Friday, July 1, 2016

MMPR Season 2 Episode 43: The Wedding Part 3

Snake Monster Forced into Piano Servitude
Dramole Avoids Social Interaction, Surprises No One 

Last week on Power Rangers, Rita Repulsa used magical drugs to force Lord Zedd into a sham marriage with her. Then the Power Rangers managed to escape the evil Specter Theater. For about two minutes. Then the ~Evil~ Alpha 5 sent them all back to the theater just in case the kids at home wanted to experience the same cliffhanger from Part 1 again.

Oh I'm sorry did you not have time to read those four sentences? Don't worry! This episode begins with Alpha reiterating everything that happened in Part 2 in case your mom was late picking you up from school yesterday. Or the script came back a few minutes short and the writers had to do something to fill time.

At Chateau De Zedd, Rita is panicking before the wedding gets underway. Squatt and Baboo try to help calm her down, but they're unable to offer much reprieve. Mostly because they're worthlessly stupid ancillary characters who provide nothing in terms of meaningful content to this franchise. Squatt says how excited he is to be the mutant of honor and h-WAIT A MINUTE! They did that exact same joke last week when Baboo said he wanted to be the monkey of dishonor. Why is everything in the start of this episode assuming we didn't watch last week? Why is this show a revolving door nightmare that I can't escape? 

Lord Zedd has Finster act as the pastor for the wedding, since he's the one thing in Zedd's palace that resembles something a loving God could create. When Goldar informs Zedd he wasn't able to book a musician on such short notice, Zedd flies into a PG rage over it. He insists that this wedding needs to be the swankiest shindig on the block, and how the fuck is he going to show off to Count Dregon if his wedding doesn't have some dope music? Zedd fires a bolt of energy at Snizard, which magics up a piano for the monster. It also forces Snizard into a little piano bench where he's commanded to play music for the procession. Jesus Christ. Are you wondering why nobody ever shows up to your parties Zedd?

Snizard piano
Saliguana brought a personal supply of hooch for this wedding

When Zedd asks if Snizard can play the Wedding March on that piano, the monster responds "If you hum a few bars I can fake it."

When did my sassy gay uncle start writing for this show?

With Snizard on the pipes, Rita waltzes into Zedd's throne room. The monsters all politely feign interest in this ridiculous charade of a marriage while Finster bleats out some bullshit about matrimony. When he asks if anyone present knows why these two should not be wed, Goldar pipes up with a few suggestions. Rita doesn't take this attempt to sabotage the happiest day of her life very well.

Anyone else remember when Goldar was a badass warrior?

Finster tells the evil overlords it's time to consummate their marriage with a kiss. Rita asks if she really has to, but ends up smooching the grate-faced Satan. A bunch of horrific mutants applaud the depressing reality these two losers must now live in, and the party gets underway.

If you think you've been to some snazzy wedding after-parties, you ain't seen nothing yet. Lord Zedd and Rita dance with one another while all the monsters and Z-Putties dick around for a solid two minutes. It's actually one of the best scenes in this episode because of how bugnuts crazy it is. It's nothing but a chunk of one-off sight gags that don't overstay their welcome, even when they fall flat. 

Eye Guy popping one of his eyeballs into a punch bowl does nothing for me, but Invenusable Fly Trap and Grumble Bee shattering each others' glasses when they attempt a toast is right up my alley. Also there's this incredibly inexplicable moment that encapsulates exactly why you should watch this episode right away.

Robogoat wedding
It's been 20 years and I'm still flabbergasted by this.

Also, a fun bit of trivia for you nerds out there. Hava Nagila is playing during the wedding party. That confirms many fan suspicions that Lord Zedd is actually Jewish! Oh wait did I say fan suspicions? I got those mixed up with my letters from the Ku Klux Klan again. My mistake.

I keep wanting to move away from this insane wedding scene, but I just can't escape. There's so much ridiculous shit going on here. I have to comment on the fact that all of the monsters and Putties are dancing together, having a good time, all that shit. Except for Dramole. Typical Lutheran right? The monster I've sarcastically called a loser and a loner who can't enjoy any kind of human contact is standing in the corner at a wedding. Something you might have done if you ever recall wearing basketball shorts to a wedding and asking the open bar if they serve Fanta.

Sorry, I'm just a bit tickled that I added character to a monster as a joke, then the show decided to grant me a blessing and make me accidentally accurate. What a time to be alive.

Back inside of the Specter Theater, the Power Rangers are having a difficult time keeping up with the monsters. Not only are Peckster and Rhinoblaster beating on them, but Zedd's added a batch of Z-Putties to the mix! Not Z-Putties! The Rangers don't even have their powers anymore, how can they expect to beat foot soldiers that were bested by a dodgeball thrown by grade-schoolers?

Even though the Rangers are repeatedly said to not be in possession of their powers, they still manage to completely overwhelm Peckster and Rhinoblaster. Rocky even punches the floor so hard that it causes Rhinoblaster to tumble backwards. Since the theater cuts off their powers does that mean the energy fist thing is something Rocky can do by himself? Maybe the writers forgot why they were in this theater in the first place and just told the crew to film a fight scene. Who cares? We've got a wedding to get to.

Oh yeah and Tommy beats Peckster by stomping on his foot. Way to go shitbird.

While the Rangers are busy, Lord Zedd asks Rita what wedding present she got for him. If that sounds like an awkward and out of place piece of dialogue, then you must not realize what show I've been writing about for a hundred fucking episodes. Rita teases Zedd with her promise of the Rangers getting trapped in a haunted mansion with a crow and a rhinoceros. She asks that Zedd's present to her should be a trip to Earth where they can watch the Rangers get murdered. So the gift you got your husband for your wedding is conditional and requires effort on his part? Christ almighty Rita, you're sure starting this marriage off on the wrong foot. Hope Finster can sculpt a nice clay prenup.

Zedd, doting sweetheart that he is, takes Rita up on her demands. He takes his blushing bride aboard Serpentera where they enjoy a beautiful honeymoon stroll across the galaxy. This culminates in one of the most ridiculous looking effects shots in all of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Take a look.

Photoshop 95.jpg

Inside of the theater, the Rangers fuss and fidget over how they weren't able to finish off the monsters. Even though the last scene we had with said monsters involved them getting humiliated by our heroes. It wasn't a fight on equal footing or anything like that. It was two idiots in rubber animal suits getting kicked around like the hunks of garbage they are. Why are we supposed to feel worried about the Power Rangers? They're dealing with an animal version of Bulk and Skull. They're doing just fine.

Well that's what I thought, until Peckster decided to check up on the Rangers.


JESUS. WHY DID HE DO THAT? HOW DID HE DO THAT? Okay I'm…I'm fine. It's just that his head's floaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Back in Australia, Bulk and Skull continue harassing the wildlife. They see a koala carrying its baby upon its back, and they decide to do as the natives do. Skull climbs onto Bulk's back and then Skull complains about…something? Then he falls off? What the fuck? You can't even write "Bulk gets tired and falls with Skull on his back?" The most basic punchline in the history of punchlines and this show dove away from it like it was a speeding bullet. This show works harder to avoid comedy than it did to mask half of its cast quitting.

The Rangers recall a lesson they learned from the hit talk show, "Harvey Garvey Night Live," and decide to use their brain power since their magical pajama powers aren't working. All they have to do is outsmart the monsters to escape, but how can they do that? Perhaps they can cause the two creatures to bicker wi-they drop a net on them. That's it. That's them using their brain power. They Planet of the Apes Peckster and Rhinoblaster. We were told how the Rangers needed to outsmart the monsters and that's the best they could do?

Keep limping to that finish line Power Rangers.

So that's the end of Peckster and Rhinoblaster? I guess that means they're trapped inside that theater forever, doomed to eat one another when the hunger settles in. Sweet dreams kids!

Wow that net sure is incapacitating Peckster.

Aboard Serpentera, Zedd and Rita sing a rousing round of "99 Bottles of Slime on the Wall" with one another. It's actually a cute bit of continuity, because this is the same song Rita was singing to herself when Lord Zedd initially captured her in the space dumpster. I'd also like to posit that slime is an incredibly hard form of liquor out in space, so this song is still about getting completely shitfaced.

Goldar decides to ruin the romance by getting in contact with Rita and Zedd. Hoping that he caught them in the middle of coitus, Goldar is disappointed to find that Rita and Zedd are still in the singing portion of their honeymoon, and he has to break the bad news to them. The Power Rangers have escaped the Specter Theater and are on a fast-track to the Command Center. Why would Rita send the Rangers to a theater that zaps the Rangers powers, but is still located within walking distance of their home base? Sometimes I think the villains actually want to lose.

On Zedd's orders, all of the party guests are commanded to attack the Power Rangers before they can reach Zordon's loving embrace. As the Rangers try to make their way through the desert, Saliguana and Invenusable Fly Trap emerge to assault them. As soon as they escape those monsters, Soccadillo and Rhinoblaster pop up. Wasn’t Rhinoblaster caught in a net no more than two minutes ago? Uh no, you're being crazy. Stop making things up.

The Rangers spot the Command Center and make a mad dash towards it. Well, the maddest dash that you're going to get from actors inside hot spandex that you stuck in the middle of the desert. Thankfully they move quick enough to evade a special guest monster who was late to the wedding.

Lizzinator Robogoat
A tender lovers embrace

Oh good to see the Lizzinator could make it! For an inexplicable three-second cameo. Why the fuck was he even included here? I mean don't get me wrong, I love the Lizzinator. I just don't know why they added him into the monster melee when there are a bunch of other monsters that could have fit the bill. Not only that, but he only has one line in this scene. Instead of doing a goofy Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, he sounds like an old Jewish grandfather. How do you remember to include a monster named Lizzinator in an episode, but forget to give him the one thing that made him distinct vocally? Why not give Robogoat the line instead? Why not call someone who can do some horrible Arnold impression for this line if you want to include it so bad? Why not stop caring about a children's television show made 20 years ago and do something more productive with your life? 

Rita and Zedd notice that their dweeb monsters are failing to capture the Rangers, but Zedd remains calm. Though the Rangers managed to reach the Command Center, he reminds his dearly beloved that the Rangers can't stay locked up in there forever. Once they leave, they'll be face to face with an army of rampaging wedding guest monsters. A premise that shows some serious promise any way you slice it. Now let's see how badly it gets botched.

Now it's time for a scene composed entirely of stock footage that's meant to convey a scenario we've never dealt with in the show. Yippee Skippee.

The Rangers confront ~Evil~ Alpha while saying lines from other episodes that are cut together to kind of form a coherent scene. But not really. The Rangers are heard in voice-over asking Alpha 5 where Zordon is, and then we cut inside the Command Center to see them all looking at Zordon's tube. As if he was there and talking to them, but our actors are in Australia so we can't have them film scenes inside the Command Center so we have to show you this recycled pigshit.

Billy yanks the magic CD out of Alpha's back, turning him back to normal. Damn. I wanted sassy Alpha 5 for the rest of the series. To make matters even worse, the Rangers drag Zordon back from the depths of Hell. He doesn't even have his silly hair and glasses anymore! Those were the best things that happened to this show in years and now they're both gone. I haven't been this disappointed since that girl I went out with told me she didn't like Kakuranger. Sorry sweetheart, you can handle the check. I've got standards to uphold.

The supposed reunion is short-lived, as Zedd has made his monster guests grow and rampage around Angel Grove. So which ones did he make grow? Did he bring Pumpkin Rapper back off-screen to fight them? Did he pull Terror Blossom's corpse out of the garbage and make him giant?

Oh wait…no. The Rangers summon their Zords and are brought face to face with Saliguana, Robogoat, Dramole, Grumble Bee, Soccadillo, and Eye Guy.

Now that's what I'm talking about. Not a collection of the best monsters we've ever seen, but a pretty solid gathering. The most we've ever seen the Rangers battle at once in a Zord fight. It's a little strange that we're missing quite a few of the wedding guests, but I'd imagine it's because Peckster and Rhinoblaster had all of their footage used up in last week's episode. And I'm not entirely sure what Lizzinator was even doing here so maybe he went to go play blackjack at the Angel Grove Casino.

The Thunder Megazord and the White Tigerzord are formed to confront this gaggle of Zyu2 (and one Zyu) monsters. While I've complained about the splice battles frequently, this one actually works out quite possibly the best of any of them. Each of the monsters gets a chance to display its abilities against the two Megazords, and no monster is ever focused on for too long to become obnoxious. Just when you get tired of seeing Grumble Bee (immediately), we cut to a fight with Eye Guy. It's all obviously spliced together, but it manages to somehow overcome that limitation and almost feel like a genuine fight.

Obviously we never see any of the monsters on-screen with each other, or with the Zords, but somehow this scene just works. Even back when I was a kid I got so excited by this fight. It holds a special place in my heart for bringing some of my favorite monsters, and also Grumble Bee, into the fray against the Thunderzord fleet. The Rangers are totally outnumbered, and the best part of this whole scene?

When they actually win.

White Tiger Thunderbolt gif
Why did that fireball have a slash effect?

No seriously. It's fucking awesome. The end of the fight is just an onslaught of monster murder. All with the Power Rangers theme song playing triumphantly as the six monsters get iced. It's absolute perfect. Saliguana, Soccadillo, and Dramole get finished by the Thunder Saber, while Eye Guy, Grumble Bee, and Robogoat are destroyed by the White Tiger Thunderbolt. It's a little repetitive, but it's so damn satisfying. Mwah.

Back onboard Serpentera, Rita bitches out Zedd for completely botching such a wonderful and foolproof plan as "Put Rangers inside Ghost House." Lord Zedd gets sick of this nagging she-devil harping on him and declares that his wife had better show him some goddamned respect. She tells him if he wants to get some of her sweet witch trim tonight he had better zip his metal lips before she knocks his radiator face right off. Tsk tsk tsk Zedd. If only you'd illustrated proper negging techniques, none of this would have ever happened. Now you're just another pussified libfem cuckfiend. #MGTOW

The Ranger Teens successfully make it back to Australia after their harrowing battle, but Alpha 5 realizes he hasn't quite unfucked things from back when he was evil. He catches a glimpse of Bulk and Skull feeding an adorable little kangaroo and decides to rob them of the one joy in their cold dead lives. Alpha 5 teleports the boys back to their tour group, where they decide that this trek through the Aussie wilderness was all one big hallucination. Yeah if I were Bulk and or Skull I would have a hard time believing something good happened to me too.

Alpha 5 apologizes to Zordon for acting like an actual character for two episodes and Zordon says he forgives him for that horrible transgression. Then a smile crosses Alpha's disgusting robo-lips as he looks to Zordon. He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Zordon.

Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Disembodied Monster Heads

Personal Thoughts

No matter how pissy I might have sounded in this write-up, I really love "The Wedding Part 3." It's got excellent villain interactions, great action, and the Rangers are treated as complete afterthoughts until it's time for a fight. Something I'm perfectly fine with to be honest. If Power Rangers isn't going to develop their hero characters, the least they can do is develop the villains. It's a trend that's been noticeably apparent the last few episodes. Zedd and Goldar are getting much funnier lines than any of the boy scout troop diarrhea the Ranger Teens have to spew. It feels like the writers are actually enjoying themselves while writing for the villains, and that shines through during Zedd and Rita's interactions.

I'm going to be talking more about these two and how their characters progress after the marriage. There's no reason to be vague about it either, the marriage between Rita and Zedd is one of the best things the writers of Power Rangers ever came up with. It really spices up the dynamic of the show…though maybe not immediately. We'll see how Season 2 sticks this landing.

I can't emphasize how much I love the Zord battle against the six wedding guest monsters. As a kid it was one of the most mind-blowing things I ever saw. It's pretty silly to get so excited over something so ridiculous, but fuck it man. That was the coolest thing in the world to me. I even acted out the scene where the monsters got hit by the finishing moves and did different gestures as they died. I don't remember why I thought that was a good idea. Maybe I should have asked friends if they wanted to come over instead.

Ah fuck it. I had fun.


  1. As terrible as the effect was, the visual gag of Serpentera trailing a 'Just Married' sign did make me laugh.

    1. Agreed - it was dumb, and it looked terrible, but it was still charming, somehow...

  2. I enjoyed the George Baboorwell quote at the end.

  3. While 99 Bottles of Slime may be a space drinking song, the best children's show scene where the characters gets hammered remains the episode of Transformers where Megatron and the Decepticons get wasted, I mean over energized, on Energon.

  4. Look, if you're going to film stuff in my country, can you please at least have the courtesy to include a bunch of inaccurate bullshit that I can complain about? Otherwise what the hell is the point?!

    Maybe next trilogy....