Monday, May 28, 2018

MMPR Season 3 Episode 31: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 3

End of World Celebrated by Mutant Livestock
Withered Old Man Besieged by Rockets

Last week year on Power Rangers, Tommy snuck into Zedd and Rita's palace and snagged the legendary Zeo Crystal. He and Katherine then stole the Falconzord back from Zedd and took their pilferage back to Earth. Tommy and Kat joined together with the other Rangers and defeated Master Vile's Globbor monster with the Ninja Megafalconzord. Or so it seemed! Globbor used the power he absorbed from Ninjor to morph into a new form capable of using the ninja master's techniques. The Rangers refused to attack Globbor, which would hurt Ninjor, and were soon subjected to Globbor's energy draining technique. Master Vile then sent the Rangers' Zords to a distant galaxy, and prepped the Earth for one hell of a doomsday party.

Inside of the Command Center, the Ranger Teens are still severely weakened from Globbor's energy extraction. Zordon says the only way to fix this is by giving them a supercharge of energy from the Morphing Grid. Katherine asks if that's safe, to which Zordon responds.


So then he zaps all the teenagers with god lightning that will shave a decade off their lifespan to restore their magic alien-murder powers. All's well that ends well!

The Ranger Teens toss out a page from their collective bucket lists as they notice the Viewing Globe has turned on. Footage of Master Vile's apocalypse party plays while Squatt and Baboo dance a jig around Bulk and Skull. Katherine lets out a sincere delivery of the line "Oh no, they're forcing Bulk and Skull to dance the conga."

Man...this line has always annoyed me. I get that it's trying to be cute and "meta." Sort of like "Oh no, Bulk and Skull are doing this mundane action but we're treating it like a serious threat." Even then, it just made me roll my eyes. I can't comprehend why, because I've been a fan of some unbelievably stupid bullshit on this show. Maybe it's because Katherine has only been a Ranger for about six episodes. Don't act like you know Bulk and Skull the way I do, missy.

Stupid conga-lines aside, let's take a look and see what Master Vile's apocalypse party has in store!

Robogoat, Brick Bully, Fighting Flea, Master Vile
Tasteful use of the Goosebumps font.

This ridiculous party consists of numerous unpaid extras grooving along as they wait for their mortal lives to end. M.V.'s shindig is also attended by several monsters from the previous 140 episodes, which is a real treat for a monster nut like me. Which monsters are here? Go watch it yourself! Who would take the time to notate which rubber suits are dancing next to a man made out of snakes?

You'd have to be a real dipshit to go out of your way to mention that Fighting Flea, Slippery Shark, Oysterizer, Robogoat, Invenusable Fly Trap, Vampirus, Artistmole, Centiback, Hate Master, Miss Chief, Incisorator, See Monster, Garbage Mouth, and Brick Bully are all in attendance!

The scenes in the Youth Center with a bunch of monsters dicking around are fun. Rito dances his bony ass off while he critiques the piano-playing of some kid with Art Garfunkel hair, Robogoat chows down on a rack of lamb in an unusually charming sight gag, Invenusable Fly Trap chews out a child bartender for not getting him his drink fast enough, and Master Vile informs the on-goers of his bash to party like there's no tomorrow. Because there isn't.

Y'know, sometimes you've got to distance yourself from the crazy bullshit Power Rangers presents to the viewer and appreciate it. Read that last paragraph one more time and imagine a bunch of stunt actors inside horrendously cheap monster costumes trying to move slow enough to not rip them, but fast enough to imply dancing. It's fucking fantastic.

Master Vile launches a spell out of his withered, old, decrepit snake hands that coats the planet in darkness. He laughs at the residents of Earth as he demands that they continue to boogie in his honor. Unfortunately, the party takes a sad turn when Baboo informs Lord Zedd that Artistmole is undergoing a heroin overdose in the corner.

Inside the Command Center, the Rangers try to figure out some way to combat Vile and his army of drugged-up monsters. Billy suggests that he could run a scan on the entire universe to find their Zords. Give it a couple weeks Billy, I'm sure you can find them in bargain bins everywhere as soon as Zeo is on the air.

Tommy, Katherine, and Rocky decide to go incognito to Master Vile's Youth Center party…for some reason? I can't think of any purpose for this scene other than "Because the script needed to kill a few more minutes." The Ranger Teens have zero need to go to Vile's stupid doomsday party. He isn't hiding some secret weapon inside the Youth Center. He's having a bunch of fat white people dance for his amusement. What do the Rangers hope to find at this party other than a few lethargic stuntmen inside rubber suits?

Artistmole, Fighting Flea

Tommy locates Bulk and Skull, inexplicably wearing sombreros, and asks them why they feel the need to culturally appropriate during the apocalypse. Before the gruesome twosome have time to relay any relevant information, a pair of Tengas force them into dancing servitude for Master Vile's continued pleasure.

Is…is this party getting Master Vile off? Perhaps I don't know the inner machinations of how a centuries-old deity wrapped in snake robes functions, but what's the goddamn purpose of making all these Californian yokels contort around? This can't be that enjoyable to watch, I know that firsthand, so I'm certain he has an ulterior motive for all this nonsense. This whole party has to be something that gratifies him sexually. There's no other reason for him to be going through this dog and pony show. If Robogoat bumped into him, would his robe open slightly and give way to the glorious visage of his throbbing serpentine penis?

Anywho, Goldar barges onto the scene and taunts the three civilian Rangers. Tommy strikes a karate pose, because he's literally Pavlov's dog, but Goldar laughs at the notion he should fight them. Mostly because he hasn't been a threat since Season 1, but also because the planet already belongs to Master Vile. Why would he waste his time murdering three of the only six people who have any chance to upend a potential victory when he can rest on his big gold buttcheeks and growl to nobody in particular?

In slight seriousness, I do like the villain's cockiness. All of the Rangers' Zords have been incapacitated, Ninjor is in enemy captivity, the Metallic Armor has been drained heavily by Globbor, and Master Vile is now in control of the Zeo Crystal. We obviously know the Rangers are going to succeed, but the show has handily set up all the cards in Vile's favor. The stakes are high, and the Rangers seem completely incapable of victory. It's a satisfying experience, and I can't wait to see how Power Rangers ruins it.

Now that enough time has been spent screwin' around at Master Vile's Armageddon Shindig, the Ranger Teens return to the Command Center where Billy informs them of their Zords' location. All of the Rangers' toys have been stashed on a planet in Master Vile's M51 Galaxy. Hold on now, Billy figured that out in two minutes? Do you know how many planets are in our galaxy? Because I didn't, so I Googled it. Unless Billy's scanner could search TWO HUNDRED BILLION PLANETS in the span of 120 seconds, I call bullshit.

Adam inquires why the Zord fleet appears to be coated in stone, and Billy bulldozes his big nerd dick in to inform the Black Ranger, "Well actually, the Zords are coated in rust." Ugh. Get crammed in a space locker ya fuckin' nerd. Tommy interrupts this plot-based bullshit to tell his team what they should do to stop Mister Smiles and that Zoo Crystal he stole. The Rangers need to go to Master Vile's planet, reclaim the Crystal, and destroy it. Unless it gives Tommy a new pair of pajamas, in which case it must be protected at all costs.

With their course set, the Ranger Teens pool their remaining energy together to teleport to the M51 Galaxy. Despite that pointless scene at Master Vile's stupid party, the episode realizes it's somehow running short on minutes and plants the Power Rangers directly in front of their rusted-over Zords. How gracious of the show to respect our time after twirling its tits for the last half an hour.

Pictured: Three Readers Waiting for an MMPRR Update

The Power Rangers run up to their rustbucket Zords and search for a way inside. Rocky suggests they could always jump 300 feet in the air to board their Zords, much like they've done on a weekly basis since this stupid show started. Billy refers to this plan as "dumber than donkeyshit," and says the only way they can get inside is by propping open the Big-Toe Emergency Exit.

One of the ideas in the previous paragraph was an exaggeration, and one of them wasn't. Go ahead and guess which one. If you thought I actually made up the Ninja Megazord having a big toe exit, then kindly kiss my grits.

So the Rangers go on their merry way in an attempt to unbirth themselves through a magical robot's foot. But alas, tragedy has struck! The Rangers can't remove the rust from the Ninja Megazord no matter what they try. The Rangers tried patting the rust, talking about how strong the rust was, and complaining about how they couldn't get the rust off. They've exhausted all of their options!

It's at this moment that Billy remembers they have magical dinosaur weapons and shoots the rust off with his Blade Blaster. Another senseless tragedy that could have been avoided if only we had armed all of the good Zords too!

The Rangers climb aboard the Ninja Megazord and promptly locate the hidden Zeo Crystal. Billy suggests that they'll need to break Master Vile's connection over the crystal if they want to destroy it, but it will prove incredibly difficult. In order for this plan to work, they'll have to pool their energies together and connect to the Morphing Grid in order to conjure up some ill-defined nonsense that will temporarily solve yet another episodic problem in a method that will be promptly ignored the next time something like this happens.

Which translates into them joining hands in a morphenomenal prayer circle.

May the power protect you, and you, and you

Alas, our heroes prayers do absolutely nothing. Instead, the teens punch their fists together which severs Vile's connection to the crystal.

Karate: 1
God: 0

The Rangers' counterattack couldn't have come at a worse time for the Snake Daddy. Vile tries to end his party with a bang by destroying the planet, but his efforts fail. All the guests at the party laugh at his pathetic impotence, as the wicked space gremlin relives the long-buried memories of his Sophomore year in college.

The irritated Vile promptly cancels his party and sends his giant-sized Globbor to attack the city. Why is he bothering to do that if he's already lost his trump card to the Rangers? Obviously this attack is a none-too-subtle metaphor for what he would have been doing if those goddamned Power Rangers hadn't killed his hard-on.

Vile retreats back to his Space Skull to enjoy the devastation his big gooey son is wreaking on the city. The still-captured Ninjor is forced to watch in shame as his powers are used to dump intergalactic splooge all over the city of Angel Grove. Thankfully, the Rangers have finally returned to Earth with their Zord fleet in tow. The Ninja Megazord, Falconzord, and Shogun Megazord stare down with the evil Globbor in the pitch-black cityscape. Before the battle can begin, Globbor brings out his secret weapon. Using the energy of the Power Rangers, he morphs into an even more powerful form based on their likeness.

…I think?

Globbor gif
Did he also absorb a California Raisin?

Hey Globbor, you realize that there are five Power Rangers and Rocky, right? Why do you only have four helmets on your hideously-mangled gooball skull? I'm also a bit curious how you hid that sword inside your gooey meat pocket, but more importantly, are you fucking blind? The Rangers look nothing like that. I don't know what kind of bootleg knock-off bullshit you think you saw, but the Power Rangers are dinosaurs. Also tigers. The Power Rangers don't have shapes for visors, can you imagine how poorly that would sell?

The mutated Ranger-Globbor brags that he now possesses the same powers as the Rangers, albeit not the same faces. While this concerns our heroes, they charge up both Megazords and the Falconzord. Tommy disengages from the Ninja Megazord to pilot his Falconzord where he informs his disciples that Globbor may still be connected to Ninjor, but they'll have to kill him anyway. 

Thanks for giving us those magic jammies and protecting us from countless demons, but now we've got the Zeo Crystal! Your ninja-shit ain't moving product anymore, so go rot in hell you big blue bitch.

The Rangers and Globbor's battle royale commences with Mr. Blue Suede Goo getting his shit pushed in. Ninjor sparks in agony as the Rangers lay a beatdown on Globbor, which makes me curious about something. If hurting Globbor hurts the people he absorbed energy from, why aren't the Rangers feeling pain?

Ninjor's case is a little different, what with him being held captive and all, but that doesn't have anything to do with Globbor's energy suckling. The Rangers received the same energy drain that Ninjor did, and they seem no worse for the wear. Not to mention, wouldn't this fight be a bit more interesting if the Rangers were hurting themselves when they fought Globbor? We already know they don't give a hot cup of piss what happens to Ninjor, but what if each blow harmed them? Every time the Rangers strike Globbor, we cut back to the cockpit and show one of the Rangers in pain.

Oh that's right, we don't have footage of that because all the Ninja Megazord footage was filmed in one afternoon about six months before this was shot. Silly me!

Master Vile grows impatient with his creature's bungling, and demands that Globbor use his weapons. Then Globbor becomes confused.

"Weapons? What weapons? The Power Rangers don't use any weapons."

"Shit!" Vile exclaimed. "I forgot we were in Season 3. All the parents were whining about this show being too violent, so they can't use plastic axes anymore. I don't know, just make something up!"

You steal that thing from the VR Troopers?

Tommy bemoans that the monster is using their own powers against them. Particularly their misshapen helmets and wrist-mounted crossbows. But he's not the only one who's concerned. Alpha 5 and Zordon are watching the Rangers' hopeless fight with Globbor as they try and come up with a solution. Approximately 2 seconds later, Alpha 5 prints off information on Globbor that will help stop him. The monster feeds off of darkness, and if Alpha and Zordon can bring back the sunlight, he'll be weakened.

Jesus Christ. It took you guys three episodes to craft a weakness for this monster and that's the best you could do? Sunlight? Look back on any images or .gifs I made of Globbor the last two episodes. You know what you're going to see? The fucking sun. Sunlight out the ass. So that must mean he was losing pretty bad against them at that point, right? Oh what's that? He was beating the absolute dogshit out of everyone? In broad-ass daylight? Wow! Guess this sunlight thing doesn't hold up to any thought whatsoever, does it?

It's me, Mom and Dad. The son who can tell you exactly why Power Rangers is BULLSHIT.

Alpha 5 fires some dumbass laser beam outside the Command Center, which expels Master Vile's spooky darkness. With the lights back on, the Rangers even up the score with Globbor. An exciting three-on-one fight begins as the Rangers mecha duke it out with the wicked beast. Oh wait, sorry, I must have been daydreaming. That big cool battle doesn't happen. Instead, the Ninja Megazord punches Globbor one single time and he loses all of the powers he absorbed.

This episode had better get good again real goddamn quick, or I'm going to throw this laptop against the wall.

With Ninjor's energy un-sapped, the blue genie breaks free of Master Vile's bindings and offers to give Papa Repulsa an out of this world ass-whooping. Vile decides to stop with all the theatrics and banter about world domination and get his hands dirty. How, you ask? By making himself fucking grow.

Remember when Lord Zedd or Rita Repulsa got into the fight and grew themselves giant? Of course you don't. They're too busy whining about how their marriage is in shambles to do anything but make some dumbass S&M squid monster into a giant. Master Vile, on the other hand, cuts out the middleman completely.  His monster starts losing, and what does he do? Get in on that fight posthaste. You start kicking around my giant blue goo failson? Best be ready to get the shit knocked out of you.

I take back what I just said. This episode is the best.

Not one to be deterred, Ninjor grows giant to join the Rangers and their Zords. Ninjor thanks the Power Team for their courageous efforts in saving his life from the devious Master Vile. He promises to never forget his comrades' everlasting determination in saving his life. Tommy accepts the compliment with modesty and tells their dear ally, "We'll always be here to help you out of a jam, Alpha!"

The giant Master counters our heroes with his staff, firing a massive blast of energy at the Megazords. Tommy swoops the Falconzord in on the evil dyad and unleashes a rocket barrage, emasculating both father and son. Globbor attempts to regain some of his pilfered powers and charges at Ninjor. Everyone's favorite ninja boy smacks the shit out of Globbor and puts him right back on the defensive. The Rangers bust out the Shogun Megazord's flaming saber, which critically wounds Globbor, and he's promptly finished off by Ninjor's fireball.

It may have taken him all season to do it, but Ninjor finally got to destroy a monster. Congrats, buddy. Hope you enjoyed your moment in the sun before getting tossed to the clearance rack.

Instead of being shocked or annoyed by Globbor's death, Master Vile shrugs off the loss of his slimiest son. Vile laughs off the Rangers' efforts and makes a boast that needs to be quoted.

"Monsters come and go, but I won't be so easily destroyed, Rangers!"

Mmm. That's some juicy trash talk. Master Vile just dismissed the death of, arguably, the strongest monster in all of Season 3. He laughed the Rangers' victory off like they were chumps and promised that they couldn't do a goddamn thing to him. Nothing they have in their arsenal will even phase him. They can't even dream of killing him.

But then the Power Rangers theme kicks on, full blast. And you realize something.

They're sure going to fucking try.

The Shogun Megazord looks to the sky, where the Falconzord screeches with pride. In this moment, the Shogun Megazord fuses with the Falconzord to create the Shogun Megafalconzord!

How painful do you think it would be to detach your arms to dock with a falcon?

You see this? Right here? The Power Rangers are faced with a massive threat and just did something insane. They created a new Zord formation! Like…in the middle of a battle. Zordon didn't suggest it in some drawn-out discussion on how the Rangers can win, they just said to hell with it and slapped their Zords together! That's so friggin' rad I can't even stand it. This fight is everything I want in my big adult child life.

So how does our new Megafalcon-friend battle? By unleashing a goddamn atomic blast on its enemy.

Shogun Megafalconzord gif
Not quite as cool as a turtle crushing someone to death, but it'll do.

The rocket barrage wounds Master Vile, but he's not down for the count yet. Yes, you read that right; a new combination of toys failed to defeat an opponent. I can hardly believe it myself. Tommy detaches the Falconzord, and our heroes leap into action and form the Ninja Megafalconzord.

Now put yourself in Master Vile's shoes. You just survived a nuclear detonation aimed squarely at your face. Then, not two seconds later, you look into the air and you see the faces of a howling wolf and a screaming ape barreling towards you at the speed of light. What I'm trying to say is that this moment is absolutely fucking amazing.

Ninja Megafalconzord gif
R.I.P. The best finisher in Season 3.

But you know what's even better than this violent assault on Master Vile? He hasn't been destroyed.  He's still standing in the wreckage, but maybe his destruction has been delayed. We're left to wonder if he'll survive this massive onslaught of the Rangers' strongest attacks. The only way to know for sure is to listen to what he has to say. So what's his reaction to these supercharged attacks?

He fucking laughs in the Rangers' faces.

If you'll forgive me, I'd like to quote Master Vile one more time.

"You'll never defeat me, Rangers! I'll return when you least expect it. You haven't seen the last of Master Vile!"

Homeboy just took two of the strongest moves the Rangers have ever had access to, one of which they just invented, and the first thing he has to say is how they can never beat him. The man just got bombarded with falcon missiles and violently slammed into by some sort of hideous robo-chimera, and his immediate reaction is to mock the heroes for how weak they are. The culmination of an entire season's worth of new Zords and new techniques are brushed off by how goddamn strong this dude is. The absolute unit.

God almighty, I love Master Vile so much. What an absolutely flawless piece of shit he is. The last few minutes of this episode are some of the best Power Rangers material I've ever covered. I love it so much, everyone. This Zord fight is unquestionably the high point of the whole season. Sweet Jiminy Christmas, it's perfect.
Back inside Master Vile's Space Skull, he bemoans his defeat at the hands of the Power Rangers. Rita and Zedd appear in some mystical portal to taunt him, to which Vile tells them to shove it up their collective shove-spaces. Vile asserts that he might have lost, but his daughter has always been an unpleasant little brat who makes everyone around her miserable with a limp-dick husband. Rita bitches back that she is not a brat, nor does she make people miserable. Zedd attempts to raise his voice in defense, but he stops bothering seconds later as he resigns himself to his beta fate.

Vile concludes by taking off in his Space Skull and giving himself a pep-talk. He reminds himself, and the audience, that Rita and Zedd have tried to conquer the Earth over 100 times and they haven't gotten within smelling distance of victory yet. Vile then makes a spectacular promise to the audience when he asserts that the Rangers have only gotten a small taste of what he has to offer them.

Master Vile, please never leave me.

Now that all the fun stuff is over, we need to get back to that Zeo Crystal sub-plot that's sweeping the nation. The Rangers disembark into some nameless desert in order to destroy the crystal. Billy asserts that upon its destruction, the Zeo Crystal could inflict critical damage on the Rangers. Tommy leads his team in donning their Metallic Armor so they don't get hurt while handling this incredibly dangerous prop.

The glitter-covered Rangers snag the Zeo Crystal, and Tommy slashes it into pieces with Saba. Billy mentions that the best way to rid themselves of the Zeo Crystal, while also preventing Vile from reassembling it, is to separate the pieces too far apart to ever be reassembled. Unless we need to do a boring arc to conclude a season, but what are the chances of that happening?

Tommy blathers about Zordon opening a time-space portal for them to chuck the Zeo Subcrystals through, which is code for "The episode is running long so we can't film a scene of this actually happening." The Metallic Rangers use their infinite intelligence to…teleport away with the subcrystals. Which is basically the same thing as chucking them into a time portal right?

You know what? Whatever. This episode was good as hell and I'm not going to end this review bleating about how rushed the ending was. Go watch this episode, come back to me, and talk to me about how fucking boss it was. Please. I need this.

Your Weekly Yearly 90's Nostalgia: Big Toe Emergency Exit

Personal Thoughts:

What an excellent end to this trilogy. I hold it so close to my heart because it's the epitome of what I love in Power Rangers action. There are a few nitpicky problems I'll get into in a sec', but I can't deny that the good far outweighs the bad. The final battle with Vile is an utter masterstroke, and really hammers home how cool the Zord fleet is in Season 3. I'm kind of happy my greatly-extended hiatus fell on this episode, because I knew deep down that I could never even think about not finishing a post on this episode. It's one of the reasons I started this blog to begin with! No matter how many bumps I'll hit in the road, this episode is always worth revisiting.

The quibbles I have with this episode mostly involve Globbor's implementation. That sunlight cop-out is a hideously cheap way to weaken the monster. It comes out of absolutely nowhere and smacks of laziness. It might not be a perfect write-around, but why not tie Globbor's weakening into the retrieval of the Zeo Crystal? The crystal all but stopped mattering as soon as the Rangers got inside the Ninja Megazord, despite how hyped up and important it's been. Say that his energy absorption was fueled by Vile tapping into its powers, and once he lost the connection Globbor couldn't hold onto his stolen powers anymore. Make it a more direct macguffin for Vile to retrieve, and it ups the stakes of that Zord battle even more! That would have been pretty cool, right?

In the Kakuranger episode; Master Vile and Globbor were directly linked to one another. Any damage that Vile sustained would wound Globbor, which would explain what the point was of those scenes where Vile was miming actions that Globbor would repeat. This weakness was exploited by an unmorphed Ninja Red, who slashed the shit out of Vile in an utterly badass scene. Obviously, that wasn't going to work in Power Rangers, what with him being Japanese and all. I respect the writers for trying, it just doesn't work for me. It doesn't feel earned in the slightest.

Speaking of Kakuranger, that's the reason Globbor had those funny-looking helmets. In the Japanese episode, he sapped the energy from Ninja White, Blue, Yellow, and Black. Red had escaped during the battle, which is why Globbor only had four of their helmets attached to his skull. The four kidnapped Kakurangers were also grouped together with Ninjor and were also being directly harmed by the attacks on Globbor, which made the fight seem even more drastic and unwinnable. Not only was Ninjor about to die, but four of the Kakurangers would be killed too! So there's my answer about why the Rangers weren't hurt by Globbor's post-absorption attacks. The Sentai footage had me covered.

This episode is a big sticking point for me in the great Ninjazord VS. Shogunzord debate of 2018. The Rangers bust out their brand new Shogun Megafalconzord on Master Vile, and it quite demonstrably doesn't finish him off. After this, they bring out the Ninja Megafalconzord to deal the finishing blow. So riddle me this, Shogunzord defenders; if one move failed to beat an opponent, would you use a weaker move to try and finish them? I think not! Therefore, I think the Ninjazords are cool and good. Ipso facto, I'm right and everyone else is wrong. Especially the people who've presented genuinely intelligent and well-thought out arguments in favor of either side of the debate, which is everyone except for me.

Thank you for waiting for me, everyone. I'm sorry for all this time, but I couldn't think of a way to keep coming back week after week to admit I'd failed to keep posting and failed to get work off the ground and blah blah blah. But I didn't mean to bum people out by being so quiet either. So…I'm not sure. Never be afraid to DM me on Twitter or something! You can find me @MMPRBlog where I routinely post about socialism and a healthy thirst for death.

In all seriousness, I'm glad my stopping point ended up being on this episode. If it had been on something really shitty, I wouldn't have wanted to bring myself back and write again. But then I kept looking at this half-finished post sitting on my desktop. I hadn't even gotten to the Zord fight with Master Vile. That scene is so great! I want to tell everyone about it so much...I can't stop yet.

I'm not sure what the future holds for posting, but I absolutely promise that I will at the very least finish Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Yes, even that goddamned dumbass Alien Rangers arc. I know that isn't a whole lot more content I'm talking about, but I don't want anyone to doubt that I'll close out the MMPR trilogy no matter what.

Why? Cause I've gotta. You people reading this blog; enjoying my tenuous grasp of grammar, syntax, and prose? That means the fucking world to me. Thank you for helping to convince a big weirdo he's capable of doing one thing decently.

Love ya!


  1. WELCOME BACK, DUDE! It was worth the wait, and HOLY COW I MISSED THIS. Like three or four things in this one had me in stitches, and I _loved_ the magical exploding football reference as well.

  2. Yay, it's Master Armor and the Metallic Vile! And while Season 4 may be underappreciated, I just know you'll want to get through at least that whole glorious spring of 1996 where they tried using non-Zord fights from Super Sentai again.

  3. The zoRd fight in this part is so fucking sexual it's just magic! Shogun is more powerful than the ninja megazord though son. Now what's stronger between the ninja or shogun mega falcon combos Is debatable probably the ninja. But as the pure megazords shogun is the better one.

  4. I hope you manage to do a lot more than just the few remaining MMPR episodes, but do what you do and thanks for at least wrapping up the Master Vile stuff.

  5. Great to see you again! This is hands-down one of my all-time favorite episodes of MMPR. Master Vile was my favorite villain of the entire series, and seeing him survive two finishing attacks was just so epic. That creepy organ music that accompanied him during his scenes was icing on the cake. Kudos on wanting to finish the MMPR episodes. The series literally does go out on a bang.

  6. The king has returned! I agree with you that this was the highpoint of season 3, why? Simply they were able to use more Sentai footage because american footage is vomit inducing. Also one of the few fights in S3 where the megazords don't skip straight to the finisher (I mean FUCK,I know you hate the thunderzords but at least it traded a few blows with the monsters before the finisher).

    Also that last scene with vile's skull was amazing.

    1. I hate Season 3 for many reasons but, to be fair, most of the Zord fight issues lie with the Sentai and how they tended to last less than 30 seconds not counting summoning and formation footage. Why do I hate Season 3? Status effect monsters! What are those? The best examples are Brick Bully, Marvo the Meanie, and Centiback. Brick Bully turned the Rangers into lasers, Marvo made them into test tubes, and Centiback made them into rugby-oh sorry I mean footballs. Not muscling them into submission, despite having the suits, but making them useless. Shellshock was a good mix of both but Marvo and Centiback were literally one episode following the other and became really fucking tired. I class Season 3 lower than even Turbo and both seasons of Megaforce since thier monsters at least fucking fought the Rangers although Alien Rangers is still the worst of all.

    2. For reference, I watched all 40 episodes of (Super) Megaforce but couldn't get through 2 of the nine episode Alien Rangers arc. I dunno why it even exists although I suspect the either became lazy or ran out of budget and realised ten episodes was not worth introducing new suits so came up with the wank we all know and hate.

    3. The way I saw it, Alien Rangers as well as the whole "Rangers being stuck as kids" was to free up the older actors and Billy for filming enough civilian scenes to cover part of Zeo. That, or maybe they had to compensate for Karan Ashley wanting out at the time.

  7. Good to see Samurai Karasu finish this story arc. This was the last mmpr episode I seen on tv. And if it weren't for the season 2 shenanigans, I would have tuned in more for season 3. I regretted it, but I remember coming back and watching these 3 Master Vile episodes, and remembered how good this show originally was. Pity it was taken off air, and I never truly appreciated the franchise until it was gone. Power rangers Zeo came back on tv, like 2 years later. It was quite a time gap, don't recall what happened between then, but i heard it weren't good, lol.

    1. Alien Rangers was a pile of fucking shit.

    2. Yup, it was just added to the Power Rangers Youtube channel today and the most interesting things were the Zeo Quest and Hydro Hog.

  8. Glad to have you back. Hope everything works out and you can eventually get into Zeo

  9. Hi! I've wasted half my summer reading your blog. You're wonderful, thank you for doing these. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on the 2017 movie and Power/Rangers 2015. And maybe the new comics? Keep it up!

    1. Do you mean you're still in the process of catching up, or did you miss these because you only used the Episode Guide links?

  10. I was so inspired by reading all this that I wrote a reunion movie script.

    When Angel Grove is devastated by a vicious alien attack, Jason Scott, Kim Hart, Zack Taylor, and Dr. Tommy Oliver team up with Trini Tran (daughter of Trini Kwan) for one last adventure as the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Their adversary is the terrifying Romulus - a monster formerly known as Billy Cranston.

    Starring the original MMPR cast.

    Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and mild language.


    What do you think?

    1. I think Trini naming her daughter after herself is kinda cheesy.

    2. Thank you. All feedback appreciated. :-)

  11. Glad to see this. Though I'm worried that its now august and this is the only one so far.

  12. Hey, have been reading your reviews as i have been rewatching this show with my 4yr old daughter and have loved your reviews so much. Was so good to have a uk perspective of this show as an adult who watched it as a kid when it first aired as i did. Hope everythings sorted after the whole toys r us debacle and really hope you continue this again some day.

  13. All Together Power Rangers.April 14, 2019 at 2:05 PM

    Ever seen the Turbo episode "ALarmed and Dangerous?" The morale it tries to teach is the most rotten in history. The episode is about the Infamous Blue Ranger being bullied by some shithead named Reggie. Then we learn at the end that Reggie (who has been nothing but a massive bastard) is a bully because his father was absent as well. The episode then implies heavily that bullies will stop bullying you if you become thier friend. Therefore, you should hang out with the people that bully you for thier benefit. Rotten to the core and actually very dangerous as it can lead to assault,suicide, and murder in some extreme cases. Saban may have the budget of a toothpick, but that's no excuse for this morale. The episode as a whole it also crap with the villains setting off alarms to bomb the fire service just because. Fire engine becomes a monster, kicks Rangers ass, they don't summon the Zords, kill the thing with thier sidearms, and then this rotten morale to end things. Say what you will about (Super) Megaforce but it's still entertainingly bad and it's plots make actual sense.

    1. Anti-bullying things from longer ago than about 10 years are almost always incredibly awful because there was a society-wide notion that it wasn't really a big deal and also because the people giving the advice didn't really think of the problem as "The victim is being bullied" so much as "The victim is causing a disruption by complaining about being bullied."

    2. All Together Power RangersOctober 1, 2019 at 6:12 PM

      That tends to happen when writers with the average age of 40 write what is supposed to be a relatable kid character. THis is still possibly the worst taught morale of all time. However, since i wrote that first comment, i watched "The Rival Ranger" which ended up teaching that being an asshole to your friends allows you to get your way. Ashley and Cassie are dicks to each other and what do they get? To go to the dance with Justin which is exactly what they wanted (sort of). It's not the orst episode of Power Rangers but it's the second worst after "Cassie's Best Friend" whicn, no fucking joke, makes "Crystal of Nightmares" look like Citizen Kane.

  14. I'm not gonna lie. Alien Rangers is the worst start to finish series of TV I've ever fucking seen. Season 8 Spongebob, Adult Party, Allan Gregory, and Turbo don't have shit on this mini-series. At least Turbo had some gold, Alan Gregory can be enjoyed by asshole rich people, APC could appeal to fans of grossout, and Sponge-bob season 8 "Drive Thru." This is shit concentrated down into a 10 episodes of pure fucking garbage. The dialogue makes season 1 look like Citizen Kane, the intro is one of the worst I've ever heard due to them editing in the word @alien@ which leads to these really shit pauses between @go go@ and @Rangers", the editing barely functions, the filters over the voiices make me cringe (and i've sat through Cassie's Best Friend and "A Drive to Win" which had this line, "if I knew cheer-leading would be this hard I'd have joined the army"), the acting is below abysmal, and "The Alien Trap" is one of the outright worst episodes of the series. Seriousl, you could at least enjoy "Big Sisters" and "The Ninja Encounter-part II" from a jopke point of view in the same way as The Room. Seriously man, DO NOT do them or they'll do you in. Legitimately, they're so bad that i nearly cried from frustration. They're not the orst (CBF takes the cake for that and is so bad it took all of the passion out of someone who watched 200 episodes and legitimately made him want to die because how can there be any faith in humanity if someone can write such an...abomination and think it's okay) but they're really really fucking close.

  15. If anyone is wondering, there is a odd reason in the Sentai why Vile shrugged off the Shogun MegaFalconzord in Kakuranger. In Japan, Daimaou was the embodiment of all hatred and evil in the world, being empowered by hate over thousands of years to the point that killing him was impossible and any attacks would literally just make him more powerful. Essentially, he was the demonic Japanese version of Obi Wan Kenobi. The only way they actually got rid of him was by sealing him away forever behind the Youkai Gate (whose entrance was used as the litter door for Ninjor's temple).

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