Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Episode 39: Doomsday Part 1


Townspeople Celebrate Alien Murdering Vigilantes
Armored Wolf Utilizes Telekinetic Robot









Ignore that foreboding title of today's episode, because we have cause to celebrate! Is it Christmas? Nope! Is it Father's Day? Not yet! Is it President's Day? That was yesterday you fucking moron. Uh uh, this is going to be better than all those days put together AND ten Super Bowls; because it's POWER RANGERS DAY!!!

The Mayor of Angel Grove has declared an official Power Rangers Day to thank the Rangers for sending burning chunks of monster hurtling towards the city every week. Kimberly reads about this momentous occasion in the newspaper, having overlooked this week's excellent edition of Mallard Fillmore.  The Ranger Teens play it cool while beaming about how this city is going to suck their dicks for doing karate against rubber pigs.

Kimberly informs her friends that there's going to be a big celebration in Angel Grove Park, and the Rangers will hopefully be the guests of honor. Nobody in the city knows who or what the Power Rangers are, but they're now invited into the middle of the park for a nice evening of punch and pie.

So Angel Grove is going to fly a banner in the middle of the park and hope the Power Rangers show up? What if there's a monster attacking your city during this event you dipshits? Maybe your magical superheroes have more important things to do than make small talk about the Patriot's defense.

Meanwhile, the Stupid Train rolls into station as Skull asks Bulk what he's planning to do today. The same thing we try to do every day Skully, try to get cake all over our face. On top of that, Bulk wants to steal a bit of the Power Rangers thunder by showcasing the other superheroes in this city. I dunno who they're talking about since Masked Rider isn't going to move there for a couple years, and I'm pretty sure the Beetleborgs are still infants.

Rita starts spitting some sick magic at her crystal ball with the intention on showing up to the Ranger's party. Baboo, since he has no social cues, asks if they'll be able to get some Swedish meatballs. You have been part of this outfit for nearly a year Baboo, do you really think you're going to go to a BBQ for your mortal enemies to savor some fucking appetizers? God you worthless simpering space chimp. 

Rita plans to use all of the tricks illusions to summon Goldar's personalized Zord, Cyclopsis. Lightning strikes her altar as she screams out more spells. You can tell Repulsa is putting her weight into this plan. Whenever she busts out her altar, you know she means business. This time though, Rita's not doing a bunch of gallivanting around while talking about how brilliant her plan's gonna be. She's ready to send Goldar to go kick some ass as soon as possible.

Without further ado, we get to see Angel Grove's method of rolling out the red carpet for the Power Rangers. It's a bunch of colorful balloon tubes strung up like a fair or something. There's a big blown up picture of the Power Rangers used as a backdrop for a stage, but otherwise it's tubes all the way down. Way to make your saviors feel welcome. You built them a trailer park carnival.

Jason and Zack check out all their adoring fans when Zack sees that girl he wants to pork, Angela. He goes up to her and very sincerely asks her out for a date. No machismo bullshit, no dick swinging too cool for school junk. Just a genuine "Let's do this." Angela turns his black balls blue when she says she might date him if he were a Power Ranger, then walks off.

Zack begs Jason to hurry up and suit up, presumably so the Black Ranger can inform Angela about a friend of his named Zack. A really cool dude packing a solid 8 and a half. Jason tells his buddy to cool his cock and hang back. He informs Zack the longer they spend time in the crowd, the less likely it is for people to suspect them of being the Power Rangers. I fucking cherish that.

I love when this show touches on the Rangers working to keep their identities a secret and makes a point to have them purposefully mislead people into thinking they're just ordinary teenagers. It's surprising how little the idea of secret identities have been touched on in the show so far, but it's always a welcome touch.

Billy, Trini, and Kim notice all the adults they sort of know in the crowd. They see Miss Applebee, Ernie, and that's it. It shows how few running characters this show really has when the Ranger Teens can only recognize two people in a crowd of anonymous yokels.

Speaking of running characters, Kimberly wonders where Tommy is. Trini tells her to shut the fuck up and never mention him again, because he's dead to them now. Kim insists that he'll definitely show up to a celebration full of reminders of the amazing life he's had to leave behind. Where he'll see all the adoration he'll never have from loving fans of his heroic deeds. Then he'll kick the chair out from under his feet and go swingin'.

Bulk and Skull show up to the loser festival and get ready to unveil Angel Grove's newest superhero team. The duo slip into a photo booth as they tear each other's clothes off, have a quick fuck, and then get into costume. I'm postulating the screwing because it's behind the curtain, but this show makes you have to read between the lines. Enough bully banging though, because it's time to meet Angel Gr-oh my god. 

Bulkster Super Skull
Still look better than the Toqger suits.

These two are the Incredible Bulkster and Super Skull, and sweet fucking lord what can I possibly say about these two? Just look at them! The backwards B's, the trash bag codpiece, Skull's stapled together chest piece. It's beautiful.

The morons stampede through the crowd while passing by the Ranger Teens, who delay their grand entrance because they want to see these two humiliate themselves. This is another moment I like. No tricking Bulk and Skull into doing anything, just seeing a train wreck about to happen and sitting back to watch it unfold. It's a natural response to this situation and actually makes the Ranger Teens look like human beings. Maybe it's just because I empathize with them and want to see Bulk and Skull shame themselves too.

Bulkster and Super Skull take the stage to introduce themselves to the adoring population. This is it you guys. Bulk and Skull are about to look like assholes in front of the entire city. This is what their character arc has been building to. I'm at half mast right now. Bulkster gives a speech to a bunch of mortified members of the community about how he and his partner have just moved into town, and are not those two handsome gentlemen that are always guzzling pizzas and dumping dweebs into trash cans.

The crowd is less than enthused for some reason, and a group of kids ask to see the dipshit duo's superpowers. Not one to let the crowd down, the Hamburgler and Super Skunk launch into their routine, and what a routine it is.

Bulkster and Super Skull
That backdrop of the Power Rangers silently judges them.

Rita prepares to put her plan into motion as Goldar asks for her command to send all of Angel Grove into another dimension. She takes a moment to laugh, presumably watching Bulk and Skull demolish their self worth on stage, and then says she's ready.

The crowd is left in hysterics by Bulk and Skull mongoloiding around on the stage, when all the laughs abruptly stop as they disappear in clouds of energy. The citizens assume since it looked so terrible, it must have been part of their act, but suddenly the entire crowd blanks out in energy clouds and disappears. The only people left in the crowd are, of course, the Ranger Teens.

Y'know what? This is a really dark plan and I'm all about it. Rita's waging psychological warfare when the Ranger Teens are about to feel most appreciated by taking away all of the people they've been protecting. It's like she's telling them that all the work they've done to rescue the city doesn't mean shit to her when she can just wave her wand and take their friends away from them.

The Ranger Teens call Zordon in a panic and ask to know what the hell is going on, and where their punch and pie went. Zordon informs them a giant energy beam from the moon has taken all of the citizens, to which Kimberly deduces it must be Rita. Wow Kimberly, why does everyone think Billy's the smart one when we've got you figuring out these mysteries?

Zordon surmises that Rita's planning on bringing her palace to the Earth to increase her magical abilities. So all you nitpicky idiots out there wondering why she doesn't do super powerful magic all the time (me), this is why. Shut up.

Rita tells the Moon Crew to get ready because they're about to take a trip to Earth. Squatt asks if he needs to pack a bathing suit, particularly one that hides his thunder. Goldar tells him he'd look better in a two piece, and that with the palace on Earth Cyclopsis will be ready to destroy the Power Rangers. Rita's palace quakes as it dislodges from the Moon and lands on Earth. Once it lands atop a building, Rita fires a beam at the Earth to summon the mighty Warzord Cyclopsis.

Cyclopsis gif
Why does he have a beak on his chest?

Alpha 5 is rightfully freaking out, because with Rita's palace on Earth her magic is ten times stronger. Sure hope she doesn't send down some Putties with that magic, they might take us more than 40 seconds to beat! Alpha is also shaking in his robot boots to see Cyclopsis for the first time in 10,000 years. Remember how Rita got locked away by Zordon 10,000 years ago? This guy must have been her last ditch effort to prevent it. Oh my God this episode is hyping me so good right now.

The Rangers realize nobody's going to cheer for a wrecked town, so they morph and immediately bring the Megazord downtown. Jason notices that Goldar's now in the driver's seat of Cyclopsis ready to fuck up their day.

Cyclopsis cockpit
HighTechSpaceCockpit.jpg

The Rangers try to formulate a plan against the giant robot, but Cyclopsis starts stomping forward ready to ruin some Rangers. Megazord isn't even able to fight back as Cyclopsis punches the shit out of it and knocks the Rangers around the city. Goldar's Zord unleashes a bunch of artillery from its shoulders and rains fire on the Megazord. Goldar would you cool it?! Do this on any other day but today's Power Rangers Day!

After knocking the Megazord over, Cyclopsis blasts the city with red lightning, causing buildings to explode in a flurry of sparks and cardboard. That's what buildings are made of right?

Megazord tries to get back up but the Cyclopsis beating has the robot laid out. The Rangers have been fighting this thing for all of a minute and it's already got them fucking wrecked. They manage to get the Megazord back on its feet only to get met with Cyclopsis' fists once more. The Megazord lands one hit, but the Cyclopsis fires a massive beam and blasts the hell out of the Zords. Jason realizes enough is enough and it's time to summon the Dragonzord.

The lumbering Dinozord blasts Cyclopsis with its missile fingers, but the Warzord keeps coming forward to strike. Dragonzord and Megazord try to double team Cyclopsis but Goldar's Zord hasn't even begun to fight. Cyclopsis raises its hands which seems to telekinetically hold the Megazord in place. Cyclopsis then uses its telekinesis to lift the Megazord into the air, and hurls it downtown, causing it to burst with sparks. Keep in mind the Rangers have hit Cyclopsis twice so far, and it's barely even flinched. The Rangers are being made into total fucking jabronis against this thing and I can't get enough of it.

Jason realizes how bad his team is getting spanked so he forms the Dragonzord in Battle Mode to go toe to toe with Cyclopsis. During the Dragonzord Battle Mode's formation, the Power Rangers theme doesn't come on. By now I've learned that's code for "Holy shit this isn't about to go well." Dragonzord and Tyrannosaurus pair up and prepare to tackle Cyclopsis. The T-Rex shows Goldar it has a little magic of its own!

Hey remember the T-Rex's ground breath attack? Well now it looks terrible!

Since the Tyrannosaurus' magic dust didn't work, Dragonzord tries launching its horn at Cyclopsis, but the Warzord easily deflects it back with its psychic powers. After firing another barrage of bullets from its shoulders, Cyclopsis knocks the Dragonzord Battle Mode to the ground. Cyclopsis begins using its gigantic feet to stomp on the grounded Dragonzord while Rita cheers her boy on. This evil space empress is flowing like the Mississippi and if Goldar doesn't finish this right now she's gonna fucking freak.

The T-Rex Dinozord tries to guard Dragonzord from Cyclopsis which works as well as everything has for the Rangers today. Cyclopsis launches its fists at the Dinozords and lifts them up by their necks. The Zords burst with electricity as Goldar prepares to finish the Rangers off once and for all, and through the darkness we hear a single voice ring out.

Zordon: TITANUS! POWER UP: ULTRAZORD!

The fucking big daddy himself just brought Titanus into the fight. He realized how badly the rangers were losing and summoned Titanus for the Rangers. ZORDON did that. He's never had to do that before but he just saved their goddamn skins. All the disastrous fights they've had before and Zordon has sat quietly, but this time they were doomed without him. There is NOTHING more hype than this. Man...MAN.

The Rangers use this brief moment to collect themselves and bring the Zords back to their feet. Jason realizes this is their only chance and brings all of the Zords together to make the Ultrazord. Cyclopsis reels as he gazes upon the Zords ultimate combination. The Rangers use their artillery to blast the Warzord, as Goldar retreats from the cockpit before becoming a crispy critter.

Cyclopsis explosion
Get your head in the game Cyclopsis!

Rita is fucking PISSED. She had a Warzord ready to blow up Angel Grove, she had the whole city at her mercy, she almost killed those stupid kids who always mess up her plans, she was this close to finally getting off for the first time in 3000 years and that cocksucking brachiosaurus just ruined everything. Not anymore, because she's going to make that son of a bitch wish it was never born. She blasts Titanus with energy from her wand that makes the ground underneath him turn into a sinkhole.

The Megadragonzord realizes she's trying to take their trump card away and tries to pull Titanus out of the ground. Rita blasts those chumps with her wand, causing them to let go of their ally. Titanus continues sinking into the ground and roaring before it's completely underground. Just when you think the Rangers could go try and dig Titanus up, a massive explosion happens over the dirt, presumably demolishing the massive Zord forever.

Just when you'd think things can't get any worse, Rita emerges on Earth and starts chanting another spell. Her spell starts connecting with a massive tower that's there because the editor didn't feel like removing it. The Editors's Folly Tower fires beams into the sky to summon who else but the mighty Lokar!

He looked so chill until he realized he was on Earth again.

Well shit. Now Rita's got a leg up on the Rangers again! Without the Ultrazord how can the Rangers hope to beat Lokar? Last time he showed up he completely wrecked the team!

The Ranger Teens head to the Command Center and ask Zordon what they can do to take on Lokar now. Zordon says they need to slow their roll because the Zords are still charging after the ass whooping they got last fight.  Zordon tells the Rangers if they lose this battle, all the civilians Rita's captured will be lost inside Rita's dimensional vortex forever. All isn't lost though, since the Rangers have already demolished the mighty Cyclopsis, so they still have a chance!


Well fuck.



TO BE CONTINUED.


Your Weekly 90's Nostalgia: The Incredible Bulkster and Super Skull


Personal Thoughts:

Dunno if you guys noticed but I really love this episode. It's such goddamn fun I can't even stand it. Cyclopsis is like the foil to the Megazord that Green Ranger was to the Power Rangers. He's just such a powerful force that he completely dominates during his fight scenes. I can't recommend this as a first watch though. This is an episode you should check out after seeing plenty of the series, and then let this be the payoff. It's that damn good. Don't even get me started on next week's episode, because oh man. Just wait.

So what is it that helps make this episode so good? For starters, this is actually the finale in Zyuranger. Naturally it's going to have some pretty tense action in it. Doomsday Part 1 and 2 are actually compressed down from four episodes of Zyuranger. That could be a total mess, but a lot of the footage in those episodes were civilian scenes of the Zyurangers; making them completely unusable for the show.

Also interesting to note is that in Zyuranger, the pilot of Cyclopsis was not Goldar, but Rita's deceased son Kai. The finale explained that the reason Rita's Japanese counterpart hated dinosaurs was because dinosaurs had killed her son when he was messing with their eggs long ago. She sold her soul to Satan (Lokar), and went on to scheme about killing kids. Satan brings Kai back to Earth so he can inhabit Cyclopsis, and the finale begins.

Why this kid wearin' a scouter tho?

Originally this episode was supposed to take place on the Ranger Teens High School prom, not some bullshit holiday for the Power Rangers. That isn't the only change to the first draft of Doomsday though, as originally Power Rangers was going to adapt Kai as their own character named Bubba.

I'm not really sure if Bubba was going to be Rita's kid or what his deal was since nobody has posted the script for Doomsday Part 1. I'll talk more about it next week, but I think making Goldar the Cyclopsis pilot was a significantly better choice than dubbing over a Japanese kid.



1 comment:

  1. Wait, wait, wait, I find this episode somewhat unbelievable.

    Kim reads something other than teen magazines?

    ReplyDelete