Friday, March 16, 2018

Anyone Got A Job?

I'm not sure how forthcoming I've been with the information in the past, but I've been employed with Toys "R" Us for nearly 7 years now. Fitting for someone whose hobbies include talking about Power Rangers and collecting Power Rangers-based merchandise, right?

Well, I'm sure many of you have seen the news that Geoffrey the Giraffe is being put out to pasture. All of the R Us locations are being shut down, and now people won't be able to shop in our colorful, expensive, poorly-staffed locations any longer.

Sorry, that's not fair. As tough as it's been, and as much as I fucking loathe selling people credit cards with a 30% interest mark-up, it's been fun. It's an environment where you don't need to take yourself too seriously and you can have fun with your job. Obviously I'm none too excited to learn I'll be losing my job (along with another 30,000 employees,) but it stings even worse knowing how comfortable I was in the position. It's really frustrating to build up rapport with a company for so long only for the rug to be pulled out from underneath you in an instant.

Naturally the week that I promise to finally update my fucking blog is the week that I'm informed I'll be losing my job in two months.

I apologize to all of you intensely. If you'd be kind enough to give me another week, I'd appreciate it. As you can imagine, I've been a bit preoccupied with the news that I only have another two months of employment to look forward to. While that's been disheartening in and of itself, it's been just as irritating fielding frequent phone calls from people who are only concerned when we'll be marking items down.

Not too sure! It'll likely be when I don't have a job anymore, cunt-face.

I've been spending a nice chunk of this week looking for a new job, because holy lordy I'm going to need money if I want to keep buying those fucking Ranger Keys. What else do people do with money? Invest? Buy houses? Child's play. You show me a man who doesn't know the value of a Black Condor Key, and I'll show you a man who's never lived a day in his life.

What was I talking about? New jobs? Yeah I should probably keep looking for one of those.

I feel like an absolute piece of shit, but I can at least tell everyone that I'm more than 3/4ths done with the episode. Compare that to the paltry 1/6th I had done before I took my extended hiatus. I'm almost there, everybody.

Alternatively; if anyone wants to give me a 6 figure job for writing about a space ghoul getting punched in the tits by a flying ninja chimera, everyone's problems may end up being solved!


  1. Funny enough, I was looking at positions at a Baby R Us near me just a month ago. While I'm not shocked that TRU is dying (it's no longer carries the "Disneyland in your own backyard" prestige it used to, and parents would rather avoid the place entirely), I figured that Baby chain would be worth something to some investor. They had a lot more locations open around my city than TRU, and parents often go to baby stores because a specialized inventory and a clientele with a need, not a want. Your child wants toys, but babies have needs.

    1. I just read that BRU will be maintaining its registries & honoring gift cards for a while longer, & that TRU is looking for somebody to purchase BRU from them to keep it open, for exactly that reason.

  2. I've heard good things about Blockbuster and RadioShack. Maybe dabble with investments. I know this guy named Murdoch, he can get you started.

  3. Don't beat yourself up. We're just glad to be hearing from ya.

  4. Samurai, from one fanboy to the next, hang in there. Glad to finally see the context of the hiatus, and I understand.

  5. Hey man, at least now we know you're still alive, here's hoping you find a new job soon