MMPR Season 3 Episode 30: Master Vile and the Metallic Armor Part 2

Magical Energy Armor Does Jackshit Against Ooze Boy
Hideous Pile of Slime Given Inexplicable Pathos

Last week, Rita was visited by her long-lost father, Master Vile. Rita's daddy dearest threw a bunch of shade at Zedd for not having a face, and enacted an evil plan to reclaim the mystical Zeo Crystal. In order to gain this ancient artifact, Master Vile created a monster named Globbor who stole Ninjor's powers to force the Ranger's hands in helping him. The Ranger Teens elected to send Tommy and Katherine to Zedd's Moon Palace to retrieve the Zeo Crystal, while they stayed behind on Earth to slaughter the Globbor. Once on the Moon, Tommy went hunting for the Zeo Crystal while Katherine distracted Rita and Zedd by feigning loyalty to them once more.

Rita digs into Katherine's request to be part of her legion of doom once again, and Katherine awkwardly asserts that she would love to commit menial tasks for space devils once more. Tommy vaguely protests this in the background, because he's an obnoxious tit who can't go three scenes without reminding us how much he cares about his teammates. Or at least the ones he wants to fuck.

Lord Zedd doesn't buy into this poorly-acted melodrama. Which is unfortunate, considering the show he lives in. Zedd demands that Katherine prove her loyalty by stepping into his Revivifier machine. A device that will replace Katherine's goodness with pure evil. This is a pretty good idea in concept. Zedd isn't putting up with any goody two-shoes double-crossing from Katherine, so he calls her bluff. If she wants to be part of his crew, she needs to put her money where her mouth is.

The problem I have is with this Revivifier thing. It looks like total shit.

What 3rd-rate game show did they still this junk from?

Far worse than how dumb this prop looks is what happens once Katherine steps into it. As soon as her feet touch the pedestal, she's left unable to move. She becomes hysterical as she asks what this machine is doing to her. Somehow forgetting what Zedd and Rita just got done telling her. Then the evil space wizards reiterate the Revivifier's purpose. Ignoring the fact that they did the exact same thing no fewer than 20 seconds ago. Was this supposed to come after a commercial break? How badly is this show trying to buy time that they're forced to repeat the same exposition twice?

Far worse than how dumb this prop looks is what happens once Katherine steps into it. As soon as her feet touch the pedestal, she's left unable to move. She becomes hysterical as she asks if you really thought I was going to rewrite this paragraph a second time just to make a joke about this show's abominable repetition.

Tommy contacts Zordon and asks what he should do about Katherine's impending evil-ization. Zordon offers little consolation, and suggests that Tommy get off his lazy ass and go nab that Zeo Crystal. Then he can go save Katelyn or whoever. Sorry about that, Pinky. We've got new toys to shill, and your potential servitude in the leagues of Space Satan is irrelevant as long as we can keep pumping out new pieces of overpriced plastic every year.

Lord Zedd's gloating is halted when he senses another Ranger inside of the Moon Palace. Rita throws a hissy fit when she realizes that the White Ranger is trying to snatch the Zeo Crystal from under their feet. Katherine gloats that the villains won't be able to stop Tommy, because if they get near the forcefield around the Zeo Crystal then they'll be boiled alive. The villains laugh at her misplaced optimism, as the forcefield will destroy anyone who's ever been evil. Perhaps someone who might have been an evil Green Ranger a few seasons ago? Or anyone who has committed various sins; like gluttony, sloth, or sodomy. 

I've got to take umbrage with these fuckboi wizards who are hiding their magical rocks underneath the moon for a second here. Are you telling me that if I, a perfectly respectable human being of sound mind and body, was ever hypnotized by some disease-riddled batch of degenerate moon goblins, then I would no longer be able to be considered "good?" What kind of bullshit is that? Tommy got zapped by some magic wand and now he's on Santa's naughty list for the rest of his days? Turns out that getting your teenage mind jumbled into goo by a space witch is a pre-existing condition. 

Though there is one line I enjoy in this segment. Rita mocks Katherine by asking if Zordon ever told her the story of Tommy's evil Green Ranger days. Kat tries denying Tommy's former evil allegiances, but we in the audience know that Rita's got her dead to rights. Tommy really was a villain before he fought alongside the other Rangers, and no amount of hemming or hawing is going to change that. If nothing else, I at least appreciate the continuity.

Tommy ventures deep inside the Moon's Caves of Despair, which is where the Zeo Crystal has been rumored to reside. Zordon informs Tommy to keep his minimal wits about him, as nothing is what it appears to be inside the Caves of Despair. This is proven when Goldar shows up to taunt the White Ranger, but vanishes after a brief scuffle. Truly, this place is nothing but condensed madness. Goldar appears apropos of nothing and fails to accomplish anything of substance? MADNESS. ABSOLUTE BATTY MAD CRAZYTOWN FROLICS!

Though the Caves of Deception are even more insidious than Tommy realized. Not only can they produce Goldar mirages, but they can also make Tommy shit his pants.

Time to rub his nose in it.

As Tommy heads deeper in, the Black, Blue, Yellow, and Red Rangers encounter him. They somberly announce that Master Vile has defeated them, and Katherine has been turned completely evil. Billy offers the only upside, which is that Master Vile has promised to spare the Rangers and their families if they surrender the Zeo Crystal to him.

Wait a second here. Something doesn't add up. Families? The Power Rangers don't have families! This must be another trick!!!

The White Ranger doesn't buy this bullshit for a second, and poses against the illusion of his friends. However, the four mirangers are soon backed up by an ally.

The Green Ranger.

The Green Ranger VS. the White Ranger? What a foolproof concept. How could this possibly suck gorilla dick?

So as I was digging up those old links for the sake of that joke, the DVD kept playing as the five Rangers charged at Tommy Prime. Before any actual fighting could occur, they all disappeared into the ether and no actual battle took place. Ooh, how mysterious. This is far more interesting than any actual engaging action sequences. A bunch of things that aren't really happening, but Tommy repeatedly falls for because he's an absolute dumbfuck.

Maybe if we were following a character who wasn't a personified dog, this might be an interesting scene. But Tommy? He's too stupid to go through any potential moral crisis. He's going to keep falling ass-backwards into some vague peril that he'll HUT-SEET-OOYAH at until it vanishes. Puke.

An illusion of Rita with an evil-fied Katherine shows up, and just get to the next scene already. We already know this isn't real. The last illusion had Aisha using this same lie to try and goad Tommy into a reaction. None of this garbage even matters! How are we only 6 minutes into a 20 minute episode and experienced nothing of value?

Thankfully, the episode transitions back to Earth where the Rangers have boarded the Ninja Megazord. Oops, my mistake. They've actually boarded the Ninja Megafalconzord because whoever was editing this episode forgot all their fucks at home.

I love this woman and her curvy body. 

Billy announces that the Ninja Megazord will be able to give Globbor a proper fight. Or a fight of any kind, since the Shogun Megazord has spent the last two episodes being drained of energy from off-screen. Remember when I said I enjoyed these episodes? What the hell was I remembering?

Rocky alerts Billy that the Ninja Megazord has also had its power drained, so it will also experience difficulties against Globbor. Nothing I love quite as much as told but not shown developments! Whatever, at least we finally get an honest to goodness battle against Master Vile's monster. From inside of his Space Skull, Master Vile launches a bevy of attacks into thin air. Globbor mimics these same attacks against the Ninja Megazord, and leaves the Rangers reeling.

Meanwhile, Tommy finally reaches the Zeo Crystal inside the Caves of Despair or Deception or whatever they're supposed to be called. As soon as he spots the Crystal, Katherine shows up and asks Tommy what's going on. The White Ranger says he won't fall for this nonsense a twentieth time, but Katherine promises she doesn't know what he's talking about.

Then Master Vile shows up, prepares to take the Zeo Crystal, and disappears because he was an illusion too. Whoa! Dodged a bullet there, Tommy. You almost…um…got fooled by a fake snakeman? What is the goddamned point of any of this bullshit?

Tommy heads towards the Zeo Crystal, but he's unable to snag it before Katherine tells him to stop. Oh no! She was also a fake, and she uses this manipulation of Tommy's trust to do the following.

1) Tell him he was evil, so he's going to be destroyed.
2)

Somebody stop this roller coaster, I want to get off this ride.

Tommy ignores this nonsense and reaches towards the Zeo Crystal. The magical barrier surrounding it zaps Tommy as he's reminded of the horrendous crimes he committed in the past under Rita's tutelage. The violence he perpetrated. The smokestack he demolished. The lives he ruined. The friends he hurt.

But then, Tommy remembers all the good deeds he's done. Like the time he beat up some Putties. And also one time when Kimberly was having Christmas #2 and he chased the mailman away. Truly he's been a hero this entire time. The Zeo Crystal's forcefield relents, and Tommy claims the ancient artifact. He quickly teleports out of the boring cave full of filler illusions that offer no dramatic resolution.

Rita and Zedd continue to cackle at Katherine as she turns back into a giant cat monster or something. The White Ranger appears, promptly using the Zeo Crystal to drain the evil being pumped into Kat's veins. Wow! That Crystal can do anything, huh? Can't wait til' we dump it in the trash so we can use cars to fight space gangsters.

Tommy grabs hold of the Falconzord's cage and teleports out of the palace with Katherine and the Zeo Crystal in tow. Zedd and Rita respond to this complete loss of all their advantages by throwing a giant hissy fit. They don't even try to stop Tommy from escaping. They piss and moan while Tommy and Kat mock them, and stand completely still. At least Squatt and Baboo tried to recapture Ninjor last week. You two jokers are putting in less effort than your comic relief, sex offender slaves.

Back on Earth, the Ninja Megazord is getting clobbered by Globbor. The monster pukes a load of blue gunk onto the Megazord, and the Rangers consider abandoning the Ninjazords as well. Yeah, we can call our old buddy Ninjor for help. Oh shucks, I forgot. We actually left him for dead in Master Vile's clutches because we were getting our shit pushed in by half a dozen birds. Guess we're screwed.

But the fight isn't over yet. Globbor looks to the sky as he hears a loud screeching. The Falconzord is back! Tommy and Katherine have stored the Zeo Crystal inside its engine room, and now they're ready to finish off Vile's monster. The Falconzord blasts Globbor with its wingtip rockets, and promptly combines with the Ninja Megazord. The Ninja Megafalconzord swoops in with its double power punch move and rams into the monster, explodinating him.

Oh how I've missed this attack…

Now that the monster has been defeated and the Zeo Crystal has been claimed, the Rangers can call it a day. Or at least they could if this wasn't a trilogy. Master Vile cackles at the notion that the Power Rangers have harmed his monster, and commands the Globbor to rise from the flames. Ninjor balks at the very notion, but the Globbor follows his master's orders and rises from the ashes of his own death.

Okay. Now I think I remember what I liked about these episodes.

Having survived the Ranger's most powerful attack*, Globbor gurgly bellows that he's not finished yet. As his body stands amongst the flames, blue energy courses through his body as it starts to metamorphose.

Shame his lips still look like Ivan Ooze's asshole.

Master Vile informs the captive Ninjor that Globbor's power absorption wasn't just for show. His freakish, egg-son is now in control of all the ancient ninja master's abilities. The Ninja Megafalconzord takes a defensive stance against the new and improved Ninjor-Globbor, but it's quickly beaten down by Vile's protégé. Vile mimes another series of attacks, which Globbor repeats on the Megazord.  The strengthened Globbor even manages to replicate Ninjor's fireball attack, critically injuring the Ninja Megafalconzord.

The enchained Ninjor cries out in terror that his so-called friends are beating demolished with his own power. The buck-toothed ninjini demands that Master Vile release him from captivity, but Vile laughs off the plea. Realizing that his time is nigh, Ninjor quietly smiles. No matter how bad things may look for him now, he knows that his dearest friends, the Power Rangers, will never let harm come to him.

Back inside the Ninja Megafalconzord, Adam asks if Globbor's new form looks familiar to anybody else. Aisha mentions that it sort of looks like someone they used to hang out with, but she can't quite figure it out. Billy slams his hand on the console as he comes to the morbid conclusion of Globbor's actions. That son of a bitch pile of ooze absorbed our old pal, Bookala!

While the Ninja Megafalconzord gets thrashed, Billy has good news. The Shogun Megazord's energy has refueled, and the Falconzord remote can control it now. Why? Don't ask questions. We've got two Megazords in the footage and I'll be fucked if we're going to try cutting around one of them.

The two Megazords put Globbor on the defensive and start pounding into him. Megafalconzord spin kicks the pile of ooze, and the Shogun Megazord uses its fire saber to slash the creature. After their attacks land, the Rangers notice a chained-up Ninjor reacting in pain on the rooftops. Oh, the Rangers actually noticed him? First time for everything, I guess.

Actually, I'm curious about something. How did Ninjor get there when he was last seen in Vile's Space Skull? Well that's a perfectly valid question.

So anyway, the Rangers see Ninjor getting beat to shit every time they strike Globbor. These genius teenagers are unable to solve this complicated scenario until Master Vile appears on the roof and spells it out for them. Every attack on his monster will bring Ninjor one step closer to death's door.

Tommy pouts that there's still Sentai footage of Ninjor they have to burn off, so he's not allowed to murder the Rangers' mentor in cold blood yet. He instructs his team to lay off their assault on Globbor, and the monster immediately regains control of the fight. Globbor uses Ninjor's sword to blast electricity at the Zord fleet, sending the Rangers careening out of their Zords.

Our heroes land in an alleyway, while Globbor violently shocks their Zords with energy. Master Vile takes this opportunity to send the Zords to a distant galaxy, where they'll never bother him again. Instead of destroying them, so they'll absolutely and unquestionably never be able to do anything forever.

But what do I know? I'm not in control of the M51 Galaxy.

Once the Zords are banished, Vile commands his child to suck out the energy from the Power Rangers as well. Globbor promptly shrinks to human-size, where he appears to have lost that Ninjor visor he was sporting while giant.

 At least he still has his noodle fingers.

Globbor uses his goo-claws to siphon energy from all six of the Rangers, and our heroes realize they need extra protection. The same thing my father said about 27 years ago. Joke's on you dad, I'm still here! Just like Power Rangers, I'm still here despite no one caring or being particularly interested.

So whatever, the Rangers pull out their Metallic Armor, which should hypothetically protect them from the monster's absorption technique.

But it doesn't at all.

Tommy gives some throwaway line about the Metallic Armor not protecting them "much longer," but it's done nothing to stop Globbor. They're still getting knocked around and having Ranger-colored energy sucked out of their suits. I'm not entirely certain what purpose the Metallic Armor even has right now. They were getting their energy drained, then they put on their glitter rub, and continued to get their energy drained.

How is a show that exists solely to sell new products so bad at promoting new products?

Master Vile soon appears in the alleyway as well and thanks the White Ranger for doing all the legwork in obtaining that Zeo Crystal for him. Now he has Ninjor in captivity, a nigh-invincible monster with the energy of Ninjor and the Rangers, all of the Rangers' Zords out in the galactic boonies, and possession of the Zeo Crystal. Congratulations, Power Rangers. You literally have nothing.

Alright, let's ignore the first half of this episode with all the Zeo Crystal collecting nonsense. This episode is doing things for me in a big bad way. Part 1 laid the groundwork and Part 2 is collecting dividends on it. This is exactly what I want from a new villain. An absolute curbstomping of the Power Rangers and everything they hold dear.

Master Vile promises to use the Zeo Crystal's powers to destroy the entire Earth. Though first he decides to throw the best damn apocalypse party this galaxy has ever seen. Nope, not being facetious in the slightest. Rita Sr. will only blow up the planet once he's forced everyone to attend a fancy shindig to celebrate their impending deaths. As stupid as I want to think this is, it's kind of great. In case people weren't already cheesed off at you, now you're going to rub their noses in the fact that they're all going to be pushing up daisies. What a superb dick move.

Content in his creature's inevitable success, Master Vile leaves Globbor to finish sucking out the Rangers' powers. The weakened Rangers realize how boned they are, so they think of one last scheme to escape the Globbor. They pool their remaining Metallic Armor energy together into one combined blast to dissolve Globbor's claw gauntlets. With the monster momentarily deterred, the Rangers teleport back into the Command Center where Zordon can give them an appropriate ass-chewing about all of his shit they lost today.

After the Rangers teleport, there's a moment that's always stuck with me ever since I first watched this episode. Globbor notices that his prey have vanished, and immediately flies into a panic about it. You'd expect a braindead goop monster to spout out some meaningless platitudes about how he's going to finish them next time, but he doesn't.

Globbor genuinely seems upset that he wasn't able to finish off the Power Rangers, and becomes really worried that Master Vile is going to be mad at him for it. He grabs the chain-link fence in the alleyway and pounds on it in desperation. I don't know how to explain it, but it actually makes me feel kind of bad for the big gooball. He's just doing his job, and those dumbass kids in dinosaur pajamas had to botch it for him. Poor kid. Two days out of the egg and he's already dealing with career issues. Typical millennial.

Zedd's crew join Master Vile in his Space Skull to properly celebrate the defeat of the Power Rangers. Shoot! I forgot to show you good folks what the Space Skull looks like, which would be an inexcusable crime.

Modesty, thy name is Vile.

Zedd pouts that the Rangers have been defeated by his new step-father, and he's been given the shaft yet again. While everyone else is having a great time dancing and having fun, Zedd sits in Master Vile's chair and refuses to utter a word. Now he's going to have to watch Rita divorce him so she can marry that stone-cold fox Master Vile instead. Lord Zedd is then forced to sit on his throne every day, living the tragic life of a man who was space cuckolded by a galactic snake monster.

Bulk and Skull rush to Ernie's café where they try to explain what happened to them out in the woods. Ernie doesn't much care for all this talk of horse, unless he's canning them and selling their delicious meat in jumbo cans. This scene becomes significantly less meaningless when Master Vile and the Tengas show up to make a reservation for an End of the World party. Bulk asks what happened to the Power Rangers, and Master Vile said they're not on the guest list.

Not because they're good guys, but because he knew they would bring Tommy and he'd bark at all the guests he didn't know.

The weakened Power Rangers retreat to the Command Center and attempt to shake off the effects of Globbor's energy drain. Zordon tells them it will take a bit of time for their energies and the Metallic Armor to fully recharge. Then the Rangers awkwardly shuffle around when they realize that there's only another 20 seconds left of the episode, and Tommy offers up a Serious Acting Voice™ reading of "Did Master Vile really win?" Then a dramatic music stinger plays and we're thrown headfirst into the credits, where footage of Bulk and Skull dancing the conga with Tengas plays.

Go ahead, watch the episode. See if I'm lying. I fucking dare you.

*The Ninja Ultrazord is dead to me.

Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: Caves Filled With Pointless Mirages To Extend the Length of Your Episode

Personal Thoughts

The first half of this episode was a total drag, but everything after Tommy obtains the Zeo Crystal works like a charm for me. The Globbor fight is almost definitely the best Zord footage that Season 3 has. The scene of the Falconzord descending after Tommy rescues it from Zedd and Rita is also seriously cool. In Kakuranger, the Falconzord had never been kidnapped and showed up out of the blue to help against Globbor. The fact that it was captured and absent for so long in Power Rangers gave its reappearance much more weight, and made the fight seem that much more monumental. 

I'm not even going to drag down my positivity by discussing all that garbage in the Cave of Despair or whatever. What else can I possibly say? It was an ill-conceived plot contrivance utilized to pad out the episode's runtime. It could have offered some perspective on Tommy as a character, as ridiculous as that sounds, but it did nothing of the sort. It was the most cookie-cutter sub-plot I've ever seen.

But again, that doesn't detract from how good the 2nd half of this one was.

Power Rangers would truly benefit from being able to have a "2 and a Half Part" episode. Every time we get a trilogy in this series, you can feel the desperation emanate from the screen as the writers violently jam in more filler until the episode hypothetically resembles a finished product.  

Still, a good episode. I just feel bad how cluttered it is with things that don't serve any purpose.

I've got two final thoughts for this episode, and the first involves the ending credits bloopers I never talk about. If you aren't watching Season 3 alongside me, then you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. During the credits for every episode of Season 3, there's a brief blooper reel that plays. Sometimes it's nothing but extended footage of Rita and Zedd's crew dancing around like idiots, but typically it involves the Ranger actors botching their lines or goofing off on set. 

I haven't mentioned these yet because...I don't know? I'm lazy? I couldn't think of a good way to integrate them into the actual posts? Usually I would shut off the DVD when the credits hit, because I didn't really feel the need to watch the actors goofing around. Which is obviously a bad idea. How else am I going to see them act like human beings?

The reason I'm mentioning the bloopers now is because of a genuinely funny line Jason David Frank pulls off during them. The very last blooper consists of JDF delivering the episode's final line.

"Did Master Vile really win?"

The room falls silent for a beat. After a few seconds go by, Jason David Frank points his finger at the camera and says to the audience.

"You decide!"

I don't know why, but the timing on this line actually made me laugh. I've given Frank an unlimited amount of shit on this blog, but I can't deny he can have some great timing. 

How weird is that? That completely pointless gag that was inserted into the ending credits did more to showcase his acting capabilities to me than 140 episodes of the series he's supposedly headlining. I don't know if that says more about Jason David Frank or me. 

The final thought I'd like to leave you folks with is this: Which set of Zords are supposed to be stronger? The Shogunzords or the Ninjazords? 

I don't really have an answer, and I'm not sure if the show does either. I know the Shogunzords were revealed later, so by Saban's Principle of Economics they must be stronger. But I'm still not convinced. 

During the fight with Globbor, Billy tells the Rangers to dip out of the Shogun Megazord and into the Ninja Megazord. While I know this is because the Shogunzords had their powers drained, Billy still has a line about the Rangers being able to give Globbor a proper fight with the Ninjazords. Not to mention the Ninja Megafalconzord was able to defeat Globbor after he had sapped the Shogun Megazord of all its strength. There will be another piece of evidence of the Ninjazords being superior in the next episode, but we'll discuss that in more detail next week.

Though my reasons are pretty biased, I'm in Camp Ninjazord. Probably just because I prefer them over the big bulky bricks we've come to know as the Shogunzords. I'm curious where you good people land on this though. I'd really like to hear someone else's reasoning on which Zord fleet is supposed to be tougher. Or maybe none of this matters and I'm doing nothing but rambling. That's okay too.