Tuesday, September 22, 2015

MMPR Season 2 Episode 4: The Wanna-Be Ranger


Shapeshifting Gorilla Harasses Soccer Playing Robot
Sociopaths Bemused as Automaton Is Punished For Several Millenia   























With Lord Zedd now in control of Rita Repulsa's minions, the Power Rangers have found themselves in a difficult position. Our heroes realize the severity this new threat possesses after he proved his superiority by annihilating their Dinozords without a second thought. His powers could easily dominate them at any moment and unless they're cautious, he could annihilate all six of them in one fell swoop. With his reign of terror only just beginning, the Ranger Teens focus their efforts on being ready for his next plan of attack. They sharpen their bodies, minds, and hearts while preparing themselves for the onslaught of dangerous beasts he may send their way.

But all that happened off camera and now the Ranger Teens are shooting some hoops!

It seems so crazy that after the last three weeks produced such astounding developments, it's back to business as usual for the Ranger Teens. They watched their Dinozords burn to death in front of them and the very next week they're all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. Power Rangers goes through insane whiplash whenever it has some kind of serious multi-part miniseries because there's always guaranteed to be some episodic goofery following on its heels.

However, I have zero right to be shocked by what Season 2 is doing. A multi episode saga succeeded by an episode that begins with our heroes playing basketball and funning around the court? Well Season 1 would NEVER do something like that. It almost feels relaxing that this is how the show follows up all that drama from the previous few episodes. The Ranger Teens have a good time on the court and won't let Zedd get them down. It informs the audience not to worry, because even if the toys the Rangers are shilling change, their core attitudes will not.

Now give them all an actual character then we'll be cooking with gas.

As we watch the Ranger Teens play basketball, it becomes clear that only five of them are on the court. Apparently Zack didn't get an invitation to come play ball with the rest of them, because Jason's had a long day at school and the last thing he needs is to get clowned on the basketball court by his ex.

Billy, Jason, and Tommy all slam dunk the ball while the girls watch and cheer because their toys don't sell as well. While she stands on the sidelines, Kimberly is suddenly attacked by an extra from Time of the Apes.

The most well designed monster costume yet.

Just kidding! It was Zack dressed up as a gorilla playing a weird prank on Kimberly for no real reason. Zack says he was in the costume because he was using it to perform at his little cousin's birthday party. He's certainly not dressed like an ape because a bunch of old white people saw nothing wrong with dressing their one black actor in a gorilla outfit, what an absurd notion. The second hand embarrassment I felt for Paul Schrier wearing pig boxers? I feel triple that for Walter Jones being forced to wear a monkey costume.

Zack ditches the ape suit to play basketball and regain some dignity, but before he can get in the game Zordon calls the Rangers. He tells the teens to get their asses to the Command Center PDQ because there's an emergency they need to tend to right away.

The Ranger Teens teleport and ask what Zedd's up to now, but Zordon says the emergency has nothing to do with any actual danger or threat, but that he needs to recharge his head tube batteries because of a cosmic misalignment or some other bullshit sci-fi gobbledygook. That means Zordon won't be around to tell us that Zedd's newest monster is the most dangerous thing the world has ever seen this week, how will the Rangers survive?

There's one thing about this goofy nonsense explanation for Zordon's de-ionizing that has always stuck in my craw. We just finished the big introduction of Lord Zedd the past three episodes, he's a huge deal and clearly a major threat. Wouldn't it showcase how dangerous he is to tie his appearance to Zordon's need to recharge? Say that Zedd's emergence necessitated this recharging, or that the creation of the Thunderzords took energy out of Zordon that he needs to regain. Instead it's completely random happenstance that happens here because the writers don't care what happened last week.

Granted this is only getting into my initial point that this show has trouble making episodic plotlines flow with overarching multi-parters and I'm a petty enough nerd to whine about it. No need to thank me, just doing my due diligence.

Zordon shuts down after telling the Rangers to listen for Alpha's signal, and not to touch any of his stuff while he's gone. Jason asks the stupid little robot to alert them to any danger the second he notices something, which Alpha 5 happily obliges before the Ranger Teens head back to Angel Grove. After they leave, Alpha immediately begins to pout about how lonely he's going to be in the Command Center all by himself without someone to bark orders at him all day. Maybe when Zordon comes back the Rangers can help Alpha 5 through his Stockholm Syndrome.

Zedd sees a golden opportunity to strike now that Zordon is out of commission. His plan this week is to use a monster named Primator to make the Power Rangers destroy each other via unspecified means. Zedd fires an energy bolt at the body he wishes to give his new monster, Zack's monkey costume. The very same one that he was arbitrarily wearing so we could explain why the Rangers are fighting an ape monster today. 

IT'S THE YETAY!

Instead of keeping an eye on anything that could be dangerous or threatening, such as the monster Lord Zedd made no less than 2 seconds ago, Alpha finds himself bored and begins observing the park through the Viewing Globe. The Viewing Globe shows an image of a scared little boy running around the park while holding a soccer ball and calling out for his lost mommy. Alpha begins to contact the Rangers before he comes to a brilliant conclusion.

Instead of staying put inside of the Command Center where he can observe actual threats to the world at large, Alpha can leave and go rescue some kid whose mom is probably off having a smoke behind the porta-johns. So to sum up Alpha's plan: He will leave the only place on Earth where he can be alerted to monster attacks, as well as the only place he can contact the Rangers to have them quash Zedd's plans. He's doing this not only because a child is scared, but because he's bored of standing around. 

Alpha 5, this planet is about to get completely cocked sideways and it's going to be your fault. All because you didn't feel like reading a fucking magazine till Zordon got back. Thanks for nothing dickhead.

As Alpha goes through the teleportation stream, Bulk and Skull wander through the park holding microphones and headsets trying to listen for the Power Rangers. They stop for a moment when they think they hear something, only to be met with Alpha teleporting right in front of them. The morons start screaming and running away in fast motion because whoever wrote this script couldn't think of anything entertaining for them to do. 

Alpha encounters the lost little boy named Dylan and says he's here to be Dylan's new mommy as she was probably murdered by one of the soulless demons that routinely attack their city. Alpha suggests that he and Dylan stay put and wait for his mom to find the two of them, and informs the young boy the most important thing to do when you're lost is to stay put. Also if any of you kids out there get lost, make sure to listen to any stranger you run into and do whatever they tell you to. They're just a friendly robot who works for superheroes and wants nothing but the best for you.

Dylan, happy to have a friend wearing a cheap looking robot costume, asks if Alpha wants to play soccer with him. Alpha 5 asks his new companion what the fuck that stupid shit is, and Dylan reads some cue cards off camera to inform the android that "soccer is a game where you kick a ball with your foot." I don't like to criticize child actors, but of all the lines you can't memorize, how the hell was that the one that gave that kid trouble?

While Dylan teaches a robot how to love, Primator shows up in the bushes and witnesses this unholy friendship. On Zedd's command, the Primator starts to strut his stuff.

Alright David in this scene you're going to beat your ch- David? Where are you going?

Alpha kicks the soccer ball the best he can, but it lands right into !Billy's! hands. Then comes the weirdest moment in this entire goddamned episode.

Alpha sees Billy has caught him red handed not inside the Command Center and gets nervous that he's in trouble. That's when !Billy! says, in absolute complete sincerity, "You are a naughty naughty little boy aren't you Alpha?" Shit I'm sorry everyone, I must have turned on This Ain't the Power Rangers: A XXX Porn Parody by mistake. So by now you must think I'm totally making this up right? Just taking the piss out of this old show by being a jerk?

Never doubt me again.

Alpha tries to defend himself but !Billy! screams at him for being so juicy and sexy. He demands that Alpha take him back to the Command Center. Alpha sadly bows his head, while !Billy! looks into the reflective surface of Alpha's chrome dome. His face morphs from !Billy! to Primator, which Alpha finds suspect. His human friends may just be glorified apes, but he doesn't remember any of them looking like that.

Primator suddenly drops the disguise and starts throttling Dylan. The young soccer player defends himself by stomping on the ape's foot which allows him to escape. Alpha tells Dylan to get far away while Primator starts assaulting Alpha instead. The monster demands Alpha tell him how to get to the Command Center, but Alpha 5 responds by tapping a bunch of buttons on his chest. Alpha's body slumps to the ground as the cyborg claims he's initiated his self-destruct sequence and now everything will be fine.

Yeah, Alpha's just going to commit suicide but everything will be hunky dory. All because some big ape shoved him and asked where the Command Center was. Oh well, at least you got to learn how to play soccer before you were sent to Robot Hell.

Lord Zedd angrily tells Primator to stop wasting time following his vague orders from earlier and go destroy the Power Rangers. Primator teleports away while silently cursing the fact his wishy washy emperor can't make up his goddamned mind what needs to come first. The monster appears in front of the Youth Center where he uses his transformation powers to morph into Zack. There he begins to seek out more cast members he can refer to as naughty naughty boys.

!Zack! heads into the Youth Center where he encounters Trini and Kimberly and tells them there's an emergency. Tommy's limp dick powers are failing him and Zedd's Putties are trashing him at the north side of the park. Instead of asking why Zack didn't stick around to help out and left their friend to die, Kimberly and Trini believe him wholeheartedly and run off to help Tommy. If Zordon ever picks a group of Power Rangers again, maybe it would benefit him to make sure they aren't naïve morons who believe everything they hear. 

When Trini and Kimberly reach the park, they try to contact Jason and ask if he knows where Tommy is. Unfortunately, none of the other four Ranger Teens are able to respond as they are all in Billy's lab wearing big sound concealing earmuffs. What are they doing? Why looking at assorted science props of course!

Of all the days you guys chose to do this experiment you picked now? When Zordon explicitly told you to be watching for Alpha's signal? Even IF Alpha had alerted you guys to the Primator you fucking morons wouldn't have known it was on the loose. Alpha 5's impending suicide is now retroactively half your fault, congrats.

Having fallen for Zedd's trap, Kimberly and Trini are ambushed by the Z-Putties in the park. Kimberly reminds the kids at home that they need to aim for the Z, and the fight begins. The girls make up for their mediocre display on the basketball court with a pretty bangin' Putty fight which consists of some really sweet martial arts moves. It's a lot more satisfying than I expected from a Putty fight and you can tell the choreography in the show is starting to improve big time. 

TiL: Yoga pants existed in the 90's.

The show abruptly cuts back to the Youth Center where the other four Ranger Teens are hanging out while Tommy shows off some super rad karate moves to the other three. What happened to that incredibly important science experiment you guys were conducting in Billy's lab a few minutes ago? Oh right that was an experiment on the atomic neutrino fields of plot convenience.

The girls run in and ask Tommy why he's doing karate after that definitely real story about losing his powers. Tommy says his powers are doing fine, and also he really likes to do karate in case they had yet to notice. The girls start getting pissy with Zack for lying to them about Tommy and his garbage powers. Zack is confused because he's yet to become privy to the 6 foot tall gorilla masquerading as him. Jason tells them to chill out their crazy female brains because Zack's been hanging out with the dude rangers all day and couldn't possibly have talked to them. Kimberly begins connecting the dots that the Tommy she was making out with earlier might not have been him either.

Tommy suggests contacting Alpha to see what the hell is going on, but receives no signal from their robot friend. Oh well I'm sure he's doing fine and the Communicators are just malfunctioning.

Back in the park, Alpha 5's body continues to shut down as the robot waits for his approaching death. Dylan holds Alpha's hand as he realizes he's going to lose his second mommy today.

When the Rangers reach the Command Center, Zordon reappears and asks them what in the blue fuck hell is going on around here. He left for 10 goddamn minutes and now the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Zordon informs the Rangers that his dumbass robot is about to blow itself up in front of a little boy. However that's not important, because some gorilla is down by the docks looking for a cheap hay-jay and that shit doesn't fly on Zordon's turf.

Upon learning of the Primator's disguising abilities, the Ranger Teens put the pieces together on what happened earlier and morph to combat the monster. Primator tries to act tough but the Rangers have seen through his shape-shifting malarkey and won't be fooled by him again. They perform a standard karate pose before seeing Zordon has added a new member to their team.

He was right in front of you. How did you idiots let this happen?

The writers break out into a cold sweat when they realize what this means. Two Trinis? We couldn't write a character for one of them. How the hell are we going to handle two? The rest of the Rangers try to discern which of these Trinis is fake. Tommy tries asking her what her last name is, and one of the Trini's proudly says that it's Kwan. The other five Rangers shift around awkwardly when they realize they don't know if that's true.

Jason comes up with a better plan that doesn't involve actually know something about Trini. Both Yellow Rangers will fight him, and then Jason will be able to tell whose style belongs to the real Trini. The rest of the Rangers agree. Before the fight begins, one of the Trini's realizes she can't possibly hurt her friend and stands down. The 2nd Yellow Ranger has no such trepidation and leaps to attack Jason when the other Rangers blast her with their Blade Blasters, causing her to morph back into Primator. Silly monster, you broke the cardinal rule. The real Trini would NEVER do something. 

The Primator becomes furious and unleashes a double sided spear weapon to attack the rangers. The monster slashes at the Rangers with his weapon before Jason has enough of it and brings out his Power Sword. Jason hacks the monster's spear in half, prompting the Primator to charge through the Rangers like the stupid ape he is. The monster shows the Power Rangers exactly what he thinks of them.

Spank that butt till it's a big red baboon booty tho.

Zack finds this monkey smacking its ass at them absolutely disgraceful and leaps at the fleeing monster before it can escape. Primator and Zack have a brief battle on top of a tall ledge overlooking the harbor. During their battle, the two fighters fall onto the ground below while the other Rangers call out for Zack to be careful or he won't get the deposit back on that costume.

When the Rangers head down to Zack's location, they find the Black Ranger and ask if he's alright. He responds by sucker punching Jason in the face, and is soon called out by the real Black Ranger who emerges from behind some bushes. Fake Black Ranger runs away from the rest of our heroes before cycling through the other Rangers as disguises. The monster finally lands on the Red Ranger as his next guise and starts laughing like a madman.

I can't possibly put into words just how fantastic the !Jason! giggling is, but it's completely silly, insane, and balls to the wall crazy. The best part is that it's Austin St. John doing the goofy evil Red Ranger voice. This burly brawny grown ass man is giggling like an ape and talking like a high-pitched goofball, and it might be the zenith of the entire series.

Jason finds this mockery of his testosterone-ridden antics unacceptable and takes the fake Primator on Mano y Mono. The two Reds have a gorgeous looking fight that has the sun reflecting off the water in the harbor and shining on the twin warriors. It starts to impress you how a Japanese crew who was told "hey go shoot some stuff for us we don't care how it looks" managed to make something look so visually interesting when it could have been totally half assed.

One of the Red Rangers is kicked backwards and lands safely near the other Power Rangers who get in a defensive pose around him. The other Red Ranger alerts his friends that they're in fact standing alongside the bogus Red Ranger and we cut to a shot that makes absolutely no contextual sense where all the other Rangers are guarding a wounded Pink Ranger. Probably because something was cut and nobody bothered to fill in the gaps.

Zyu2 scholars everywhere furiously begin scribbling notes.

The Rangers realize they can't beat a monster who confuses them by deleting scenes and leaving them unsure of what's happening, so they teleport back to the Command Center to ask Zordon for help. Thankfully Zordon has been watching the scene of Alpha getting pummeled by Primator on loop to laugh at his dumbass robot slave and found a clue to the Primator's weakness. Whenever the monster sees himself in a reflective surface, he is unable to retain his illusion. Of course! He's one of those damned Reverse Vampires I've been hearing so much about. He isn't allowed to throw his shit around the room until you invite him in.

Kimberly tells the other Rangers she's stereotypical enough to help out this week, as she always has a mirror handy. The Rangers thank her for being a one dimensional image of what an actual human being who enjoys fashion and respecting themselves may look like. With the mirror in tow, the Rangers teleport back to the harbor to locate the Primator.

Upon arrival, Red Yellow and Blue find themselves separated from the other three Rangers while trying to find their friends as well as the monster. They encounter Tommy whining about his powers failing him and how he feels too weak to continue fighting. Jason responds by kicking him in the chest and telling him any Power Ranger who ever thinks about surrender will find themselves in front of a firing squad. Thankfully this Green Ranger is probably the Primator so it shouldn't be an issue.

Billy pulls out Kimberly's mirror (which oddly has the Triceratops symbol on it but don't pay attention to that), hands it to !Tommy!, and asks the fake Green Ranger how he looks. As soon as !Tommy! looks in the mirror his helmet changes to be half green and half red. Like he's some kind of abomination Christmas Ranger. 

GokaiChristmas
The fuck is this? Some VR Troopers bullshit?

In a rage, the Primator shatters the mirror before turning back into his ape-ish self. He tries to run from the Rangers when Black, Pink, and Green show up to block the monster's escape. Primator tries blasting all six Rangers with electricity, but that doesn't do much as Black, Yellow, Pink, and Blue all punch the monster in his big monkey face. Red and Green do nothing because it's been a long day and they just want to relax in each other's arms, far away from this goofy ass gorilla.

Lord Zedd is furious that his monster that only has one power is getting walloped so badly and throws one of his growth bombs to Earth. Primator becomes gigantic and the Rangers decide it's time to call on their Thunderzords. You guys know what that means?

Another shitty and unsatisfying splice job of a fight.

Though to be honest, this one isn't so bad, because the main five Power Rangers summon the Thunder Megazord while Tommy brings in Dragonzord. What this means is the Thunder Megazord can stand around off screen and pose while the Dragonzord does the actual fighting with Primator. A much more satisfying endeavor than last week's joke of a battle.

This isn't to say that the fight is perfect. It still has your standard editing goofs where the original Megazord wasn't removed completely, but it's an overall solid attempt.


It has been twenty years and I still don't know what those feather things on Primator's back are supposed to be.

After the Dragonzord roughs up Primator, the Thunder Megazord unsheathes its Saber and finishes off the giant monkey once and for all. All that shape-shifting stuff from before? He can't do that when he's giant, don't be silly.

With the monster defeated, the Rangers celebrate a job well done. Wait hold on, wasn't something else going on in this episode? Alpha was playing soccer or something right? Well the Rangers show up just in the nick of time to save Alpha from his own insane desire to kill himself in the face of even the slightest danger. Billy taps a few buttons on Alpha's chest panel, which manages to save Alpha 5's worthless carcass from being tossed onto the scrapheap. Jesus. If Billy knows how to fix Alpha's suicide protocol so quickly this must not be the first time Alpha decided life wasn't worth living anymore.

Dylan thanks the Power Rangers for saving the closest thing to a friend he's ever had before his mother shows up and asks where he's been for the past 10 minutes. Before Dylan can explain how he was accosted by a gorilla and played soccer with a robot, the Rangers teleport away with Alpha in tow so that lady can't start nosing around in their superhero business. Dylan wishes Alpha a fond farewell while stumbling over his lines because he's a child actor this show had the decency not to dub over.

Back at the Command Center, Zordon teaches Alpha a lesson about being a hero, which is to not be a stuttering dipshit and tell people when you're going to abandon the one and only job you have in your worthless existence to go play povertyball. Trini chuckles and tells Alpha that he's likely going to be grounded for a few thousand years. Haha what a funny concept, this sentient robot will be trapped inside this hellish prison while being bitched at by a giant head for THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

Every single one of the Ranger Teens will have long since passed away and become complete afterthoughts in the history books by the time Alpha 5 can step outside of the Command Center again. What a fucking laugh riot.

You people are sick.


Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Gorilla Buttcheeks



Personal Thoughts

For an episode that pays so much attention to the comic relief robot, I'm actually impressed how much I enjoyed this one. I have a really fun time with Primator being a big dumb monkey that spends half his screen-time beating his chest while making stereotypical monkey noises. Other than that, the action is really fucking great and some of the most enjoyably shot material Zyu2 produced. Easily one of my top Season 2 episodes, and we're barely even started.

While I often rip on the actors who play the Ranger Teens, I have to give credit to most of them this week. Five of the Ranger Teens (discounting Kimberly) are portrayed in an evil form by Primator. Trini, Jason, and Tommy during the morphed fights, while Zack and Billy are portrayed as unmorphed disguises of Primator. Thuy Trang, Jason David Frank, Walter Jones, and Austin St. John all seem to be having a fun time playing an evil version of their character. They deepen their voices and get all sinister while talking to the other characters. It's really great.

Unfortunately David Yost's performance as !Billy! is really uncomfortable and comes across like he wants to fuck Alpha to death. I usually enjoy what he does but this week? Woof.

Speaking of actors, Bulk and Skull are barely in this friggin' episode. They show up for half a second and promptly vanish when Alpha scares them off. Thankfully that void is filled by the fact that Paul Schrier does the voice of Primator. It's really cool to see one of the best actors on this dumbass show acting in a role other than the one dimensional fat bully.

Okay time to talk Zyu2 stuff. This week we have another monster whose footage has been released. For those who want to see the raw Primator footage, check it out here. Though stop when he's finished! There are four more monsters in that video that we'll be discussing very soon.

SEIJI GET THAT GODDAMN PAPER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THAT'S TOEI PROPERTY

First thing to note is that Primator is labeled as number 6. That's the lowest number listed for the Zyu2 monsters that have had numbers revealed so far. Why's this important? Because more than 5 Zyu2 monsters have an absence of Green Ranger. That means the first five Zyu2 episodes weren't some sort of build-up to the reappearance of the Green Ranger, but just more episodic footage that might have Green and might not.

Is there some grand reappearance of the Green Ranger in Zyu2? Dunno. We may never have an answer. Our world will surely mourn the loss of some Japanese VHS tapes nobody but me and like four other guys might give a shit about.

The Primator Zyu2 footage was actually cut by quite a bit. It'd take way too long to detail every single cut, as many of them were just bits and pieces of characters exposition. Ultimately it might be the most fun to watch the episode yourself alongside the raw Zyu2 footage. Unless you think I can remain entertaining for the next page or so (I can't.)

After Primator is knocked out of the Yellow Ranger disguise and unleashes his spear weapon, the show cuts a little bit of him using the weapon on the Power Rangers. This is the first of a few edits that seem to be made to tone down on violence in this Zyu2 block. This seems baffling because nothing that happens in this particular block seems any worse than what we've seen on Power Rangers before. The script for this episode also noted that some scenes would need to be cut for time, so it's entirely possible these cuts had nothing to do with content, and were merely the easiest thing to clip to save time.

When Primator disguised himself as the Red Ranger and started talking about a bogus Red Ranger, originally he wasn't making shit up to trick the Rangers. They actually were standing with the evil Red Ranger who started wailing on all of them, hence Kimberly being knocked down in the shot above.

One of the goofiest little shots occurs when Primator as Green Ranger sees himself in the mirror. We cut a funny reaction shot of him touching his face as though he's unsure of what he's looking at, and then suddenly we see the monster's tail sprout from between Green's legs. I'm in a weird position because this absolutely should have been cut, but it's so beautifully stupid I wish it hadn't been.

Sentai Budget.gif

After Primator's transformation game is compromised and he electrocutes the Rangers, there was originally a really pointless sequence of the Rangers posing in front of a fountain or something. Then they leap up and punch Primator like in the episode. This was a really intelligent cut considering we already had a scene of the Rangers posing at the very beginning of the fight when Primator disguised himself as Yellow. There couldn't have possibly been a better scene to excise than this so I really give Saban Brands credit for ditching this dead weight sequence.

Unfortunately we also lost a pretty cool scene after Black, Pink, Blue, and Yellow punch Primator when Red and Green get in on the fun.

First thing my editor asked me was "Why do they freeze in mid-air?"

We also lost a follow up scene of the monster getting hit by the Power Blaster. It was pretty obvious a Power Blaster formation was about to occur if you were watching  the episode though. The Rangers very clearly did their traditional weapon pose right before Zedd made the monster grow. So this marks one of the few monsters that we can confirm had a cut Power Blaster usage. 

Unfortunately the majority of the Season 1 Zyu2 monsters have yet to have their footage released so we can only guess on who got Power Blasted there. Consider this my desperate plea for Jeff Pruitt to release more Zyu2 to satiate my nerdy desires. Thanks in advance you wonderful man.

YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW HIM UP!

As for the Zord fight, I'd be remiss not linking something I helped Mr. Zyuranger with. A re-imagining of the original Primator Zord fight with yours truly doing the voice of the main ape. Keep in mind the official Zord fight can be watched above in the first video I linked, and this one is just for fun. For my money, Zyuranger's Zord fight is a lot more interesting than what Zyu2 had planned. If for some reason you find my voice unbefitting of this monkey man, I apologize. Please just pretend it was a homeless man we fed a quart of gin to and asked if he could talk like a gorilla.


Oh right I promised an embarrassing theory. Oh…good. Well when I watched this episode I was looking for some explanation as to why the footage had Pink Ranger inexplicably guarding herself on the ground. Well earlier when Primator rushed through the Rangers, all six of them dove out of the way to avoid him. After that happened, Pink had her arms in front of her chest in a defensive stance.

In my 16 year old brilliance I realized the edgy scene that was too cool for lame stupid kids who watched Power Rangers like babies. Clearly in the Japanese version, the Primator grabbed her boobs and like totally copped a feel bro. It was like so mature and hecka cool and you nerds never would have even expected it.

I said this once. I can't take it back. And I have to live with it. I thought someone filmed that for a show that would be aired for American children. Let this be my penance, and let me find peace in the life I've led. Somehow. Please.



5 comments:

  1. My explanation for the MMPR powers. I borrow some elements from Rovang's old fanfic.

    The MMPR powers are split into three parts, and only one can be used at a time. What changes are the power coins, the vehicles, and the zords.

    P1: Coins include the tyrannosaurus (red), mastodon (black), triceratops (blue), sabertooth tiger (yellow), and the pterodactyl (pink). Their sixth member uses a dragon (green). Their vehicles are the never used Battle Bikes and their zords are the seven Dinozords.

    NOTE: These are their default powers.

    P2: Coins include the dragon (red), lion (green, with black power), unicorn (blue), griffin (yellow), and firebird (pink). Although their sixth member gets a new coin and keeps his morpher like the other five, he gets a new costume. His coin is the tiger (white). Their new vehicles are the never used Thunder Bikes and their new zords are the seven Thunderzords.

    The core five never got their respective coins. Zordon just linked the Dinozords' spirits to their respective Thunderzord counterpart. To make transferring to these powers complicated, the Lion Thunderzord is a green zord that is to be powered by black power.

    The five coins produced a separate set of rangers called the Mighty Morphin Squadron Rangers. They resemble the White Ranger suit. Each get their own Thunder Bikes and their Power Cannon was given to the Mighty Morphin team.

    P3: The most powerful. In order for them to transfer to this part, they must transfer to the second part first. Coins include ape (red), frog (black), wolf (blue), bear (yellow), and crane (white, powered by pink power). Their sixth member has a falcon (none, powered by white power). Their new vehicles are the Shark Cycles (their sixth member gets his own this time) and their new zords include the five Shogunzords (and the five Battle Borgs), the five Ninjazords, the Falconzord. They also get ninja suits and they can use their suits have a Metallic mode.

    The core five ninja coins can produce a separate PR team infamously known as the Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers. Since those coins were being used by the Alien Rangers at the time, he made copies for the teens and gave Tommy the Falcon Coin.

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  2. I tried to post this before but the reason why Saban dubbed over the kid actors before is because it is cheaper to pay them as "extras" and use a voice actor then paying them for a support role.

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  3. If you forget that Zyu2 was filmed with the intent to air in the States it's not the stupidest theory, since we know Mei was sexually assaulted by the White Ranger several times in Dairanger, the only thing I dislike (really, really dislike) about that series.

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    1. Man you too? That's easily the worst thing in all of Dairanger. Creepy perverted grope-y kids are the worst thing in the world, and I don't know why Japanese media finds that trope so adorable.

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  4. So glad you added that behind the scenes bit correctly identifying the bogus Red Ranger! I was following which ranger was the bogus one during their fight like a lame shell game and I KNEW that the one in the midst of the other rangers was the fake. Then the show tells my powers of observation to go fuck themselves as it cons me with it's shitty editing powers. Pah.

    Also a little observation that I'm surprised you didn't pick up on: Trini completely gives away the Blue Ranger's identity in front of that kid when she demands that Billy save Alpha's miserable hide from self-destructing. What the hell Trini?

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