Monday, July 10, 2017

The Tale of the Nameless .GIF.

So I spend quite a bit of time staring at images of Power Rangers episodes. It's a pretty natural thing to do when you make a blog about the series, but this week finally broke me. I was watching A Different Shade of Pink Part 2, and I created this particular .gif.

Now let me pull back the curtain on how I make these dumbass posts, for all the none of you who care. Whenever I make a .gif, the name of the file is typically a joke. That means you get three jokes per image. One in the file title, one as the hover text, and one underneath each image. Which is because I am a goddamned psychopath and I think that making two jokes for an image I barely had one joke for is a great idea. So if you ever wonder why image names or alt text jokes are a little lacking, it's because I was at my wit's end and just struggled to come up with something. Anything

The image title is always the easiest though, because I know that not that many people are actually going to go out of their way to read the name of a goddamn .gif for an extra chuckle. Which is good, because that means it can be a mediocre joke, or occasionally just me being a big old piss boy about how this show for dumb babies is dumb and also for babies.

But then I made this .gif. And the easy part didn't happen. I knew it was amusing, I knew I wanted to post it, and I knew it should be in this write-up. But I had nothing. Absolutely friggin' nothing to title it. I had no jokes for what to put underneath it. I had no jokes for the alt text. And I couldn't even think of a dogshit joke to use for the file name. 

That's when I got into a legitimate funk. I was aghast at my lack of creativity. I've felt like I've been in a creative slump lately, and this godawful .gif is what proved it to me. I didn't have a joke or a pun or a witty remark. Nothing. I had failed my audience, and I ceased writing. The word document sitting on my computer has literally stopped at this point of the episode. 

See all that white space at the bottom? I spent the better part of 3 hours staring at it and feeling like I had nothing to say about this episode. It's still looking at me. Like it's mocking me for having nothing amusing or interesting to posit. I'm in a rut, and that Tenga knows it. It's humiliating.

I'm sorry for being so inconsistent lately, and I genuinely hope that my latest entries have been good despite my weird hang-ups. I just want to explain the emotional depths I sank to while making that moving image of a bird getting flung into a truck. I'm gonna take some time and give some extra effort to this post. Make it look better next week. All because I couldn't think of a joke for this goddamned bird.

Wait a sec...hold on.

"Rocky flips the bird."



  1. Eh, some of your newer reviews aren't quite as enthusiastic as your older ones, but I don't think anyone can blame you there. Not a lot to write about when they're pretty uniformly stupid or busy fellating Tommy Oliver. The props are falling apart, the villains are in a rut, the heroes are failing to get ANYTHING interesting done outside of the occasional fight, and even Bulk and Skull are boring. The only halfway funny character at this point is Rito, and that's just once in a blue moon.

    That's the kind of thing that really makes it hard to watch, and even harder to review, because you can only say "Pajama guy punches bird suit and it is the highlight of the episode" so many times before you run dry.

    Honestly, it kinda feels like you're losing interest and I can't blame you. Season 3 is mind-numbing. Alien Rangers, I barely remember, but given that they're Kaku suits against Kaku monsters the fights'll be more entertaining. Zeo at least tries to do new things pretty often, so I'm hoping you last long enough to see if that gets more interesting and brings you back into action.

    1. I don't know about that. Personally I love Season 3. I honestly think this season is where the stuff I love about Power Rangers actually starts.

      Course that's just my two cents.

    2. Hey, if you like it, you like it. Taste is subjective, after all.

    3. By season 3, I feel like everything that was left over from the first two seasons wasn't working any more, but around this point in the year they finally started to realize that continuing to squeeze some more life out of the original formula wasn't going to work and they actually started working toward making a show that could last indefinitely.

    4. I wanted to say season 3 is where the villains start to get out of their rut, although you could argue that all this Pink Ranger business is like running two of Tommy's arcs simultaneously just to allow for a more graceful exit than season 2 could.

      My recent look at Alien Rangers made me feel that they were still wasting a lot of usable Kakuranger footage--probably from having to trade the more humorous aspects of Kakuranger for the "humor" of monsters that all sound like stereotypes. At least the other stuff going on during that arc could be interesting whenever it wasn't blatant repetition, but mainly we bounce between annoying child actors and aliens that are weird enough to be annoying but not weird enough to really capture the imagination.

    5. I've watched one single episode of Alien Rangers in the past 25 years, but I seem to remember from way back when that the fight footage definitely had more swift footwork and tighter choreography, since they could finally lay back and roll the Japanese fight footage for the first time since the Robogoat episode.

      The encompassing plot leans too heavily on Pudgy Pig style storylines where the loss of a small pond of water represents a global water crisis. They lean on "Fish Person Needs Drink" so much that it becomes mockery. At least one episode has Billy running toward the camera with a water canteen, in dramatic slow-mo as if the Baywatch theme was playing for him.

    6. I might have even tolerated the "Ranger Needs Water Badly" stuff if they didn't go back and forth on whether the water needed to be specially purified or not...

  2. Thank you good people for understanding and discussing Season 3 as a whole. It gives me something to mull over while I wonder what the hell I'm doing here.

    I def don't want to imply that I think Season 3 is bad. I think that might be part of the problem actually. Season 2 was astoundingly bad. There was something so entertaining about how utterly horrible each of those goddamn things was. Season 3 has stepped it up in terms of quality, but I was hoping some of the awful and ludicrous elements of the previous season would carry over.

    When I asked that Monkey's Paw to end Season 2, I should have known something would go wrong.

    1. You know, if you ever think you want to experience more Season 2 silliness, you could always try to review that live stage show they put on back then.

  3. (The site ate my first post, so excuse me if it burps it back and these double up.)

    I can understand. There's nothing going on in this show. This is at the time in television where the first season of ER had it's rippling effect across the TV industry. George Clooney was on the cover of everything, networks were approving "Hot Doc" clones like Chicago Hope and Medicine Ball, and maybe that influenced Power Rangers to do an entire episode staged in a hospital. It was probably inevitable.

    Meanwhile, everyone's phoning it in. Zedd admits at one point that sending Rito and the Tengas are likely to fail but he'll do it anyway because it's what he does even if he's not invested in it anymore. Bulk & Skull have an implied six-floor (?!) drop where the viewer doesn't see anything, which isn't as satisfying as "Bulk falls down" or "Skull walks into door". There's two different battles with tengas. JDF tries to make lovey faces. There's not a lot of good to find here.

    On the brighter side, the monster is certainly peculiar, and Zedd's shoulder seems fixed and his upper abdomen is repaired and varnished. Now his ass-armor is starting to come off, but at least that isn't included in the shoulder-width shot.

    PS: I know you may not enjoy looking at Zedd's booty, but in an episode or two there's a scene filmed where the phrase "ripped a new one" becomes literal. Have fun staring at that red butt-cleavage until you see it.

  4. To be honest you not got too much further to go before you come to imo a great episode for the zord battles especially part 3 in master vile and the metallic armour. Then it more or less goes into starting the set up for zeo and series finale which actually unlike previous seasons ends in a bang literally ;) so hang in there samurai.

  5. I found this blog a few days ago, and have been binging it ever since. I'm nowhere near caught up, but I just wanted to tell you how much I'm enjoying it. You and I certainly had similar interests growing up, and the cultural references you make to the 90's don't go unappreciated. The very concept of a text-focused site like this is oddly nostalgic in and of itself, especially one that has me laughing out loud so often.

    More importantly than that, no matter how stupid and awful things get in this show, your own genuine love for it always manages to shine through. The kind of excitement you always exhibit whenever the show actually does something right brings ME right back to watching it as a kid.

    Anyway, yeah, no worries if you're having some trouble finding that drive at this point. During season 3, I still caught the show quite often, but it was no longer something I _had_ to rush home from school to catch. I know other people love it because of its greater emphasis on long-term storytelling, but most of the season to me just feels... safe and watered-down. Like they were SO exhausted from spending all of season 2 cutting footage from different Sentai together and dealing with half the cast leaving and moving the whole production to Australia. Also, and this is something that gets kind of ignored nowadays, but the way that moral guardians came at the show had a definite impact on it by this point.

    We never see unmorphed rangers using karate anymore, and even the foot soldier scenes are focused more around powers and special effects than anything else. The ground battles in general are just dull, and a _slightly_ better adherence to long-term storytelling can't make up for it.

    Fortunately, I'll echo what someone else said up there: Zeo really does pick it up. I think I was too young to appreciate it when I was a kid, but I recently had a really good time with it. I won't go into details so as not to spoil you on it, but maybe I'll chime in again during it and compare notes.

    Thank you for all your work on this blog!