worth that of a
magical blue genie spaceman? Sure she tried to kill one of our nearest and
dearest friends, but she seems relatively sorry about it. Maybe she's on the up
and up now!</div>
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When Adam asks Zordon for advice, the opaque freak says this
is a decision they'll have to make on their own. Because they're wise and kind
and loving and blah blah blah. Just a bunch of meandering hogwash so Zordon can
act like he's not complicit in whatever murder is about to take place here.
Give me a break, you old chicken hawk.</div>
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Meanwhile, Zedd whines about Rita's capability in
carrying out this plot. Zedd argues that Rita is a constant screw-up, and all
of her schemes always fall apart. Unlike the great and powerful Lord Zedd, who
is well known for his multitude of successful teenager murder operations. If
this scene sounds like it doesn't establish any new information or seem
particularly necessary to the episode, then I've done my job.</div>
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Katherine returns to Angel Grove Hospital where she talks
with Kimberly about the Pan Global Games. Kat reveals that she was originally
going to be part of the diving team, and presents a scrapbook of her
accomplishments to Kimberly. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVcestQF_hnd2A3dxRNsGR7eBU3IaE24aS46hyyVssP_QsQZ501jCC0M-k_XFbizyQCN47AkT2QEzOYQox4F8mBgUd60oAAnlL-bE5RqgEUkTustsa8CCMSKiLF67Lxd9DVWvxTtHaal_/s1600/Pithy+Newspaper+Clipping.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="302" data-original-width="407" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVcestQF_hnd2A3dxRNsGR7eBU3IaE24aS46hyyVssP_QsQZ501jCC0M-k_XFbizyQCN47AkT2QEzOYQox4F8mBgUd60oAAnlL-bE5RqgEUkTustsa8CCMSKiLF67Lxd9DVWvxTtHaal_/s400/Pithy+Newspaper+Clipping.PNG" title="YET AGAIN, THE AUSSIES ARE GOING TO STEAL OUR GOLD, BECAUSE WE KEEP SENDING ALL OF OUR BEST ATHLETES TO GO TRAIN WITH THEIR KANGAROOS. IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT! GODDAMNIT!!! " width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>I can't help but read that title as some
belligerent racist who is furious America isn't winning</i></div>
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Katherine recounts her tragic accident to Kimberly and
describes her accident on the diving board. Naturally, Kim empathizes with the
situation and asks Katherine if she tried again the next year. Kat admits that
she never got back in the water again, and she's been terrified of swimming
ever since. Kim mutters about how she's glad she isn't afraid of the balance
beam, but Katherine kindly reminds her that she's full of shit. Ever since she
fell off that plank of wood and almost died, she's been afraid for some reason.
It's time to brush yourself off, yank out those IV's, and go earn gold medals,
Kimmy!</div>
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After visiting Kim, Katherine meets up with Tommy and Rocky
at the Youth Center. Katherine tells the Ranger Teens they have no other
choice. She has to be sacrificed so they can get their friend, Blue Bucktooth
Face, back from Rita and Zedd. Rocky asks if Katherine hit her head on another
diving board this morning, because that plan is total suicide. Tommy jumps in
and informs Katherine that he disagrees with her plan, and he has a <i>far</i> better plan of his own. Because no
character on this show will have any autonomy so long as Thomas K. Oliver is
here.</div>
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Kat and the teens meet up in the park, where Billy brings
some paper towel roll painted blue with him. Tommy makes sure that Billy is
ready with his invention before telling the rest of his friends to go hide
behind some trees, so he doesn't risk someone seeing a bunch of losers hanging
out with him and his new Australian girlfriend.</div>
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Rita, Rito, and Goldar arrive on Earth where they harass
Tommy and Katherine. Upon Tommy's request, Goldar drops the Ninjar. Rita
demands her part of the bargain be upheld and requests Katherine be given back
to her. As soon as Tommy shoves Katherine towards Rita, he bellows for Billy to
fire his device. Billy's piece of construction paper with macaroni and glitter
on it creates a barrier around Katherine that blocks Rita and her goons from
grabbing her. </div>
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Imagine having the intellect of Albert Einstein, and the
only thing you're allowed to use it for is to make some shitty arts and crafts
project to keep your boss's new girlfriend from getting groped by a skeleton.
If I were Billy, I'd contemplate inventing a noose.</div>
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Rocky nabs the Ninjar and realizes that it's completely
empty! Well who'd a thunk it? The woman named Rita <i>REPULSA</i> wasn't playing fair in her deal. As soon as the Rangers
realize they've been bamboozled, the Tengas arrive and attack. The Rangers
ninja morph and ensue in yet another fight with a flock of six goofy ass
birdboys.</div>
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Thankfully, we don't
waste too much time on the Tengas before one of them breaks Billy's forcefield
device. Rita's crew immediately snag Katherine and prepare to take her away to
the Moon Palace. Kat begs for Tommy's help, because she's a woman, but Rito
teleports her away before Tommy can do anything. The White Ranger tells Rita
that his team will get Katherine <i>and</i>
Ninjor back in no time, and she responds like so.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4eqiTNlrZm9rv1nZGxAf5j7wfm-IEb-yqt_f1mNQaCMtoe-1NxZZKYsMVxYyRWdKCkPgU7EHtoJD1xUYN8IGteaJaaKyLoe3BAuXXhawhuD9QSfzVbZwT5bY35UG6bwJCPXDbJpF6bOzc/s1600/RITA+WAS+HERE%252C+TOMMY+IS+A+LOSER.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="305" data-original-width="411" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4eqiTNlrZm9rv1nZGxAf5j7wfm-IEb-yqt_f1mNQaCMtoe-1NxZZKYsMVxYyRWdKCkPgU7EHtoJD1xUYN8IGteaJaaKyLoe3BAuXXhawhuD9QSfzVbZwT5bY35UG6bwJCPXDbJpF6bOzc/s400/RITA+WAS+HERE%252C+TOMMY+IS+A+LOSER.PNG" title="Rita's headdress looks more like a summer camp art project the closer you see it." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>SMELL 'YA LATER!</i></div>
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Back on the Moon, Rita gives Zedd the business. Not only did
her plan work, but she made him look like a total dickhead. Zedd admits his defeat,
because he's a henpecked nothing of a husband, and asks what Rita plans to do
with Katherine now. Rita plans to toss Katherine inside of Ninjor's bottle so
she can send both of them to the Sea of Sorrow. But they'll need to wait until
the tide comes in before they can be taken out to sea properly. </div>
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Taking all bets now; What will this Sea of Sorrow look like? Will we see a regular sea while the villains assure us that it's absolutely the most evil water of all time? Will the director film at a beach and overlay some shitty night filter over it?
Will it be Japanese stock footage of the ocean?</div>
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Oops, sorry. Looks like you're all wrong. The Sea of Sorrow will
never be shown, because we can only film Katherine inside yet another
nondescript cave setting. This show's consistently nonexistent budget will
never cease to amaze me.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9xxzf6uzxo3FRvbDs_6TqKmmDHzN3l4GfTQp4Pl8iFXwElxP80dCd-jomKxRzMh5EZH2utNUjK-pR63AM0uWtTopyoFN24XT97QRGJYfSboXEAfCXaNkYkJ5MoR8tWcjYyolcLcxmzmQ/s1600/Rito%2527s+Dry+Ice+Factory.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="421" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_9xxzf6uzxo3FRvbDs_6TqKmmDHzN3l4GfTQp4Pl8iFXwElxP80dCd-jomKxRzMh5EZH2utNUjK-pR63AM0uWtTopyoFN24XT97QRGJYfSboXEAfCXaNkYkJ5MoR8tWcjYyolcLcxmzmQ/s400/Rito%2527s+Dry+Ice+Factory.PNG" title="Did Saban have stock in dry ice?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Were real rocks too expensive?</i></div>
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Squatt and Baboo initially guard Katherine, which is a
horrendously poor idea. You want to throw her into the sea, or be informed that
she's "gone missing" from your two resident sex goblins? Thankfully,
Rito shows up to relieve the morons of their duty. He makes some joke about not
having any muscles, what with his being a skeleton. Then, in a particularly odd
turn, Rito asks to see Kat's panties before singing a song about shipping booze
off to some guy named Binks. </div>
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As Rito fusses about his sore neck, Katherine offers to help
him out by massaging his neck. </div>
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TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER ACTION-PACKED EPISODE OF <i>POWER RANGERS, </i>WHERE AN AUSTRALIAN GIRL
RUBS THE EXPOSED NECK MUSCLES OF A DECAYING ZOMBIE-MAN!</div>
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While Katherine gently caresses Rito Revolto's disgusting
mess of a body, she spots a glowing box hidden in the corner of the cave. She
inquires what's inside of it, and Rito announces that it's the Pink Ranger's
Power Coin. As Katherine continues her massage, Rito eventually falls asleep
and drops the key right in front of Kat, which is exactly how I wanted this
exciting escape to conclude. What in the everloving fuck is this dumbass show?</div>
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Katherine slinks outside of her cage and nabs Kimberly's
Power Coin, but not before Rita shows up and chases her around. Instead of
using any of that dark magic she's known for several centuries, Rita decides to
gallivant around the room to reclaim her prisoner. She doesn't wake up her
snoozing brother, summon a monster, bring in one of the more-intelligent
minions she has. Why bother? It's not like Alpha 5 has found Katherine's
coordinates and teleports her out of danger.</div>
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Inside of the Command Center, Alpha 5 finds Katherine's
coordinates and teleports her out of danger. Damn! Good try Rita. You almost
had her.</div>
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Katherine soon arrives in the Command Center with the Pink
Power Coin in tow. Zordon introduces himself to the young Aussie, who promptly
begins vomiting in abject fear. Alpha 5 emerges to try and calm her down, but
the sight of a fully-sentient automaton causes her to become even more
violently ill. The Ranger Teens watch in stunned silence as this poor teenage
girl from foreign lands is forced to interact with living proof of the fact
that there is no God.</div>
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After Katherine spends a few months in a psych ward, she
meets up with Tommy and Kimberly. She returns Kim's Power Coin to her, and then
asks them to watch as she faces her fears. Why is this a scene in the episode?
Because this is the closest thing to action we're going to get this week, so
why not?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXLC2sS5Lt-vIKyvj7yIMhWTkurftzXOc2q7CU1d23BfkPLeE4tCz4j6_wfLHBsvwpJ-heX3OtLGUi40ggZk3cN0Qq-ro99pR28719J0cm4aEI_k6GcYMnQaMV6Wfrt0QJqKks2upQzb8m/s1600/Triple+Lindy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="409" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXLC2sS5Lt-vIKyvj7yIMhWTkurftzXOc2q7CU1d23BfkPLeE4tCz4j6_wfLHBsvwpJ-heX3OtLGUi40ggZk3cN0Qq-ro99pR28719J0cm4aEI_k6GcYMnQaMV6Wfrt0QJqKks2upQzb8m/s400/Triple+Lindy.gif" title="Is that really a stunt double? Ah who cares? Sutherland ain't reading this." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Nice of Katherine's stunt double to do
that dive for her.</i></div>
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Kim and Tommy congratulate Katherine on overcoming her
fears, and Kat proudly proclaims that she performed this dive so Kim could see
how to quash her own fears. Kim agrees, and this leads us to another montage of
Kimberly doing gymnastics at the Pan Global Trials. Instead of falling off and
injuring herself again like a total dumbshit, Kimberly lands her dismount and
receives adulation from the crowd. Possibly because she overcame her fears, or
possibly because she reclaimed her magical coin that gives her superhuman
abilities. It's impossible to be sure which is responsible. </div>
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Kimberly arrives at the Youth Center, where all of her
friends (and Rocky) congratulate her on her performance. Gunthar Schmidt also
makes a big announcement, he's inviting Kimberly to live on his compound in
Florida where he'll um…teach her
gymnastics? Yeah, sure, that's the ticket!</div>
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The Ranger Teens reconvene at the Command Center and Zordon tells
Kimberly she absolutely can't let this amazing opportunity slip through her
fingers. Also, if she quits of her own accord then he won't have to pay out her
pension. Kim declines this offer, as she had promised to protect the world when
she became a Power Ranger. Zordon says that this chance is something she can't
possibly pass up, as it will provide her with experience that will prove
invaluable for her when she someday returns to be a Power Ranger.</div>
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Hold the phone a second, Zordy. What if Kimberly wants to
quit your horrific freak show to go be a gymnast? Why are you assuming that a
teenager who is going to partake in their inevitable career would want to come
back and be shackled down to your horrific life of alien murder? Zordon doesn't
even really seem to give Kim the option of, "Hey, if you're ready to hang
up your helmet then that's fine too." What kind of goddamned nightmare
farm is this? Isn't it possible that she just wants to leave this atrocious
hellscape and never see any of you animals again? </div>
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Kim eventually relents, and everyone pretends that they care
about her leaving. We all saw the contract negotiations for this season, Kim.
You weren't fooling any of us. Though this leaves us with a real pickle; what
are we going to do now that we're down a Ranger? Yeah, a Ranger that doesn’t
have their own Zord or individual weapons anymore. Would really hurt the team
to lose that dead weight.</div>
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But Kimberly has someone in mind for the role of Pink
Ranger. It's the person that our show has been spending an uncharacteristic
amount of time on for the past 10 weeks or so. Yep, Kim has decided to pass her
Power Coin on to Katherine. Hopefully she'll be able to keep the Pink Ranger
tradition alive by giving a bunch of 6 year olds their first awkward boners
when they realize they have special feelings for the Pink Ranger.</div>
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Kim and Kat hug out their emotional moment as Tommy pouts in
the background. Not because he's going to miss his girlfriend, but because it isn't about him for some reason. He could be the Pink <i>and</i> White Ranger if he really wanted to.
Hell, why not get rid of all five of these losers and let Tommy do the whole
thing himself? </div>
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Zordon promises Katherine that someday, footage permitting,
she'll be able to pilot the Pink Crane Ninjazord. Until that day comes, she
gets to share a Zord with Tommy. Sorry, Kat. You picked the wrong season to
join our crew. Oh well, you'll get over it. </div>
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Kim offers all of her friends a fond farewell. She tells
them with utmost sincerity that she's going to miss hanging out with them more
than anything in the world. She even tells the rest of the Ranger Teens that
she loves them like the fathers she's never had. She then congratulates Katherine on escaping from Rita's imprisonment and...wait a minute. Why was Kat in Rita's clutches again? Oh right, she was getting traded for Ninjor wasn't she?<br />
<br />
Wait a sec...well Katherine is gone. But what happened to Ninjor? The plan was to throw both him and Katherine into the ocean, but nobody ever rescued him. We got Kim's coin back, but I guess Ninjor got tossed out to sea. What a lovely ending to this momentous occasion. Happy to have you on the team Kat!</div>
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<b>Your Weekly 90's
Nostalgia</b>: <i>Florida Gymnastic Fuck Dungeons</i></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
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This one seems so weird to me. This episode feels like it's supposed to to be all about Kimberly's final hurrah, but she becomes an afterthought in her own episode. Katherine proves herself by escaping Rito and jumping in a pool, but Kim spends half the runtime in a hospital bed. I was actually kind of stunned when I saw that the episode was almost over. Three episodes and this is how you say good-bye to your best actor? She didn't even get to beat up a giant trash can! I mean at least this beats the way we wrote off our last three actors. Though I'd be hard-pressed to think of a way you could possibly make it any worse than that.<br />
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Maybe it's just me, but this episode should feel significantly more important than it does. I can tolerate a lack of action, though the child inside me is screaming in terror at the very notion, but this still falls rather flat. Kim's goodbyes were sweet, she gets to live out her dream, this is all nice. But man does it fail to strike a chord. I feel so goddamned lukewarm about the whole scenario.<br />
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Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point.<br />
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I can barely even think of anything to mention now. Amy Jo Johnson had apparently told Saban she wanted off the show around the end of Season 2, but she was willing to let them space out her inevitable departure through the upcoming Season 3. Which is pretty respectful considering this show lit you on fucking <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2014/09/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-16.html">fire</a> within the first 20 episodes. But everything I've seen of Amy leads me to believe she's a total sweetheart and would believably be really respectful about leaving the show. She even showed up for a special appearance in a later <i>Power Rangers</i> installment, but that's for another day. Hopefully not for a very very long time.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-55506965286194029432017-07-18T01:11:00.001-05:002017-07-25T10:51:52.929-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 24: A Different Shade of Pink Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_idU5Dp_vBcjF7b2iIsjP2uBRYMEgLHi2sNgWcW9gId-HaIsnyI6CfJSsytmW46w9vtN1qqCB4WL8WiWI9_Wpz6q124EqA5wotqi6y4Tor9lP4lGZLOM1q_HQdhRsXCDvNIvCveQFtqLJ/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="415" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_idU5Dp_vBcjF7b2iIsjP2uBRYMEgLHi2sNgWcW9gId-HaIsnyI6CfJSsytmW46w9vtN1qqCB4WL8WiWI9_Wpz6q124EqA5wotqi6y4Tor9lP4lGZLOM1q_HQdhRsXCDvNIvCveQFtqLJ/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Tommy Offers His Girlfriend Questionable Bedside Manner<br />
Grim Promises of Horror Threatened by Lizard in Trash Can</div>
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<a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/07/mmpr-season-3-episode-23-different.html">Last week</a> on <i>Power
Rangers</i>, Kimberly met the world-famous coach Gunthar Schmidt who agreed to
train her for the upcoming "Contractual Dispute Games." Rita refused
to let Kim have a glimpse of happiness, so she sent down a swarm of goons to draw the
Pink Ranger out during her training sessions with Schmidt. Later that night, an
exhausted Kimberly went to train by herself inside of the Youth Center. The
supposedly-evil Katherine abruptly had a change of heart as she rushed to help
Kim, but not before the Ranger Teen fell off the balance beam and appeared to
be gravely injured.</div>
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This week we begin, quite logically, inside of a hospital. A
group of doctors have Kimberly on a gurney as Kat explains her situation. The
doctor tells his nurses to take Kim to radiology and wants "the
works" done on her. Unfortunately, Katherine has to remind the doctors that
Kim's mother doesn't have insurance, so they're forced to stuff her lifeless body in the trash chute.</div>
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Inside the Moon Palace, Zedd and Rita demand an explanation
for Katherine's sudden betrayal of their orders. Finster shows up with a
scroll, for some goddamned reason, and exposits that Katherine's act of
goodness shorted out the evil magic. What a bunch of Tinker Bell bullshit. </div>
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Baboo blubbers about whatever half-understood concept
entered into his worthless skull, and Zedd responds by blowing him off. Lord
Zedd then discusses the issue with characters who matter. The evil overlord
makes a decent point that even if Kat is no longer on their side, she still
managed to accomplish her goal of taking Kim out of commission. Now, she's
become nothing but another target for Zedd and Rita to murder at their soonest
convenience. </div>
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I love the brass balls on Zedd. He doesn't even attempt to
bring Kat back to their side. As soon as she turns coat against them, she's
marked for death. It's little touches like this that almost make Lord Zedd look
like he's a credible threat. Unfortunately, his primary lot in life is to lose
to a bunch of high-school students every single week.</div>
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Billy and Tommy meet up at the hospital to check up on
Kimberly. Billy asks Tommy how he's holding up, and Tommy points his snout down
and pouts. Oddly (strangely) Tommy is far more concerned about how Katherine is handling
the whole thing. They then ask aloud why Kat would have been around Kimberly
when she had her near-fatal accident in the first place. Aren't these guys
supposed to be straight A students? How is this so difficult to piece together?
Imagine playing a game of <i>Clue</i> with
these jokers. They'd spend half the game asking why Colonel Mustard was
spending so much time in the Billiard Room.</div>
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Coach Schmidt shows up at the hospital and personally
apologizes to Tommy. He says that he feels somehow responsible for Kimberly's
condition…which is actually kind of cool. Gunthar Schmidt is a character who's
only going to be around for like 3 episodes, so it would have been fine to have
him be nothing but a stereotypical brash coach. But this episode takes him just
a few steps further into being an actual character. </div>
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The doctor drops by and informs our crew that Kimberly is
fine, and suffered no lasting damage from her tumble. Billy, Tommy, Kat, and
Schmidt all breathe a sigh of relief that Kim is back to normal. Doctor Whoever
tells them they can go in and visit her, but should preferably do so one at a
time. In order to ensure we definitely hit 3 episodes.</div>
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Tommy immediately goes first, because of course he does, and nabs some
shitty little stuffed bear he must have bought at the hospital gift shop.
Um…Tommy? You know that Kim isn't the one with the Bear Zord right? Who am I
kidding? Of course you don't.</div>
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Oh yeah, and Kimberly has a few more visitors waiting for
her at the hospital.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8jmHRjZ7JMiJ3toAjlcu_5xs6bYwiV07fpTypGoBIKCKo0PHIQh2kyJa4sd4ftQjvh0E9oX_1WgLmNrhM1O-laa8iBz3E9LwlzXclEci0rjFR4GJxY32AO4iVpuhlEXN9wcgojeC_Rpy-/s1600/Which+Three+Stooges+Episode+Was+This+From.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="427" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8jmHRjZ7JMiJ3toAjlcu_5xs6bYwiV07fpTypGoBIKCKo0PHIQh2kyJa4sd4ftQjvh0E9oX_1WgLmNrhM1O-laa8iBz3E9LwlzXclEci0rjFR4GJxY32AO4iVpuhlEXN9wcgojeC_Rpy-/s400/Which+Three+Stooges+Episode+Was+This+From.PNG" title="Spoilers: I'm not going to talk about the brief scene at the end when they come back, so get your fill of these idiots here." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Ah shit, I accidentally turned on Scrubs.</i></div>
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Yes, even in the ~serious~ episode of <i>Power Rangers</i>, we can't escape the comic goofery of these
chucklefucks. Lt. Stone wonders aloud how Bulk and Skull managed to trick him
into something so stupid and pointless, which is the same thing I've been
asking myself all season. Bulk promises that he won't be disappointed, because
they're going to expose that dirty Commie Schmidt for trying to undermine our
glorious nation of America. Can't wait for next season, when Bulk and Skull's
patriotism becomes even more fervent and they reenact <i>American History X</i>.</div>
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Though at least this scene ends with a gag of the three cops
getting their cart pushed into a laundry chute. The one thing I wanted out of
this scene, so kudos to 'ya <i>Power Rangers</i>.</div>
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Adam, Aisha, and Rocky travel together as they get a message
from Billy about Kim's condition improving. Good to see these three were
forbidden from visiting the hospital until one of the OG 3 Rangers gave them
permission. Sorry second-stringers, but you can come up when Tommy is good and
goddamned ready to let you.</div>
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Zedd and Rita panic that Kimberly has already healed up, and
demand to know why Finster hasn't cooked up a new monster yet. Zedd bitches at
Rito to go down and beat up those damn teenagers, and has a pretty great line.</div>
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"<i>You're usually
worthless, but who knows? Maybe this time you'll get lucky!"</i></div>
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What a glorious prick. Just rubbing it right in Rito's bony
face how much of a twit he is. But even better is how Rito reacts during this
spiel.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2YQmo1Giy1eAunNGhzcC_n2v6UcZAjOSCOFFllPoVBGkTkyTnkswUIyggbhuda_ld8RMuPTdTAhf1HKnZEGjRmoTy6h9ZVJi9Iu8ZBRNfW0r3K1Szq-s7TSVhPZl_ZtIFBTk7xH8OqDHr/s1600/Rito+Throwin+Shade.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="409" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2YQmo1Giy1eAunNGhzcC_n2v6UcZAjOSCOFFllPoVBGkTkyTnkswUIyggbhuda_ld8RMuPTdTAhf1HKnZEGjRmoTy6h9ZVJi9Iu8ZBRNfW0r3K1Szq-s7TSVhPZl_ZtIFBTk7xH8OqDHr/s400/Rito+Throwin+Shade.gif" title="What the hell is happening to the right half of Rito's body? Is he growing mold?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Not sure why he's spinning on a
rotisserie in this scene.</i></div>
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Tommy walks into Kimberly's room and greets her with a cute
little joke about her situation.</div>
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"<i>Hey, don't you
know you're supposed to land on your feet."<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Jesus Christ, Oliver. Maybe save it for after your girl gets
out of the fucking hospital. Maybe she fell off that balance beam in an attempt
to escape your ceaseless nagging, you worthless canine.</div>
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Tommy puts on his Serious Acting Voice™ to console Kimberly.
He says he's been deeply worried ever since Rita and Zedd started coming after
her. Kim says she's glad he showed up, and thanks him for the cheap stuffed
bear he bought her as an afterthought. Tommy asks Kimberly if being in the
hospital makes her sad since she has to wear a cone around her neck after she leaves. After this,
Kim politely asks Tommy to get out of her room.</div>
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On the way to the hospital, Adam, Aisha, and Rocky are
stopped by Rito and the Tengas. The replacement trio ninja morph and get into
it with the Tengas. Unfortunately, Rito proves too much for Rocky, because any
named character is too much for Rocky. </div>
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Zordon contacts Tommy and says he's happy to see Kimberly is
feeling better. He also asks if she's filled out that paperwork regarding how
her accident happened outside of her Ranger priorities and had nothing to do
with his "organization." Also, those three simpletons he hired are
getting the utter dogshit slapped out of them in the park. Maybe Tommy can stop
lollygagging with Kim and go do some work for once.</div>
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Kim tries to get up and go along with Tommy and Billy, but
Zordon tells her she's in the <i>goddamned
hospital</i>. I think five Rangers can handle a gaggle of pigeons and their
bone-cad uncle.</div>
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Oh yeah, and there's a great juxtaposition in this scene.
Tommy smooches Kim on the forehead and silently whispers that he'll be back
with her soon. Then the literal very next second, he shouts out "WE NEED
NINJA RANGER POWER NOW!" It's fucking hilarious. Oh Tommy, you beautiful
mutt.</div>
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The five Ninja Rangers join forces and challenge Rito et.
all. I sit patiently as I wait for some cool ninja moves and…nope. Nothing.
Tommy does that disappearing trick when Rito slashes at him, but that's it. The
closest thing we get to sweet karate shit is when Rocky tosses some Tengas into
the backseat of his truck.</div>
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<i>Rocky flips the bird</i>. </div>
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While the Ninja Rangers duke it out with the Tengas,
Katherine visits Kimberly in her hospital bed. Kim thanks Kat for saving her
life last night, and then asks why the hell she was hanging out near the Youth
Center so late. Katherine takes this moment to inform Kim of the following.</div>
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<i>I was that cat you
guys had around, because my name is Kat and that's what constitutes clever
writing in this series. Also, I was always watching while you and Tommy were
boning in the back of his Cadillac. And you remember that cat monster you
fought like 6 weeks ago? That was me too! But don't be afraid. I'm not actually
a cat, merely turned into a cat by some evil witch with Madonna tits who lives
on the Moon. She tricked me with a bird and then made me evil or something. But
I became good again when I remembered the time I fell off a diving board and
hit my head. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Unfortunately the show cuts to commercial before we have to
witness Kimberly processing all of this absolute nonsense. All I want is a
scene of her listening to this crazy shit and hammering the button that
controls her morphenomenal Morphine.</div>
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Back at the park, Rito and his pigeons have been subdued.
The Ninja Rangers gang up on them, but Rito takes this opportunity to retreat
from the battle. The Rangers gripe that they "almost had him," which
is ludicrous. You clowns will never kill Rito Revolto. This episodic hootenanny
will never end, and you're going to be stuck murdering rubber monsters until
the heat death of the universe. Get fucked.</div>
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Kat continues explaining what happened to her, and how
terrible she feels for Kimberly's current condition. Katherine blames herself
and wonders why she couldn't stop doing terrible things. Terrible things such
as: Tearing up photographs, sneering at teenagers, tricking police officers by
transforming into a cat, and drinking all of Ernie's spoiled milk.</div>
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Kim smiles and asks Kat if she knows how Tommy became a
Power Ranger in the first place. Katherine says she has no idea, and it seems
like we're about to enjoy a somber discussion between the two girls.</div>
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Until Tommy barges in, interrupts Kimberly, and sideswipes
her story by telling it himself.</div>
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Someone put a muzzle on this blustering pooch already.
Holy shit.</div>
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So now that Katherine has apologized for conspiring to
murder Kimberly, the Ranger Teens accept her as their new best pal. Even though
she knows their identities, and Zordon said that would be a big no-no if they
wanted to retain their powers. Does that become null and void if Rita is the
one who spills the beans on their secret? If not, couldn't Rita and Zedd make a
monster out of a loud speaker that blares the names of the Power Rangers across
the city every day and night? What's all this hullabaloo about cats and
gymnastics competitions? These Moon losers are missing the easy way out.</div>
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Speaking of our favorite Moon goblins, Rita is currently
bitching out her worthless brother for not murdering all those kids for the
umpteenth time. Zedd points out that Rito is such a dipshit, he hasn't done
anything right since he showed up. Rito protests this in his standard tone, as
he bellows "Oh yes I have!" Then a second goes by and Rito's voice
falls to a defeated tone as he responds. "Oh…no I haven't."</div>
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I'm begging each and every one of you readers to listen to
this line, because it's absolutely the best goddamned thing in this show.
Rito's entire character is "BWAHAHA I'M A STUMBLING, BUMBLING DUMBASS AND
I DON'T CARE BOUT NOTHIN." Then he drops all of that for one line as he
gains sentience and realizes that he's just the dumbest bag of bones in the
universe. It's hilarious. I can't feasibly do it justice, and it deserves to
live in your ears.</div>
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Now that Rito has failed, Zedd changes tactics and demands
to meet Finster's new monster. Finster announces that his new monster
represents Kimberly, as he personifies where all broken dreams end up.
Introducing: Garbage Mouth!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPWgtfkVkPKoadjbRe3LwaNjeP66BFBRjTSz7ayRxTrOdAPXnSyI2uux-G__lGJlyIw-DT_ByOXhXwY2UiCr9ycTthSTdLSEEO7baLyXFtybVfVA-zj8RmQj9B9hNrMmPWjAfg3BhoOhvb/s1600/Garbage+Mouth+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Garbage Mouth" border="0" data-original-height="305" data-original-width="415" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPWgtfkVkPKoadjbRe3LwaNjeP66BFBRjTSz7ayRxTrOdAPXnSyI2uux-G__lGJlyIw-DT_ByOXhXwY2UiCr9ycTthSTdLSEEO7baLyXFtybVfVA-zj8RmQj9B9hNrMmPWjAfg3BhoOhvb/s400/Garbage+Mouth+1.PNG" title="I'M THE TRAYSH MAN. I THROW TRASH ALL OVER THE RING, AND THEN I START EATIN' GARBAGE!" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i style="text-align: center;">AKA: Trash Talk</i></div>
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But Zedd doesn't simply want Garbage Mouth to go murder the
Power Rangers. He has something different in mind. Lord Zedd commands his new
monster to kidnap Katherine, as she is <i>their</i>
broken dream. His end goal is to make sure that she pays for breaking her
contract with the villains.</div>
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That's actually pretty cool. Zedd is
taking the loss of his spy as a personal affront, so he's sending his trash can
ghoul to make sure she doesn't get away until she knows why you never double
cross Big Daddy Z.</div>
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Aisha congratulates Kimberly, and informs her that the
doctor said she'll be out of the hospital in a few days. Rocky asks when she
plans on getting back to training for the games, but Kimberly states that she's
not going to be participating. She doesn't want to take the risk (???) and has
decided to anchor herself to this franchise for all of eternity. Kim uses her
best Satoru Iwata impression, and asks her friends to "please
understand." Tommy gibbers like an ape for a few seconds, and then
everyone leaves Kim's room in confusion.</div>
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The Ranger Teens discuss why they think Kimberly wants to
quit gymnastics, and nobody can seem to find a concrete answer. For some reason, nobody comes to the conclusion that Kim might want to quit gymnastics because she almost died doing them last night. Katherine says
she might understand what's going on, but before she can say anything she's
kidnapped by Garbage Mouth and a flock of Tengas. Because the episode was
running short and we needed another Tenga scene to truck it along.</div>
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The Ranger Teens morph while Garbage Mouth holds Katherine
back. Even though he can teleport to the depths of outer space, he chooses to
watch his battalion of birds fight a bunch of nimrods in latex costumes. Oh
well, I'm sure this decision won't bite him in the ass about 12 seconds from
now.</div>
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After detaining the Tengas, our heroes corner Garbage Mouth
and demand he release Katherine. Garbage Mouth protests that he isn't here to
fight them, and only wants to take this Aussie back to the Moon with him. For
some reason, I kind of like that. He isn't twirling his moustache about how bad
he's going to murder some power kids. He just wants to take this hostage and
bug out. Stop trying to turn all of this into some karate bullshit, you
weirdos.</div>
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While Garbage Mouth tries to get away, Katherine stomps on his
foot and escapes his grasp. This incenses the monster, who proceeds to blast the
Rangers for getting in his way. Katherine is also quite close to these attacks,
but thankfully she's protected by her super powered allies.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQ3SpzcntIRPic3SR4N-IeUvAjoJ8FtZh5maud7fJFtdTR3X5jxnWOwR1k5qPKix3BUNFZcMeDoGO-wG6pnJ-XJ4JSJJvHOL_8Uz9uPRjCsJs64pOgrh7TmZbz4vnKb_5JxdAw-5oNxp1/s1600/Operation+Hide+Behind+The+Aussies.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Power Rangers gif" border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="401" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWQ3SpzcntIRPic3SR4N-IeUvAjoJ8FtZh5maud7fJFtdTR3X5jxnWOwR1k5qPKix3BUNFZcMeDoGO-wG6pnJ-XJ4JSJJvHOL_8Uz9uPRjCsJs64pOgrh7TmZbz4vnKb_5JxdAw-5oNxp1/s400/Operation+Hide+Behind+The+Aussies.gif" title="Rocky's one defining character trait: He's a gigantic puss." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>PLEASE PROTECT ME DEFENSELESS TEENAGE GIRL!</i></div>
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After Rocky courageously hides behind an unarmed civilian cat hybrid,
the Rangers instruct Katherine to hide inside the hospital with Kimberly. Phew!
Problem solved. Rita and Zedd may send moon monsters to murder children, but
they would never go inside of a hospital. I'm sure if the moon devil tries to
kidnap our new friend, our chronically-ill team member will be able to protect
her for sure.</div>
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Rita and Zedd get tired of their monsters' failures and turn
him into a giant. The Rangers respond by making some inane quip about recycling
and summoning their Shogunzords. The five Shogunzords pose at Garbage Mouth,
but he responds by whipping out a massive trash can and sucking all five of
them inside. He seals it with a lid before saying the following.</div>
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"<i>Since I hold the
leftover pieces of broken dreams, you can stay here forever. And dream of what
might have been!"</i></div>
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I do not know why. I could be absolutely bonkers. But I
absolutely fucking love this line. You would expect the monster to say
something more to the effect of "HAHA I HAVE TRASHED YOU." Instead,
he tells these five high schoolers that he has ended their futures, and they
can spend the rest of their mortal lives wishing they could do more. It's
surprisingly stark compared to the rest of this show's usual fare. </div>
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Y'know what? I don't care what anybody else thinks. I love
this dialogue from the blue trash lizard. Fight me irl, and I'll kick all your
butts!!!</div>
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The Shogunzords refuse to have their futures cut off, and
use some bullshit magic attack to blow open Garbage Mouth's trash can. This
knocks the monster off balance, and gives the Shogunzords time to fuse into the
Shogun Megazord. Garbage Mouth reveals a sword from out of goddamn nowhere and
charges the goliath mecha. This produces some less than stellar results.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEjWgOnSquzUlYTrvFmjwfTOHf-P0oEB7G75OQDobcfRKIGJ-uELz4Yi-JOfACMknTD1kUvTL7AO7eRfZWb6Qqs5bjHPy2gpmyUvmbF-erEVa4QHUMuZMQCKvCR5Ag8XjFNGa0SpS3K7mG/s1600/Sword+Proves+Ineffective+Against+Brick+Wall.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="401" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEjWgOnSquzUlYTrvFmjwfTOHf-P0oEB7G75OQDobcfRKIGJ-uELz4Yi-JOfACMknTD1kUvTL7AO7eRfZWb6Qqs5bjHPy2gpmyUvmbF-erEVa4QHUMuZMQCKvCR5Ag8XjFNGa0SpS3K7mG/s400/Sword+Proves+Ineffective+Against+Brick+Wall.gif" title="For all the reasons I don't like the Shogunzords, the Shogun Megazord is starting to grow on me." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Someone's about to take out the trash.</i></div>
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After belting Garby in the mouth, the Shogun Megazord whips
out its fire saber and slashes him down the middle. Hopefully next week we can
get a monster who stops having badass lines and returns to a bunch of worthless
guffawing puns revolving around whatever vague concept the creature is based
on. Woof.</div>
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Rita and Zedd throw a royal shitfit now that their trash
gecko has been burned alive. Zedd demands to know how they're supposed to
murder those stupid kids and get revenge on their old cat. Zedd concludes that they'd need a bargaining
chip to get Katherine away from the safety of the Power Rangers, but can't
figure out what that would be. Rita interrupts him to remind her dear husband
that they just so happen to have Ninjor trapped inside of a bottle for just
such an occasion. You can be forgiven if you forgot about him being here, what
with the fact his toy is currently lining the bargain bins.</div>
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Tommy and Billy walk with Katherine and continue to discuss
Kimberly's situation. Tommy is particularly concerned. Not because of
Kim's distressing health issues, but because she doesn't want to do a sport.
That'd be like if someone offered Tommy a shiny new belt for kicking people in
cloaks and he turned them down. Are we living in some sort of topsy-turvy Dr.
Seuss world?</div>
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Suddenly, Rita and Rito show up to harass our heroes. Tommy
demands to know what they want, and Rita declares that they want their kitty
cat back. When Tommy refuses, Rita and Rito laugh and…disappear? It's a shame
we had to have two Tenga fights and couldn't take the time to make this moment
not play like absolute dogshit.</div>
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But there was a perfectly good reason for their presence! Rita
has dropped a ransom note that states Katherine must be returned to them by the
end of the day. If she isn't, then Ninjor will be thrown into the Sea of Sorrow
where he will remain forever. </div>
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Which is probably a better ending for him than how he's
treated next season.</div>
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<b>TO BE CONTINUED<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: </b><i> Ransom Notes</i></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts<o:p></o:p></u></div>
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First off, thank you all tremendously for the really nice comments you left on the last post. I loved reading what everyone had to say about Season 3 and their feeling on its quality. I'm glad I'm not the only who feels a bit mixed on it, but that's irrelevant for now. I sincerely appreciate the thoughts you good folks left, and I'll try and work through my writer's block without accepting defeat next time. I'm really sorry if I left anyone without something to read last Monday, and I hope this post had enough of a kick to it.<br />
<br />
So the episode itself? I actually liked it. I remember watching this when I was younger and seriously liking it, in spite of the fucking garbage can monster. Mostly because of little moments like Rito dropping all pretense and realizing what a screw-up he is, and the aforementioned line from Garbage Mouth. That struck such a chord with me and turned what should have been a completely forgettable monster into something way more interesting.<br />
<br />
I like the fact that Zedd and Rita take Kat's betrayal so personally as well. It gives them a bit more depth than "Ah curses, our plan has failed. Now to stew about it while Goldar growls and Squatt says something about food." They're petty, but that fits what we know about them. I appreciate any attempt to expand on these characters we've known for nearly 150 episodes. In case anyone was wondering, I'm a pretty easy guy to please.<br />
<br />
Something worth mentioning is the battle between the Shogun Megazord and Garbage Mouth. In <i>Kakuranger</i>, this was the Shogun Megazord's debut fight. This might explain why it's portrayed as so utterly unfazed by anything the monster does to it. Though this will sadly not remain a constant, as the Shogun Megazord fights will soon become some of the lamest mecha action this franchise will ever see. But we'll talk about that in a few weeks. Take it easy!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-62980369733535653492017-07-10T21:58:00.000-05:002017-07-10T21:58:04.672-05:00The Tale of the Nameless .GIF.So I spend quite a bit of time staring at images of <i>Power Rangers</i> episodes. It's a pretty natural thing to do when you make a blog about the series, but this week finally broke me. I was watching <i>A Different Shade of Pink Part 2</i>, and I created this particular .gif.<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhplMhInH5sYJMzfwvkVhXK1svAYCBiBWdhkVr6D5JKUr_3lD2yv9oKHPSuWL97Ca54nq3p5PaqMGo5g2GQME1pCseswbP6JhwKWq1CB63Lx6r8ItRZFwksLOoZL74wf-oRgRr5JeeXP0TA/s1600/Unnamable+GIF.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="409" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhplMhInH5sYJMzfwvkVhXK1svAYCBiBWdhkVr6D5JKUr_3lD2yv9oKHPSuWL97Ca54nq3p5PaqMGo5g2GQME1pCseswbP6JhwKWq1CB63Lx6r8ItRZFwksLOoZL74wf-oRgRr5JeeXP0TA/s400/Unnamable+GIF.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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Now let me pull back the curtain on how I make these dumbass posts, for all the none of you who care. Whenever I make a .gif, the name of the file is typically a joke. That means you get three jokes per image. One in the file title, one as the hover text, and one underneath each image. Which is because I am a goddamned psychopath and I think that making two jokes for an image I barely had one joke for is a great idea. So if you ever wonder why image names or alt text jokes are a little lacking, it's because I was at my wit's end and just struggled to come up with something. <i>Anything</i>. </div>
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The image title is always the easiest though, because I know that not that many people are actually going to go out of their way to read the name of a goddamn .gif for an extra chuckle. Which is good, because that means it can be a mediocre joke, or occasionally just me being a big old piss boy about how this show for dumb babies is dumb and also for babies.</div>
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But then I made this .gif. And the easy part didn't happen. I knew it was amusing, I knew I wanted to post it, and I knew it should be in this write-up. But I had nothing. Absolutely friggin' nothing to title it. I had no jokes for what to put underneath it. I had no jokes for the alt text. And I couldn't even think of a dogshit joke to use for the file name. </div>
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That's when I got into a legitimate funk. I was aghast at my lack of creativity. I've felt like I've been in a creative slump lately, and this godawful .gif is what proved it to me. I didn't have a joke or a pun or a witty remark. Nothing. I had failed my audience, and I ceased writing. The word document sitting on my computer has literally stopped at this point of the episode. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5cEo4yfsJghivYBC-U9r9P2KcyEyw7QCp8Jr5cvMvhzKRHygPR41KRAHSEm-fxecgTTlURSvaiKN-BzuW5zrbKl8iOVZRQnsOHfWhlo0k3raIb5QVTbL4JjxvRiGnv089xlmtzd6e_me3/s1600/Writers+Block.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="339" data-original-width="695" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5cEo4yfsJghivYBC-U9r9P2KcyEyw7QCp8Jr5cvMvhzKRHygPR41KRAHSEm-fxecgTTlURSvaiKN-BzuW5zrbKl8iOVZRQnsOHfWhlo0k3raIb5QVTbL4JjxvRiGnv089xlmtzd6e_me3/s640/Writers+Block.PNG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div>
See all that white space at the bottom? I spent the better part of 3 hours staring at it and feeling like I had nothing to say about this episode. It's still looking at me. Like it's mocking me for having nothing amusing or interesting to posit. I'm in a rut, and that Tenga knows it. It's humiliating.</div>
<div>
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<div>
I'm sorry for being so inconsistent lately, and I genuinely hope that my latest entries have been good despite my weird hang-ups. I just want to explain the emotional depths I sank to while making that moving image of a bird getting flung into a truck. I'm gonna take some time and give some extra effort to this post. Make it look better next week. All because I couldn't think of a joke for this goddamned bird.</div>
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<div>
Wait a sec...hold on.</div>
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<div>
"Rocky flips the bird."</div>
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FUCK</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-31129588260521785702017-07-04T10:15:00.001-05:002017-07-18T01:25:49.914-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 23: A Different Shade of Pink Part 1<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4aUJsQx5gAVxZO_DCHg-cMd8oAs5QOqbzKvPxViGavcBijVlJ8pg3AQHIStSfYTzK1mhKEdO8fblsTmoavokg0C3JKa0QYzG4DZdJ5xdc7WdaYazVU77BHO3RnKBUMSvbDpBUs-xc3vXH/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="413" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4aUJsQx5gAVxZO_DCHg-cMd8oAs5QOqbzKvPxViGavcBijVlJ8pg3AQHIStSfYTzK1mhKEdO8fblsTmoavokg0C3JKa0QYzG4DZdJ5xdc7WdaYazVU77BHO3RnKBUMSvbDpBUs-xc3vXH/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span id="goog_992466072"></span></div>
<div class="powertitle">
Bulk and Skull Wear Leotards<br />
Immigrant Tricked into Marriage With Ninja Bird</div>
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Yeah, it doesn't take Einstein to figure out what this
trilogy is going to be about. You know that one Ranger who hasn't been hanging
around with the others in group scenes very often? The one who gets excuses
made up to explain her absence? Turns out she's leaving the show! That means
the audience gets to say good-bye to the best actor on the team, as well as an entire generations' first crush.</div>
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Kim begins her final days shackled to this accursed
children's program by practicing her gymnastics on the balance beam. Tommy watches
her leap around as he sports a big dumb grin on his canine face. The kind of
smile that translates to "I don't know what she's doing, but she'll be
upset if I'm not paying attention." </div>
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Another onlooker, an old foreign man with salt and pepper
hair, approaches and compliments Kimberly's form on the balance beam. Tommy
asks this ancient creep why he's checking out his girlfriend's hot bod, but the
man explains Tommy's all mixed up. This man is none other than the
"world-famous" gymnastics coach, Gunthar Schmidt. I think he's
supposed to be German, but I couldn't even find this guys' IMDB profile. For
all I know, he's a ghost that's haunting the set of <i>Power Rangers</i>.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlvlp9hrH9dxw-IeCdAuYcVgkzhKH76USVP3KquGmkhyphenhyphenpwuWHWh3Gw7ipIU1YSLHcagKiuYDGjU2hrQzp56XVpJdvqbNTT39HMbuaLaUVkED79SE-oUxddkHcK6waFB6n57I37A1RL99_w/s1600/Gunthar+Schmidt+%2528SP%2529.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="348" data-original-width="469" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlvlp9hrH9dxw-IeCdAuYcVgkzhKH76USVP3KquGmkhyphenhyphenpwuWHWh3Gw7ipIU1YSLHcagKiuYDGjU2hrQzp56XVpJdvqbNTT39HMbuaLaUVkED79SE-oUxddkHcK6waFB6n57I37A1RL99_w/s400/Gunthar+Schmidt+%2528SP%2529.PNG" title="I even looked at the scripts for these episodes just to make sure I was spelling this guy's name right. That's how little I value my time." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Gunthar Schmidt? His name is my name too!</i><br />
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Kimberly hops off the balance beam and nearly wets her leotard
when she finds herself face to face with Coach Schmidt. He asks Kim if she's
going to be at the tryouts for the Pan Global games. Kim reluctantly says that
she's not part of the games, and Shit loses his Schmidt. He proclaims that
Kimberly is too talented to let her talents go to waste, and he'll clear some
time to personally train her. So long as she guarantees that <i>nothing</i> will come before her training.</div>
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Anyone care to take a guess where this plot's headed?</div>
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Rita flies into a panic when she learns about Kim's new
outing. Because the conceit of one of the Rangers having something that makes
them happy gets her absolutely livid. Rita decides that the only way she can
get off this week is if she makes sure to prevent that prissy little brat from
even sniffing the Pan Global Games. Because if your monsters and goblins can't
kill these kids, at least they can ruin their goddamned dreams.</div>
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The Ranger Teens reconvene at the Command Center to talk
with Kimberly. They congratulate her on Coach Himmler's offered training of her,
since he's apparently worked with several gold medal gymnasts in the past.
Though there's a problem. Kimberly is wary of taking this offer because it may
very well cut into her time as a Power Ranger. How can she hope to train full
time and also fight against armored birds that besiege her town every week?</div>
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(Spoilers: She can't.)</div>
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Zordon interrupts this internal dilemma by telling Kimberly her
maturity towards the Power Ranger position is admirable, and he would <i>never</i> want to deprive any of the Ranger
Teens of such a golden opportunity. </div>
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"I'M SO SORRY RANGERS. I'LL GLEEFULLY EQUIP YOU WITH
THE FINEST MAGICAL GENOCIDE ROBOTS TO INDISCRIMINANTELY SLAUGHTER THE SOULLESS
ARMIES OF SPACE DEVILS, BUT I COULDN'T FATHOM KEEPING YOU FROM DOING BACKFLIPS
ON A PIECE OF WOOD IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE OF SWEDES."</div>
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After that glowing endorsement from her floating head sorcerer, Kimberly gets straight to training. But hold the phone here. We've
got 3 parts to fill, and who knows how much shit to get through. How can we
devote time to Kim's training regimen if it's not selling any action figures?!</div>
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My friends, that's when we bring in a fuckin MONTAGE!</div>
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Kim runs on the beach, backflips in the park, hops along a
balance beam, and so on and so forth. Though apparently the director didn't
film enough footage for this montage, because the editor shoves in scenes of Kim on the balance beam from the
beginning of the episode. In case you thought that Season 3 might mean that
we'd get more money put into this ramshackle production.</div>
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While Kim trains, Bulk and Skull watch a news report that an international spy has been located in Angel Grove. He has gray
hair, blue eyes, and speaks in a thick accent. What kind of accent? A thick
one. So watch out any of you immigrants, because the White House is coming for
you! </div>
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Bulk and Skull freak out when they realize this
international spy sounds exactly like Kimberly's new coach. Though we get a
pretty weird gag when Bulk lists off the criteria for this international spy
and asks Skull if it sounds familiar. "5'11, gray hair, heavy
accent." Skull responds, "The president of the United States?"
in a really bad Bill Clinton impression.<br />
<br />
I thought I'd chuckle at this gag, but it does absolutely nothing for me. I sat in my chair, completely stone-faced about this joke. I don't know why. Maybe it's because Skull's Clinton
impression sounds more like he's channeling Gary Busey.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bulk forms a plan to kidnap this wily ?German? so they can
prove to Lt. Stone how flawless they are at solving mysteries. I'm sure your
commanding officer will appreciate that, boys. Bring a hogtied elderly
foreigner into his office, throw him on the desk, and demand a promotion.
You'll be stacking pension cash in no time!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later that day, Rita discusses the Kimberly situation with
Katherine in Angel Grove Park. While Rita babbles endlessly about her crazy
schemes, Katherine flashes back to a moment in her youth where she jumped off
of a diving board. Then Rita tells her to stop daydreaming and get back to the
task at hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I used to remember this arc having good foreshadowing, but
saying it out loud like that kind of lessens the impact.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though there is a moment that makes me laugh quite a bit
when Rita tells Kat to snap out of her haze. As soon as Kat starts paying
attention again, Rita says some generic villain line about how the Power
Rangers are going to be hers soon and starts cackling. Rita was acting
like Kat needed to hear some critical information about the "distract
Kimberly" plan, but she really just wanted someone to hear her completely
unnecessary villainous posturing. It goes to show how empty and barren Rita and
Zedd's lives are that they're hiring teenagers to listen to their meaningless
boasts in a desperate attempt to make themselves feel better.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inside of the Command Center, Zordon alerts the Rangers that
Zedd's Moon Freaks have launched a massive attack on Angel Grove. The forces of
evil are working a bit smarter this time though, as they've split up their
manpower into multiple locations. A group of Tengas in one area, Rito and
Goldar in another, and <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-7-ninja-quest.html">Vampirus</a>
and <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-8-brush-with.html">Artistmole</a>
in another. Wait just a goddamned minute here, Vampirus and Artistmole are
back? How the hell did that happen? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that Zedd and Rita can revive monsters whenever they
damn well please, but these two are way more complicated creatures. Finster
didn't make either of these guys, they were hatched from an egg and sucked out
of Kimberly's nightmare, respectively. How did Zedd pull this shit off? Did
Rito have a backup Vampirus egg? Did Finster make a more modestly-sized badger
monster and feed it until it became plump enough to call himself Artistmole?
These Moon gremlins don't make any goddamned sense.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy suggests that the Rangers split up so they can take
each threat on in groups. Billy and Adam can tackle the Tengas, Rocky and Aisha
can fight off the monsters, and he'll fight Rito and Goldar solo. Wow, shocker.
Tommy's giving himself the biggest fight and he's going to do it all by his
lonesome. Glad we left the big decisions up to you, shithead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers make a vow that they will only call Kimberly if
the situation gets dire, so they can allow her to focus on her training in
peace. Which shouldn't be an issue so long as Rocky can get his act together
and fight something without totally cocking the whole thing up for a change. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The three battles ensue as Billy and Adam face some
difficulties against the Tengas. Billy's arms manage to get quite a workout though.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzjumvbUDiLtT6mSg6ykMFoEHpw0C-DMT45z7PTPuLy9B7YonPTfNBnuKhkoPxyqk4a9nE-N5w2EPO44eXfhWSzU8Y8hVEQuT1FT7CoS-8BXGl52U9e6WDxT0Nzxrin2AOrZhMm0uxdsC/s1600/Agony+of+De+Feet.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="280" data-original-width="399" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzjumvbUDiLtT6mSg6ykMFoEHpw0C-DMT45z7PTPuLy9B7YonPTfNBnuKhkoPxyqk4a9nE-N5w2EPO44eXfhWSzU8Y8hVEQuT1FT7CoS-8BXGl52U9e6WDxT0Nzxrin2AOrZhMm0uxdsC/s400/Agony+of+De+Feet.gif" title="I adore how the Tengas feet look like misshapen clay blobs." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Thanks, Adam. I couldn't keep those
puppet feet propped up for long!"</i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha and Rocky handle the battle against Vampirus and
Artistmole reasonably well, but Tommy is left completely overwhelmed by Rito,
Goldar, and their remaining Tenga pack. Gee whiz, I wonder why? Tommy can't
defeat like, 20 guys all by himself? Who writes this garbage? Jason David Frank
is going to give you a piece of his mind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy contacts the other Rangers and requests some backup,
but they're preoccupied with their own fights. Rocky suggests that they should
call Kimberly, because big bad Goldar is just too much for Tommy to handle. I
hope Kim enjoys watching the Pan Global Games from home while Tommy asks her to
let him outside, and then when he comes back he'll drag a dead rabbit in front
of her to apologize.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inside the Youth Center, Alpha buzzes Kimberly in the middle
of her practice. Kim explains that she forgot to do something really important
to Coach Schmidt, and that she'll be back in just a little bit. Gunthar tells
her that she doesn't grasp how important this training regiment is, and she's
throwing away a great opportunity if she leaves now. Not only that, he doesn't
have all the time in the world for her to go fiddle around with that hound she
was bedding. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kim hesitates for a bit, but her Communicator buzzes again.
Kim completely bugs out and says that she has to go, but she's only leaving
because of something extremely important. She doesn't want to admit it, but it was raining and Tommy stared at the sky with his mouth open.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kimberly, honey, here's a little tip from me to you. Tell
this old fuck that you ate some bad scallops and you need to go to the
bathroom. Boom. Bingo. He can go suck down one of Ernie's Drano Milkshakes
because he thinks you're indisposed with diarrhea. Then you can go fight
whatever talking washing machine Zedd has cooked up this week. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But no. Kim gives some vague, flighty answer about something
she needs to do before abandoning her dreams. Maybe it would help if the other Rangers tried using their Power Weapons. Remember when they used to do that in
Season 1 and early Season 2? Did Zordon melt those down and sell them for
scrap? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Kimberly rushes out, Bulk and Skull ponder how they can
bring this dastardly foreigner down. Since this is before the advent of Prison Planet, they're left to their own devices. Skull suggests making a citizen's arrest,
and unfunnily adds, "Ve Have vays of making you talk you know." Yikes.
Another swing and a miss from Mr. Skullovitch. I don't know what it says about
me that I'm actually not enjoying scenes with Bulk and Skull. Maybe it means
I'm finally becoming a functioning member of society.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, back to the fight with the nightmare raisin, the
obese marmoset, the peck of purple pigeons, Mr. Skeltal, and a golden sodomy
dog.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Pink Ranger leaps into battle and slaps the Tengas away
from her man. The battle restarts as Kim takes on Goldar and some Tengas, while
Tommy handles Rito and some Tengas. Kim kicks Goldar's ass around, but Tommy
contacts the other Rangers and tells them this still isn't working. Then, Tommy
says the absolute biggest load of shit I've heard in my entire life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>Guys, our
strength lies in teamwork!</i>"</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh? Does it now? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDf1U2xsig7SbyHGqByLyzipAxjaXBTu0UpinbI2fzamMlAIDVpK36Q1GO53752J59g6JiG_N4Alxc6axW8cVULyN7t1f-9wXH6wlsPyvrq1n4x7ThAxyVjMoH_xnIly3lms1A81js3Lt4/s1600/Did+You+Guys+Know+Tommy+is+the+Leader%252C+Let+Me+Elaborate+on+That.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="421" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDf1U2xsig7SbyHGqByLyzipAxjaXBTu0UpinbI2fzamMlAIDVpK36Q1GO53752J59g6JiG_N4Alxc6axW8cVULyN7t1f-9wXH6wlsPyvrq1n4x7ThAxyVjMoH_xnIly3lms1A81js3Lt4/s400/Did+You+Guys+Know+Tommy+is+the+Leader%252C+Let+Me+Elaborate+on+That.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Get stuffed Oliver. You make me sick.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull have a scheme to trick Coach
Schmidt into revealing his evil plot. They've dressed themselves as gymnasts
and will lie about being interested in the Pan Global Games. Once they get into
his inner circle, they'll be able to figure out if he's on the up and up or
not. Because if he's stupid enough to believe that Bulk is a gymnast, he'll be
dumb enough to fall for this plan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soon enough, Adam and Billy reach the park to join forces
with Tommy and Kimberly. Vampirus and Artistmole also land in the park, having
been beaten there by Rocky and Aisha. Now all six Rangers are back together and…did
Kimberly really need to leave training for this? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, I understand that Kim helped rescue Tommy, but why
did she need to come back for Tommy to realize, "Shit! We need to fight as
a team, guys!" Wouldn't Kim's presence seem more necessary if all five
Rangers were fighting together and it still wasn't enough to beat the various
villains? Or maybe the other Rangers don't really give a shit about Kimberly's
hopes and dreams and felt like messing with her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The six Rangers regroup and engage in a massive battle
royale with the Moon Crew. Rocky kicks Goldar in the stomach, Billy is about to
get decapitated by Rito, and Adam pronounces Artistmole's name wrong. What a
botch! Everyone should tweet at Johnny Yong Bosch to make sure he knows how
badly he bungled the name of a badger in a smock. I sure hope somebody got
fired for that blunder!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers turn the tide almost immediately, and Goldar
commands his forces to retreat. The
villains disappear in streaks of energy, and the Rangers promise they'll finish
off the forces of evil next time. Tommy tells Kim she had better get back to
practice before Gunthar Schmidt flies back to his home country of
"Somewhere in Europe."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Kimberly walks into the Youth Center, Bulk and Skull rush
out in gymnastics-related disgrace. It's not an awful gag, and I find it kind
of funny that their humiliation is completely left up to our interpretation.
Also, we get to see our main men in some sweet spandex. Meow!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5j7WmfOacsPQjyQz8LzS-q9U3XLqDkeVVBlv3ATKgABIvCT9GJmakfjlGor1tkSwDnbr9D0cukuJf-BbdNRCsiHANIJGmup4WmHc8gEpd4Gk6-CPXJggvbg9CBVA_5BpSNxspnFEHrYH/s1600/Winners+and+Losers.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="413" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5j7WmfOacsPQjyQz8LzS-q9U3XLqDkeVVBlv3ATKgABIvCT9GJmakfjlGor1tkSwDnbr9D0cukuJf-BbdNRCsiHANIJGmup4WmHc8gEpd4Gk6-CPXJggvbg9CBVA_5BpSNxspnFEHrYH/s400/Winners+and+Losers.PNG" title="Oh boy, I have a feeling I know who the next Mauve Ranger is going to be!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Now here's something for the chicks!</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Kimberly walks in, her Communicator goes off once again.
It's Tommy, and he says the villains are back and stronger than ever! They'll
need Kimberly's help again for sure. Probably. Kim decides to disappoint her
third father by bailing on their training routine once again. Thanks for believing
in my athletic prowess Mr. Shit, now fuck off. I've gotta go beat up a purple
bat in a toga.<br />
<br />
Actually...wait a second. A grown-ass adult who's abandoning their responsibilities for the sake of the Power Rangers. Why does that sound so familiar? Ah well. It's probably nothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katherine witnesses Kimberly's departure from a corner of
the Juice Bar, and sneers to herself about the situation. Suddenly, the look on
her face changes as she frowns and flashes back to her youth yet again. Katherine
recalls when she was in a diving competition, and some Aussie dickbag referred
to her as "Kay-Thrine." <i>Power
Rangers</i>, you're a show that hires approximately 389,000 voice actors. Why
don't you have one of them slap on a shitty Australian accent and say the name
Katherine right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So wait, why are we flashing back to this? I don't know.
Kaythrine gets out of her own head a few seconds later. Good lord, kitty.
Please just get on with it and remember what you're trying to convey to the
audience. Hachi machi.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Power Rangers board their Shark Cycles and chase after
Goldar, Rito, Vampirus, and Artistmole. Kimberly even shows up with a pink
Shark Cycle of her very own! Nice of Zordon to give her a bone after she got
screwed out of that Shogunzord deal. Sorry, Kimmy. Maybe start moving some
merch and we'll consider giving you a big pink robot of your very own.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers speed at the four monsters and get into a road
battle with them. Since these monsters all move slow as dogshit, Rito thinks of
another way to fight the Rangers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Qv75veiOhc-EzHxxTbkfEE7RyfaAsEnqpaJatE7HG9bT0q-fqZRvUVuhHMjDzNBNk7tqgut_3M4_5km_29dYI1ryezYrdKJCv7BevsQTIco6iLFHLhjh6fBogmjXLFaiiN4hrzPZVsz6/s1600/Kimberly+Gets+Boned.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Shark Cycle gif" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="399" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3Qv75veiOhc-EzHxxTbkfEE7RyfaAsEnqpaJatE7HG9bT0q-fqZRvUVuhHMjDzNBNk7tqgut_3M4_5km_29dYI1ryezYrdKJCv7BevsQTIco6iLFHLhjh6fBogmjXLFaiiN4hrzPZVsz6/s400/Kimberly+Gets+Boned.gif" title="The answer to that question is: Fuck no." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Anyone think this is this a reference to
Zyuranger episode 2, when Dora Skeleton jumped onto Tyranno Ranger's bike and
attacked him?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kim is saved by Tommy (natch), who kicks Rito off of her
Shark Cycle. The other monsters are soon dispatched similarly, with Aisha
knocking Artistmole down, Rocky speeding past Goldar, while Billy and Adam
dispatch Vampirus. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You would expect this scene to end with Artistmole and Vampirus getting destroyed, but no. They teleport away just like Rito and Goldar do. There's no conclusion to
these revived monsters, so hypothetically they're still chilling somewhere
inside Zedd's Moon Palace. Someone get Fox on the line. I've got the best
goddamned sitcom you've ever seen. A nightmare creature with a face made of
molded purple ooze lives underneath the Moon with his roommate: a clinically
obese ferret with a penchant for the arts. See what happens when these two stop
getting along, and start getting real.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the monsters have been dealt with, the Rangers park
their Shark Cycles and congratulate one another on a job mediocrely done. Tommy
notices Kim looks a little light-headed and asks if she's okay, which she
responds to by fainting in his arms. Possibly because a Ranger who's been
perennially at death's door for the last four weeks shouldn't be piloting a
motorcycle that moves as fast as a goddamned shark.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After the commercial break ends, Tommy drops Kim off to the
Youth Center later that night. She thanks Tommy for dropping her off, and
mentions that Ernie was nice enough to leave his café open for her to practice
all the things she wasn't able to get done today. You're not going to think
he's so nice when you trigger the Youth Center's alarm and the cops come
running. Then they ask why a nice young girl is inside of a gym that has its
walls lined with some of Mexico's finest black tar heroin. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The exhausted Pink Ranger Teen hops aboard the balance beam
and begins practicing her moves. Little does she know that Kaythrine is hiding
outside and waiting for something sinister to happen. Though not before she has
another series of flashbacks that remind her of the evil that's overtaken her
life. We even get the detailed story of how Rita tricked her into the clutches
of darkness in the first place. It's a tragic tale that rivals any play penned by the Bard himself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bHZEIXF9p4xfFghtrzZIRR9fF6lhmDIKzvu4Ke5eIvfs0p5dcRbJk_c2MzJLzXNoEuL1ZhDcayAj3LVczUTrhSC_VvFElZMShpbVZGwydKAka2vO9lUa_V7AMz-JK5svOiWuiEm4zHMO/s1600/Typical+Tinder+Meet-Up.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="399" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-bHZEIXF9p4xfFghtrzZIRR9fF6lhmDIKzvu4Ke5eIvfs0p5dcRbJk_c2MzJLzXNoEuL1ZhDcayAj3LVczUTrhSC_VvFElZMShpbVZGwydKAka2vO9lUa_V7AMz-JK5svOiWuiEm4zHMO/s400/Typical+Tinder+Meet-Up.gif" title="Kat, how did you not notice that goddamned moon witch three feet away from you?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>We've all been there, haven't we folks?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kaythrine starts pondering what the hell has been going on
in her life ever since that witch tricked her into dating a bird man. After
reminiscing about her meeting with Rita, Kat recalls the diving flashback we've
been witnessing pieces of throughout the episode. It turns out that Kat had
accidentally injured herself during a crucial dive and struck her head against the
diving board while leaping into the water.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…At least that's what the announcer tells us. That Saban
coward didn't have the guts to <i>actually</i>
injure one of his actors to tell this story. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As soon as Kaythrine finishes her flashback, she realizes
that she's putting Kimberly in the position to fail exactly like she did in the
past. Kat bangs on the Juice Bar's door in an attempt to get Kim's attention,
and finds her way into a back entrance that Ernie leaves unlocked for
"Special Customers" every night. As soon as Kat gets inside, she's
met with a tragic sight. Kimberly has tumbled off of the balance beam and
fallen onto the mats below. Kat looks on in horror as the critically-injured
Kimberly writhes on the ground in pain. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, great. Looks like America just got fucked out of a
gold medal in the Pan Global Games <i>again</i>
this year. Thanks for nothing, Kim!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>TO BE CONTINUED</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Bill Clinton Jokes That Didn't Revolve Around Blowjobs</i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I appreciated the idea here, but this episode felt like it was really bogged down by filler. The biggest offender here was the battle with all of Zedd's Moon monsters. The battle felt like it was supposed to end no fewer than 4 times, but it kept coming back. What was even worse was how there was no real ending to this fight. The monsters go away, Rito falls off a bike, and Goldar teleports away when he's in danger. I realize that Zedd's forces are trying to interrupt Kim, but that doesn't mean this episode should lose its climax. Unless you consider the Rangers driving around on their big toy bikes a satisfying climax. I don't know.<br />
<br />
I enjoyed Kimberly's conflict, I mostly enjoyed Katherine coming to grips with what she'd been doing, and the ending scene was surprisingly pretty tense for <i>Power Rangers</i>. So if nothing else, I'll give this one a pass. Wasn't really atrocious, but nothing amazing. It's a good start for this trilogy, though I hope it gets better soon.<br />
<br />
The one thing I noticed in this episode that I wanted to comment on any further was Zedd's ass. Look at his costume!<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Jx9zurIrHRxRWBoxTMXUk6OyPySmPYxCUTA-FoZqRmr2RzFRUwZxC9oHESMaGlcHghW6KP7xwc9PtuksmBhfBeq1elOGk4Rx-yH_lHSC_kN0DuO_IaUSjX6pdIEm8NBIyLXzs452vysq/s1600/Zedd%2527s+Thong.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="310" data-original-width="420" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8Jx9zurIrHRxRWBoxTMXUk6OyPySmPYxCUTA-FoZqRmr2RzFRUwZxC9oHESMaGlcHghW6KP7xwc9PtuksmBhfBeq1elOGk4Rx-yH_lHSC_kN0DuO_IaUSjX6pdIEm8NBIyLXzs452vysq/s400/Zedd%2527s+Thong.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
It looks like that big metal piece came completely undone, so now all you're left with are his chiseled cheeks. What is going on with Zedd's costume? How is it falling apart more and more by the day? Yowza.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-73498669748711784162017-06-26T18:11:00.002-05:002017-06-26T18:12:44.214-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 22: Follow That Cab<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMrDmSdyDBvimN7CYrsGYNonx7ip7R6dNEhUn53oDpU_j2b46A9Z95paodmTeRy8yHgJMq6S8oKaQjlajaeViDaVxtPgbHyDIdTFdbNFjl87ev4Kd_eP9FceP9uD7tK1mbi3MmCGV4obis/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="318" data-original-width="427" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMrDmSdyDBvimN7CYrsGYNonx7ip7R6dNEhUn53oDpU_j2b46A9Z95paodmTeRy8yHgJMq6S8oKaQjlajaeViDaVxtPgbHyDIdTFdbNFjl87ev4Kd_eP9FceP9uD7tK1mbi3MmCGV4obis/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="powertitle">
<br />
Stuntman in Wheelchair Shoved Down Road to Portray Taxi Goblin<br />
<o:p>Demon Cat Runs Food Drive For Homeless </o:p></div>
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Sorry about the delay, but I'm back and ready to catch up
with a new post about…wait what's this one again? The one with the taxi
monster?</div>
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Ah, fuck.</div>
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Our exciting adventure begins as the Ranger Teens enjoy a
peaceful day at Ernie's Outdoor Café. Kimberly cuddles her kitten, Park Cat, when
Ernie brings out a bowl of <s>spoiled</s> milk for the cat. As Kimberly thanks
Ernie for the gift, the Juice Bar barista silently sizes up Kim's kitten and
ponders how many bowls of stew he could make out of a nice plump tabby. </div>
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Kim reads the newspaper and shrieks like a banshee. Tommy panics, as he assumes she's about to roll it up and bop him on the nose after he chewed up her new slippers. However, her screaming is because the front page article is about some German schmuck named
Gunthar Schmidt coming to Angel Grove. Who's this putz? Why he's none other
than one of the world's most famed gymnastic coaches. </div>
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Hey everyone, real quick like. Try naming one gymnastic
coach that you've ever heard of. Without using Google. What's that? You can't?
Exactly. Which is all the more reason this shit should be kept out of the
headlines. </div>
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If I live in a town where my house is constantly under siege
by monstrous spiders in janitor overalls, then I'd rather not see a headline
about some dingus who's good at telling people how to do the splits on the
front page. Why don't we get some news about how we can survive perpetual death
by space monsters? Bunch of Fake News bullshit.</div>
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Tommy asks if Kimberly would ever want to train with this
Panther Shit guy, but Kim acts demure and says she it would be a dream come
true just to meet him. Tommy looks at Kimberly as her lips are moving, but he's
unable to make out any of the noises that are escaping from her vacant mouth.
As she's talking, he thinks he sees her mouth form the shape of the letter
"K," and he smiles as he thinks of all the good words that start with
that letter. Karate, kicks, Kung-fu, Ki-yah!, kandy, karate, and kats to chase!</div>
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Zedd takes a moment to do what he does best, and bitches at
all his subordinates for being so incompetent about this Power Rangers fiasco.
Not a single one of the rubber-suited freaks he allows to live in his moon
palace has come up with a worthwhile idea to stop those functional infants.
Goldar laughs as he berates the rest of Zedd's moon Muppets for their failures,
but Rita snaps back and taunts him by referring to him as "Goldbar."
Which reads less as an insult and more of a typo in the script that nobody
bothered fixing.</div>
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Rito chimes in and tells Ed that he's got a damn fine plan
for stopping those dirty Power Rangers. Zedd reminds him that his name isn't fucking
Ed, for the billionth goddamned time. Rito's response? Pretty pitch perfect.</div>
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"<i>Yeah,
sure."</i></div>
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It's flawless. Like Rito is dealing with some clown who's so
beneath him, despite the fact that he's a giant pile of dumbass bones. Why
couldn't he have been here in Season 1? Why'd we get stuck with Baboo and the
other one? </div>
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Rito suggests turning one of the Power Rangers into a
monster, so that the other Rangers would be unable to defeat their friend.
While Rita finds this to be a particularly stupid idea, Zedd disagrees. If they
manage to turn a Ranger into a monster, they would be able to overcome the rest
of them with no problem. Unless they choose Rocky, in which case the Rangers
would slaughter him without remorse.</div>
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Back at the café, Tommy tells his gal-pal to try out for
that gymnastic thing she was probably talking about in the last scene. Kim
declines, and then Tommy says the exact same thing a second time, which
convinces Kimberly she should go meet him. Because she's unable to make
decisions for herself unless her beefcake boyfriend decides a course of action
for her. Kimberly runs off to meet with Gunthar, and asks Ernie to keep an eye
on her cat while she's gone. Ernie licks his chops as he promises to turn P.C.
into the most succulent cat-kebabs his patrons have ever seen.</div>
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P.C. refuses to be skewered by an obese man, and
hightails it out of there once Kimberly leaves. Tommy notices the cat is
absent, and asks Ernie if he's seen her anywhere. Ernie fucks up his line when
he refers to the cat as "he", and says the cat is probably in the
kitchen "looking for a handout." </div>
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Ugh. So sick of those freeloading welfare cats drinking
bowls of milk from MY tax dollars. Why don't they go get a job at the
scratching post and work for a living, goddamnit?! It's time we cut this safety
net and see if those cats really do land on their feet.</div>
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P.C. ducks into an alleyway where she transforms back into
Katherine. Rita beams down to Earth and asks her feline spy, "what's new
pussycat?" I can tell you what's certainly <i>not</i> new. Tom Jones references. </div>
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Kat gives Rita the scoop on Kim's ambitions to meet some
German guy, and Rita says this will prove perfect for the scheme to turn a
Ranger into a monster. Even though Tommy's currently all alone as well, so he'd
probably make for a pretty decent monster too. Why not make a monster out of
the Ranger who isn't critically injured and doesn't even have their own damn Shogunzord?
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Meanwhile, Lt. Stone instructs Bulk and Skull to keep an eye
out for suspicious looking individuals in the area. There have been a number of
car thefts lately. The boys in blue take this news about as seriously as you
would expect.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZPvcxgdEAvGafaGbfw2IrHlysSCf5WWJbwT5o3uN72ZqPmUrCx2O_VYvCvGqg4BKKTRJhLpNOz7pVgqCYbQChaMJrzs5jFCfRimLztgyGQSnsQw8Re5UHeKLuWk0TsgcoRbH0PPhVjtTu/s1600/Angels+Groves+Best+and+Brightest.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bulk Skull Lt Stone" border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="401" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZPvcxgdEAvGafaGbfw2IrHlysSCf5WWJbwT5o3uN72ZqPmUrCx2O_VYvCvGqg4BKKTRJhLpNOz7pVgqCYbQChaMJrzs5jFCfRimLztgyGQSnsQw8Re5UHeKLuWk0TsgcoRbH0PPhVjtTu/s400/Angels+Groves+Best+and+Brightest.PNG" title="Skull stares into the sun, hoping to melt his brain and end his misery" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Each day, Bulk becomes more and more Private Pyle-esque</i></div>
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While the dipshit duo discuss this case of Grand Heft Auto and what it could do
for their careers, they fail to notice that some grubby-looking sleazeball is
stealing a car right behind them. As soon as they see this sketchy man putting a
crowbar inside of a car, Bulk and Skull run up to him and tell him exactly what
he needs to hear.</div>
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…He dropped his bag while he was trying to get into his car.
Wouldn't want to forget that!</div>
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Ah fuck it, I smiled. </div>
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The carjacker drives off as Kimberly spots him and panics.
Turns out it was <i>her</i> car that got
stolen, thanks to Bulk and Skull's due diligence. The boys promise to help her
out, and Bulk runs out into the street to hail a cab. Not like a human being
would, but by jumping into the road and holding his hand out to signify the car
needs to stop. Somehow, the taxi stops just before it drives headfirst into
Bulkmeier's dong.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eFqG99fKlygXSrEz5QJqgeLFw7mIFzBmu5b0p4Wkd3m6kXIC0RFnZrN9gsm2kclJ-qIe12uN5wzzo9hWebWyO5SKj9riuc7ed9Wms6tFpS2akyuRRGdj2Uz5QBk31IpkrhngA6_FwYuy/s1600/This+AINT+Cars+A+Triple+XXX+Porn+Parody.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="270" data-original-width="364" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_eFqG99fKlygXSrEz5QJqgeLFw7mIFzBmu5b0p4Wkd3m6kXIC0RFnZrN9gsm2kclJ-qIe12uN5wzzo9hWebWyO5SKj9riuc7ed9Wms6tFpS2akyuRRGdj2Uz5QBk31IpkrhngA6_FwYuy/s400/This+AINT+Cars+A+Triple+XXX+Porn+Parody.PNG" title="Serious Comments Only." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Please comment on this blog if you've
ever had a chance encounter with a car running full speed into your dick.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
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Bulk commandeers the taxi by telling some degenerate,
homeless, old drunk to get the fuck out. This is Angel Grove Junior Police
property now, bub! Bulk drives, as Kimberly and Skull ride along as his
passengers to catch the carjacker. The cab driver offers some G-Rated
frustration at the officers who stole his vehicle, culminating in him tossing
his hat to the ground and putting his hands on his hips. You couldn't even have
him jump up and down on it too? Zero stars. You're slipping, <i>Power Rangers</i>.</div>
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Lord Zedd grumbles that Bulk and Skull are too close to
Kimberly, and they're going to muck up this whole scheme. Rita contacts Zedd to
tell him that this won't hinder them much, because they can still turn the cab
into a monster to take Kim on one hell of a wild ride. Which wasn't even sort
of the plan they had originally concocted, but we had footage of a taxi cab
monster and come hell or high water, we're gonna use it.</div>
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Rita takes a break from completely altering pre-existing
schemes to thank Katherine for being such an evil girl. These words echo in
Kat's mind, as she flashes back to her childhood. A young Katherine receives a
good Samaritan award from her teacher. It's a scene that is here to sow the
seeds of Katherine secretly being a goody two-shoes, and not some sort of evil
cat monster. But this whole scene plays out like such a terrible mess. Let me
try and break it down.</div>
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First off, this classroom is obviously supposed to be in
Australia. In case that wasn't clear enough for you, the homeroom teacher is
standing directly in front of an Australian flag. That in of itself isn't so
bad, but what makes it ridiculous is how this scene is so obviously shot inside
the Angel Grove High School set. It looks like the director moved all of the
seats to the opposite end of the set and filmed from a different angle to mask
how clearly American this set is.</div>
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But what's far weirder than that is how the classmates react
when Kat is awarded. They all applaud her with big stupid grins, which is fine
by itself, but all their applause is slowed down just enough to make the scene
look like it's all some sort of heroin-induced fever dream. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8F-hXShQQzNsX_cUiamEjsvpvWY5D1Brk432_BGTjYCxvvP0DS7IO_fBueuqo2EpwigDCUf5-wy9UvY2K9BFzNbJ4w3i35GKJUezRfQtLnMngE5B7s_Ui1i4G_l-0KN68zelO4BGBi8ja/s1600/Three+Unemployed+Child+Actors.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="kids clapping" border="0" data-original-height="260" data-original-width="358" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8F-hXShQQzNsX_cUiamEjsvpvWY5D1Brk432_BGTjYCxvvP0DS7IO_fBueuqo2EpwigDCUf5-wy9UvY2K9BFzNbJ4w3i35GKJUezRfQtLnMngE5B7s_Ui1i4G_l-0KN68zelO4BGBi8ja/s400/Three+Unemployed+Child+Actors.gif" title="Nevermind. It's definitely Hugh Grant Jr. on the left. Untuck those teeth shithead, you're on camera." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>I'm at a loss for which of these kids is
the worst.</i></div>
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After that brief moment of reminiscing, Katherine comes back
to reality where Rita thanks her for the sacrifices she's made in the name of Space Satan.
Kat angrily protests that she's <i>not</i>
evil, and Rita responds in kind by blasting her with energy from her wand. This
causes Katherine's eyes to glow as she agrees with Rita's earlier sentiment,
and that she's totes bad to the bone.</div>
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Hmm, so the plot thickens! Perhaps this character is not all
that she seems. Maybe she's not even a horrifying cat demon monster after all,
what with her pre-established education and bathing of the homeless. Who knows
where this roller coaster of a plot will go? What's next week's episode called
again? <i>A Different Shade of Pink</i>?
Oh…I think I might have a guess.</div>
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While Bulk continues chasing after the carjacker in his
carjacked taxi, Finster delivers a giant monsterfying gun to Lord Zedd. He says
this is the only way the evil emperor can turn that car into a monster, because
all those instances of Zedd making a monster with his wand were nothing but
fever dreams. Zedd fires his repainted super soaker at the Earth and blasts
Bulk's cab with a beam of energy. The cab shimmies and shakes before it leaves
the mighty Crabby Cabbie monster in its wake.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip3Gs0PfCbISr9TUUI7KKPW3W5Mlrz0qPvtQXXAUEnsEqmXE8IrySHYx8UzzjkwpFlDsoTlqN8F47gkiB-Na05vKRFfsvAsKB3SejopOGxXCqe3gdx0foeL2R5FM9BHRcDvHhc0GcSiwfC/s1600/Crabby+Cabbie.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Crabby Cabbie" border="0" data-original-height="321" data-original-width="430" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip3Gs0PfCbISr9TUUI7KKPW3W5Mlrz0qPvtQXXAUEnsEqmXE8IrySHYx8UzzjkwpFlDsoTlqN8F47gkiB-Na05vKRFfsvAsKB3SejopOGxXCqe3gdx0foeL2R5FM9BHRcDvHhc0GcSiwfC/s400/Crabby+Cabbie.PNG" title="Fun Fact: Crabby Cabbie's license plate reads "459HEL" which is a Japanese pun. The numbers 4-5-9 can be written as Shi-Go-Ku, the Japanese word for Hell. So even if you find this post to be completely lacking in humor (which you will), maybe you learned something!" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Someone must have mistyped "p's"
as "b's" in the script.</i></div>
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By the way, what do you think this monster sounds like? Did
you guess that he sounds like a big ball of New Yohka stereotypes? Like he just
rolled past some heroin junkies, informed them that he is "WAH-KIN HEA!" told someone else to
"move it or lose it," and shoved a pastrami in his mouth before
listening to coverage of a Jets game on his handheld radio.</div>
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Crabby Cabbie rolls down the road as he babbles out a bunch
of Bronx-isms to nobody in particular. Bulk, Skull, and Kimberly panic as
someone shines a bunch of disco lights on the three of them to lead us to
believe they're currently trapped inside the gut of a taxi monster-man who's
busy asking everyone if they are or are not "talking to him." </div>
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Crabby quips that his stuck-up cousin "The Limo"
has never had this much fun. Which is a goddamned preposterous lie if I've ever
heard one. This idiot just came to life like two minutes ago. He doesn't have a
familial connection to all cars. What kind of lopsided logic is that? And if
this is accurate, why does Crabby Cabbie have an actual name when his cousin is
apparently named, "The Limo?" This doesn't make a lick of sense!</div>
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Unless <i>Power Rangers</i>
is making some kind of "joke," in which case please forget all of my
childish ramblings.</div>
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Zordon and Alpha are alerted to the existence of Krusty Krabby Kabbie or whatever, and become even more alarmed when they learn that Bulk, Skull, and
Kimberly are all trapped within the confines of Crabby Cabbie. When Zordon
declares that Alpha should contact the other Rangers, Alpha 5 quips that he
hopes they're not off scuba diving.</div>
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Which…I think is supposed to be a meta joke? I guess? I'm
assuming it's in reference to the <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/03/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-43.html">three</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/03/mmpr-season-2-episode-26-zedd-waves.html">separate</a>
<a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2016/05/mmpr-season-2-episode-38-reel-fish-story.html">times</a>
that some of the Ranger Teens were unable to reach Zordon because they were
underwater. Most notably this was used to keep Jason, Zack, and Trini out of a
fight in Season 2 to mask the fact that their actors had quit the show weeks
prior. But this never struck me as something that happened all the time or was
particularly notable. </div>
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Were the writers of this show just particularly incensed
with that specific instance of sidelining characters? Because at best, this
joke comes across as a complete non-sequitur, and even after trying to dig into
it, it doesn't really come across as particularly humorous in regards to this
show's own foibles. Maybe someone can clear the air for me here, but man oh man
does this gag not land for me whatsoever.</div>
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Thankfully the Ranger Teens aren't scuba diving, and quickly
rush to the Command Center when they learn that Kimberly is in trouble. The
Rangers ask Zordon how the hell they're supposed to defeat the monster when Kim
is stuck inside its innards, but Alpha 5 has been unable to get a suitable
solution for this either. If he tries to molecularly de-scramble the humans
inside of Crabby Cabbie, he may turn them into horrific hybrids of one another.
So it'll be fine as long as Tommy doesn't mind getting hot and heavy with
KimBulkly. </div>
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But Zordon also explains that the Rangers will need to
surround the monster on all sides. Since the monster is a giant taxi cab,
they're not going to be able to stop him without a hit and run conviction.
Luckily, Zordon has prepared for just such an occasion, and presents the
Rangers with their new Shark Cycles. Because the loan your parents took out to
buy the Shogun Megazord wasn't enough. Keep consuming until you die precious
pigs!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiTaWAnbyNjwEeknKes70HIYuK-LyGlHM9j-iUvvCKp6x28qyfFsZD366VZ0FCz-5PxXDKKunOk2D6PjQooXq5TTlCP841t7X87HI6x58xxUSB5jdRfQpfXjVWWZKcdzzAiXOHJBoyx_uH/s1600/Shark+Cycles.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Power Rangers Shark Cycles" border="0" data-original-height="321" data-original-width="432" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiTaWAnbyNjwEeknKes70HIYuK-LyGlHM9j-iUvvCKp6x28qyfFsZD366VZ0FCz-5PxXDKKunOk2D6PjQooXq5TTlCP841t7X87HI6x58xxUSB5jdRfQpfXjVWWZKcdzzAiXOHJBoyx_uH/s400/Shark+Cycles.PNG" title="Thanks for framing the shot with all of the Shark Cycles right in front of the giant ass Viewing Globe you dickheads." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Hey Kim, more bad news!</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Oh and why are they sharks? Because uh…Zordon made them from
a shark fossil. Sure, whatever. Who gives a shit?</div>
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The Rangers morph and board their new Shark Cycles to locate
Crabby Cabbie. Thankfully this gives the Rangers plenty of time to drive the
cycles around town and show off how cool they look, so all you stupid fat kids
out there can get an eyeful of these badass new toys we're shoving in your
maws. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Soon enough, our heroes see Cabbie drive past them. They try
and circle him with their cycles, but the monster speeds past them and blasts
exhaust at him from his tailpipe. Though the Rangers make it through the smoke
unharmed, Crabby Cabbie escapes his pursuers with a throaty laugh.</div>
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<br /></div>
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…And that's the end of the Shark Cycles contribution this
week. Congrats everyone! We debuted a bunch of new toys specifically to stop a
speeding monster, and they completely failed to do so. They weren't even able
to catch up to him. How is <i>Power Rangers</i>
consistently shoving merch into our faces and somehow manages to be absolutely terrible at it? Here's a tip from me to you: In the episode where a new toy shows up, it should do literally anything. </div>
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Zedd and Rita decide to up the ante on this battle and turn
Crabby Cabbie gigantic. Or as Rita puts it "Time to make our monsters
grow!" How on Earth do you have the live action actress for Rita <i>and</i> the voice actress for Rita doing
this line and not realize you fucked it up? Why did they not just do a second
take? How is this show held together with half-torn rubber bands and rusty
paper clips?</div>
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The giant Crabby Cabbie mocks our heroes, as the Rangers
have a terribly-delivered session of lines about how they need to stall for
time against this monster. It's a conversation that makes more sense the more I
watch this episode, but it basically involves the Rangers repeating information
that the audience already knows so the episode can have another 30 seconds
filled up. </div>
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The Rangers bring in the Shogunzords, which stand around and
watch as Rocky's Red Shogunzord gets knocked over by Crabby Cabbie. Because
Rocky is deadass the worst Red Ranger in the history of Red Rangers. </div>
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So far.</div>
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Alpha 5 announces that his decombob-mo-tron is probably
working now that the episode is almost over, so maybe it'll save Kim and the
others? Or it won't and we'll need to get a new Pink Ranger, but who has time
for that? The monster is hit by Alpha's (off-screen) energy blast, which sends
Bulk, Skull, and Kimberly flying out of his exhaust pipe. Big deal Alpha, you
could have gotten the same results by feeding this guy a meal at Arbys. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Now that the hostages have been freed, Crabby Cabbie is left
face to face with the five Shogunzords. After the monster makes a ?hilarious? Rockettes
reference, Tommy calls for the Shogun Megazord. What the Shogunzords proceed to
do is…not that.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4dQdz-v8rl3J06Wf2O76uelVyC5l5alLSNlqQbolCLjkCXRCmH6iJJArMn1WGuZffcAG8ZE_jOYyyIXQ5HKtT0fhR8LXPQuLkmTtLl4TlF7h6Y1TI2R3raJtVUPwyAqn78RCoCs-g5ukm/s1600/Shogunzord+Tower+Formation.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Shogunzord GIF" border="0" data-original-height="302" data-original-width="404" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4dQdz-v8rl3J06Wf2O76uelVyC5l5alLSNlqQbolCLjkCXRCmH6iJJArMn1WGuZffcAG8ZE_jOYyyIXQ5HKtT0fhR8LXPQuLkmTtLl4TlF7h6Y1TI2R3raJtVUPwyAqn78RCoCs-g5ukm/s400/Shogunzord+Tower+Formation.gif" title="Love the fact that Crabby Cabbie dies by limply falling over." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Did those giant robot animals just murder
that paraplegic monster?</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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You might assume I'm cutting out some kind of fun fight
sequence with this monster, but that's untrue. The Rangers' Zords jump onto one
another's shoulders and spin into the cab until he dies. That's it. That is everything
the monster did. He drove around a little bit, rammed into the Red Shogunzord,
then promptly got hit by a hurricane zoo. Thanks for showing up buddy, you're
the greatest!</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now that the monster has been vanquished, Bulk and Skull
stumble back into town to try and drown their memories in milkshakes and
bleach. Lucky for them, they locate the carjacker from earlier as he attempts
to fix Kimberly's car on the side of the road. Bulk and Skull cuff the criminal
and contact Lt. Stone. Stone asks Skullovitch if they're still alive, and when
Skull confirms, Stone sighs in disgust. Of all the carjackers in Angel Grove,
why couldn't this one have been armed?</div>
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<br /></div>
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The Ranger Teens, aside from Aisha, reconvene at Ernie's café
to celebrate a job well done. Why isn't Aisha there? Uh…she's at the animal
shelter. She's certainly not in the process of disputing her contract with
Saban. Yeah, that's the ticket!</div>
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<br /></div>
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As the Rangers prepare to chow down, Kim leaps out of her
chair when she sees Bulk and Skull driving her car back into the parking lot. She
offers Bulk a big hug, as Skull is left depressingly hanging when he opens his
arms for the touch of a woman. Maybe next season, buddy.</div>
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Oh who am I kidding? You're going to be an Incel forever,
Skull. Better start figuring out what you want to blog about now. You best not
even try for <i>Power Rangers</i> though.
That market's cornered and I'll hold onto the glory of "Biggest Loser
Still Watching Show For Infants" 'til my last gasp of breath.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Taxi
Cabs</i></div>
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<u><br /></u></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
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Not even sort of feeling this episode. I like the design of Crabby Cabbie, but I don't even sort of care about anything else happening in this episode. It drops some plot points that will become important later, primarily the first mention of Gunthar Schmidt and Katherine's past, but that doesn't stop this episode from being pretty boring.</div>
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It feels like there's too much setup to the scheme of having a monster made out of a Ranger, and that's immediately brushed aside as soon as Kim gets inside the taxi. Then we piss some more time down our leg because Alpha won't let the Rangers kill that monster until enough minutes are on the clock. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Oh man, and those fucking Shark Cycles? Give me a goddamn break.<br />
<br />
I don't have much to even say. This episode was just draining. Though I did get a kick out of watching the <i>Kakuranger</i> episode with this monster. Mostly because the guy in the costume had to physically lift the entire suit up in a a scene where he was supposed to turn around.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3k-l2nkFKEavWI9L1tno27GjPNEDV-cKxc3Ri4O9H_UscauwWAEbilb7iCV0OZuZsJxtdpgw9MDbYcbAYe8Qjr4fyDqsSo1LcfrTvavlTq_ddgTfJt8Z5Ch5hH8_eNU6Ax0IlfkjZDgOY/s1600/Taxi+Gives+Himself+A+Lift.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="413" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3k-l2nkFKEavWI9L1tno27GjPNEDV-cKxc3Ri4O9H_UscauwWAEbilb7iCV0OZuZsJxtdpgw9MDbYcbAYe8Qjr4fyDqsSo1LcfrTvavlTq_ddgTfJt8Z5Ch5hH8_eNU6Ax0IlfkjZDgOY/s400/Taxi+Gives+Himself+A+Lift.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh yeah, I also noticed that the Japanese costume for Crabby Cabbie had a cigar sticking out of his mouth. This looks to have been removed in the the American version, because if children see a taxi cab monster smoking, all decency would be removed from our beautiful nation.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_tki7vRCI6tBHQ_GfG6oSB2t-JKBASC243oEZWaszO_qGFKw5o4DKeLctCcsdH0Imrv7QG3oCujNoZJQIL1YrTgW2JqjZcbcEMykArApdhGr9zwZpfnejyIjx-EPH9hsjPyzqF_FZgA5Y/s1600/Crabby+Cabbie+Cigar.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="321" data-original-width="429" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_tki7vRCI6tBHQ_GfG6oSB2t-JKBASC243oEZWaszO_qGFKw5o4DKeLctCcsdH0Imrv7QG3oCujNoZJQIL1YrTgW2JqjZcbcEMykArApdhGr9zwZpfnejyIjx-EPH9hsjPyzqF_FZgA5Y/s400/Crabby+Cabbie+Cigar.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Japan</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7TAEhaNgwkrwDigX94cRvfRtFudVgcmYfAfCi7VhlF7RasPiRuRZp6sMliERbd8y3_SqYDeH2oNksh9O3QHzQ6zGdWJH8if4EkDTQZxgsEGd-d-4ICy8vaaylq3YQ7A4dsjsFy7b729W/s1600/US+Crabby+Cabbie+No+Cigar.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="361" data-original-width="482" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7TAEhaNgwkrwDigX94cRvfRtFudVgcmYfAfCi7VhlF7RasPiRuRZp6sMliERbd8y3_SqYDeH2oNksh9O3QHzQ6zGdWJH8if4EkDTQZxgsEGd-d-4ICy8vaaylq3YQ7A4dsjsFy7b729W/s400/US+Crabby+Cabbie+No+Cigar.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>U.S.</i></div>
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Close, but no cigar.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-22754535675133220862017-06-18T23:42:00.003-05:002017-06-18T23:42:36.431-05:00Next Post-Next Week-Next Time, Baby<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeklIPXtqLwbKK6wcDdRhjDy6VCPyT1EufXpTyOyg9XPwje4dLgaJxalXomqAerZsoXTZ2h8xypOy4NRn9WXS6-FIWrki3E-wgtksk_Qfmk_vYMr7e32FZvLiLdZiu76YOeAH1VoV89nOR/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-07-11-10h13m42s153.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="540" data-original-width="720" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeklIPXtqLwbKK6wcDdRhjDy6VCPyT1EufXpTyOyg9XPwje4dLgaJxalXomqAerZsoXTZ2h8xypOy4NRn9WXS6-FIWrki3E-wgtksk_Qfmk_vYMr7e32FZvLiLdZiu76YOeAH1VoV89nOR/s400/vlcsnap-2014-07-11-10h13m42s153.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
Woof, what a week. Two birthdays, father's day, and more time at work? Guess who hasn't even thought about those Powerful Rangers this week? I don't even have a cute image of a traffic cab monster to share with you good folks to tease the upcoming episode.<br />
<br />
If it makes you sweetheart readers feel any better, I've definitely been working on writing a particular side project I'm keeping quiet about for now. Keep your fingers crossed I don't end up detesting it and deleting it in the interim. I know it isn't much help for this week, but hey! At least I'm working on coming up with something entertaining for all y'all. First time for everything, right?<br />
<br />
Sorry in advance if you were banking on me discussing this episode tomorrow, but I never want to put out a piece of shit post that took me two hours to run through. I have to get as thorough and nerdy as possible, and I plan on maintaining that aesthetic for as long as I keep updating this thing.<br />
<br />
If you'd like something to enjoy in the meanwhile, you oughta check out my pal Big Bob Pataki's podcast, "<i><a href="https://soundcloud.com/user-538895427">Reel Deal: No Sex Appeal</a></i>." They talk the big movies that I'm not going to watch, because they don't have rubber-suit brick walls in them. <i>Wonder Woman</i>? More like, wonder why there's no monsters in this shit. Get out of my face, Godot.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-17304302599328801712017-06-13T11:41:00.000-05:002017-06-13T11:42:17.449-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 21: Changing of the Zords Part 3<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK0BEbrkZhY-55ZwdZvPe_JalHltzVMrINrjhuyvVojz5rmVofNtCqe0IkrpsWgzx0e8MKb-pIIAKOVBUjJeaIBPtnc5jdEcRpjQe93LsdvJi3q0oR1GXGEJs_EQwiqddedYlcwOf_TllY/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="317" data-original-width="429" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK0BEbrkZhY-55ZwdZvPe_JalHltzVMrINrjhuyvVojz5rmVofNtCqe0IkrpsWgzx0e8MKb-pIIAKOVBUjJeaIBPtnc5jdEcRpjQe93LsdvJi3q0oR1GXGEJs_EQwiqddedYlcwOf_TllY/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="powertitle">
Squatt Wears A Sombrero<br />
Giant Ninja Man Shakes Bird Boys</div>
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Last week on <i>Power
Rangers</i>, Kimberly laid dying in the Command Center while the other Rangers
had to fight a big tooth goblin. As soon as Kim learned her new pal Katherine
was in trouble, she left her hospice care to help out. Kim's powers gave out
halfway into the fight, and she ended up kidnapped by Goldar in the most
disconcerting scene ever put to film. Lord Zedd used his captive as a
bargaining chip to enter the Command Center so he could piss inside of Zordon's
tube, and also threaten the Power Rangers to become pilots/slaves for his
ancient Zords. He gave the Ranger Teens a moment to decide if they wanted to
become genocidal robot-piloting murderers, or continue their lives as genocidal
robot-piloting murderers except a stuttering robot tells them what to kill.</div>
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<br /></div>
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This week's episode begins literally exactly where last
week's left off, and Tommy immediately agrees to Zedd's conditions.</div>
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And right off the bat, I'm giving <i>Power Rangers</i> some kudos. There's no time wasted with the Rangers
dwelling on whether or not to accept Zedd's conditions. The first line of
dialogue is a follow-up to last week's cliffhanger, and I really appreciate it.
It rewards viewers who are paying even a modicum of attention. Both of them! We already saw
the Rangers talking amongst themselves about this, and for once this show
doesn’t feel the need to repeat itself to pad for more time. </div>
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Shame it took til Part 3 to figure that out.</div>
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With the Rangers now under his thumb, Zedd tells them to
report to him at dusk for their instructions. The emperor of space then places
his intergalactic cheeks back on the throne and teleports himself back to the
Moon. I've seen people question why Zedd would bother coming all the way down
to Earth to communicate with the Rangers when he could have had one of his
worthless toadies do it, or just talk to them on the Viewing Globe. Well, let
me give you an answer.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Because that scene of him appearing in the Command Center
was cool as shit. Deal with it, dorks.</div>
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Inside of Zedd's mystical cave, Kimberly continues to rotate
on a big glass table like she's getting sold at a gas station. But her
situation is far more devious than becoming a hot dog, as she's had her energy stolen by a hot Kat. Speaking of which, Katherine appears in
a burst of energy to taunt the unconscious Pink Ranger for…no reason I can
particularly gather. Kat says she wishes it didn't have to be this way, takes a
beat, and then genuinely says "…I really do."</div>
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Sweetheart, you are a walking talking cat monster. The past four weeks you've been trying to shake Tommy's dong out of his pants like it was a big beefy scratching post. Who do you think
you're trying to fool with this goody two shoes bullshit? Who do you think you
are, a Power Ranger? Hit the bricks, Kitty Longstocking.</div>
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Back at the Command Center, Billy attempts to lock onto
Kim's coordinates to bring her back home. Zordon promises that he and Alpha are
desperately trying to find a way to detach her physical essence from her Power
Coin, which might have been a good idea about four months ago. If Rocky leaves
his coin at home and goes on vacation, is he going to be vomiting blood every
hour? Why did you sign off on this Zordon, you absolute maniac?</div>
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About 6 seconds after Billy began looking for Kimberly, he
alerts the rest of the group that he's found her. Where? "In one of Zedd's
dark dimensions." A line that made me laugh, solely because it's clear
that the writers were really goddamned sick of having to name a new dimension
for Lord Zedd week after week.</div>
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When Aisha tells Billy to hurry up and bring Kim home, he
tells her that it's not going to be that easy. Because <i>nothing</i> in this fucking show ever is. This dimension that Zedd is
using happens to be conveniently out of the Rangers reach. Once Tommy hears
this issue, he offers up some truly astounding logic.</div>
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"<i>If we can't get
in through the front door. There's always the back door."</i></div>
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Tommy, we're looking for ways to access Zedd's dimension,
not things you say to Kimberly when you're feeling saucy.</div>
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Not to mention, this doesn't even sort of address what Billy
just said. He said that you can't get access into the dimension. Not "well
we can't get in the front door what with us being a bunch of teenage
vampires." </div>
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But whatever, Billy thinks this is a stroke of pure genius.
He can use his patented Portalcom device that he had used once when Tommy was
stuck in one of Zedd's dimensions. I would go back and check if that actually
happened in an episode before this, but when I tried searching my website for the
word "Dimension," it returned 385 Gorillion hits.</div>
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The Ranger Teens, now in possession of the Portalcoms, head
to the park to use them. We're "treated" to a really tepid gag of
Bulk, Skull, and Lt. Stone snoozing in the park. Fuck outta here, I don't care.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBcNRpDasZTRHm1EgnLHwAhWw03VGOHhMFQ7C1iOJqvxpMVTnwQ5MTtXJDU1-mNUMQMMgMD41i2HQ8dWgPkgdxEO2oHCLVqQvAzx78TbsJikthUL8RXYVmz6IQPyF4e_LJ7yYBS2CKMV0B/s1600/Adult+Man+Sleeps+With+Two+High+School+Students+Who+Work+For+Him.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="424" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBcNRpDasZTRHm1EgnLHwAhWw03VGOHhMFQ7C1iOJqvxpMVTnwQ5MTtXJDU1-mNUMQMMgMD41i2HQ8dWgPkgdxEO2oHCLVqQvAzx78TbsJikthUL8RXYVmz6IQPyF4e_LJ7yYBS2CKMV0B/s400/Adult+Man+Sleeps+With+Two+High+School+Students+Who+Work+For+Him.PNG" title="Thanks to the other Rangers for offering Billy zero help setting this up." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's a ham sandwich. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy sets his gadgets up and enters the coordinates to
whichever one of Zedd's godforsaken dimensions Kim is stuck in now. The other
Rangers wish Tommy luck, as he refused to partake in this plan unless it
somehow glorified him. Billy opens the portal, and Tommy is zapped into some
dismal-looking cave set. Because that's what every dimension looks like in this
universe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Atop the Moon Palace, Zedd and his minions are all
celebrating the enslavement of their former enemies. It's a pretty good visual
gag, because it involves every single one of these space abominations dancing
around like they're hammered at a wedding. Though there's definitely a moment
where Zedd is dicking around on a child-sized guitar, and I can't for the life
of me understand why.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV67nx_fxx2_1RvRfTqGry-lST8686my_sp3-n5aEK0vq38D1SPNWav12r4vfPUeRR_1_ow2TxVUUQrFxLr0om2nJkMeLV_Ope_1m56c36Y5giA1WIaRhpVMeyzsKlMYXVpqSdWLaVwGlf/s1600/Ineffective+Use+of+Space+Wizardry.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Lord Zedd guitar" border="0" data-original-height="295" data-original-width="406" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV67nx_fxx2_1RvRfTqGry-lST8686my_sp3-n5aEK0vq38D1SPNWav12r4vfPUeRR_1_ow2TxVUUQrFxLr0om2nJkMeLV_Ope_1m56c36Y5giA1WIaRhpVMeyzsKlMYXVpqSdWLaVwGlf/s400/Ineffective+Use+of+Space+Wizardry.gif" title="Robert Rodriguez presents: Power Rangers!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Also I'm not clear on why Baboo is
holding a giant taco.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd stops his impromptu jam session to check in on the
Power Rangers. As soon as he learns that the Rangers are trying to rescue
Kimberly, he summons the Tengas to…stop them? I'm not sure what he thinks the
Tengas will accomplish, since the Ranger Teens already sent Tommy into Zedd's
cave. Is Zedd not at all suspicious that only 4 of the Ranger Teens are out in
the park? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh right, we need to have a Tenga fight to chew through a
few minutes. Silly me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Blue, Yellow, Red, and Black Ranger Teens ninja morph
against the Tengas, and I…I seriously don't know how to elaborate on what I
just saw.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Billy kicks one, Rocky dicks around, but then Aisha stops
a group of Tengas in place and starts leading them in a choreographed dance.
It's the most baffling motherfucking thing and I seriously don't know how it's
real. How is that a ninja thing? Why is this happening in the middle of a
fight? I'm writing this section of the review at 2 in the morning and when this
scene happened I thought I'd fallen asleep and I was having a fever dream.
Aisha told a group of foot soldiers to "shake their tail feathers,"
and I felt like snapping this DVD in half. I don't know if I'm more confused or
angry.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'd imagine several of you would expect me to make a .gif of
this moment, due to how goddamned kooky and unnecessary it is. I'm not going
to. Because if I had to sit through this moment and wonder if it was really
happening and look around to make sure reality wasn't folding in on itself,
then you get to do it too. Try not to swallow your own tongue!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I can't say this Tenga fight is bad, because it has
something far better than a brain-melting dance sequence. Two of the Tengas
leap at Adam, and he folds his hands into a ninja seal. The Tengas land on the
ground, which appears to have become black. They then look up to see one of the
best goddamned ninja tricks this season has thrown at us yet.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvRgM87CyVaBhKkToNp6xfir4Oa5K6d7JVm2CS3OP2kQW1589ZP3nlp5gMTOTC2vrrqKSxspGpWAW0zbH2OmRAgUVHwTcnpbeNUFNzT51RSGA616gDszUnY7724xo8hpoGmKm_nocppMqR/s1600/No+Matter+How+Easy+This+Camera+Trick+is+to+Pull+Off+It+Will+Always+Look+Impressive+to+Me.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Giant Power Ranger" border="0" data-original-height="317" data-original-width="423" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvRgM87CyVaBhKkToNp6xfir4Oa5K6d7JVm2CS3OP2kQW1589ZP3nlp5gMTOTC2vrrqKSxspGpWAW0zbH2OmRAgUVHwTcnpbeNUFNzT51RSGA616gDszUnY7724xo8hpoGmKm_nocppMqR/s400/No+Matter+How+Easy+This+Camera+Trick+is+to+Pull+Off+It+Will+Always+Look+Impressive+to+Me.PNG" title="After spending two minutes on Deviantart, I can guarantee you that someone is jerking off to this image right now." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Season 3 learned how to use forced
perspective and goddamnit we're going to use it!</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of crushing
the Tengas like ants, Giant Adam picks the birds up, shakes them around, and
chucks them into the distance. Because we can't have slapstick ninja fights if
the Rangers are actively murdering these birds, now can we?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Ninja Rangers are at work beating on the Tengas,
Tommy arrives in one of Zedd's nameless dimensions. He's immediately met with
Kimberly's spiraling corpse as he ponders how to get her free. That's when a
growly voice bellows at him. Tommy turns around and finds himself face to face
with an enemy. Not Goldar, not Rito, but someone else.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord Zedd himself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The big cheese himself has finally gotten off of his throne
and come down to personally handle matters. After a season and a half of doing
nothing but bitching at his cohorts to do all the work, Zedd has taken an issue
into his own hands. Now it's time for something that would cause our little 7
year old hearts to stop. Lord Zedd Vs. the White Ranger.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ho-lee Shit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF_KgaPNoQcQ6bqHzanKPP7tqpJ2CrZbHuCr6MytcH5s622iIYeIbBwZfVbNFvT3apUeQQx5j34hfiTKTvMYSWIu1OIk4cL9UhV8E6SDWI6fM5ElhoUBT6uSuz82VL_BbNlKqKXzCfUkZm/s1600/My+Pants+Are+Tight.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="312" data-original-width="422" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF_KgaPNoQcQ6bqHzanKPP7tqpJ2CrZbHuCr6MytcH5s622iIYeIbBwZfVbNFvT3apUeQQx5j34hfiTKTvMYSWIu1OIk4cL9UhV8E6SDWI6fM5ElhoUBT6uSuz82VL_BbNlKqKXzCfUkZm/s400/My+Pants+Are+Tight.PNG" title="Is Saba velcroed to Tommy's hip?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Saban finally produced the scripts I sent them!</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy spouts off some of his Karate Noises™ and Zedd asks if
all that grunting is really necessary. He follows suit by doing some
exaggerated grunts of his own to mock Tommy before the fight even begins.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fucking love Lord Zedd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The White Ranger tries to get an upper hand on Zedd, but the
overlord's magic completely overwhelms Tommy. Zedd blasts the White Ranger
repeatedly with bolts of electricity from his staff, and Tommy pukes out a real
groaner of a hero speech. Some malarkey about how even if he and Kimberly don’t
make it out of there, Zedd will never be allowed to win. Yeah that's right,
even if you kill my girlfriend and me, we're still gonna kick your butt, Zedd!
You might end up enslaving my pals with space magic and chain them into giant
death machines to murder the general populous, but you're never going to win! Our
entire planet will be under your servitude but if we keep moving the goalposts
on what constitutes "winning," that'll learn ya!<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back on Earth, the Tengas take notice of Billy's Portalcom
and knock it over. Two of the Tengas gently kick at the prop, so as not to
damage it in case we need to do reshoots, and teleport away as they mock the
Rangers. Rocky and Adam ask Billy if he'd be able to fix the "broken"
device, what with it having been gingerly tipped over by birds and all. Billy
says he'll need to survey the damage on the device before they can bring Tommy
back home. Or they could call it a wash and get a leader who doesn’t force them
into ludicrous <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/05/mmpr-season-3-episode-17-ranger.html">cheerleader
poses</a> to make himself look badass.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita watches the Rangers fumble around as she complains that
she wants in on the action. Finster sweeps up the palace as he asks what she
has in mind, and Rita suggests sending a new monster down to take care of the
Rangers. New monster? Why not send down that Incisorator guy from last week? He
didn't get killed or anything, so maybe you could use him instead. No? We're
going with something new? Alright, but it better be one badass monster.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx47aTqTqHQFXVIJn1HeLClfO3BrMFTY-4Gy5j9_Avn6kwuEamI4v6PkovR7YGfMixe2tZ1kBcSy6d34ba9ffxSbetZeoU5g6MDnyV6IrzupjyEK7MDObNucHoQ9FkpP6LFlIwFFHqlabh/s1600/See+Monster.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="314" data-original-width="422" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx47aTqTqHQFXVIJn1HeLClfO3BrMFTY-4Gy5j9_Avn6kwuEamI4v6PkovR7YGfMixe2tZ1kBcSy6d34ba9ffxSbetZeoU5g6MDnyV6IrzupjyEK7MDObNucHoQ9FkpP6LFlIwFFHqlabh/s400/See+Monster.PNG" title="This is the best you got, Finster? Uncle Fester in a flasher coat?" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>What happened to you, Hiei?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While Billy looks over the malfunctioning Portalcom, Adam
asks if it's possible to reprogram Zedd's ancient Zords. Billy confirms that this
could plausibly be done, but not if Tommy is unable to rescue Kimberly and
escape Zedd's dimension. Without her power back in hand, they won't even be in
control of themselves. Which means we could see even more unbearable scenes of
Aisha forcing a bunch of bird monsters to dance for her pleasure. Personally,
I'd rather die.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During this discussion, Rita's new monster arrives on Earth
to taunt our heroes. The creature, known as See Monster (ugh), greets the
Rangers with an enthusiastic "AHOY MATEYS!" Which…I mean this guy
isn't themed off of a pirate is he? Why is he talking like this? He's a
pasty-faced freak with an eyeball dick, and he's trying to talk like he's about
to set sail? Get the fuck out of here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ninja Rangers refuse to be threatened by a pervert with
a lumpy face, and they morph into their Ranger forms. See Monster bombards them
with blasts of energy released from the eyes all over his skin. But I hear some
of you eagle-eyed readers stopping for a moment. "Isn't this monster's
flesh all made out of a big trench coat?" Why of course it is, but when he
pulls the trench coat pieces apart, his flesh is all coated in assorted eyes
that blast red energy wisps at them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So basically, he attacks people by flashing them. I've got
to admit, that's a pretty funny design choice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers are left dizzy and dazed from the monster's
attack, but Rocky forces the attack away from himself. How? I don't know. He
says something about how he visualized pushing the waves away. Hey. Sure.
Whatever. I don't care. The Rangers just saw some pirate eyeball boy's dingus,
it only makes sense they could defeat him by forcing themselves to push that
memory out of their head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, one minute after he was summoned to Earth, See Monster
is getting absolutely clowned. Rita pisses and moans about how horrible this
new monster is, and makes an executive decision of her own. She's summoning the
Shogunzords to force the Rangers into her bidding. The massive Shogunzords
appear on Earth and interrupt the fight between the Rangers and See Monster,
which prompts the monster to bug out as he says "COR BLIMEY, O'ILL WALK
THE PLANK OI WILL BEFORE TANGLIN WITH THESE SCURVEY RAPSCALLIONS."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Probably. I wasn't paying attention.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The four Rangers look up at these new Zords that are ostensibly
supposed to belong to them, and they offer a forlorn sigh that they're going to
have to use these new toys to destroy the city. Since Tommy hasn't made it back
yet, the other Rangers assume this means that Zedd has rescinded their initial
time limit, and forced them into an early servitude. Forever stuck inside of
their giant ninja animal robots.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVD7WN11huNQrbzX4FxwlDyuKlhsNMgByjW9w8vj8WxQglpCYk4Y7m_pK1pgcECr5UmitH2OwOzyGmZYg1BBDQL4PvxhEs-gh-nC-y6OyHuNrGKBgWZrOoWATX-Tn6wja-oEhvUy2qef3q/s1600/Shogunzords+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="421" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVD7WN11huNQrbzX4FxwlDyuKlhsNMgByjW9w8vj8WxQglpCYk4Y7m_pK1pgcECr5UmitH2OwOzyGmZYg1BBDQL4PvxhEs-gh-nC-y6OyHuNrGKBgWZrOoWATX-Tn6wja-oEhvUy2qef3q/s400/Shogunzords+1.PNG" title="That is a pretty shitty looking Falcon." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Kim? We've got some bad news for you.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the Rangers fret, an image of Rita appears in the sky to
taunt them. She commands the Rangers to board the Zords and destroy the city so
that everyone will detest the Rangers for the rest of time. If they refuse,
then Kimberly will be thrown into the nearest space volcano or whatever. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The four Rangers are livid at the position they've been put
into, but Adam suggests that they give their Power Coins to Billy to have him
transfer control of the Zords to the Rangers. Once they do, the Rangers leap
into the Shogunzord cockpits. For whatever reason, Rita doesn't make a fuss
that the Rangers are idly standing by in her new death machines. She just
commanded them to go destroy the city, but the Rangers are playing a game of
grab ass inside of their Zords? This is when you take matters into your own
hands and put Ninjor inside of a guillotine, because clearly these kids aren't
taking you seriously.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back inside Zedd's Thousandth Dimension, Tommy writhes on
the ground after getting beaten around. The White Ranger unsheathes Saba and
chucks it at Zedd. The evil master blocks the flying sword with his staff,
which…turns it into a snake? So wait a goddamn minute here. Is Zedd's staff
always secretly a snake? I know when he <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/09/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-season-2.html">first
arrived</a>, he had a snake covering him that transformed into his staff, but is
he always using some kind of space demon magic to keep that snake turned into a
staff? I appreciate the continuity, but why the fuck did his attack not just
break the damn thing? <i>Power Rangers</i>
is forcing me to invent a whole lot of nonsensical headcanon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With his staff destroyed, Zedd chickens out and flees from
the fight. Christ almighty are you kidding me? The absolute embodiment of all
evil gets hit one, single, solitary time and immediately turns tail? I guess I
shouldn't be too surprised. That costume is hanging on by a literal thread, and
if Tommy tried spinkicking him it would explode into a cloud of red dust.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy ponders how he's supposed to free Kimberly from her
peril, and he notices a huge wall of switches and gears. He asks aloud what he
should do to free her, and his response is "Well, might as well try 'em
all." Which might just be the most Tommy K. Oliver solution to an issue
that has ever been put to film. Can't wait for him to hit the button that tears Kimberly apart with <i>Hellraiser</i> hooks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To the surprise of nobody, Tommy manages to shut the machine
off by violently punching the wall, and Kimberly's body stops spinning atop a
plate of plexiglass. Tommy picks up the Pink Ranger and teleports back to the
park with her. As soon as they arrive, Tommy grunts and says they "just
made it." What are you on about now, Oliver? Zedd had disappeared, the
machine had gently shut off, and nobody was even thinking about trying to stop
you? Stop trying to add drama when there is none you karate doofus.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy sets Kimberly onto the ground and has Zordon teleport
her back into the Command Center. Once she's back in safe hands, Tommy joins
the other four Rangers and leaps into the cockpit of the White Shogunzord. The
Rangers ask how Billy's coming with reformatting the Shogunzords, but Blue has
yet to fix them yet. Oh wait, were we still supposed to be worried about the
Shogunzords being in control of Zedd? I thought Kimberly being back with the
Rangers would fix that. Wasn't that what they said earlier? It feels like <i>Power Rangers</i> wants to keep tensions
high, so they keep situations nice and vague in order to keep scenes going past
their expiration date. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or I'm missing something incredibly obvious in a children's
program.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd gets back to the palace and is forced to admit to his
wife how bad he screwed the pooch. Tommy beat him, they got away with Kimberly,
and now all they have left is the hopes that the Shogunzords will work out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…Which doesn't work out, because Billy just got them under
the Ranger's control. Woopsy daisy! Maybe you'll do better in the next
three-parter, Zedd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd is absolutely furious that his trump card has been
swindled. Realizing he only has one option left to battle the Rangers, Zedd
nabs Rita's wand and makes See Monster grow giant to battle the Shogunzords.
Yeah, hopefully the sight of his chewed-up, gnarled, grotesque penis will be
enough to get the Rangers to return the Shogunzords to Zedd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, it doesn't quite work out like that, as the
Shogunzords combine powers to turn into the mighty, invincible,
reasonably-priced, Shogun Megazord!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9G1D75n24FeqaVvgvvB2lYZ-Hhu0_5qdQVZDM_4mu2ubs-Q88ad3ayQIjlAphng7LZCq44wPRkt8AbGmFomGVTAeDJAlKXhcQAFlHGwFt3wKeFaMudDxLcb_sig8VTBzYaSf7vgTShQ_/s1600/Shogun+Megazord+Formation.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="408" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU9G1D75n24FeqaVvgvvB2lYZ-Hhu0_5qdQVZDM_4mu2ubs-Q88ad3ayQIjlAphng7LZCq44wPRkt8AbGmFomGVTAeDJAlKXhcQAFlHGwFt3wKeFaMudDxLcb_sig8VTBzYaSf7vgTShQ_/s400/Shogun+Megazord+Formation.gif" title="If only the Shogunzords could look more like the same black brick." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Gun to my head I don't know which Zord
goes where on this thing.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
See Monster fires a blast of perversion at the Shogun
Megazord, which rocks the Rangers to and fro inside of their cockpit. Which
doesn't really fit because the Shogun Megazord is obviously deflecting the beam
in Japanese footage, but whatever. If I don't have a nit to pick, I don't have
much to do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Shogun Megazord blasts See Monster with a stream of
flower petals, because Japan, and our brand new toy whips out its finishing
move. And I've got to admit, it's pretty awesome.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVwrbIk0-9Rz-ZU5nuGTc19EF3fBPCpwnFZfNArpNA4R57LqxJnqI_qD9sTF5dPIGHr8gcBm69g35CPYnGIMnB3zJFcd2zX8nPajNyKMiIjN2fu2tP6e99mxoGszVuCfKiJ12x5boo_iqf/s1600/Blazing+Saber.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="408" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVwrbIk0-9Rz-ZU5nuGTc19EF3fBPCpwnFZfNArpNA4R57LqxJnqI_qD9sTF5dPIGHr8gcBm69g35CPYnGIMnB3zJFcd2zX8nPajNyKMiIjN2fu2tP6e99mxoGszVuCfKiJ12x5boo_iqf/s400/Blazing+Saber.gif" title="You ever see a fish do the filleting?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>If you can't appreciate lighting a prop on fire for a good shot, this show ain't for you.</i></div>
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Back on the Moon, Rita and Zedd sob over their debilitating
loss, as the villains come to grips with the fact that they've lost their
precious Shogunzords. Though Rita reminds her hubby that not all has been lost.
They still have Kim's Power Coin, the Falconzord, and Ninjor shoved into a jar.
Which is…actually quite a lot still on their side. This is the finale of a
trilogy and the Rangers may have some new Zords, but they're still down quite a
few assets. Though it leaves me sad that we're going to be missing out on my
boy, Ninjor. R.I.Pepperonis, buddy.. </div>
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Oh yeah, remember how Bulk, Skull, and Lt. Stone were asleep
in the park? Well Lt. Stone is awoken by a kite that has a picture of a dragon
on it, and thinks there's a monster in the park. Flawless resolution. Couldn't
be better. Glad we spent any time on this B-Plot whatsoever. No thanks.</div>
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Inside of the Command Center, Kim thanks all of her friends
for helping her through that bout of death she was going through. She offers an
extra special thanks to Tommy, because he's better than all five of them put
together and can beat Lord Zedd by throwing a hunk of plastic at him. Zordon
asks Kimberly how she's feeling, and what the likelihood of her death would be
if he sent her into another battle in a few days. Kim says that she's fine,
albeit a little tired, and Alpha informs Kim that he's been able to remove the
Power Coin's connection to Kimberly. So you other 5 Rangers? Keep your heads
down and your mouths shut, because this terror could still happen to you too.</div>
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Billy and Zordon come to the conclusion that Kim can still
become the Pink Ranger, but she'll need to be charged with energy from the
other Rangers' coins. If they don't retrieve the Power Coin from Rita and Zedd,
she'll no longer be able to become a Ranger. In addition, the Ninjazords have
been rendered inoperable now that Zedd is in control of the Falconzord.
Thankfully the Ninjazords have been recently moved into the bargain bin and the
Rangers now have control of something new we can shove in children's faces
until their begrudging parents relent and buy more toy robots for their
spoiled, fat children.</div>
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Thanks for the Shogunzords, Mom and Dad!</div>
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Zordon's final statement on the Shogunzords is that Kimberly
and Tommy will have to share a Zord. Not because her powers are waning or
anything like that, but because there's only five of them and we didn't really
do the math on this whole Shogunzord thing. Sorry!</div>
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Later that day, Kim and Tommy go for a walk on the beach
together. Kim says she feels like this is the end of the Pink Ranger, and grabs
her boyfriend's hands. She admits that she's really afraid of what's to come.
Tommy reminds Kim what she said to him when he lost his powers. </div>
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"<i>Delete my number
from your phone or I'm calling the police."</i></div>
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Oh wait. The other thing.</div>
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"<i>You'll always be
one of us as long as you work for scale.</i>"</div>
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Tommy promises that he'll always be here for Kimberly and
gives her a romantic peck on the cheek. Settle down <i>Power Rangers</i>! You trying to give kids a sexual awakening? Well the
next time you want kids to realize their innermost lust, all you've gotta do is
throw a giant frog monster eating people at them. That'll wake em right the
fuck up.<br />
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<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>Multi-eyed Pirate Flashers</i><b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
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Not an outstanding conclusion to this trilogy, but I think it's plenty serviceable enough. The fight with Zedd was an excellent idea on paper, but clearly the show wasn't able to live up to that. The bits with Kimberly were a nice bit of tension. Though the big moment is obviously the Shogunzord debut. Well here's where I might lose some of you good readers.<br />
<br />
I really don't care for the Shogunzords. I think they're massive, blocky, ugly, and look too samey. Get a good look at the Shogun Megazord and you might see what I mean. It looks like five black bricks were stacked on top of each other to make the final product. I don't think the Shogun Megazord in of itself is a bad design, but I much preferred the Ninjazords in comparison. Though part of my complaints about the Shogun Megazord involves how it introduces some of the most boring goddmned Zord battles in the whole series. Though we'll discuss those as they occur.<br />
<br />
I mentioned when the Ninjazords showed up that they came from halfway through the <i>Kakuranger</i> series, which means these Shogunzords were originally the first set of Zords in Kaku. To summarize, the first episode with the Ninjazords was Kakuranger Episode 31, whereas the episode when the Shogunzords fought See Monster was Kakuranger Episode 6. Since there are only five Kakurangers from the start, this would explain why Kimberly is relegated to Tommy's co-pilot in future Zord battles. They didn't have a Pink Shogunzord to give her after all.<br />
<br />
This also explains why Ninjor is no longer around and had to be shoved into a bottle. Ninjor's counterpart debuted in Kakuranger Episode 36, so there's no footage of him battling alongside the Shogunzords that can be used. Writing him off for now was a necessity because they don't have much more footage of him that can be adapted.<br />
<br />
For now.<br />
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The five Shogunzords themselves didn't get an awful lot to do in this episode did they? They stood around while the Rangers had to pilot them, and they got blasted by See Monster. The White Shogunzord cut him with a weird little blade weapon, but that was really it. That's because the Shogunzords don't really have a fight where they all get to strut their stuff before they combine. Though we do see a quick scene of them holding weapons in this episode, and they look pretty cool. Shame we're probably never going to see any of them get used again.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaGQ9r1yVh0_iV6vTgfJQduruzrb6SslWTpYY_UE57WwjtM6hPiErTMeetUOsYVaZ3h5reSd35QRa8ZS-TN7AUyK96pRElYixmCcjEiOyc076Mc5qOJH6sbxZFEksfhrvORm46y7tGf4ue/s1600/Shogunzord+Weapons.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="313" data-original-width="428" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaGQ9r1yVh0_iV6vTgfJQduruzrb6SslWTpYY_UE57WwjtM6hPiErTMeetUOsYVaZ3h5reSd35QRa8ZS-TN7AUyK96pRElYixmCcjEiOyc076Mc5qOJH6sbxZFEksfhrvORm46y7tGf4ue/s400/Shogunzord+Weapons.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Oh, and one more note on the Shogunzords. The U.S. production crew was shipped the individual Shogunzord costumes for filming, so that means there's a few scenes with the Rangers in the same shot as them. It's kind of cool. They only use the Shogunzord suits one other time if I recall correctly, but that's coming up in a few weeks, so I won't spoil it now.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LpWBiePi0uYSUg9SKGHTXSiEGYQC3Dn8qRBL23ZDu5Y-sgV1piNevlsS9ABA_wdZ_WJ92SS-tloIYyhtwNIkKAzAM_ZfyqWJXEhuutMacHBOegMhmGeuaT9QPpFfOGUgTjs7FPfLZzBc/s1600/Shogunzords.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="315" data-original-width="420" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_LpWBiePi0uYSUg9SKGHTXSiEGYQC3Dn8qRBL23ZDu5Y-sgV1piNevlsS9ABA_wdZ_WJ92SS-tloIYyhtwNIkKAzAM_ZfyqWJXEhuutMacHBOegMhmGeuaT9QPpFfOGUgTjs7FPfLZzBc/s400/Shogunzords.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Last thing worth mentioning is how international soundtracked versions of this episode have the Rangers referring to their Shogunzords as "Ancient Zords." There's a line at the end of this episode where Zordon informs the Rangers that these new Zords are named Shogunzords, which makes little sense considering Rocky and the others were flinging around the Shogunzord name for the last 10 minutes. If you want proof, then check it out. If not, then take my word for it and enjoy your day.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-83385785354412231212017-06-05T23:41:00.001-05:002017-06-06T03:53:43.337-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 20: Changing of the Zords Part 2<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikB3yUYG6aW4W8lzdaDLGj1SCaaDXCVkGOws6WZeyZKLFix1o3jzKvZWtgM_96QYkyV-l64VhotLOFum4uRAF22GQuNlmIdZjxJU9SR6JVAXcKCrUhm33S52A1d7cfaxitoVW8f7mEZNcY/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="323" data-original-width="437" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikB3yUYG6aW4W8lzdaDLGj1SCaaDXCVkGOws6WZeyZKLFix1o3jzKvZWtgM_96QYkyV-l64VhotLOFum4uRAF22GQuNlmIdZjxJU9SR6JVAXcKCrUhm33S52A1d7cfaxitoVW8f7mEZNcY/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Monster Reminds Audience That it Has Teeth For 20 Minutes<br />
Zordon Cashes in on Ranger Life Insurance Policy</div>
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<a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/05/mmpr-season-3-episode-19-changing-of.html" target="_blank">Last week</a> on <i>Power
Rangers</i>, Finster located a pack of ancient Zords that he planned to put
under Zedd's control. In order to activate them, a plan was formed to take
control of Ninjor and one of the Ninjazords. Katherine stole Kimberly's Power
Coin in order to gain access to Tommy's Falconzord, which left the Pink Ranger
critically ill. A giant-sized Goldar showed up, prompting Ninjor and Tommy to
enter the fray. Before the heroes could rip Goldar to shreds, Katherine took
over the Falconzord, and Ninjor was defeated by the golden goon. Now, both
Ninjor and the Falconzord have been drawn into Zedd's clutches. </div>
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Inside of the Command Center, Billy scans Kimberly's
comatose body. Tommy asks how she's doing, and Billy kicks him in the dick and
responds, "I don't know boss, how are Ninjor and the Falconzord? Oh that's
right, we lost both of them because you were too busy jerking off inside of the
cockpit. You're telling me you couldn't beat goddamn <i>GOLDAR</i> with a giant ninja master backing you up? I don't know how
your girlfriend is, but I'll tell you how we'll be if a giant monster shows up.
Fucked!"</div>
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And also, Kim is in a deep sleep without her Power Coin.</div>
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Alpha 5 says "ay-yi-yi" a couple times while he
wonders what they can do for poor Kimberly. Maybe they could get her a locker
to keep her shit in instead of leaving it out in the open for cat monsters to
snatch it. Maybe they could try keeping the Power Coins inside the Command
Center. Kimberly can't even keep her parents together, how do you expect her to hold onto a coin?</div>
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Tommy pouts about how scared he is of losing Kimberly,
because he finally found someone who knew the best place to scratch his belly.
Zordon suggests that he and Alpha could find some sort of energy source to
temporarily supplant Kimberly's Power Coin. Oh is that how this works? One of
your Rangers' is on the fritz, so you head down to Home Depot to pick up a
couple spark plugs and BAM! Pinkie is back up and running.</div>
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Adam and Rocky question how they can get their Zords up and
running, though I'm almost positive that Ninjor's kidnapping should be cutting
off their access to the Ninjazords. Zordon mentioned how crucial it was that
Ninjor stay safe back when the Rangers <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-7-ninja-quest.html">first</a> got the Ninjazords. Is that one of those lines that we're supposed to
forget about? Sorry about that <i>Power
Rangers</i>, you've met your match! Some loser with too much time on his hands
that vaguely remembers some of the plot points of your cobbled-together show.</div>
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Zedd and Rita gloat that their plan is gaining traction, and
soon the Rangers will be Zord-driving slaves for the Moon Crew. When Rita
remarks that she can smell victory, Goldar asks if maybe that stench is really
Rito. Rito responds by saying he can't smell that bad, because he took a shower
last month. </div>
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Now obviously this is supposed to be a real hilarious joke,
but Rito's a fucking skeleton man. Why would you expect him to bathe regularly?
He could leave himself out in the desert and let vultures pick him clean. Sorry,
Goldar. Not all of us can smell like dead cats and Lord Zedd's ass. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXoFvL2fs2QetG5XzcL5S9j5UrrRz6_09gsRu0CJzKZKCFjbr5sGiTvaOosqU8514MBsdB5va5vwTRQPOv0727woI9TCIu5JVCTosUavb8kEeO01iCI-1qnjeyrGWbt8qP8L8_rJBgDEJ/s1600/Unfortunate+Cameo+From+Squatt.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Squatt Goldar Rito Power Rangers" border="0" data-original-height="325" data-original-width="436" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXoFvL2fs2QetG5XzcL5S9j5UrrRz6_09gsRu0CJzKZKCFjbr5sGiTvaOosqU8514MBsdB5va5vwTRQPOv0727woI9TCIu5JVCTosUavb8kEeO01iCI-1qnjeyrGWbt8qP8L8_rJBgDEJ/s400/Unfortunate+Cameo+From+Squatt.PNG" title="Squatt heard something about bathing and forced himself on-camera" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>How are you smelling those without a
nose, dick?</i></div>
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Zedd continues to prattle on about how they're going to have
the ancient Zords up and running in no time, and all they'll need are six
pilots to board them. Which is something that won't make sense when we see next
week's episode, but let's ignore that for right now.</div>
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Rito mentions that Zedd needs pilots for the Zords just like
the Power Rangers do, and Zedd says that's a particularly brilliant idea. Yes,
I agree. I found it equally brilliant when you mentioned it about 40 seconds
ago, Zedd. This scene started out with Zedd and Rita talking about having the
Rangers under their thumb, then we get the characters forget what the fuck they
were talking about midway through the same scene. Either this episode was
desperately looking for ways to pad out time, or...nope. There's no other option. They needed to fill up another minute.</div>
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Later that afternoon, the Ranger Teens try and relax inside
of the Youth Center. Tommy hammers away on a speedbag in an attempt to satisfy
his limitless rage issues. Forgetting that he's in public and supposed to
conceal his secret identity, Tommy growls that he wishes he could get his hands
on Lord Zedd just once. Adam and Rocky note how out of character Tommy is
acting, and tell him to calm the shit down. </div>
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Tommy says he's upset because of how much he relates to
Kim's suffering. He recounts when Zedd <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/11/mmpr-season-2-episode-13-green-no-more.html">stripped
him of his powers</a> and how painful it was for him. Which is a lot like Kim's
current situation, except she's <i>fucking
dying</i>. Tommy is the absolute worst human being in the universe. "Man,
I'm sorry you have Power Cancer, Kim. It's almost as bad as the time I couldn't
blow on a dagger and make a dragon come out of the water anymore. But it's
okay! I got to come back on a big tiger. Vrrrrrrooooom! It moved fast like
that!"<br />
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As soon as Tommy ponders how Zedd managed to steal her Power
Coin, Katherine nonchalantly walks in and says hello. Subtlety, thy name is <i>Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers</i>. Kat asks
if anyone's seen Kim lately, since they were supposed to meet up for a totally real
lunch. Adam says that Kim is busy, and Kat brushes this off by asking if anyone
else is free for lunch. She stares daggers at Tommy while gesturing towards her
breasts and says, "Eh? Eh?" Tommy declines, as he has to spend time
with his stupid unconscious girlfriend all afternoon.</div>
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Kat responds to this blow-off with a saccharine, "Well,
I hope Kim shows up!" A line that really hits home. Katherine knows how
responsible she is for Kim's condition, she knows things are bad for the Ranger
Teens, and she knows they don't have a clue how evil she is. Catherine
Sutherland sells this moment well, because you can tell she's a
genuinely nice gal in real life, but makes you utterly despise her put-on
niceties in this scene. I love it.</div>
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Rita asks Zedd how he plans to get the Rangers to become
their slaves, and really she should know the answer by now. What do the
villains of this show do whenever they have some mundane task to be fulfilled?
They throw monsters at it until it's finished. Zedd whips up some lightning
from his staff as he creates the vicious Incisorator.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgn_kULNS7YLesyDXfut0JvKbhzCsqJp6ArxFDJC-1TzaMGHa63QbUlaCfLr_eV0tkuzPDLg8VsX4m-SxWHCwRm1vs_39-Vp6JnoAA4R_E02Au6RrccM5F5mEMprDZyJrMKVkNgJDmtym/s1600/Inciserator+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="331" data-original-width="443" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgn_kULNS7YLesyDXfut0JvKbhzCsqJp6ArxFDJC-1TzaMGHa63QbUlaCfLr_eV0tkuzPDLg8VsX4m-SxWHCwRm1vs_39-Vp6JnoAA4R_E02Au6RrccM5F5mEMprDZyJrMKVkNgJDmtym/s400/Inciserator+1.PNG" title="Idiot spilled ravioli on his cape." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>What are you smiling about, ugly?</i></div>
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The dual-headed monster introduces himself to a pair of
Earthlings and asks if they would care to join him for "a little
bite." Now mark that one down, everyone. Time for us to count every
goddamned tooth joke this monster belches out of its gaping maws. </div>
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After the two civilians run screaming in terror from this
freaky creature, Incisorator proposes that he should find some other people to
torment. This line isn't worth mentioning whatsoever, but it's the delivery
that merits discussion. </div>
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Incisorator's line is "I'll just have to find some
other victims. I mean guests." That line should be spoken as though the
monster is feigning ignorance of its own malevolent nature. Instead, it sounds
as if Incisorator was reading his lines and forgot to pause between sentences.
He turns a period into a comma. It's the weirdest goddamned line reading. If
you are reading this, please watch the episode and tell me I'm not imagining
things. Or tell me I'm out of my bloody gourd. </div>
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Sorry, where were we? Oh right, that tooth monster is
yelling at people in the park. Alpha gets in contact with the conscious Ranger
Teens to warn them of Zedd's new creature. The teens morph and show up to
prevent Incisorator from finding any more victims comma I mean guests.</div>
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The powerful monster manages to tackle all five of the
Rangers by himself, armed only with a scepter and a bevy of awful tooth-related
puns. Chomping at the bit, chew the fat, chew you up and spit you out, to tell
the tooth. This cockchewer talks like he's a poster at the dentist's office.
Get outta here you frog-faced fuck.</div>
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The Rangers fail to defend against Incisorator's onslaught,
and even the mighty Tommy is sent flying by the creature's attacks. Incisorator
doesn't have too many amazing moves, he just flings his cape around to
disorient the Rangers before bashing them with his staff. You would think a
monster that can't shut up about teeth might try biting the Rangers, but nope.
The show couldn't think up enough cape puns to call this guy "Cape
Fear", or something equally heinous. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd and Rita's plot continues to unfold, as the moon
sorcerers have Katherine act as a decoy to lure out Kimberly. From where? Her fuckin' hospital bed? This scheme would make
absolutely zero sense if we didn't immediately cut back to the Command Center
to find Kimberly waking up from her Power Coma. Phew! That was convenient. How
else would we eat up another five minutes of this episode if we didn't add
another contingent to this ancient Zord project?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kimberly awakens to footage on the Viewing Globe of
Katherine being attacked by Tengas. Kim exclaims that she needs to help her new
best friend, but Zordon refuses to let her go anywhere. She's about 10 minutes
from falling over dead, and Zordon's not going to let it happen in the heat of
battle. If she dies inside the Command Center, they can write it off as an
unrelated accident and HR won't be snooping around their books.<br />
<br />
"<i>ALPHA 5, REMEMBER TO TELL CAROL DOWN THE HALL THAT KIMBERLY WAS PRONE TO FITS OF SPONTANEOUS DEATH, AND THAT HER TRAGIC PASSING WAS A PRE-EXISTING CONDITION."</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kim refuses to let Katherine get mauled by a bunch of
parrots, so she denies Zordon's request to stay in the Command Center. He asks
if she understands the risk of her decision, and the half-dead Pink Ranger
mutters out something that sort of sounds like a yes, so away she goes!<br />
<br />
"<i>YOU HEARD HER ALPHA 5, SHE CONSENTED TO THIS DECISION. SHE'S AWARE OF HER DECISION AND COMPLETELY LIABLE FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS. I TRIED TO STOP HER, YOU SAW ME DO IT!"</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kim ninja morphs to Kat's location and demands that the
Tengas release her. Or else what? You'll swing at them and fall over dead? Whatever, I'm sure Typhoid Kimberly will save the day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Rangers are busy in the throes of battle, our
favorite bumbling cops are getting their asses chewed by Lt. Stone. He tells
the boys that he's sick and goddamned tired hearing their <i>Boy Who Cried Wolf</i> bullshit about running into monsters every week.
Bulk tries to explain that he and Skull are contractually obligated to appear
in every episode of this series, and the writers keep finding ways to tie them
into whatever half-baked nonsense the Power Rangers are up to this week, but
Lt. Stone doesn't buy it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stone says he's going to tag along with Bulk and Skull for
the next 24 hours. Why? Because he wants to get some evidence of these monsters
the boys allegedly keep encountering. I guess so he can prove these two idiots
are lying about monsters so they don't have to spend their day accosting young
minorities? I don't know. I'm not a cop.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kimberly continues her fight against the Tengas, but her
waning powers cause her to collapse on the battlefield. Now that Zedd's cronies
have a half-deceased Power Ranger in their grasp, you would expect them to do
something like cut off her head or throw her into the ocean like a sack of
cats. Instead, the Tengas…clearly don't know how to handle a victory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L-E5nQkwBGx1Vz07pBcclC73zPvyOayQY6HgyvOAi5SnVzxr5hjL44iI5Lw_f0cBJ3qSXZJDLEr-g7Y8Q0UXAiPTgD_yQ52-a95r9-gGIOz8KSYF0gPsgrllPsZ6yssEu9LE_8gOfyIl/s1600/Tengas+Doing+the+Opposite+of+What+Theyre+Supposed+to+Do.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Kimberly Power Rangers Tengas" border="0" data-original-height="306" data-original-width="421" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9L-E5nQkwBGx1Vz07pBcclC73zPvyOayQY6HgyvOAi5SnVzxr5hjL44iI5Lw_f0cBJ3qSXZJDLEr-g7Y8Q0UXAiPTgD_yQ52-a95r9-gGIOz8KSYF0gPsgrllPsZ6yssEu9LE_8gOfyIl/s400/Tengas+Doing+the+Opposite+of+What+Theyre+Supposed+to+Do.gif" title="WAKEY WAKEY KIM, THE BUS GETS HERE IN 10 MINUTES" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>COME ON KIM WAKE UP, MOM'S GONNA BE HOME SOON</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hearing that a teenager just passed out, Goldar appears to
scope out the scene. Kim's Ninja Ranger powers dissipate as she's left
unconscious and unmorphed on the ground. Goldar claims her powerless corpse in
the name of Lord Zedd, while Katherine hides in the bushes and sneers that
Tommy will miss her once she's dead. Yeah right. If you asked Tommy who the
three Rangers who went to go live in Switzerland to learn about peace, he'd
stammer and drool down his chin until you started scratching his chin while
talking about Bruce Lee.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of the dog wonder, he and his team are still losing
against the Incisorator. The Rangers prepare for a counterattack, but this toad-lookin' creep vanishes from the fight for absolutely no good goddamned
reason. The Rangers talk amongst themselves to find a reason why Zedd's monster
would bolt while it's winning, but they're unable to find a concise answer.
Maybe it's because they couldn't handle the tooth.<br />
<br />
Why wasn't I born in the 90's? I can make insufferable puns for money along with the best of em!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Rangers teleport back to the Command Center, only to
discover that Zedd's monster was nothing more than a decoy. In case you hadn't
been paying attention, Tommy recaps all the bad things that have happened to
them this week. Zedd steals Kim's coin, kidnaps her and the Falconzord, and
causes Ninjor to disappear. Not only that, but Kim was unable to attend a
beautiful luncheon with Katherine, and missed out on the chance to feast on the
finest milk saucers this side of Stone Canyon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Alpha 5 alerts the Rangers that Zedd has begun siphoning
power into the ancient Zords, which are now referred to as Shogunzords. Named
as such because shogun is one of the four Japanese words that Americans might
vaguely recognize without being offended by the oncoming Japanese menace. Ah,
the 90's. When buying a foreign-made car was tantamount to treason.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd and Rita discuss the, hopefully, final part of this
inanely convoluted plan. Zedd has the captive Kimberly strapped to a giant,
rotating piece of glass, that is draining her of all her energy. What energy
are you on about Zedd? The girl fell over dead when some birds looked at her
too hard. She went into spasms because you took her magic coin from her for 10
minutes. The only person siphoning anything from Kimberly is the grim reaper.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF7OypyKcV9gf6nWwirJTfI17N91g8_faLHreJwaaYy8_WpfntMRx6_Ea63frBCSDotta3WtMazfDs_XveYVjPF749tuPKBMINmSje_lffmxnUyDLjmpAp3HKlAWEis7KsRS_7Cbyxeh7I/s1600/At+Some+Point+This+Shows+Abysmal+Budget+Will+Cease+to+Surprise+Me.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="308" data-original-width="423" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF7OypyKcV9gf6nWwirJTfI17N91g8_faLHreJwaaYy8_WpfntMRx6_Ea63frBCSDotta3WtMazfDs_XveYVjPF749tuPKBMINmSje_lffmxnUyDLjmpAp3HKlAWEis7KsRS_7Cbyxeh7I/s400/At+Some+Point+This+Shows+Abysmal+Budget+Will+Cease+to+Surprise+Me.gif" title="Another mental image you can't get out of your heads, sorry!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Usually this table only gets used when
Zedd lays underneath it.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in Angel Grove Park, Lt. Stone hems and haws that he's
spent all day with Bulk and Skull, and they've yet to see one GD monster. No
squids covered in bondage gear, no dogs with red asscheeks, no nothing! Bulk
and Skull plead with him not to doubt their blatant insanity, as they really do
encounter spooky rubber-suited goblins on a daily basis. Especially when the
episode is running short and the writers need to fill an extra minute.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of filling an extra minute, there's a really
pointless scene where Katherine's cat form runs by and Skull picks her up to
pet her. As soon as Skull puts her down, she runs into the bushes and turns
back into a human. She smiles at Skull and flashes her evil cat eyes at him,
leaving the young officer perplexed. It's a corny joke that really does nothing
for the episode. The whole gag is that Bulk and Skull are looking for
monsters, and then a monster shows up and they don't even know it! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We're supposed to believe that Rita and Zedd have this
ironclad plot to destroy all of Angel Grove, and Katherine is a crucial piece
of said plan. Then for no reason, she's off puttering around in the park with
absolutely zero ulterior motive. No more than two minutes ago she saw Kimberly
pecked to death by a pack of purple monster birds, but then she got sick of
that and decided to take a little stroll as a kitten. I find the setup to this
gag scene to be highly illogical, because I am a sociopathic robot who writes
about children's television.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back inside the Command Center, the Rangers try and solve
the Kimberly situation. This proves unnecessary though, as the Viewing Globe
flashes with an incoming transmission. From who you may ask? Very simple.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord Fucking Zedd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That's right, the father of all evil is making a housecall
in the Command Center. He tells the Rangers not to worry about a solution to
their Kimberly problem, because he's got one for them. As I prepare my doctoral
thesis on why Lord Zedd showing up in the Viewing Globe is a bunch of bunk,
Adam asks how Zedd is able to show up like this. Billy responds to said
lampshading by stating, "I don't know."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So instead of concocting an answer for why this series of
events is happening, <i>Power Rangers</i>
acknowledges that it's out of the ordinary, and summarily has its most
intelligent character explain that he has no idea why this is happening. Call
it lazy, hacky, shitty, or whatever you want, but for some reason I like it.
Zedd didn't tap into some rangomatrix wavelength from the mabufula
constellation to hack their shit. He did it, and even Billy is at a loss for
words. Sometimes you don't need an explanation for scenes that work.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zordon gives Zedd the business and demands that he release
Kimberly this instant. Zedd tells his old rival to put a cork in it, because
that bag of face goo isn't the one who should be making demands. Zedd fiercely
demands access into the Command Center, so he can make his offer to the Power
Rangers in person. Alpha 5 refuses this proposal, as the Command Center is no
place for some latex-y devilman all decked out in metal bondage gear. Zedd puts
the fuckboi android in his place by asking if he cares what happens to little
Miss Kimberly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy says that the Ranger team doesn't have a choice, and
they have to submit to Lord Zedd's commands. Zordon becomes somber as he
agrees, and allows Alpha to beam Zedd into the chamber of command. As Alpha
presses buttons on the console, everything begins to go haywire. The alarm
shakes, a low rumbling sound plays underneath the music, and the Rangers all
look panicked before...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BOOM! A huge, destructive, affordable explosion rocks the
Command Center. When the Rangers look towards the source, all they can see is a
massive throne with the letter Z emblazoned upon it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigZNFBjkQF2bpGIEXPKjYGrQLZ7K4NgjDKCLKP9ANlTmt4ie7_YeKQR-MOZhyphenhyphenB8jCw2zrgn6cAC26u_khY3kD1lc_YHK2rWCBPkU11fZ6tiRMBqQrD_yZxbDRZwsI1aAvXV8ntCIY4175L/s1600/Spinning+Object+Gif+For+Episode+132+2+of+2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Lord Zedd gif" border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="410" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigZNFBjkQF2bpGIEXPKjYGrQLZ7K4NgjDKCLKP9ANlTmt4ie7_YeKQR-MOZhyphenhyphenB8jCw2zrgn6cAC26u_khY3kD1lc_YHK2rWCBPkU11fZ6tiRMBqQrD_yZxbDRZwsI1aAvXV8ntCIY4175L/s400/Spinning+Object+Gif+For+Episode+132+2+of+2.gif" title="Love the suit actor getting jerked around on this awkwardly moving chair." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Oh sweet merciful fuck.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd jokes around with his captive audience when he asks his
"old friends" if they're curious how his trip was. It's a corny joke,
but I love Zedd's presence in this scene. He's got the Rangers eating out of
the palm of his hand and he knows it. They have to put up with anything he
does, or they risk Kimberly losing her life. So Zedd turns on the charm and
acts like this meeting is completely amicable, knowing full well that the
Ranger Teens utterly detest him. It's such a great goddamned scene.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zordon tries to get Zedd to spit out his demands, but the
evil overlord ignores him. Instead, Zedd turns his attention to the control
panel and tells Alpha 5 he can come out from hiding now. Alpha slowly rises
from behind the computer and states, "I don't like you…Ed." This
statement sends Lord Zedd into an absolute terror as he realizes no matter how
badass he may be in this scene, he's still become fate's chew toy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But Zedd calms back down, he brushes off the dumbass robot
that can't even bother to remember his name, and he stands from his throne.
Zedd walks down the steps of his chair as he makes his offer to the Power
Rangers: pilot his Shogunzords, or let the Pink Ranger perish inside of his dungeon.
Zedd offers the Rangers a brief moment to make their decision, and the Rangers
group together to let Tommy decide their destiny. You four are nothing but
lemmings, you know that?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As time ticks down, Zedd asks the Rangers what their
decision is. Just as the credits get ready to roll, all we can hear is Zedd
cackling as the Rangers look on in despair. In the face of unspeakable horror, all hope has been lost. Their friend's life hangs in the balance, as does the fate of the entire galaxy, and all they can do is stare in forlorn misery.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because Tommy took this moment to start licking himself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>TO BE CONTINUED<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>:<i>
Bathing Your Skeleton Monthly</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
A damn fine experience to be sure. For all the repetitive attempts at build-up, this episode managed to bring it all home with the scene of Zedd inside the Command Center. The fighting with Incisorator wasn't bad, Kim's heroic struggle to help Katherine was nice, and the danger looming over the Pink Ranger's impending death worked out well. Though at the end of the day, this whole episode lives and dies on Lord Zedd busting in on Zordon and his goons to rub their fucking noses in it. This whole episode is worth watching just because of Zedd's callous dickery. It's the coolest thing this guy's gotten to do in at least a season's worth of episodes.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Sadly for Zedd, he appears to have had some issues behind the scenes of <i>Power Rangers</i>. Perhaps he was hitting the bottle too hard, but his suit is clearly falling the fuck apart. I didn't even notice this until eagle-eyed reader "Pumpkin Rap God" pointed it out.<br />
<br />
"<i>One
thing I'm surprised you didn't notice, as perceptive as you are and how you're
seeing all kinds of things that I never did, is that Zedd's costume is falling
the fuck away by this episode. His right shoulder is off-color and looks
patched on, and in the "Grow Rito" scene (with the torn film) the
bottom jaw that normally wiggles a bit when Ed Neil says whatever it is he says
that gets dubbed over has completely come off. There's practically a second
mouth flapping under the mask."</i><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well
thanks to my dear Rap God, I couldn't help but notice this goddamn suit looking
like trash all over the episode. I've seen it in a few other episodes, so I
might make a habit of catching screenshots of whenever Zedd looks like total
garbage, but here's an image of how bad he looks in this week's episode. Take a
look at his decaying, brown shoulder.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTvbhFCIHkFh75wBtxI0TM5Nl7VCOhKvK1XV3rJDu5TN478B3NUUKay6kz5ar4OS0OqN74fGCENlLIYsq46XR4zhkSaSobPRLzh7KLMp_6m_oQxhamO1VKjFZkTV2Pgocs4075VirjpDf_/s1600/Zedd+Falling+Apart.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="335" data-original-width="446" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTvbhFCIHkFh75wBtxI0TM5Nl7VCOhKvK1XV3rJDu5TN478B3NUUKay6kz5ar4OS0OqN74fGCENlLIYsq46XR4zhkSaSobPRLzh7KLMp_6m_oQxhamO1VKjFZkTV2Pgocs4075VirjpDf_/s400/Zedd+Falling+Apart.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of villain costumes, because what else do I ever talk about, Incisorator has a bit of story behind him as well. Incisorator doesn't technically come from <i>Kakuranger</i> footage, because his body is a hodge podge of three different monster costumes. The first is Nurarihyon from <i>Kakuranger</i> episode 1. This guy only showed up in a prologue to the series proper, and never had a fight with any morphed Rangers or Zords. Since his suit didn't have any usable action, they decided to decapitate him for Incisorator.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjetyUjCVgdMTG0_AVX8e-oUnTuFYLjeh9-Uasrjgk-4g_E-5dtDFkjhlavgcigrBN8KbyOVWQgOlWqkxS2rP2l2koe2oVLwCjtLU6ecvvPbQYi71PWEh-NvUX6gYYvTxNT4hj9HDDQOCIU/s1600/Nurarihyon+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Nurarihyon incisorator" border="0" data-original-height="403" data-original-width="539" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjetyUjCVgdMTG0_AVX8e-oUnTuFYLjeh9-Uasrjgk-4g_E-5dtDFkjhlavgcigrBN8KbyOVWQgOlWqkxS2rP2l2koe2oVLwCjtLU6ecvvPbQYi71PWEh-NvUX6gYYvTxNT4hj9HDDQOCIU/s400/Nurarihyon+1.PNG" title="" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Incisorator's body came from another <i>Kakuranger</i> monster, one of the Shuten Douji brothers. We'll talk about them quite a bit later, but don't worry too much about his relevance for now.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhauxLepqoJ6yFsMqXSyqc5Mxe9wiuAZ1dvYu-Z5galI6UP-p1WJ1S22Tp1mmp6Y-cOnTLP9pJ-jqGPvC8yOl_rYkEYa6w5T0jdAl3iXLNE6O5XR1Rh5Tq2MOaKZyfon7HOLYCB9dztW6On/s1600/Barbaric+Brother.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="326" data-original-width="200" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhauxLepqoJ6yFsMqXSyqc5Mxe9wiuAZ1dvYu-Z5galI6UP-p1WJ1S22Tp1mmp6Y-cOnTLP9pJ-jqGPvC8yOl_rYkEYa6w5T0jdAl3iXLNE6O5XR1Rh5Tq2MOaKZyfon7HOLYCB9dztW6On/s400/Barbaric+Brother.PNG" width="245" /></a></div>
<br />
The final piece of the puzzle is Incisorator's cape, which comes from the <i>Dairanger</i> monster Birdcage Vagabond.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT3lA1WqDtLvin6QnqnYbmoS-PyRmZ_T-kGgKK6ffYk2A43irzd_p_falVoPiiWrKWC7S_yCgX3Yf0GruJwDw_aE-7PaCYBRIy5bj4JHEhlYpTIs8-kY1aO_mTZ-Ow22-jywl8RU-mWuFU/s1600/Birdcage.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Birdcage Vagabond Power Rangers" border="0" data-original-height="476" data-original-width="502" height="378" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT3lA1WqDtLvin6QnqnYbmoS-PyRmZ_T-kGgKK6ffYk2A43irzd_p_falVoPiiWrKWC7S_yCgX3Yf0GruJwDw_aE-7PaCYBRIy5bj4JHEhlYpTIs8-kY1aO_mTZ-Ow22-jywl8RU-mWuFU/s400/Birdcage.PNG" title="" width="400" /></a></div>
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Mix a Spanish-speaking birdcage's cape with the body of an orange ogre and the head of a ninja, and you get the pretty respectable looking Incisorator! Or Fangenstein if you prefer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia1bYbBRarxGJPEX44JGDJ6NYli7y6K7bfbZigUTCQKsgCwSfEyOO7fREEZm-cBJnoqdH2VkmAlXac1V3xigFVeW9U9vTxKod9PYPC6c26KKT-PLqOWJOg3WBe_tw02k3JufU9PTDFvIgc/s1600/Inciserator+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Incisorator Power Rangers" border="0" data-original-height="331" data-original-width="445" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia1bYbBRarxGJPEX44JGDJ6NYli7y6K7bfbZigUTCQKsgCwSfEyOO7fREEZm-cBJnoqdH2VkmAlXac1V3xigFVeW9U9vTxKod9PYPC6c26KKT-PLqOWJOg3WBe_tw02k3JufU9PTDFvIgc/s400/Inciserator+2.PNG" title="" width="400" /></a></div>
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Oh yeah, I should probably mention that. This monster was referred to as Fangenstein in the international audio, which means somewhere along the line his name was changed in post production. I think? I don't know. If anyone has a link to the Fangenstein version of this episode, I'd be curious to see it. Why did they bother changing his name? I couldn't even hazard a guess. Maybe they came up with Incisorator and thought that was a better pun? Who gives a shit?</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-21257432577244818712017-05-29T21:14:00.001-05:002017-09-04T02:20:27.507-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 19: Changing of the Zords Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhutlZBDf50E-yZqAYX0yn7eoiEcRGn2n1LqrtI9rTlVFb2diTtDVhZceXcVbhB-0Yj-8RchGRoVLNDNXSYqzHYORaA7dZhUddlXZ7ZMYibZPYE936dZq-YHtbfE8oybS0u2mH9P_nj9S0P/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="308" data-original-width="417" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhutlZBDf50E-yZqAYX0yn7eoiEcRGn2n1LqrtI9rTlVFb2diTtDVhZceXcVbhB-0Yj-8RchGRoVLNDNXSYqzHYORaA7dZhUddlXZ7ZMYibZPYE936dZq-YHtbfE8oybS0u2mH9P_nj9S0P/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="powertitle">
Baboo Makes Joke, Nobody Laughs<br />
Ancient Ninja Master Threatened With Becoming Milkshake</div>
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Before we get started, scope out that episode name. There's
real beauty in its blatancy, isn't there? It's communicating the most basic
message to the audience; "We're releasing more toys. Buy them." They
may as well name this episode "<i>American
International Toy Fair: 1995 Sneak Preview</i>." The best part about a
show as lacking in subtlety as <i>Power
Rangers</i> is when it has to be direct about something; namely merchandise
shilling. I hope you lovely readers are excited for three episodes chocked to
the brim with dialogue about how cool the Rangers' upcoming new Zords are, and
how their sleek design would make any impressionable young child happy this
Christmas.</div>
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But we're not only here to talk about a bunch of new toys.
Not this week anyway. <i>Power Rangers </i>gave its formula a big shake-up in the last episode. Rita Repulsa has
entered into a pact of some sort with a mysterious young woman named Katherine.
Kat has the ability to transform into a cat (of course), as well as turn into a
monster. </div>
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Hm? What's that? …Oh. I see. I'm quite sorry. I'll let them
know.</div>
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It appears that Katherine's ability to turn into a monster
will never be mentioned again. For those of you who wish to watch television
shows featuring cat monsters in scantily-clad outfits, pick out the first anime
DVD you find in your nearest FYE. Then do that FYE a favor and burn it to
the ground. Those poor saps need to be put out of their misery. </div>
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Well regardless of Kat's transformative abilities or lack
thereof, she has still successfully infiltrated the Ranger Teens' circle of
friends. Which wasn't too difficult. All she had to do was talk about how she
likes being a boring white person who hates crime and littering, and they took
her in with open arms. The only problem Kat had fitting in was getting Kimberly
to warm up to her. But the devious kitten has a plan up her paws to convince
Kim she's harmless.</div>
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The girls go shopping together!</div>
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If you asked the writers room of <i>Power Rangers</i> to name one thing that young women do besides shop at
the mall, they would commit ritualistic suicide out of confusion and fear.</div>
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Katherine takes a break from being a 90's stereotype of a
teenage girl to observe Tommy and Kimberly interacting. She seems to get
particularly pissy when Tommy hugs Kim with his ripplingly-biceped arms. Sweet
criminy, that's a low point in any person's life. Being jealous of Tommy and
Kim's relationship. I'm sure Kimberly loves putting a VHS copy of <i>Sidekicks</i> on every night to keep Tommy
from falling asleep post-coitus. </div>
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Oh, would you look at the time? It's about two minutes into
the episode, which means it's time for our regularly-scheduled visit to the
moon. Finster shuffles into Zedd's chambers to offer some good news to the evil
overlord, and Zedd snaps "Oh what is it this time, Finster? A monster that
blows itself up?" Slow your roll, Zedd. This show isn't going to have
balls enough to do something like that for at least another four years.<br />
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Far more interesting than any suicidal monsters, Finster has
deciphered the ancient scrolls of Zordina. Which is something that has never
been mentioned before, and I'd bet my still-beating heart on it never being
mentioned again. These scrolls allegedly contain the location of dormant Zords
that could be re-programmed to aid the forces of evil. All Finster needs to do
is use the energy of a Ninjazord to fuel them, and the Moon Crew will be good
to go. Unless the dormant Zords prove to no longer be profitable, in which case
they'll need to go dig some new ones up every year or so.</div>
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Later in the afternoon, Kimberly meets up with Katherine at
Ernie's Café. Kim asks what Kat's up to, and Katherine responds that she's
currently auditioning for the titular role in <i>Lolita.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp9rWXGUWK3SxApat_iSiUnh3TO2g_RJPNRDLXvss3ojsz1pvrHBLjoeg8LqxJfcoKZ90WFZWeTHqhfteTC8uIrru7kRrHtv-fNDQlLbnmVBOafC7RS6hvoEPZYuphhEijGRyxy0Qg3pdZ/s1600/Does+This+Look+Like+Lolita+Sure+Whatever.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="291" data-original-width="391" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp9rWXGUWK3SxApat_iSiUnh3TO2g_RJPNRDLXvss3ojsz1pvrHBLjoeg8LqxJfcoKZ90WFZWeTHqhfteTC8uIrru7kRrHtv-fNDQlLbnmVBOafC7RS6hvoEPZYuphhEijGRyxy0Qg3pdZ/s400/Does+This+Look+Like+Lolita+Sure+Whatever.PNG" title="Old Lolita: Coming this fall to Fox!" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Now to watch as my google analytics skyrocket with the phrase "Power Rangers Lolilta"</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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Kim asks if Kat would like to join her and the other Ranger
Teens for a dip in the Angel Grove lake. Kat responds that she would go, but
she's not particularly fond of water. Katherine then takes Kim by the collar
and screams, ALSO I LOVE EATING MICE, CHASING LASER POINTERS, AND MARCHING IN
PLACE FOR NO GOOD GODDAMNED REASON. MROW! MROW! I AM A CAT PERSON!"
Kimberly responds by chuckling and saying people from Australia sure are funny.</div>
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After turning down Kim's invitation, Tommy runs up and asks
if Kat's going to hang out with the gang. Katherine immediately changes her
tone once Tommy asks, which should be the mother of all red flags for Kim. As
much as I don't want to watch some tedious love triangle from <i>Power Rangers</i>, I'd almost like to see it
play out on one condition. I want Kat to be feverishly attempting to get Tommy
to notice her, but her advances fail time and time again because he's too
stupid to realize what she's doing. </div>
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As the Rangers prepare for a day of sun and sand at the
beach, Rita and Zedd's cronies are busy on their own expedition. Finster is
accompanied by Squatt and Baboo as the trio search a thick-brushed jungle for
the ancient Zords. Oh great! Finster wasn't enough for this task, so Zedd had
to summon the gruesome twosome along to help. That's exactly who you'll need
for a deep-cover infiltration in the jungles of Borneo. Squatt and Buttfucking
Baboo. Maybe Rita slipped Finster 50 bucks and told him to "lose the dead
weight."</div>
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After 7 seconds of searching, Squatt and Baboo become
exhausted with all the energy they've spent whining. Squatt sits down on
something, and unfortunately it isn't a cactus. It's one of the long-lost
Zords! Congratulations, Squatt. You've managed to do one meaningful thing in
the last 2 and a half seasons. Better catch up, Baboo!</div>
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Well, Baboo doesn't have much to do in this scene. But he
does offer up a real funny line as he scours through the grassy thicket
covering the ancient Zords.</div>
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"<i>Is this
Hollywood? Or just Vine?</i>"</div>
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I can tolerate puns, <i>Power
Rangers</i>, but this is testing my goddamned patience.</div>
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Thankfully, we leave the most repugnant duo on this show in
order to focus on the 2nd most repugnant duo on this show. Bulk and Skull have
been assigned to keep an eye on the swimmers of Angel Grove Lake. Is that
something police officers do? I thought they only went to the beach when sharks
were eating people. Well thankfully, the junior police officers see a group of
children splashing about and drowning. Now Bulk and Skull can show what they're
made of!</div>
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With a <i>Baywatch</i>
parody.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFHdg4R2dP35nzlUH6LlPah8MfRU1MMaWvy-G3p77weCR5JkM3R_shfBQXPIPXDBy9Ki9w4bB4EUQV3LRpFomZ2MoAEAtraRQ83g06oYpoEi2X4hwCvxaqeulsQ5xxlF67QtRQu72QC_n/s1600/Test.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Bulk and Skull bathing suits" border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="379" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFHdg4R2dP35nzlUH6LlPah8MfRU1MMaWvy-G3p77weCR5JkM3R_shfBQXPIPXDBy9Ki9w4bB4EUQV3LRpFomZ2MoAEAtraRQ83g06oYpoEi2X4hwCvxaqeulsQ5xxlF67QtRQu72QC_n/s400/Test.gif" title="The nonchalant shoving people into the lake as they charge might be one of the best visual gags in this season." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>More faithful than the reboot.</i></div>
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You know what? This joke absolutely got me. The scene turns
into slow-motion at the drop of a hat, Bulk and Skull have the stupidest looks
of determination on their faces, and they're both wearing the silliest black
and white striped swimsuits. I usually watch this show pretty deadpan, but this
gag took me from "sour grimace" to "big stupid open-mouth grin." </div>
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Maybe that's why I didn't like last week's episode so much.
No Bulk and Skull? No thank you.</div>
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Oh, I didn’t even get to the conclusion of this joke. Bulk
and Skull leap into the water and realize that the kids were all just playing
and the water was actually very shallow. Hah! You silly fat idiots. When will
you ever learn? Oh also, here's a fun game for you to try at home. Leap off of
a tall surface into a pool of shallow water several feet below you. Please tell
me your results, and remember that you can't legally sue a blog. I hope.</div>
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Now that Bulk and Skull have become permanently crippled, we
join the misadventures of Katherine, already in progress. Our resident Aussie
Kitty is on her way to the beach, but she's halted by Rita Repulsa. Rita
issues Kat her newest assignment: Nab a Power Coin from one of the Power
Rangers, particularly one who might be planning on quitting the show sometime
soon, and avoid suspicion in the process. Also if she might be able to get some
nice shots of Tommy's ass in a bathing suit, she could use those when she needs to speed things up during Zedd's birthday present.</div>
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Kat meets up with Aisha and Kim at the beach, and
immediately eyeballs Kim's travel bag. Instead of yanking Kim's coin out of her
bag when the Pink Ranger isn't looking, Katherine seems unsure of what to do.
Rita observes the situation from her Moon Base and claims that Katherine can't
steal the coin with all those people around. I'm honestly not sure why, because
all the people on the beach are busy swimming. Why would they care if some
Aussie chick is rifling through a bag that could potentially belong to her? Why
does Rita need to waste time creating a diversion to pull this off?</div>
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Oh wait a second. This is part 1 of <i>3</i>? Guess that answers my question. We got 60 minutes to kill and
we've only got 40 written. Time for an endless barrage of Tengas with extreme prejudice.<br />
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Surprise surprise, Zedd calls on his Tenga warriors to
attack the beach-going crowd. Well they don't really attack so much as they
steal peoples' towels and fling them around the sand. The Ranger Teens dive
underwater while the rest of the civilians flee for their lives. Also because
some creepy ass birds were trying to scope out their topless girlfriend
sunbathing. Why else do you think they were nabbing those towels?</div>
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After the beach is cleared out, the Tengas blather amongst
each other about how there's currently nobody left around. They're lines that
do nothing but elaborate on things we're already seeing, and I can't fathom why
they're here. The birdpersons mention a number of times how they can't seem to
find the Ranger Teens, and I'm pretty sure it's only so we can build up to this
moment.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2eUXrzWbFfevUgkrSOB7wMySZgOLVprGBJ0zWQuonDQCJozEHwcL9oEPhYo6lJbz_0e31xeYdPy7V2d11jnfiA0CMiQu9jmx7SjzINMe9tvQ6Z8HVVI20vpcliiOxh-6Qlc4ekTmtq5W/s1600/I+Wonder+How+Many+Fish+That+Killed.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="379" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2eUXrzWbFfevUgkrSOB7wMySZgOLVprGBJ0zWQuonDQCJozEHwcL9oEPhYo6lJbz_0e31xeYdPy7V2d11jnfiA0CMiQu9jmx7SjzINMe9tvQ6Z8HVVI20vpcliiOxh-6Qlc4ekTmtq5W/s400/I+Wonder+How+Many+Fish+That+Killed.gif" title="I appreciate how they couldn't fit six colors on screen for one explosion, so they kept re-cutting the shot to squeeze more in." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Be careful! You get water on those Tengas and their suits'll fall apart.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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Alright, that's pretty cool. Kudos, <i>Power Rangers</i>.</div>
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The Ninja Rangers leap onto the beach and engage the Tengas
in battle. As I mentally prepare for a fight I'm not all that crazy about, this
show pulls the rug out from underneath me. Adam gets kicked away by the Tengas
before busting out a ninja move I didn’t expect to see. He creates an identical
Black Ranger clone! The two Black Rangers perform some really awesome
synchronized choreography to slap around the birds. It's easily the coolest
thing I've seen the Ninja Rangers do in several weeks. Even better is they
didn't shoehorn this cool thing into Tommy's karate paws. Thank goodness.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr218x0aoOWNfaa4nISbBZVZd-RUsgvaOf10Q8lLO8z4V2QlL9lW40ueuBWNsovZ2s0iWPCYyFsavyUHdLOnXjiTtHhkz111kHtUTy1t6fFamHvxvMrHf-wWfOUBKw2D1PyOQ3wBq9AC1D/s1600/Double+Or+Nothing.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="296" data-original-width="396" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr218x0aoOWNfaa4nISbBZVZd-RUsgvaOf10Q8lLO8z4V2QlL9lW40ueuBWNsovZ2s0iWPCYyFsavyUHdLOnXjiTtHhkz111kHtUTy1t6fFamHvxvMrHf-wWfOUBKw2D1PyOQ3wBq9AC1D/s400/Double+Or+Nothing.PNG" title="Later to be stolen wholesale by some shithead yellow lion." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Why is one of the Adams 20 pounds heavier?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though nothing lives up to the double Black Ranger bit,
there are quite a few good moments spread throughout. Aisha chokes a Tenga with
a pool floatie, Tommy gets chucked into the water by a group of Tengas, and
Rocky kicks a Tenga off of a boat into the sea. I might have bitched about an
unnecessary Tenga fight before, but I'm pleasantly surprised by how much I'm
enjoying this one. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for seeing stuntmen in bird
costumes being chucked into the ocean.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the Rangers are busy beating the birds, Katherine is
currently rifling through Kimberly's belongings. She snags Kim's Power Coin,
which leaves the Pink Ninja Ranger severely weakened. After she grabs the coin,
Kat continues rummaging inside Kim's knapsack. She finds a picture of Kimberly
and Tommy holding hands, which prompts Katherine to comment that Tommy isn't
going to be hers for long.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well shit, Kat. I think both you and Kim are in agreement
there.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katherine prepares to snag Aisha's Power Coin as well, but
Bulk and Skull arrive to stop her. Not because they realize she's stealing, of
course, but because this poor innocent young Aussie is in danger so long as
those mutant birds are on the loose. If only you two realized that you were
actually talking to a mutant cat monster covered in lingerie, you'd know she
could eat those Tengas in no time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ninja Kim pitifully cries out for Tommy to rescue her,
prompting her boytoy to knock all the birds away from her. The Ninja Rangers
gang up on the Tengas, but since these suits need to last for the rest of
Season 3 they teleport back to the Moon before they can be murdered. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As soon as the Ranger Teens de-morph, they notice that
Kimberly looks extremely weak. I'm sure the show wants me to notice that as
well, but I'm noticing something different.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wkqDIkEaEZxNm95vFTiF-X2f0T6Zyacq1aF9ojnhkkn_hiAfwM3q2OUTfFoJTQMjTa59ydaOqGd3MpVFBmibPEDPiZQ6ETDUFumCBIHCByCCoCsq3oje4H1oERZrSzNA8sdd27JHZtHO/s1600/Yumtown.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="290" data-original-width="397" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-wkqDIkEaEZxNm95vFTiF-X2f0T6Zyacq1aF9ojnhkkn_hiAfwM3q2OUTfFoJTQMjTa59ydaOqGd3MpVFBmibPEDPiZQ6ETDUFumCBIHCByCCoCsq3oje4H1oERZrSzNA8sdd27JHZtHO/s400/Yumtown.PNG" title="Jason David Frank's contract had the entire first page detailing this scene." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>You could cook a steak on those abs.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
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Back at the Moon Palace, Katherine delivers Kim's coin to
Zedd and Rita. The overlords rejoice as they realize how close they've come to
victory. All they have to do is snatch one of the Ninjazords and harness its
technology to power the ancient Zords. As soon as the Ninjazords are <s>clearanced
out and moved off of the shelves to make way for the new toys</s> out of the
way, Zedd and Rita will be able to conquer the world!</div>
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But wait just a minute here. Kat is hiding something from
Zedd and Rita. It's that picture of Kim and Tommy! Um…look Katherine if you
wanted to take Tommy as a love slave I'm sure Rita would allow it. She's got to
have some of that <a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/04/mmpr-season-3-episode-15-potion-notion.html">love
potion</a> kicking around somewhere in Finster's lab. Why are you being so coy
about this? You're some kind of evil cat spirit, I presume. You don't need to
get shy because you have a crush on one of the Ranger teens.</div>
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What are those kids on Tumblr calling that now? Thundere?
Ah, who gives a shit. Back in my day, women didn't pay attention to us because
we were too busy overdosing on Xanax and watching frog monsters eating people
in spandex. Those were the days!</div>
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The Ranger Teens try to salvage the rest of their day at the beach, but they're soon
interrupted by Alpha. He alerts our heroes that Goldar and the Tengas have been
spotted in the park, and they're probably not there for some innocent sex
trafficking! The Ranger Teens prepare to depart, but Kimberly is still too
woozy to follow along. The other Rangers ask her what's going on, but she
doesn't figure out what the deal is until she digs through her belongings and
finds that her Power Coin is missing! Perhaps it's even been catnapped.</div>
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Ugh. Sorry. This show's going to turn me into a pun-spewing
goody-two-shoes before my life mercifully ends.</div>
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As soon as Kim figures out what's going on, a pink glow
surges through her hand. Kimberly panics as Billy surmises that she must be
experiencing some sort of energy drain. Tommy buzzes Zordon and asks how this
omnipotent lava lamp head that spends his every waking moment observing their
lives managed to miss someone snagging Kim's Power Coin. Zordon twiddles his
nonexistent thumbs as he posits that maybe Kimberly left it in the wash last
night. Or maybe it fell into evil hands while he was busy emasculating Alpha 5.
You can't blame Zordon for that one, Rangers! It's 3:30, and that's Zordy's
time.</div>
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Tommy tells the other Ranger Teens to take care of Kimberly.
He's going to take on Goldar himself, because it's been way too goddamn long
since Thomas K. Oliver has gotten to hog all the screentime for himself. Though
the others are worried, Tommy assures that he'll summon Ninjor if things get
hairy. So long as the Ninjor toys are still selling.</div>
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The White Ranger shows up in the park and confronts Goldar
and his gaggle of ninja geese. Ninjor shows up as well, declaring that he and
Tommy will be more than enough for all these winged fuckbois. Ninjor and Tommy
duke it out with the Tengas as the pair are watched from afar by Katherine.
Rita emerges behind Katherine and instructs her on phase 2 of the plan.
Katherine will take Kimberly's Power Coin, for what is sure to be the first and
only time, and use it to board Tommy's Falconzord. Then…I guess that's it. Rita
disappears before offering any further instructions. Probably because this is
the closest she's ever gotten to concocting a successful plan, and usually
stops trying at the point where it would result in victory.</div>
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Goldar pisses and moans that his troops are doing so
miserably against Tommy and Ninjor, but the golden rat has a trick up his
wings. He grows gigantic, all by himself! Wow, great job Goldy. You didn't need
Zedd or Rita to do it anymore? I'm sure you're going to do great this time,
because all the other times you've grown giant have been such rousing
successes. Remember when you grew to fight the Rangers the first time and they
beat you? When was that again? Oh right! It was in the <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2014/05/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-1.html">first
fucking episode</a>. Give it up, Goldar. You are the king of all jobbers.</div>
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Tommy laughs at Goldar's attempts to seem like a credible
threat as he calls forth the Falconzord. Ninjor decides to help out as well,
and grows gigantic to match Goldar's "threat." The two titans square
off as Tommy flies his Falconzord into the battle; however as soon as we cut
back to the Falconzord cockpit, something seems odd. Usually we only spend a
second or two with the Rangers in their Ninjazord cockpits, but we listen to
Tommy offer up a whole bunch of stupid put-downs to Goldar during this scene.
My particular favorite has to be this absolute clunker.</div>
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"<i>One Large Goldar
with anchovies, comin' up!"</i></div>
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I almost broke my goddamned laptop when he said that. Jesus
Christ on the cross. A Large Goldar wi-ah just fuck yourself right into the
trash.</div>
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Thankfully, the show seems to agree with me. As soon as
Tommy barfs out this nonsensical line, Katherine appears inside the Falconzord
cockpit and zaps the White Ranger with energy. Tommy writhes in agony before
Katherine blasts him again, sending him reeling out of the Falconzord. </div>
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Meanwhile, Ninjor gets clobbered by Goldar a few times
before falling to the ground. Just when you think Ninjor is going to get up and
fight for round 2, he shrinks to human size in a streak of blue energy. Wait a
second…Goldar just beat Ninjor? You've got to be kidding me. Ninjor's an
expertly-trained ninja master and he just lost to Lord Zedd's fuckchair? What
is happening in this series? The state of your gimmick, Ninjor!</div>
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Once Katherine takes control of the Falconzord, it vanishes
in a streak of energy and turns into an actual falcon. For reasons I can't
possibly fathom. The de-transformed Falconzord soon teleports to Zedd's
compound and lands upon his arm.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg3YRODnAszk7L6o4-xTNLdsaE5n3VdbuVL7V9H1dac_uAP1PNSPwF3zuiD6u0x6XsfSrdufk05hriC_T1EdTgRF4Lsb0Sd-DizJLs3WeRJ0DR2IwOPN8FFdl8FxSycZQ-eUvP19xVpPyS/s1600/Zedd%2527s+New+Hobby.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="396" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg3YRODnAszk7L6o4-xTNLdsaE5n3VdbuVL7V9H1dac_uAP1PNSPwF3zuiD6u0x6XsfSrdufk05hriC_T1EdTgRF4Lsb0Sd-DizJLs3WeRJ0DR2IwOPN8FFdl8FxSycZQ-eUvP19xVpPyS/s400/Zedd%2527s+New+Hobby.PNG" title="R.I.P. That stunt man's eyes." width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Falconer? I barely knew 'er!</i></div>
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Back on Earth, White Ranger tries desperately to aid the
ailing Ninjor. Before Tommy can do anything to help, Ninjor is spirited away in
a burst of blue energy. Tommy panics and contacts Zordon, asking his mentor
what should be done. Zordon tells him to get his stupid ass back to the Command
Center, because he's about to read the fine print of Tommy's Ranger contract.
There's a little caveat in there that explains exactly how bad you get fucked if
you lose one of Zordon's toys.</div>
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On the Moon, Zedd and his cronies all celebrate their
approaching victory. Zedd has stuffed the Falconzord into a large cage, and
trapped a miniaturized Ninjor inside of a big blue jar. Ninjor refuses to aid
Lord Zedd in his evil plot, but Zedd responds by shaking Ninjor around and
threatening to turn him into a "cosmic milkshake." Oh blow it out
your ass, Zedd. You're just making shit up now.</div>
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Back at the Command Center, Zordon elaborates on Kimberly's
bizarre condition. Ninjor recharged their Power Coins by linking them to their
natural human energy. Now that Kim's coin is in the hands of evil, her body is
suffering. Billy concludes that this missing Power Coin is the reason that the Falconzord could be
infiltrated, and Ninjor could be weakened enough to be beaten by a chickenshit
like Goldar. Phew! I was worried my boy Ninjor was getting turned into a chump.
</div>
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Zordon says that things are only about to get worse, because
he suspects Zedd is trying to create a new fleet of evil Zords. With the
Rangers unable to summon their Ninjazords, they'll be easy pickings for Zedd's
own evil Zords. The stress of the situation causes Kim's powerless body to
collapse into Tommy's arms as Zordon elaborates further. The Rangers have to
get Kim's Power Coin back from Lord Zedd. Not just because they need it to
regain access to their Zords, but because she won't survive without it. Holy
shit! Looks like Ninjor got Zordon's message about making sure those kids won't leave his psychopathic alien-murdering cult.<br />
<br />
Ninjor's like one the townspeople in Texas Chainsaw. The teens go running to him for help in escaping their murderous haunted fishtube, but they find out that he's actually working for the family of blue heads trafficking teenage war mongers.</div>
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Oh and then Kat rips that picture of Tommy and Kim in half.
Yeah, why bother finish the episode with the announcement that a Ranger Teen
might possibly die. Let's instead focus on the plot point about a cat wanting
to jump Tommy's bones. Brilliant.</div>
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<b>TO BE CONTINUED<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Weekly 90's Nostalgia</b>: <i>A
Large Goldar With Anchovies<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
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This one was pretty damn good, I'd say! A lot of solid action and a plentiful amount of build-up towards an overarching scheme from Rita and Zedd. The Bulk and Skull scene also made this one a recommend from the minute I saw their jiggling bodies in slow-motion. A definite high start to this trilogy of episodes, and I can only hope the next two episodes maintain this level of quality.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The fight with giant Goldar and Ninjor was entirely made of US footage. I think it's cool they did that and all, but it chafes me because it makes Ninjor look like a total wimp. Whatever stuntman they crammed into the Ninjor costume is clearly concerned he's going to break the damn thing apart, so his moves are really sluggish and awkward. Being that I'm the one fan of Ninjor out there, that makes me sad. I wanna see this dude rackin' heads and slashing mole artists. Not getting pushed over by golden gimps!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Speaking of Goldar, we get a close-up image of his sword when he's gigantic. This normally wouldn't mean much, but you can see the phrase "Grifocaliber" written on it. This refers to the Japanese character that Goldar was adapted from, Grifforzer, who wielded this same sword. I don't know why I bothered mentioning this, but I guess I thought it was cool that the US production has either recreated the original Japanese prop to such a degree, or managed to use the same Japanese prop all the way into Season 3. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEt2vDSF5NcHUtiVlikRbjma9xmw15MBuzXRw9W-hwPw_H6iVcSC1yoQFPyzhyuxVTrjFp3HmC7Luj-QFCZ475NZ61-kaDFX9Xyc-iG77d4dczdbbP2DjBz6_mEsR6a6tlz1zzznV1M5oq/s1600/Grifocaliber.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="296" data-original-width="392" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEt2vDSF5NcHUtiVlikRbjma9xmw15MBuzXRw9W-hwPw_H6iVcSC1yoQFPyzhyuxVTrjFp3HmC7Luj-QFCZ475NZ61-kaDFX9Xyc-iG77d4dczdbbP2DjBz6_mEsR6a6tlz1zzznV1M5oq/s400/Grifocaliber.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
There's a more meta reason for Ninjor's kidnapping that I'll elaborate on soon, but for now just know that Ninjor is going to be persona non grata for a little while. I hate to see him go, but there's another loss we'll see in the next couple of weeks that burns me even worse. See ya then!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-3131852781660707052017-05-22T21:51:00.002-05:002017-05-22T21:51:58.623-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 18: A Ranger Catastrophe Part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMAj_6MHTWABWeiCUdSyceRjw730ucuYSZl8SnWZg-yWl60tZhvgv-lmp1nDN9EyEEosV8GXDpPCA1HZWpFtViXWS2J50p4kpBeB2yHGqWibhc_L9UGB3cYZNT4okURsQ3sIza1aXl-9Dp/s1600/Title.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMAj_6MHTWABWeiCUdSyceRjw730ucuYSZl8SnWZg-yWl60tZhvgv-lmp1nDN9EyEEosV8GXDpPCA1HZWpFtViXWS2J50p4kpBeB2yHGqWibhc_L9UGB3cYZNT4okURsQ3sIza1aXl-9Dp/s400/Title.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="powertitle">
Telekinetic Teen Teleports Talking Tiger-Sword<br />
Holographic Witch Provides Dating Tips</div>
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<a href="https://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/05/mmpr-season-3-episode-17-ranger.html" target="_blank">Last week</a> on <i>Power
Rangers</i>, Rita turned some Australian girl named Kat into a cat who was
adopted by Kim and Aisha as their new pet. Kat tricks Tommy into taking a ride
in her car, and Zedd sent the both of them into another dimension comprised of
cheap effects. The other Ranger Teens prepare to rescue Tommy, but learned that a giant Rito Revolto was stomping around in downtown Angel Grove. </div>
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With Tommy trapped inside some Party City dimension, the other
Rangers desperately hem and haw about what they're supposed to do now. We can't
sell merchandise without that idiot doing the grunt work for us! Do you think
we're going to sell a Ninja Megazord without a falcon hot-glued to its back?
Get fuckin' real!</div>
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Inside of Zedd's alternate dimension, Tommy is overtaken by
a bolt of ill-defined magic and falls unconscious. Kat sneers now that her prey has
been vanquished, and teleports back to Rita's Moon Compound in a bolt of
lightning. Katherine arrives on the Moon in her kitty-cat form and snuggles
into Rita's loving embrace. The Wicked Witch promises her feline servant a bowl
of milk, freshly squeezed from Squatt's tender udders.</div>
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Zedd and Rita gloat that they finally have that damned White
Ranger right where they want him, and Goldar begs for a chance to sink his
fangs into Tommy as well. The big golden rat complains that Tommy is his sworn
enemy, or at least he has been ever since Jason left the show. Zedd agrees that
Goldar deserves a chance to redeem himself after two and a half seasons of
abject humiliation, and allows him to battle Tommy. So long as that beautiful
golden ass is back in receiving position at exactly 0600 hours.</div>
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Goldar storms into the alternate dimension and we get a good
look at where this episode's budget went. A stupid gargoyle fresh from the set
of <i>Are You Afraid of the Dark</i>.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLpHa15rVT3C7rvyorGvOBryw72EM10VxtN-dWUB-AkQJE2fqUd868_AFkktT4h-ldUoN1_3oATvleYnbX7_NYOWL-j9BS9GbhEsbVop7nYr32wECmGnDu9sIceRtYmNURyiC63CBLk47D/s1600/Weight+Loss+Advertisment.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLpHa15rVT3C7rvyorGvOBryw72EM10VxtN-dWUB-AkQJE2fqUd868_AFkktT4h-ldUoN1_3oATvleYnbX7_NYOWL-j9BS9GbhEsbVop7nYr32wECmGnDu9sIceRtYmNURyiC63CBLk47D/s400/Weight+Loss+Advertisment.PNG" title="Do you think Dr. Vink let that one go for cheap?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Trying to make soup out of my fears? Fuck
outta here.</i></div>
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The primary five Rangers try desperately to locate Tommy,
but Zordon tells them they've dicked around for long enough. Rito is currently
the size of a football field and racking heads up and down Angel Grove's
business district. Billy happily abandons the search for Tommy in the hopes
that he can become the new leader of the Power Rangers.</div>
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Keep dreaming, idiot.</div>
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The five Rangers morph and begin harassing the giant bag of
bones. Rito leans down and laughs in their faces, as his giant-sized breathing
blows them backwards. And don't you worry my dear reader, this occurrence most
certainly results in one of the Rangers making a comment about how bad Rito's
breath it is. Because deep down, you knew they would. There was never a doubt
in your fucking mind. </div>
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The Rangers decide to stop commenting on Revolto's dental
hygiene and summon their Ninjazords to prevent his assault on the city. The
five separate Ninjazords battle Rito without combining, and it's a violent
battle. A rumble like none you've ever seen before.</div>
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Y'know, unless you saw <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/02/mmpr-season-3-episode-7-ninja-quest.html">Ninja
Quest Part 4</a>. Since this fight is recycled footage from that episode. </div>
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This annoys me. I was a huge fan of this Zord fight
when it first showed up in Ninja Quest, but what's the point in using it here?
I mean it's obviously because the writers of this show needed to fill an extra
4 minutes to pad out this two-parter, but that seems like a particularly cheap
and lazy way to do so.</div>
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The episode doesn't change much about this fight either.
They add a couple of extra effects around Rito's flamethrower when he attacks
the Apezord. Rito has different lines when he gets attacked. The only
big change is that the scenes where the Falconzord comes in and they fight Rito
in the sky briefly are cut, what with Tommy being stuck in another dimension
and all. Ultimately that doesn't amount to much, because we're still watching something that we've seen 95% of before.</div>
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The problem comes in when I watch this and realize a cold
truth. I have no reason to talk about this scene. I said everything I had to
say about it in the "Ninja Quest Part 4" post. It's the same basic
fight with a couple different words shoved in Rito's bony maw. What else would
I possibly have to say here? Aside from "Goodbye World."</div>
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Oh, except for the fact that they fucked up the audio mixing
during the Ninja Megazord double punch. When the Wolf head is connecting, you
can hear the Ape head's growl start and then abruptly cease. So even if you
wanted to enjoy watching this great Zord fight again, <i>Power Rangers</i> decided to do it worse the second time. Which is
insane, since they could have re-aired the same fight that was already
done fine the first time! JESUS CHRIST THIS SHOW</div>
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But it's fine. I'm
cool. I'm collected. That was just a miniature detour in our adventure. A
couple of minutes that the show needed to burn through. There's no need to keep
bitching, because the scene is over. As soon as Rito is defeated, he arrives
back at the Moon Palace with his head hanging in shame. It's actually a pretty
funny moment, particularly because of the raw absurdity captured in this image
alone.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVMaylcWPwQnrxMrDCIQ4Pwrg_btgZ_9-U36wRyPyqy73HN4yVm34UmKGa3dcEhyGVxFqY_VOfmuW5GwVnUrS1tvXmNAMXrEkd5YtSatOC6fmYsNegwIiZps8tvMLivNcWVx7J-v43zLTJ/s1600/Family+Portrait.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVMaylcWPwQnrxMrDCIQ4Pwrg_btgZ_9-U36wRyPyqy73HN4yVm34UmKGa3dcEhyGVxFqY_VOfmuW5GwVnUrS1tvXmNAMXrEkd5YtSatOC6fmYsNegwIiZps8tvMLivNcWVx7J-v43zLTJ/s400/Family+Portrait.PNG" title="Try explaining this image, without context, to your significant other. Sorry in advance about your divorce." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Guest Starring: My Father as Lord Zedd!</i></div>
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Back inside of the Command Center, Alpha informs our heroes
that Rita and Zedd are blocking all of his attempts to locate Tommy. Good. That
means we're back where we started before the Rangers engaged Rito in battle. Why bother utilizing actions that have consequences when we could just shoehorn in old footage instead? The Rangers still can't find Tommy, and we're pretty sure that girl he was
riding with is dead by now. Even if they find the White Ranger in some podunk
dimension, Zordon's going to have to pull out all the stops to get him off that
murder beat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Inside of Zedd's dimension, Tommy awakens to find Goldar
cackling in front of him. Which means that Goldar was standing around and
taunting Tommy's unconscious body for a solid 5 minutes. If I woke up in a similar predicament, I promise you that I would find the nearest sharp object and stab myself until I stopped feeling. Was he waiting for
Tommy to wake up and hear his growly chortles? I guess I should just be thankful Tommy didn't wake up to some space dog sucking on his toes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy demands to know what Goldar has done with Katherine. Instead
of receiving an answer from the golden gorilla, a holographic image of Rita
appears to taunt Thomas. Because why bother teleporting into a dimension when
you could send a digital construct of yourself to do it instead? Rita chastises
Tommy for spending all his time thinking about some pretty little girl, and
asks him how he thinks Kimberly would react if she knew about this. Yeah,
that's the person I want to take relationship advice from. Some 500,000 year
old space witch who roofied a man so hard he was forced to marry her. Get bent,
Repulsa.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy ignores this mockery and morphs to battle Goldar. The
White Ranger demands to know what happened to Kat, but Goldar correctly points
out that he's not in any position to be making threats. He's trapped in a
devious dimension of fog machines, dim lights, and a chintzy gargoyle statue.
That means that uh…I guess good can't win there? Whatever. Makes as much sense
as absolutely everything else in this hodge podge of a show.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that enough time has passed, Billy has managed to lock
onto Tommy's location. An image of Tommy battling Goldar emerges inside of the
Viewing Globe, but the other Ranger Teens are still perplexed. Where's that
girl that Tommy was cheating on Kim with? Also, why is Tommy pretending that
Goldar is a threatening opponent? Adam asks if Billy can break through Rita and
Zedd's forcefield, but the Blue Ranger has his doubts. There's still like 10
minutes on the clock and if we keep pushing things then we might be able to buy
ourselves "A Ranger Catastrophe Part 3."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Goldar and Tommy battle, Rita watches from the Moon
Palace. She comments that she's going to miss Tommy…<b>NOT!</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that Rita's line gave me
honest-to-goodness douche chills. Sweet Jesus. There have been two
"Not" jokes in this series so far, and that's at least 4 too many. If
I have to hear one more of these 90's relics, I expect my goddamned skin to
crawl off my body.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Squatt and Baboo announce that Billy and Adam appear to have
left the Command Center. Because their characters still exist no matter how much you pray that they'll disappear. Rita uses this opportunity to enact her backup plan
for destroying the Rangers. She zaps Katherine-cat with her wand, which
teleports the kitty to Earth. As soon as it lands on the planet's soil, the cat
transforms into a monster, which I will bet my life savings on being called something ridiculous like Katastrophe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs-WXL7tZnFRoYqMN4zYEEcI-Dz1usR6OAue0IBBvPJy4MLszcFvQ8Ys6lIAVG-zyYS5lvrYOnFAD89RJ3WXrkle2h8aRHF2zEKFBh9ryvuUXg0sA9gHB7Mw55XVKtUBpE6EMXmd_mUm23/s1600/Katastrophe.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs-WXL7tZnFRoYqMN4zYEEcI-Dz1usR6OAue0IBBvPJy4MLszcFvQ8Ys6lIAVG-zyYS5lvrYOnFAD89RJ3WXrkle2h8aRHF2zEKFBh9ryvuUXg0sA9gHB7Mw55XVKtUBpE6EMXmd_mUm23/s400/Katastrophe.PNG" title="The cat tail boa is actually a nice touch." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>...Yeah, it's Katastrophe.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As Billy and Adam head over to Billy's garage-lab, the
Katastrophe monster intercepts them. Billy and Adam morph, hoping the riddle of the Katatafish will soon be told. The boys battle valiantly, but the monster
proves quite a bit tougher than they are. It also proves to be far more
obnoxious, because every single movement that this monster cat makes is
punctuated by a growling "ROWR" noise. So do you remember that
angelic Australian voice Catherine Sutherland possessed in the previous
episode? Well now please put it through a feline filter and imagine her
growling out all of her lines. Great googly moogly it's bad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing against our resident Aussie actress, but I'd be
hard-pressed to find any person on this flat Earth that could make a bunch of
cat growls sound palatable. Aside from Michelle Pfeiffer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After getting their asses handed to them by a lingerie-clad
housecat, Billy and Adam beg for backup from the rest of the team. Yeesh. Looks
like Katastrophe isn't the only pussy around here. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…Sorry. That one was in my contract.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kim, Aisha, and Rocky all morph to aid their comrades.
Katastrophe responds to their appearance by exclaiming, "The whole
litter!" Which might seem innocuous, but it's actually quite a humorous
line when you remember that the monster who spoke it is in fact a cat. It's
dialogue like this that makes me so glad I've gone back to revisit this series.<br />
<br />
This show is about halfway through ending all 9 of my lives, and I'd wager that it'll have the 9th by Turbo.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once all five Rangers are in the fight, Katastrophe is
quickly trounced. Realizing how badly she's losing, the monster turns tail and
flees. Or fleas. Cause she's a cat. I don't know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Billy and Adam continue trekking to Billy's lab while the
other 3 Rangers retreat to the Command Center. Why? Because this episode has a
hard-on for interrupting developments momentarily, then restoring them as soon
as a few minutes of fighting have passed. Rita is incensed at how badly
all of these plans are going today and commands Rito to get his bony butt in
gear to help out Goldar. I kind of appreciate the fact that Rita and Zedd are
clearly just throwing Rito at whatever plan they already had going on as an
afterthought in the hopes that he'll accomplish <i>something</i>. It almost feels like the show is becoming cognizant of
its own limitations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Almost.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the dry ice dimension, Goldar asks if Tommy is ready
to surrender. The White Ranger proudly states that Goldar knows him better than
that, and he'll never give up. Suddenly, Rito pops up and asks Tommy a
reasonable question.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"<i>I don't know ya.
Will you surrender to me?"<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Credit where it's due, I really like that line. It's a
moderately amusing quip on its own, but I enjoy how it plays into how recently
Rito has become a mainstay of Zedd's gaggle of freaks. Rito knows the Power
Rangers as "Those six kids that are a collective pain in my
brother-in-law's metal ass." He's been around for like a week, why would
he care about these losers in pastel pajamas?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rito and Goldar team up and slap the everloving shit out of
Tommy. White Ranger unsheathes Saba and tries to keep up with the two
henchmonsters, but they still manage to outmatch him. Goldar even knocks White
Ranger's blade from his hands before asking if Tommy would smarten up and join
the forces of evil. Is that what Zedd has been trying to do with Tommy all this
time? Turn him into a Hitler youth? I'd go back and check previous episodes,
but I'm just going to assume this has been contradicted dozens of times and not
waste my energy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rito grapples with Tommy and holds him down while Goldar
prepares for the deathblow. Tommy realizes he's up shit creek if he doesn't
pull out something stupid, and boy howdy does he do something stupid.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJOXP05lgP9AjxhtT9pGrC5BPmEohwIpqpgae6Gqo-NKwAMx8xs2wnEymr4X80uz-XbXxevt0gwOqfVMLldZgPUoJzTUJYSyMzanjLcxtM6pLQx5_zBniPjCDP3rSmUdwS2ET27MDxQsI/s1600/White+Ranger+V+Wampa.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoJOXP05lgP9AjxhtT9pGrC5BPmEohwIpqpgae6Gqo-NKwAMx8xs2wnEymr4X80uz-XbXxevt0gwOqfVMLldZgPUoJzTUJYSyMzanjLcxtM6pLQx5_zBniPjCDP3rSmUdwS2ET27MDxQsI/s400/White+Ranger+V+Wampa.gif" title="Oh yeah! It's just like a scene in The Love Guru." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>This reminds me of a scene from a
movie…but I can't remember which one.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, Billy has managed to magic up some bullshit science
that should prove potent enough to rescue Tommy. Zordon warns that whatever
piece of plastic that Billy brought along this time must be used carefully, or
it could trap Tommy inside of the Morphing Grid forever. A threat that might
mean something if we had any idea what that entailed. Would Tommy be reduced to
a giant neon-colored head in a fishtube? Cause this is only making me want to
see it more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So the Ranger Teens form a prayer circle or whatever, and
their combined energy brings Tommy back home. The Rangers swarm him and say how happy they are that he's safe. Makes quite a bit of sense. Like the old saying goes, "Distance Makes the Dog Grow Fonder."<br />
<br />
This concludes the exciting
adventure of "Tommy Gets Stranded in Some Vague Dimension For However Long
We Need Him to Be There." At least now he's not in the merciless clutches
of *checks notes* Goldar? Yeah, I guess he's still a valid threat in this
series. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy thanks Billy for his help, and promises if the Blue
Ranger is ever in danger of being decapitated by a skeleton, he'll try and be
of some use too. Though he may be safe now, Tommy still becomes concerned that
Katherine is nowhere to be found. Billy says he was unable to find her
coordinates, or her geothermal molecular signature, or an image of her because
he doesn't know who the fuck she is. You're the only one who met her Tommy, why
would we remember some chick you went for a drive with?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rita and Zedd bicker over how badly their monsters bungled
this operation. Zedd asks why this brilliant scheme had to get pissed away so
quickly, and Rita retorts that it's because he stuck his big limp dick in where
it didn't belong. I was about to agree with her, but I soon came to the
realization I don't have any idea what part of the plan was Rita's and what
part was Zedd's. Ah screw it. They're both losers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Zedd and Rita summon Katherine into their chambers and tell
her that her job isn't finished yet. The writers still had a couple of cat
jokes they could shoehorn into the script, so she needs to get back to the
battlefield. Katherine transforms back into Katastrophe before teleporting back
to Earth. Then Squatt runs into Zedd's chamber bellowing about how that cat
monster gave him fleas all up and down his dingus. Baboo nervously titters in
and says those are crabs, and Squatt has had them for decades now. The audience
shares a hearty laugh as the braindead troll scratches his crotch while
slobbering all over his meaty bosoms.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ranger Teens are alerted to Katastrophe's presence, and morph to confront her in the park. Katastrophe says something about
a scratching post, and Zedd gets tired of her shit and makes her
grow giant. After the monster threatens our heroes, they promptly summon their
Ninjazords to handle her. While they form the Ninja Megazord, Katastrophe is
soon intercepted by Ninjor. Oh HELL yes! Ninjor is back in action. We haven't
seen him in like 7 <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2017/03/mmpr-season-3-episode-11-fourth-down.html">episodes</a>!
Maybe if this show wanted to sell Ninjor toys, they could have tried not airing
a week's worth of episodes without him all in a row.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a brief tussle between Ninjor and Katastrophe, Ninjor
transforms into his battle mode and joins the Ninja Megafalconzord in battle. Ninjor
launches his fireball attack at the overgrown alleycat…wait a second. Have I
not .giffed that attack? Holy shit! What have I been doing with this blog?!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5jILYL4ZTKTbRO4T0GiJmAZroST80_RQaJnB8IOwPt5r92rVH9D7WmMfJykgPHkkYMngBMUuUiwoQ7oAPP-as2ceMJ_DCRrBB2xqtHVHhOPF4Q3hQX4cXGsKub-pnjJEx2hAgU9U4lwn/s1600/Ninjor+Fireball.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ninjor fireball gif" border="0" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5jILYL4ZTKTbRO4T0GiJmAZroST80_RQaJnB8IOwPt5r92rVH9D7WmMfJykgPHkkYMngBMUuUiwoQ7oAPP-as2ceMJ_DCRrBB2xqtHVHhOPF4Q3hQX4cXGsKub-pnjJEx2hAgU9U4lwn/s400/Ninjor+Fireball.gif" title="Not going to have many chances to do it after this, so might as well do it now." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Stole this move from the White Tigerzord.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After suffering Ninjor's assault, the Katastrophe monster is
finished off by the Ninja Megafalconzord's power punch attack. Which means
that…I guess they killed that Australian girl too? Sweet Jesus this episode got
dark! Oh hold up. Scratch that. The Rangers abandoned their Zords and found Kat
sitting safe and sound in the park. She's not licking her wounds or seeming
like she just goddamn exploded. She's sitting around like getting punched by a
flying wolf and ape robot ain't no thang. That's utterly absurd.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katherine plays the role of a damsel in distress as she
talks about how she was captured by an evil witch and a whole bunch of horrible
monsters. Don't worry, Kat! Tommy can take you to a much safer place, where
there's a malfunctioning android who prays for death every day, and a gigantic
lava lamp head who bellows out orders to a group of teenage mass murderers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ranger Teens escort Katherine out of the park while she
spins a (ball of) yarn about how she was captured and forced to watch some kind
of intergalactic orgy between a blueberry ogre and a stammering vampire bat.
Kim says how happy she is that Katherine is alright, but the l'il Aussie tells
her "Please, call me Kat." To which everyone in the audience says,
"Yeah, we fucking got it. Jesus Christ."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kat mentions how she's just moved into Angel Grove from
Australia. Unfortunately, the production of a total bomb of a movie bankrupted
her countries' economy, so she was forced to flee to America. Kat heads home so
she can finish unpacking, or whatever corny lie she makes up to convince these
whitebread losers she isn't a demon cat possessed by wicked spirits summoned by
a space witch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After Kat "leaves," her cat form shows up in the
middle of the park. Kimberly and Aisha flock to their precious kitty cat and
offer her solace in the form of snuggles. Then, just as the episode finally
ends, we close on one of the stupidest shots I've ever seen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFBNAXY2rPSaIlIBgnaMKYHuxrS_GK7VgwfNqc6hhdnOM6tbYy7KF5l-PZBVLvPNY0wJSRBnLq8pLQRVuMsFn2xSFzU9q2xbM5i8y_xMZjkwSUgIeAit7d8FQ-by3JQaYNa67wV3esFh9F/s1600/HOLY+SHIT+THAT+CAT%2527S+GONNA+BE+THE+NEW+GREEN+RANGER.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFBNAXY2rPSaIlIBgnaMKYHuxrS_GK7VgwfNqc6hhdnOM6tbYy7KF5l-PZBVLvPNY0wJSRBnLq8pLQRVuMsFn2xSFzU9q2xbM5i8y_xMZjkwSUgIeAit7d8FQ-by3JQaYNa67wV3esFh9F/s400/HOLY+SHIT+THAT+CAT%2527S+GONNA+BE+THE+NEW+GREEN+RANGER.PNG" title="Oh she's a cat because her name is Kat. NOW I get it." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Speaking of Goosebumps…</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's
Nostalgia</b>: <i>Gargoyle Statues</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
Y'know, this one wasn't bad really. I just got kind of tired of the constant back and forth we had to sit through. This episode feels like it could have been a solid 20 minutes if they would have trimmed some of the fat here and there. Ditch that worthless retread of the Rito Zord fight, condense the two Katastrophe fights into one, and...ah who am I kidding? They probably had 30 minutes of material and had to come up with some bullshit to finish the last 10. That's the issue I have with just about every <i>Power Rangers</i> multi-parter. It was one B-plot away from feeling like a fully-fleshed out episode.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
I guess I just feel bad singing the praises of last week's episode while bemoaning this one being a real drag-ass. I think it's just a whole lot easier to look at "A Ranger Catastrophe Part 1" as a whole product. It feels complete. This episode has a superfluous Zord battle stapled onto it and comes out feeling like more of a slog. I mean I'm happy to see Ninjor again, but Jesus Christ I could not care less about Tommy being stuck in some foggy cave with Goldar and Rito.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
Seriously, what was up with that one? Was Tommy weakened in that Vague Cave? Was he too concerned about Katherine to focus? Tommy was able to clown Goldar without morphing back in <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/11/mmpr-season-2-episode-13-green-no-more.html" target="_blank">Season 2</a>. What got up Goldar's ass to make him a challenge all of a sudden? Gimme a break.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
Don't get me wrong though! I didn't think this was a lousy episode, I just had a lot higher hopes after last week's episode had me really engaged. Let me know what you good readers think! Maybe I'm all mixed up here. Help me out for goodness' sake.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
Oh man, but I'm not the only one who needs some help. The Katastrophe costume ain't holding up so well in some shots. They're pretty quick, but you can see the suit is definitely tearing apart in a couple scenes. Such as this one.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxwgXcd3Q9wkuZZWjTW2wki5RqUBKe6MqcCAvFLwPXmNKq4nXcfukTYEHZ4xymhWka07DjyDp_U0x0DIq0WVnOywvvEpiy-FnWdFT81DIjeCrW568IWD2mIBg4hbCZETbfE6F4TE65ht2Z/s1600/Katastrophe+Decay.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxwgXcd3Q9wkuZZWjTW2wki5RqUBKe6MqcCAvFLwPXmNKq4nXcfukTYEHZ4xymhWka07DjyDp_U0x0DIq0WVnOywvvEpiy-FnWdFT81DIjeCrW568IWD2mIBg4hbCZETbfE6F4TE65ht2Z/s400/Katastrophe+Decay.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Meowza. Someone put this kitty down.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-22961267426121503292017-05-19T23:10:00.001-05:002017-05-21T03:58:02.354-05:00Goosebumps Retrospective Announcement!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACGAX07miG29ZqYb_mNz8_spI4wmKp_ZcWfiDAWPM9_SNds7xOzTewrja6T0KXpaz4lX_w_TDKjQLAm1mF_c9t7ZWuMcge54ZWfrr_CeNJiLkj-QaatPqOvoIQ1oMSgXW_A-L8OfLD2z5/s1600/One+Day+at+Boreland.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACGAX07miG29ZqYb_mNz8_spI4wmKp_ZcWfiDAWPM9_SNds7xOzTewrja6T0KXpaz4lX_w_TDKjQLAm1mF_c9t7ZWuMcge54ZWfrr_CeNJiLkj-QaatPqOvoIQ1oMSgXW_A-L8OfLD2z5/s640/One+Day+at+Boreland.PNG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Sorry to people who don't follow me on Twitter or the thread on Rangercrew, but I took this week off of posting duties due to a new addition to my family. I got to meet a little baby niece and I've had my hands a bit full with her, so I didn't quite have enough time to watch an Australian woman growl like a cat for 20 minutes.<br />
<br />
It was my loss to be sure.<br />
<br />
However, my old pal Big Bob Pataki of "Terrible Blog for Terrible People" has a bit of 90's nostalgia prepped and ready for you sweetheart readers. He's just started writing a series of observations regarding the <i>Goosebumps </i>TV series from 199whatever.<br />
<br />
In case you were hoping to see something that I've written, don't you worry! I acted as the editor for the following post, and if you've come to enjoy the quality of posts that I make around here..I'm sorry your standards have been lowered so far. Check it out, and make sure to tell him what episodes you're looking forward to reading about!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.terribleblog.net/2017/05/goosebumps-haunted-mask-part-1.html" target="_blank">Haunted Mask Part 1</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5211974119538419891.post-32818746608975946442017-05-08T19:41:00.002-05:002017-05-08T19:41:44.385-05:00MMPR Season 3 Episode 17: A Ranger Catastrophe Part 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoignX_su1yWfyLPBakobQNMcRNVvyD2FbhPEGYL_1PYex2WQH82s9BlASJ8xE3uCWLl16ElPWDWjmiaxeIora2LeH1AcjqA4qaPTTtPkIeqheYguNDghd_tLHE7trvFEAW_OSpRvbHuUx/s1600/Title+2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoignX_su1yWfyLPBakobQNMcRNVvyD2FbhPEGYL_1PYex2WQH82s9BlASJ8xE3uCWLl16ElPWDWjmiaxeIora2LeH1AcjqA4qaPTTtPkIeqheYguNDghd_tLHE7trvFEAW_OSpRvbHuUx/s400/Title+2.PNG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Skeletal Space Demon Placed Under Citizen's Arrest<br />
Haunted Cat Used to Deduce Teenagers' Schedule</div>
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Hey, they mixed up the titles. It was last week's episode
that was the catastrophe.</div>
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Alright, see y'all next week.</div>
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Ah shoot, that's not fair. There might be some great
material in this episode. How do I know? Because Saban pulled out all the stops
and got a guest star for this one!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45EFvlEt9imwuUAt-Y8BOkxaMIzJ9cmwHG1Ky9g1_6mkZkpDEwuxg7c-4cJaT5M9A_flrPV7YZ_Wv8XCdL442pH_B_T7Q-X9eP_Bssp7O_J5RgX6KwJ9e4Wz-R5_8CgwCRBQiaEuZdeiC/s1600/PACK+YOUR+BAGS+KIM.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45EFvlEt9imwuUAt-Y8BOkxaMIzJ9cmwHG1Ky9g1_6mkZkpDEwuxg7c-4cJaT5M9A_flrPV7YZ_Wv8XCdL442pH_B_T7Q-X9eP_Bssp7O_J5RgX6KwJ9e4Wz-R5_8CgwCRBQiaEuZdeiC/s400/PACK+YOUR+BAGS+KIM.PNG" title="Isn't that the chick from The Cell?" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Who?</i></div>
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Even better than that is what Aisha's doing this week. She's
volunteering at a vet's clinic, and that means I get to see a cute-ass woofer.
I'm a simple man, <i>Power Rangers</i>. If
you show me a dog I'm automatically giving whatever stupid shit you show me at
least one star. Make it a corgi and we're bumping you up to two. Man, everyone loves dogs. That's why Tommy's toys sell so well.</div>
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Dr. Veterinarian thanks Aisha for her volunteer work. The
doc then adds that without people volunteering, her rinky-dink shack would be
closed down within a month. Aisha chuckles before saying she needs to get home and
do some studying, likely not picking up on the not-so-subtle hints that Dr. Vet
wants her to live inside this shack while performing free labor forever. Thanks to the invisible paw of the free market.</div>
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Aisha strolls through the park with Kimberly while the girls
discuss how much they love animals. Except for those bummer animals that
don’t have any homes. Yeah, no shit. What a bunch of selfish assholes. I'm
trying to feel good about myself while petting that pooch, and then it has to
guilt trip me with literal puppy-dog eyes because I'm not bringing it home with me. Get
fucked Sarah McLachlan, I'm booping snoots over here.<br />
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The girls stop their discussion on cute animals as they run
across, conveniently enough, a cute animal. A little white cat to be specific. Kim
and Aisha ponder over who could own it, and why it has to be one of those
depressing homeless animals. Why couldn't it be one of those cute animals
that's owned by someone and doesn't have to remind us all of the intolerably
depressing reality of overbreeding animals?</div>
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Thankfully this cat isn't some mangy stray, but a calculated
plot from Ms. Rita Repulsa. She plays coy about what her scheme is when Zedd
tries to inquire about it. This is actually a pretty respectable way to build
up suspense. Almost every time one of the villains has a plan on this show,
they spend a few minutes elaborating on it so the audience knows exactly what
to expect before it even happens. </div>
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I don't think that's a bad idea in the case of <i>Power Rangers</i>, since the schemes that our villains come up with can
be some truly bugnuts-crazy bullshit. But that doesn't mean I don’t enjoy
schemes that are kept under wraps from the characters as well as the audience. Usually
the tension of this show comes from "How are our heroes going to escape
this kaleidoscope with dreadlocks?" But when you keep things on the DL,
the question becomes more vague: "What do the villains have planned for
our heroes?" I find it much easier to get invested in the latter than the
former.</div>
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Though I could still totally go for a kaleidoscope with some
dreadlocks right about now.</div>
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Aisha and her new cat friend meet up with the rest of the
Ranger Teens at Ernie's café. The hair on Tommy's neck starts to stand on end
when he sees that darn c-a-t around here. While Tommy makes some deep guttural
canine growls and paces territorially around the Juice Bar, Kim asks if Aisha found
that cat's owner yet. No kidding! It's been a whole commercial break and you
still haven't figured out where that cat with no identification belongs? </div>
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Nah, the Ranger Teens are far more positive about this than
I'm portraying. Aisha says she gets to keep the cat if nobody adopts it by the
end of the day. Is this common practice for veterinary offices? If Aisha wanted
to keep that thing, why couldn't she? Let the vet make sure that cat isn't
possessed by the soul of Thackery Binx and be done with it already.</div>
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Bulk and Skull drop in to make their contractually obligated
appearance and ask Aisha why she's bringing a cat to a restaurant. She's
violating a shitoad of health codes by letting that thing around people's food.
Which is a weird thing to have your stupid characters say, considering it's a
completely reasonable point. I'm the most sympathetic, bleeding-heart pansy in
all of society, but that doesn't mean I think we should let animals roam around
restaurants. I've grown up with cats all my life, and you know what cats do?
They fucking puke all over your VHS tapes of <i>Power Rangers</i> and ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHISKERS? THAT WAS THE
ONE THAT HAD SOCCADILLO ON IT! YOU PIECE OF SHIT CAT, GET OUTSIDE AND STAY
OUTSIDE. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S RAINING, GET OUT!</div>
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Anyway, Bulk and Skull get shooed away by the Ranger Teens.
Though our boys in blue aren't deterred. Bulk postulates that he and Skull
could locate this cat's owner and become heroes in the eyes of the public! Then
Lt. Stone would stop threatening to beat the two of them with bars of soap
stuffed in a washcloth every night. This mediocre plan is carried simply by how
amazed Skull is with it. After Bulk suggests that they'll become famous for
rescuing a cat, Skull responds, "…You're amazing. I'm in awe." Even
better is the multitude of goofy faces Bulk makes while Skull blows smoke up
his ass.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg19RXkvxHVwzedxlui0SNf9YNg82PfjuHWEX_5iTnXU2TbF7VNT6MPAY4ixYc6IhploJod-KYNRnn_vQDxjgJvsv0K0gbSjm_AykDI_Nrj_Mt15rgyG_RNlaMR_AhHWXDDeiNH9gJPG_GM/s1600/I+Dont+Know+What+Ill+Write+About+Without+You+Two.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg19RXkvxHVwzedxlui0SNf9YNg82PfjuHWEX_5iTnXU2TbF7VNT6MPAY4ixYc6IhploJod-KYNRnn_vQDxjgJvsv0K0gbSjm_AykDI_Nrj_Mt15rgyG_RNlaMR_AhHWXDDeiNH9gJPG_GM/s400/I+Dont+Know+What+Ill+Write+About+Without+You+Two.gif" title="As I was editing this I heard a raccoon outside my house screeching. I can only believe it was found by Skull and promptly eaten alive." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Nice Steven Seagal impression.</i></div>
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Now we need to pump the brakes, because Lord Zedd offers a
rebuttal to this plan. Something nobody has thought of until this very moment.
What if somebody else takes this cat in? Which might be the dumbest goddamned
direction they could take this plot. Why do we have to be concerned that Aisha
might not adopt a cat imbued with the magic of space demons? This hardly seems
like a necessary piece of plot. Aisha could have taken this cat home, gotten
attacked by whatever cat monster it'll turn into, and we could have wrapped
this shit up by the end of Part 1.</div>
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But I'm okay with this wholly unnecessary addition to the
plot. Because it results in one of the stupidest goddamned scenes I've ever
seen.</div>
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Zedd sends Rito down to Earth to make sure nobody but Aisha
gets that cat. This doesn't sound like a job that will result in the bog
standard "Distract Rangers with Tengas. Invoke 2 Minute Battle Scene.
Continue Episode" plan. So what's Rito supposed to do to make sure Aisha
gets that kitty?</div>
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He hides behind bushes and scares anyone who comes near the
vet clinic. </div>
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It's the stupidest and most abrasive solution to a problem
I've ever seen, and I guffawed when it happened. It's such a beautiful scene.
Two nice middle-aged folks come to adopt a pet, and some goddamned zombie comes
out from behind a shrub and gives 'em the stink eye. </div>
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Oh man and that's the best part. Rito doesn't even do
anything threatening. He doesn't shake his sword at the couple, he doesn't fire
lasers at their feet, he doesn't offer to separate their heads from their
bodies. He jumps out and says "SURPRISE!" like he's part of an
elementary school's haunted house. This guy possesses magical space powers and
resorts to spooking people off his property like he's a Scooby Doo villain.
It's flawless.</div>
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While Rito stakes out more people he can
"ooga-booga-booga", Bulk and Skull conduct a stakeout of their
own. They see the giant bag of bones gallivanting in the bushes and ponder what
jurisdiction alien slaughter zombies fall under. While Skull is afraid of the
consequences, Bulk suggests sneaking up on Rito and arresting him. </div>
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Just going to pause for a second and say I no longer care
what happens with regards to that cat. All I want for the rest of this episode
are scenes of Bulk and Skull trying to slap a pair of cuffs on Martian
skeleton-men. Then conclude with a scene of Lt. Stone beating Rito with a
phonebook while demanding evidence of his sister's crimes.</div>
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Bulk and Skull hilariously tiptoe up to Revolto and declare
him under arrest. Rito doesn't pay these two jokers any mind as he tells them
to buzz off. I don't believe it! The Good Cop/Fat Cop routine didn't work on the nightmare monster from the moon! The boys continue nagging Rito until the Bone Daddy hollers at
them to leave him the fuck alone. He leaves the Moon to get some peace and
goddamned quiet away from his lousy sister and this is what he has to deal
with? No wonder Lord Ed wants to blow this shithole planet up.</div>
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Aisha stops tending to the cat that legally can't belong to
her for another 8 hours when she hears the unmistakable sound of two humiliated
young men screaming. Aisha looks out the window to see her old pal Rito
'whackin off in the bushes. She Ninja morphs and engages the warrior general in
battle. It's a tragically short fight that consists of Ninja Aisha tripping
Rito and posing triumphantly. Maybe I'm the idiot for expecting a reanimated
corpse to be a particularly competent fighter.</div>
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While Aisha engages in a battle that should be a whole lot
more interesting than it is, the other Ranger Teens are catching lunch at
Ernie's café. Rocky has a mountainous sandwich in front of him that he eyeballs
like he's Fred Flintstone scoping out a brontosaurus leg. Before Rocky can take
a bite, Zordon buzzes his 24-hour alien-murdering platoon. Rocky offers a
hysterical pout before plopping his meat mountain back onto the plate. It's a
moment that feels like I went back in time to the <i>Power Rangers</i> writing room and suggested it.</div>
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Zordon tells the Ranger Teens to get their ninja-pajama
asses down to the veterinary center posthaste. They morph to the scene and slap
Rito away from Aisha before he can win this fight that he was clearly losing 20
seconds ago.</div>
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Zedd offers Rito some back-up by summoning the Tengas, which
prompts the best goddamned reaction from Rito I could have asked for.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKxzgKp2FPOvaY0AFnQKnfQbgRiLnaIoiGNaroUOQdnfRFtgFDhkV0A7tDSu6WERTtoX_YSkrzpuEtmma9lfdm_-HZj2rp9nhXN4eKVN4nxUOcWJ8bnZ_E0tXspNaYRTaMfMpvrMmMAIiY/s1600/Spooked+Scary+Skeleton.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Rito Tengas gif" border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKxzgKp2FPOvaY0AFnQKnfQbgRiLnaIoiGNaroUOQdnfRFtgFDhkV0A7tDSu6WERTtoX_YSkrzpuEtmma9lfdm_-HZj2rp9nhXN4eKVN4nxUOcWJ8bnZ_E0tXspNaYRTaMfMpvrMmMAIiY/s400/Spooked+Scary+Skeleton.gif" title="Rito's been birdboozled." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Pile of Processes Perplexed by Purple Pigeon Paratroopers.</i><br />
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Rito and the Ninja Teens square off, each standing in a Red
Rover line facing the opposition. Then the scene zooms in on Rito who looks up
at the sky in confusion. When I first watched this scene, I wasn't quite sure
what the hell was happening. Now that I've watched the scene for the 8th time,
I'm even more confused at just what the fuck is happening.</div>
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The five primary Ninja Rangers are standing in a cheerleader
pyramid while leaving a big enough hole for Tommy to jump through and pose
dramatically. I have absolutely zero clue why they do this, as it comes
completely out of nowhere. This pose is the most unnecessary goddamned thing
I've ever seen. I'm fine with the Rangers striking a pose before battle, but
this looks like they had to fucking choreograph it. Who was coming up with this
during their off-time? Oh who am I kidding? It had to have been Tommy. Guy
spends all his free time thinking up ways to have his team make him look
better.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnXdFpzLtpTTKlYslV99H_6CBCTOElgpZ1Mo0aOpiJ8mQFgxbYLmh507v-wnTbViXvf8Ao68sulnmva2T9S4VWnUuKkZJyMxhx1GbjKJMGThXK5yNEKM9ZcjNHdA1xB0C6arEZFUXgovx/s1600/Did+You+Guys+Know+Tommy+is+the+Leader%252C+Let+Me+Elaborate+on+That.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Power Rangers pyramid" border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnXdFpzLtpTTKlYslV99H_6CBCTOElgpZ1Mo0aOpiJ8mQFgxbYLmh507v-wnTbViXvf8Ao68sulnmva2T9S4VWnUuKkZJyMxhx1GbjKJMGThXK5yNEKM9ZcjNHdA1xB0C6arEZFUXgovx/s400/Did+You+Guys+Know+Tommy+is+the+Leader%252C+Let+Me+Elaborate+on+That.gif" title="Kim looks like Tommy almost knocked her right over. Can't wait till she dumps his dog ass." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>"I'm glad we all took that trip to
Ninja Cheerleader Camp."</i></div>
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Even better than this inexplicable display of athletics is
what happens right after. Rito replies "Ooh! Fancy-shmancy!" and then
the show cuts to commercial. This cracked me right up. Usually we see
commercial breaks after something dangerous is indicated or we see the Rangers
about to get beaten. Well this week, someone realized they forgot to include a
commercial break so they were forced to ramjam one in after some baffling team
pose.</div>
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After this pyramid debacle occurs, the Ninja Rangers battle
Boney and the Birds. It's a fight I find myself enjoying for some reason, and I
think it's because they introduce some new ninja tricks for the Rangers. Adam
throws dust cloud explosions at the Tengas, and Rocky…fuses with a tree? The
Tengas try pecking at the tree and figuring out what the hell just happened,
but they're met with a foot coming out of the oak and knocking them on their
asses. After Rocky de-fuses with the tree, he quips at the birds.</div>
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<i>"Gotta watch out
for those trees. Especially when they branch out."<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Ugh. I hope Rocky's sandwich had herpes in it.</div>
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While the battle rages, an unsuspecting observer has their
eye on the combatants. It's that magical cat that Rita wouldn't stop yakking
about! What interest does a cat have in high stakes TV-Y7 karate action that
the whole family can enjoy? And a cat watching Tommy without hissing in terror
at that shambling pooch-human hybrid? No, no none of this makes one lick of
sense. That cat can't be a real cat. It must be an imposter!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihdyDp29mdIi90-udTNWt9mNuhXlSZWuvh_S4E8CjpVyckz1fn-eQDvAuCsv2UVSp6gLABcyZPevrCEWxHi3HhDHdU6rhdaL4h5fTiyXd-J7UDYVK1IvnB_Ch46kOVRIO6xv32vaHnkSh8/s1600/Jot+This+One+Down+on+the+New+Fetish+Board.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Power Rangers Katherine" border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihdyDp29mdIi90-udTNWt9mNuhXlSZWuvh_S4E8CjpVyckz1fn-eQDvAuCsv2UVSp6gLABcyZPevrCEWxHi3HhDHdU6rhdaL4h5fTiyXd-J7UDYVK1IvnB_Ch46kOVRIO6xv32vaHnkSh8/s400/Jot+This+One+Down+on+the+New+Fetish+Board.gif" title="I love how obscenely small this .gif came out since the animation is so choppy and consisted of zero movement." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Animorphs.gif</i></div>
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Right away I find something very interesting about this
scenario. This cat that Rita is hyping up to be her big scheme didn't turn into
some doofy-ass cat wearing lingerie. She turned into a seemingly normal human
girl. We've seen Rita's minions transform into humans <a href="http://mmprr.blogspot.com/2015/07/mighty-morphin-power-rangers-episode-60.html">before</a>,
but this is the inverse of that. This demon cat turned into a person, and I'm
hesitantly curious about it. Is she one of Rita's slaves who happens to look
like a persona ala Scorpina? Is this a surprisingly human monster that Finster
concocted? Or is this an honest to goodness teen girl who Rita accepted into
her fold? This is the first time <i>Power
Rangers</i> has me curious what's going on where I'm not subsequently confused
and furious.<br />
<br />
God I hope that feeling lasts.</div>
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Rito and the Tengas continue their battle, but Tommy and the
Gang leave them battered and bruised. Rito prepares for a counterattack, but
the Tengas abandon him before he can mount it. Realizing how outgunned he is, Rito
turns tailbone and retreats from the fight. Our heroes bravely mock this
brainless skeleton ninny as he quietly sobs his eyeless sockets out. </div>
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You destroyed the Thunderzords, Revolto. Get it the fuck
together.</div>
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The evil cat-girl continues watching the Rangers triumph
over Rito before she's interrupted by Dr. Vet. D.V. asks who the hell this girl
is, and how she possibly snuck into her veterinary office without opening the
front door. Cat-girl responds in an Australian accent that she was <s>kidnapped
by a television producer while he was filming a movie in her home country and
brought to the United States so she could be forced into film-slavery for a
children's karate program</s> looking to adopt a pet!</div>
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The Ninja Rangers demorph and then something happens that
astonishes me. <i>Power Rangers</i>
remembers a gag it set up a few minutes ago.</div>
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After he removes his Ninjamas, Rocky pats his stomach and
complains about how hungry he feels. He prays to his almighty god, Zordon, that
his sandwich is still safe and sound at the Youth Center. That was shocking
enough, but then <i>Power Rangers </i>does
something even more shocking. It has one of its characters act like a human
being.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adam teases Rocky that his sandwich <i>might</i> still be at the café, and the Black Ranger Teen then busts
into a full sprint towards Ernie's Juice Bar in pursuit of Rocky's sandwich.
Rocky offers an admonishment towards his friend and chases after him. It's a
weirdly charming bit of character that feels bizarrely real. Two buddies giving
each other a light-hearted hard time. Almost seems like something real people
might do. I like it!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha, Kim, and Tommy head back into the vet's office to see
if anybody claimed that snuggly kitty yet. As soon as they head inside, the
cat-girl notices our heroes and turns tail before they spot her. Cat-girl's cat
form soon runs up to the three Ranger Teens and Aisha picks her back up. When
Kim tries petting the cat, it hisses at her and bats her stupid pink hands
away. Well no shit the cat doesn’t like her. Kim's got Tommy's stink all over
her and that cat can smell trouble.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But good news everyone! Its officially been the legally
obligated period of time before Aisha could own this cat, so now she's got a
brand new pet! Now we can leave it at the Command Center to be a team mascot,
only for Alpha 5 to forget to feed it.<br />
<br />
"RANGERS! I'M SO SORRY! I FORGOT THE AY-YI-YIAMS!<br />
<br />
God. Those poor Rangers come back from a long day
of slaughtering mutant gophers wearing flak jackets to find their cat dead on
the floor. Ah well. There's a 70% chance that Zordon would eat it while they were gone and blame it on Billy leaving the Command Center door open anyway.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. Vet asks Aisha what she plans to call her new kitty, and
Aisha comes up with the name P.C. Oh fucking <b>GREAT</b>. I'm trying to watch some baby karate show and fuckin' Obama
has to come in with his goddamn leftie political correctness agenda and shove
it right into my face AGAIN. First we have to have one of the Rangers be a
black and now this?! Well I've had enough! Come read my dissertation on how
political correctness, and also how the holocaust was greatly exaggerated, at
my actual website: Brietbart.thinktank/Jewluminatti</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait what's that? It stands for Park Cat? Oh…um. Let's talk
about the next scene then. Forget all that other stuff I said.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Aisha brings the P.C. Agenda home with her as she and Kim
discuss the Pink Ranger's floundering relationship. Kim mentions that she
hasn't had time to hang out with Tommy while practicing for the
upcoming…Olympics? I don't remember. Who cares? Aisha comforts her and says
that Tommy is a great guy, and he's way better than the other dregs that
associate themselves with her. I mean who's she gonna bang instead? Billy? That
dude couldn't find a clit with a microscope. Skull? Sure, if you wanna smell
like skunk dick for the rest of your life. Rocky? PASS.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All this talk of the cute boys in Angel Grove spooks PC out
of the house. Aisha and Kim panic that they’ve just lost their 5 hour old cat
and rush outside to find her before they become the John Ramsey of cat owners. Little
do they know that P.C. has hidden herself in the bushes and transformed back
into that teenage girl once again. Now that we see her again, I just noticed
that holy mackerel. She is…what's the best word to describe it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaQcFLGQudeQM_HC5fS4EU727vhN3K4648N4g_IbAIuByBb5YLnu1Ubcg06Zrt5hXMYYd7H8wQ98c5HroMod3GBJyk_wfx3fIXcl-59gH3zvRJ2Iz25GbJxBg7gU3wnZBoXXSHcPw3C5ZY/s1600/Katherine.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Catherine Sutherland" border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaQcFLGQudeQM_HC5fS4EU727vhN3K4648N4g_IbAIuByBb5YLnu1Ubcg06Zrt5hXMYYd7H8wQ98c5HroMod3GBJyk_wfx3fIXcl-59gH3zvRJ2Iz25GbJxBg7gU3wnZBoXXSHcPw3C5ZY/s400/Katherine.PNG" title="This godforsaken show and its puns have turned me into a monster." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Meow!</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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The Ranger Girls run off to search for their long lost kitty
while the cat girl smirks at them from the shrubs. Out of balls-ass nowhere, Rita
teleports down to Earth and asks her servant what's taken her so long. The cat-girl
says that she's finally gotten the information she was waiting for. She's
gotten the hot deets on Tommy going to the movies with Kimberly. Hahaha what?
That's what you concocted a demon cat girl for, Rita? So you could find out
when Tommy would be trying to fingerbang Kim after 5th period? Why didn't you
spy on these kids like you do every other week? You are making this
"murdering children" thing way more complicated than it needs to be. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Rita learns the juicy scoop of Tommy's afternoon
activities, she whips up a new portion of her devious scheme. Using her witchy
magic, she transforms a nearby dumpster (a cameo by yours truly!) into a car. Something
that makes perfect sense, as I also live on the planet of the horsefuckers. </div>
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<br /></div>
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But far worse than any car-dumpster shenanigans is the
license plate. Get your barf bags ready everyone!</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOuu1jd8dOVMZsW9ppNO3c9Qvxkp754qadnS-JBiW1NkdRgxybAd6JZkx0KXKdFoKa5ypwiu460KUZsdRn9W1Jp-yGSZcLKtK5c8dXxvRdjLKIsEsjjN7EvMZcTXc3MGTQTasvdBu8eTr/s1600/Rita%2527s+Fuckmobile.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglOuu1jd8dOVMZsW9ppNO3c9Qvxkp754qadnS-JBiW1NkdRgxybAd6JZkx0KXKdFoKa5ypwiu460KUZsdRn9W1Jp-yGSZcLKtK5c8dXxvRdjLKIsEsjjN7EvMZcTXc3MGTQTasvdBu8eTr/s400/Rita%2527s+Fuckmobile.PNG" title="While she was filming Ernest Scared Stupid, naturally." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Who wrote this shit? Eartha Kitt?</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back at the Youth Center, Tommy desperately awaits
Kimberly's arrival so he can teach her the popcorn trick during the 3:30 showing
of <i>Dunston Checks In</i>. While he's left
pining for his sweet Kim, he's met with the mysterious kitty woman who flashes
him a genuine, Grade-A, Australia fuck smile. She informs Tommy that she's new
in town and could use a little help with her broken-down literal junker of a car. Because Tommy is
an anti-social idiot, he politely informs her "Maybe you should call a
mechanic." Astute observation, Dr. Oliver. "I have a headache."
"Maybe you should call a doctor. I've got boards to break with my fists so
piss off. HUT-SEET-OOYAH!"</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kitty Galore tells the Human Dog that she was hoping <i>he</i> could take a look at her car. In case
he didn't miss the unbelievably subtle hints she was dropping about how bad she
wanted to sit on his face. Tommy agrees, because he figures he might be able to
angle a threesome with his girlfriend and some Australian chick nobody knows.
But no worries, she introduces herself. Her name is Katherine, but you can call
her Kat.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I want to bury my foot so far up this show's ass it would
take an archaeologist to dig it out.</div>
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<br /></div>
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4 seconds later, Tommy shuts Katherine's hood and tells her fixer-dumpster of a car has been fixed. Because not only is Tommy a karate guru, a football
superstar, a television commercial magnate, a straight-A student, a women's
self-defense teacher, and an astronaut, but he's also a flawless mechanic. By the
end of the series I hope Tommy Oliver is a racecar driving super doctor who can
spin kick a tyrannosaurus in the face.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Sorry, that would be utterly preposterous.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Tommy says that Kat's car looks awesome, and he's always
wanted to drive "one of these things." You mean a car? Do you not
know how to drive, Tommy? Aren't you like 38 years old? Whatever. Kat says she
would be happy to let him drive around the block in her car, as long as he
promises not to remove the insultingly stupid vanity plate. Tommy says he
shouldn't, but Kat convinces him after asking him a 2nd time. It might also
have to do with the fact that Ernie's Juice Bar is located directly one block
away from some place the map refers to as "Fuck Mountain."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Tommy drives Kat's car down the road as Rita watches with
glee. She instructs her hubby to do his thing, and Zedd promptly blasts Kat's
car-dumpster with a bolt of lightning. Once the car's
been blasted, it teleports into...an inordinately cheap-looking dimension.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUdN5IaEQQ2d5eYc50OS5E7tmtLs-hROKOsl4TJAtoyEFrkEtCSYPIuQ5wzvLbo4X4qubTHMbHFwG6UkFxntCmZQzCLyLNd7s87UN1UUgFDI0ouLRhXMziifuWtqT9-Xgm0CZe3t3NMDph/s1600/I+Wish+I+Could+Crop+Out+That+Stupid+Fucking+License+Plate.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUdN5IaEQQ2d5eYc50OS5E7tmtLs-hROKOsl4TJAtoyEFrkEtCSYPIuQ5wzvLbo4X4qubTHMbHFwG6UkFxntCmZQzCLyLNd7s87UN1UUgFDI0ouLRhXMziifuWtqT9-Xgm0CZe3t3NMDph/s400/I+Wish+I+Could+Crop+Out+That+Stupid+Fucking+License+Plate.PNG" title="Check its hair just in case." width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>Are they trapped inside a kaleidoscope? </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tommy shouts out that he's not able to control the car, and
there are probably all sorts of crazy things going on around him. He's not
entirely sure since the effects artists haven't mocked up what this dimensional
drift is supposed to look like, but it's probably be pretty badass when it's
done. Kat panics and wraps her arms around Tommy while yelling about how scared
she is. She also throws in a brief mention about how randy she gets when she's
stranded in a giant hall of mirrors world.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With their scheme underway, Rita and Zedd instruct Rito to
get his bony butt down to Earth. Why? Because this thing needed to be two parts
and we're going to have to burn through some serious footage to get Part 2
longer than 4 minutes. Rito beams down to Earth where his demented family
members turn him gigantic. Also, apparently whoever was editing this scene got
an eyelash on the project or something. During the scene of Zedd and Rita doing
their growth lightning thing, there's a really noticeable tear in the film at
the bottom of the screen. Was this how this episode got aired? Probably. Who
cares?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpLAaeoGdpw3H6fIUCIc6XzA6sYvwJECJk8iBAa88DA1r0wQBgKyIcp321aW_gI1TwBiX6KPq2HRHofu9rJRNGfSs35qT8GlyD_heODALEI2-fJKyvMT2ZJm8avWgAhOy6Pgj6jNm2yKTT/s1600/Great+Job+On+the+Editing+Guys.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpLAaeoGdpw3H6fIUCIc6XzA6sYvwJECJk8iBAa88DA1r0wQBgKyIcp321aW_gI1TwBiX6KPq2HRHofu9rJRNGfSs35qT8GlyD_heODALEI2-fJKyvMT2ZJm8avWgAhOy6Pgj6jNm2yKTT/s400/Great+Job+On+the+Editing+Guys.PNG" title="Or I might have gotten a pube on my DVD. I don't know." width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Visual confirmation that this show is
paper-clipped together</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aisha and Kimberly meet up with the other three Ranger Teens
at the Youth Center when they receive a message from Zordon. Something about
some giant skellington tearin' ass all over the city. I don't know. Also that
dog they let hang around them is currently trapped inside a sweet ass trash-car
that's careening through a bunch of Christmas lights. Now what are the Rangers
going to do? Fight some guy they beat soundly, or try to locate Tommy while
he's busy boning some human cat hybrid? The exciting conclusion comes next
week!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>TO BE CONTINUED</b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: </b><i>Tricking
Men Into Sex By Feigning Car Troubles</i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<u>Personal Thoughts</u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I actually really liked this one! The mystery behind
Katherine is played surprisingly well for <i>Power
Rangers</i>, and I'm really glad that they chose to only give you a taste of
information about her. We don't learn her name until near the end of the
episode, and Rita talks to her as though she's a lowly servant. We'll obviously
learn a bit more about her in the upcoming episodes, but this is a really cool
way to introduce a character. I may even prefer it over Tommy's introduction
during Season 1. Granted, we're only one episode in. I probably shouldn't jinx
myself.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Something to note about the actress who plays Katherine
(Catherine Sutherland) is that she was initially in the running to play Dulcea
in the <i>Power Rangers</i> movie. The
producers liked her quite a bit, and offered her a large role in the upcoming
season. At least I think that's the case. I could be mistaken. Let me check
Catherine Sutherland's IMDB page and see if it can verify these claims.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdDJnJ2KtgUWvXdzwVSSLLgnw1gJJrDKEQZHPDTg7q2aK29MLqn4SN6KxYwZnG5C5ecMjgYC5g0VSgycmyT9h4k9OMlbUNE7hvv56LmAOwDd2h89FAH-fdte5VS4qVwt__UUCVSy2SfD58/s1600/The+Internet+Was+A+Mistake.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="48" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdDJnJ2KtgUWvXdzwVSSLLgnw1gJJrDKEQZHPDTg7q2aK29MLqn4SN6KxYwZnG5C5ecMjgYC5g0VSgycmyT9h4k9OMlbUNE7hvv56LmAOwDd2h89FAH-fdte5VS4qVwt__UUCVSy2SfD58/s640/The+Internet+Was+A+Mistake.PNG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Jesus fucking Christ. </div>
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